Terrible Fear over Possibility of Being Called to the Priesthood

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God_Willing_76

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:confused:Hello. OK, I’m going to try and write this using as little space as possible but I do tend to ramble sometimes so please bear with me! I’m currently 20 yrs. Old and I am planning on transferring this upcoming fall semester from a community college to a State University. I’ve wanted to become a history teacher since I was in 5th grade and that’s what I’m planning on doing now. However, lately I have been experiencing much anxiety and fear over the possibility that God could be calling me to the priesthood. I have never really thought of being a priest before. There were a few times in the past year when I had thought about it but I always felt hesitant and very anxious whenever the idea came up so I would remove it from my mind. A young priest at our parish has suggested to me a number of times that I would make a good priest, while I consider this a compliment I always experience great fear whenever this is said to me. In all honesty, I hope that my vocation is NOT the priesthood. But at times it seems like I have talents that would make me good at it: I’m good at public speaking, I love the church and I love studying the faith, I’m a good listener, and I admire many priests. Yet, at the same time, I’ve always been somewhat of a “romantic” at heart. I’ve often thought about how great it would be to be married to a good Catholic girl and to start a family with her. Last August I was babysitting my cousin’s 3-year old daughter and after tucking her into bed and leaving her room I felt a sudden sense of joy and elation. I looked around and said to myself, “This is great! I love this!” At that moment I was quite sure that I had solved my vocation problem. But, since then the question has crept back into my mind from time to time. One thing I should mention here is that I suffer from a mild form of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) which causes me to often times obsess over things that make me nervous, such as the priesthood. I often wonder whether I’m receiving a message from God or if I’m just obsessing over something that makes me anxious. In addition to that I’ve suffered for the past 3 ½ years from Crohn’s Disease, which is a digestive disorder, so I don’t know if that should impact my thinking or not. Finally, at this moment in time there are no real girls in my life that I think I’ll ever end up dating. I never have dated that much and I’ve only done so occasionally (not because I didn’t want to, but because I tend to be shy around girls I like and I’m not the most confident person in this area.) I’ve never had a real girlfriend, although I have many girls who are friends and there is one girl who I honestly would jump at the chance to date but who has had a steady boyfriend for 3 years now. We’re best friends however. So, that is my predicament. I would appreciate any and all help/advice from anyone who thinks they can help. Thanks from a very confused person!!!:confused:
 
First of all, I would like to say that you are not alone in this battle. There are many here that share your same predicament and we are all fearful at one time or another. I remember the time when I was just starting to discern religious life and possibility of becoming a Sister made me VERY nervous. I couldn’t imagine giving up everything to do that at all. I learned that the one thing that made me fearful the most was what God was calling me to, so I want to prepare you, if I can, for that possibility.

Second of all, I can certainly understand your concerns. I have not dated that much either and I worried about whether I was giving marriage a fair chance in my vocation discernment, but then I realized something:

*Why wait around for something that has never happened before when I could be doing something **better *right now?

It’s not that I hate men or I don’t want to get married, because that would be a problem in my discernment. So, if you are open to marriage and open to dating, I definitely see that as a good sign of a mature individual. However, in order to determine what God is calling you to, you need to spend a lot of time in prayer. Try to stop focusing on your fears and focus more on what God wants from you. A perfect way to look at your true vocation is that God knows it is what is going to make you the most happy! And if you are comfortable with being a father, then it could become handy for the priesthood (A priest I met recently called monasteries and friaries, “Homes for Unwed Fathers.” 😉 ). Think about it! God may be giving you the opportunity to extend your fatherly skills to millions of His children!!

I used to think I wanted a large family and I wanted to be married to a good Catholic man, but when Jesus proposed to me and offered me the wonderful opportunity of becoming His bride, I began to see how that desire will be fulfilled more than I EVER could have imagined! I’m going to be a spiritual mother to many through my prayers and work in the apostolates! 😃

So, now is the crucial time for your discernment. You sound like you need a spiritual director with whom you can discuss your fears and concerns with. The director is there to help YOU figure out what God is calling you to. I have learned much from mine, though it took a while to find one. I recommend that you ask a priest, brother, sister, lay person or deacon to help you out. Find someone that you trust. Don’t be afraid.

I will be praying for you. St. Therese is my patron saint and she believed in praying for priests and future priests, so you are definitely included, should you decide to accept. Marriage is a beautiful vocation as well, but I believe I am biased to religious life. 😛 [SIGN]God bless you![/SIGN]
 
When I was 13 years old I began having this feeling that God wanted me to be a Priest. But every time I felt the feeling I would become disheartened by the thought of never having the nuptual experience then percieved as a fantasy paradise of life with Eve as Adam. This happened often and it was turning into what I remember as a depression. One day as I sat in the back seat travelling to the nothern part of the state with my parents and sisters my parents decided to stop at a very unique Catholic church called Church on the Rock. It kind of overhangs a cliff and is very beautifull. It’s in Sedona Arizona. As we parked the car for some reason I decided this is the place I will pray for God to give me an answer and commit to it and put this to rest. My parents went looking for camera shots and I went and knelt at the pews and waited for an answer. I knew that God knew what I was there for even though I didn’t ask in a discursive way because I was kinda in conversation with Him at various times every day. As I sat this answer came to me.

If I wanted you to be a priest it wouldn’t make you depressed.

Although I can’t say I haven’t wondered a couple of times here and there this experience put the question to rest. I was told a dozen times afterwards by various friends and such that I would make a good Priest too but I would just feel that flash of being flattered and say ‘Nah’ because I don’t really think it’s true. Maybe some day I will here an authentic call but it has not happened today.

I don’t want to stress the answer but the way the answer was delivered.

Whatever road you take it should be to get you to the same place.

Yours in Christ
 
God_Willing_76 said:
:confused:Hello. OK, I’m going to try and write this using as little space as possible but I do tend to ramble sometimes so please bear with me! I’m currently 20 yrs. Old and I am planning on transferring this upcoming fall semester from a community college to a State University. I’ve wanted to become a history teacher since I was in 5th grade and that’s what I’m planning on doing now. However, lately I have been experiencing much anxiety and fear over the possibility that God could be calling me to the priesthood. I have never really thought of being a priest before. There were a few times in the past year when I had thought about it but I always felt hesitant and very anxious whenever the idea came up so I would remove it from my mind. A young priest at our parish has suggested to me a number of times that I would make a good priest, while I consider this a compliment I always experience great fear whenever this is said to me. In all honesty, I hope that my vocation is NOT the priesthood. But at times it seems like I have talents that would make me good at it: I’m good at public speaking, I love the church and I love studying the faith, I’m a good listener, and I admire many priests. Yet, at the same time, I’ve always been somewhat of a “romantic” at heart. I’ve often thought about how great it would be to be married to a good Catholic girl and to start a family with her. Last August I was babysitting my cousin’s 3-year old daughter and after tucking her into bed and leaving her room I felt a sudden sense of joy and elation. I looked around and said to myself, “This is great! I love this!” At that moment I was quite sure that I had solved my vocation problem. But, since then the question has crept back into my mind from time to time. One thing I should mention here is that I suffer from a mild form of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) which causes me to often times obsess over things that make me nervous, such as the priesthood. I often wonder whether I’m receiving a message from God or if I’m just obsessing over something that makes me anxious. In addition to that I’ve suffered for the past 3 ½ years from Crohn’s Disease, which is a digestive disorder, so I don’t know if that should impact my thinking or not. Finally, at this moment in time there are no real girls in my life that I think I’ll ever end up dating. I never have dated that much and I’ve only done so occasionally (not because I didn’t want to, but because I tend to be shy around girls I like and I’m not the most confident person in this area.) I’ve never had a real girlfriend, although I have many girls who are friends and there is one girl who I honestly would jump at the chance to date but who has had a steady boyfriend for 3 years now. We’re best friends however. So, that is my predicament. I would appreciate any and all help/advice from anyone who thinks they can help. Thanks from a very confused person!!!:confused:
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hey man, I empathize with you. Up until the part about Chron’s disease, I thought you were describing me. In fact, Iooked at the name who started this topic to make sure it wasn’t me posting it a long time ago!! I experience similar thoughts (I’m your age). This summer I told God I would enter the seminary, but He then told me to stay at the state university. I liked a girl but it didn’t work out, so I decided I would go to seminary after college, completely surrendering to God. What happened? He put a girl in my life who I’m dating and couldn’t be happier right now. While the thought still creeps up now and then, I think God has showed me something. Be patient, persevere, pray to our mother Mary to protect you. God will take care of us. He is so pleased with you for wanting to listen to Him. Many people don’t.
 
Benadam said:
If I wanted you to be a priest it wouldn’t make you depressed.
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I think this is KEY to the vocation issue. After many years in Consecrated Life I would say that this is a very true thing. So you can relax and pray to God to find your true vocation, which will make you really happy in spite of difficulties.

Of course you still need to lead a really Christian life of prayer, the sacraments, etc. in order to find your vocation and the Peace and Joy of God. But a vocation is not an arbitrary decision from the Most High apart from us. A vocation fits the person, we are made for it, so it is not something to be afraid of, but a real JOY.

Now, it also can happen that at some point we are still not ready to hear a call and with time things may change. But at least right now, those depressing feelings are not from God, that’s for sure. So you can leave that behind and breathe with the freedom of the children of God.
 
navidad said:
I
think this is KEY to the vocation issue. After many years in Consecrated Life I would say that this is a very true thing. So you can relax and pray to God to find your true vocation, which will make you really happy in spite of difficulties.

Of course you still need to lead a really Christian life of prayer, the sacraments, etc. in order to find your vocation and the Peace and Joy of God. But a vocation is not an arbitrary decision from the Most High apart from us. A vocation fits the person, we are made for it, so it is not something to be afraid of, but a real JOY.

Now, it also can happen that at some point we are still not ready to hear a call and with time things may change. But at least right now, those depressing feelings are not from God, that’s for sure. So you can leave that behind and breathe with the freedom of the children of God./
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You’re very couragous to share with the forum about having OCD. Personality disorders can be treated, and if you’re still being treated, now is not the time to consider a vocation. Your vocation thoughts (especially if they scare you) are most likely caused by your condition, as you already suspect. The psychological boards at the seminaries where you’d apply will pick up on it through testing (and probably from you yourself, as you seem to be an honest person) and they’d want you to work that out first. Really, you’re just not at the right place to even begin worrying about seminary. (I’m saying this hoping that you’ll breathe a sigh of relief…)

I’ve known many priests who, while they were seminarians, had very deep seated reservations (i.e. fear, some trembling) about their vocations, so fear is actually quite normal. But what you describe has so many other variables, too many for you to think right now about a vocation.

Falling in love with God in general can be both an uplifting and scary thing; we’re talking about the Omnipotent Creator of the visible and invisible worlds reaching out and touching us like a friend…:eek: But the fear never goes away, and that’s okay too. It’s been said that “Do not be afraid” has appeared in some phrasing or another 365 times in the Bible, one for each day of the year. The thing we forget is that it’s in there that many times because everyday we find many very legitimate things to be afraid of. Like this :eek::eek::eek:

My point in saying that is when a human falls in love with God, there’s a kind of guilt that can well up inside of us, because God’s light shows us both what we actually are and who we are called to be. There is often a dichotomy between the two, and many miles and many years seperating them, these two “yous” for lack of a better term. Sometimes there can be that awkward obligatory phase:

“Well, God, I love you now, so I suppose that means I’m off to the convent, seminary, abbey, wherever. No more fun for me, no sir. But I’ll suffer for you Lord if that’s what you reeeeaaallly want:(.”

Sounds goofy, right? Well, that’s because it is. A vocation completes you. A vocation is not something outside of you, like wolves howling at your window. Your vocation is the expression of the person that you already are, and it transforms you into the person God envisioned creating back at the dawn of the Universe (that would be you, again). It’s a continuation, an outpouring of all the things you already cherish made visible to the world by your actions and your commitments. I’m trying very hard not to sound poetic here.

“Fear” is normal. “Terrible Fear”? Not likely. Be at peace now. Be God’s son. In the future, who knows? There is such a thing as “late vocations…”
 
Have you considered a pilgrimage to the Holy Land? I went on one at Easter in 1994 and my room mate was a guy that was considering the priesthood but seemed to be at a crossroad. We toured Assisi in Italy first, then went through Israel. It was one of the best things I ever did and I hope to one day do it again. My room mate ended up becoming a priest and I am sure that pilgrimage helped focus his heart and mind. The organisation I went through was harvestpilgrims.com . Very well worth it.
 
God is a loving, wise Father who understands your abilities- and your deepest desires- even better than you do. He isn’t going to create you, give you a desire for one vocation- then call you to another, and make you miserable when you follow it. I cannot tell you if God is calling you to the priesthood or not, but you should definitely pray- ask God to reveal His will for your life to you, and to help you not be afraid of it. If you are open to God’s will, He will lead you to true happiness (both in this life and the next).
 
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