Terrible Thoughts

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Jacob21

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Hello everyone. I really dont know how to put this. So im just going to be quite frank.
My girlfriend was raped late last year in December. We were not going out at the time. After learning the details, I truely wish he will burn in hell. I hate this person. I have never hated anyone this much before. I try to forgive. I pray that I can learn to forgive as our Lord and Savior does. But I cant. Everytime I see this person, I think terrible things. Things that I would do, things that I hope happens to him. He has hurt my girlfriend, whom I love with all my heart, so much… And yet he walks around like nothing happened. He laughs at what happens, and says he wishes he could do it again. I hate him, I want him to suffer in hell.
I know this is wrong. I try to pray for him. But when I do, I dont mean it. I try, and i try. But I cant forgive. Please help me.
Jacob :signofcross:
 
Others may have information on forgiveness and healing for you, but I was wondering why this man is still walking around? Shouldn’t he be in jail for a long time for this crime?
 
Jacob,

What happened to your girlfriend is terrible, and I cant imagine the pain both of you are experiencing. Hurt and Anger are very hard to get rid of, and maybe they will never leave. Forgiveness comes with time and possibly A LOT of time. You and your girlfriend are in my prayers. God Bless.
 
dz102789 said:
Jacob,

What happened to your girlfriend is terrible, and I cant imagine the pain both of you are experiencing. Hurt and Anger are very hard to get rid of, and maybe they will never leave. Forgiveness comes with time and possibly A LOT of time. You and your girlfriend are in my prayers. God Bless.
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I agree. Forgiveness certainly does not happen over night. In some cases, it takes years. You just have to keep praying that will learn to forgive. When someone has been seriously hurt, healing can take quite a while. Don’t beat yourself up about it and understand that our human emotions sometimes don’t jive with who we want to be…and that’s when we offer our stresses/anger up to the Lord and ask him to release us from it, regardless of how long it takes!
 
Jacob21 said:
Hello everyone. I really dont know how to put this. So im just going to be quite frank.
My girlfriend was raped late last year in December. We were not going out at the time. After learning the details, I truely wish he will burn in hell. I hate this person. I have never hated anyone this much before. I try to forgive. I pray that I can learn to forgive as our Lord and Savior does. But I cant. Everytime I see this person, I think terrible things. Things that I would do, things that I hope happens to him. He has hurt my girlfriend, whom I love with all my heart, so much… And yet he walks around like nothing happened. He laughs at what happens, and says he wishes he could do it again. I hate him, I want him to suffer in hell.
I know this is wrong. I try to pray for him. But when I do, I dont mean it. I try, and i try. But I cant forgive. Please help me.
Jacob :signofcross:
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I’m so so sorry that this happened. And I don’t blame you in the least for your anger. I feel the same way when I consider someone I know who was abused as a child (I know the abuser as well…)

From my own experience, and this might sound kind of weird, I found the sacrament of reconciliation to be very healing. I struggled with my own lack of forgivness, and it wasn’t until receiving that sacrament, and getting some sound advice from the priest administering it, that I was able to finally start letting go.

It is especially difficult when the person who wronged you (or your girlfriend in this case) has such a cavalier attitude about the whole thing. And it may be a long process. The fact that you want to forgive him speaks volumes about your heart. I’ll be praying for you both.
 
Did she report this to the authorities and press charges? Why not, if not?
 
Thank you all so much, we greatly appreciate your prayers. You shall be in mine as well. I pray that our Risen Savior will teach my how to forgive. Like I said, its extremely hard.
Also, It was not reported to the authorities, because if it had been, it of course would have been a major ordeal in our little town. She did not want that attention (who would?).
One more question- is their a prayer that can be said for situations such as this? Such as for comfort and healing for my girlfriend? And/or a prayer for the wicked, I guess you could say. Ive been saying the “O my Jesus Prayer” quite frequently.
Once again I would like to thank you all so very much. God Bless you!
Jacob :signofcross:
 
I don’t presume to know what you both must be going through, but I do have a former friend who did terrible things to my nephew when he was a baby and every time I see him I am reminded of what he did. When it felt like rage was going to consume me, I found reflecting on Psalm 143 helped to chase away the darkness. It’s not a quick fix or miracle cure, and many times it felt like starting at square one all over again, but please don’t be discouraged.

:crossrc: Our father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our tresspasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us, and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil,
Amen.
 
Jacob21, I respect her desire for privacy, but if the perpetrator is verbally confirming that he would love to do it again, and if she has not at least filed a police report, doesn’t that scare the pants off you? :eek:

Is there a way she could file a private statement and a police report, so that in the case of something happening with this perpetrator, there will be a history on him?

P.s. don’t forget a restraining order. And has she been tested for STDs?
 
Jacob21 said:
Thank you all so much, we greatly appreciate your prayers. You shall be in mine as well. I pray that our Risen Savior will teach my how to forgive. Like I said, its extremely hard.
Also, It was not reported to the authorities, because if it had been, it of course would have been a major ordeal in our little town. She did not want that attention (who would?).
One more question- is their a prayer that can be said for situations such as this? Such as for comfort and healing for my girlfriend? And/or a prayer for the wicked, I guess you could say. Ive been saying the “O my Jesus Prayer” quite frequently.
Once again I would like to thank you all so very much. God Bless you!
Jacob :signofcross:
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I am sorry you are going through this. You can certainly pray in your own words.

It is impossible to forgive without the grace of God. You can tell the Lord that you want to forgive, and then just give it to Him, every time you are tempted to hate.

Perhaps the best thing to do would be to press charges so that this person does not do this to anyone else.
 
Thank you all very much. We greatly appreciate it. And no STD’s, thank God. I dont know how people can walk around knowing what they did, and knowing the hurt they have caused that person. And not caring. Its appalling. Its disgusting. I pray our Risen Lord will change the ways of the wicked.
Also, Im trying to talk her into filling a police report. But there is no more evidence and I dont know if you can file a private one. Nevertheless, thank you all so very much. God Bless you all!
Jacob :signofcross:
 
Jacob21 said:
Thank you all very much. We greatly appreciate it. And no STD’s, thank God. I dont know how people can walk around knowing what they did, and knowing the hurt they have caused that person. And not caring. Its appalling. Its disgusting. I pray our Risen Lord will change the ways of the wicked.
Also, Im trying to talk her into filling a police report. But there is no more evidence and I dont know if you can file a private one. Nevertheless, thank you all so very much. God Bless you all!
Jacob :signofcross:
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Jacob, perhaps she will find healing and also safety in writing a personal statement of what happened, just as you would write a journal entry or a story. Handwritten, with full names, locations, times, on regular-ruled paper is best.

After such a traumatic experience, it would be beyond words for her to have to suffer even more if the perpetrator did something. And I don’t mean just more sexual harassment. He could reverse the charges, or mock her, go public, etc. What if he retained evidence, such as photos or recordings?

Anyways, I wonder if part of the trouble you are having with forgiving and healing might have to do with this being such an open case. It is hard to find peace when you have no protection from him.
 
It is your girlfriend’s duty to report this man to the police. (Finding evidence is the police’s problem.) If she doesn’t say anything, how will she feel if he rapes some other woman? Or several? Or goes on to become a killer, as unrepentant rapists often do?

It is very hard to report a rape, I’m sure, and to stir things up. But if she doesn’t do the hard thing now, she may end up feeling a lot worse later.

I will pray for both you and your girlfriend, that God will give both of you the grace to endure, to do what must be done, but also to forgive.
 
I thank you all for your help. I appreciate it. God Bless everyone who responded. Thank you very much, God Bless.
Jacob :signofcross:
 
Rape protection shield laws, protect victims from being exposed to the public.

However, due to the amount of time since it happened, there is probably no physical evidence, and it would to be hard to make a charge of rape stick. I’m not a lawyer or anything, so your girlfriend would need legal advice on this.

Either way, to forgive is going to be easier than to heal. Your girl friend may in fact be getting over it better than you are. Perhaps some counseling on it would help.

You’re both in my prayers.

Jim
 
You are both in my prayers. Remember this, he may not pay for what he did in this life, but God knows what he did and if he is un-repentant well it’s not too much of a stretch to see where he may end up. God BLess.
 
Thank you all very much. There is kindness left in the world :). God Bless you all!!
Jacob :signofcross:
 
quote: Jacob21
I know this is wrong. I try to pray for him. But when I do, I dont mean it. I try, and i try. But I cant forgive. Please help me.
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I will try to help you.

Ask Jesus to ask the Father to forgive that man. Tell Jesus right out -
that you are very very angry about this, and ask Jesus to ask the Father for you,
so you don’t feel like a hypocrite - feeling one thing, and saying another.

God knows how hard it is to forgive. That’s why if you entrust your
feelings to Jesus – and ask* Him* to ask the Father to forgive,
you will be truthful - about what you think and feel - and, at the same time, you ask forgiveness for that individual.

reen12
 
Jacob21 said:
Thank you all very much. We greatly appreciate it. And no STD’s, thank God. I dont know how people can walk around knowing what they did, and knowing the hurt they have caused that person. And not caring. Its appalling. Its disgusting. I pray our Risen Lord will change the ways of the wicked.
Also, Im trying to talk her into filling a police report. But there is no more evidence and I dont know if you can file a private one. Nevertheless, thank you all so very much. God Bless you all!
Jacob :signofcross:
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You need to induce him to talk about what he did and get it recorded on audio or video (unknown to him of course). This may not involve being honest to him, but it is one of those rare situations where a form of a lie is actually in pursuit of true justice.
 
I hope you are open to just a little advice and a different perspective.

The crime committed against your girlfriend was not just the sex act. She was rendered powerless and forced to do something she viewed as a sin. Her rapist like Satan (whose name in the old languages means ‘accuser’) told her she was powerless to stop him, that it was her fault.

Your girlfriend does not need you to be her white knight to come in and fix what happened. You can’t and even if you could, it would only reinforce the powerlessness that she feels.

She needs to know and hear over and over again that nothing the beast did to her changed her, made her any less precious to you or to God.

She needs to hear anytime she needs it that it was not her fault and that anything the rapist said to the contrary is “satan is a liar and the father of all lies.”

She needs to be empowered. Not in the feminist sense of arrogantly taking control of of every little minutia as if any of us have such control. Rather, like Paul described in Corinthians 2, she needs to discover the power of Christ in her powerlessness.

She needs you to be supportive while she discovers these truths for herself.

You view this act the way a person with normal sexual tendancies would: just a sex act. The culprit who commited this crime was engaged in something else all together: He overpowered her arrogantly casting aside her freewill to do as he wished. Now, she must fight all the lies force and deception he used to force himself on her and either agree to remain his victim or choose to fight a survive this experience. You can’t do this for her, you can only support her struggle. This act was more akin to demonic possession than fornification. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying the devil made him do it. What I mean is the level of violation here is not simply sex. Sex was just the weapon.
 
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