Terrified ***talks about abuse ***

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EMILYOCD

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I was abused by a priest when i was a teen …i was married in the catholic church but through out it i was terrified my step dad funeral there was also a priest there again i was terrified
my mother dont know about the abuse the reason i kept it from her all these years is that i told her of me being abused by the boyfriend of a family member she said it was my fault
and that my abuser had hard life

i tried going to mass but i found that too triggering
even meeting a priest scares me so much i also self injure when am very upset

I have a therapist and i see her about my OCD but i don’t want to talk about the abuse it hurts too much to i would also be likely to self injure more if i did

my mum wants my 11 and 13 year old niece baptized and wants me to be one of there Godmother but its means i have to be around the priest am really scared about this
I dont think i can do it
 
Hon, I really think you need to talk to your therapist about this. You need help to deal with it.

How about starting by telling her that you have something you need to talk about, but you’re afraid talking about it will make you self-injure? That should help her know how to proceed carefully.
 
I tried telling someone before many years ago all i could do is stair at the floor and rock back and forth
she wasn’t a Therapist but some who helps people who have been abused
ill talk to my therapist i don’t see her until the 4th of December
am scared she will not believe me like my mum didnt believe me about the other abuse

my husband says not to push myself
 
Is there a way you could be their godmother but have a proxy person stand in for you at the service? I think this is possible. It sounds like you aren’t well - not recovered from the PTSD - enough to attend and though I’m not a church authority so take this with a grain of salt, I would think your moral requirement to attend Mass might be able to be deferred until you’re well.

Another thing that might help is finding a fellow abuse survivor and/or anxiety sufferer to be a support person. I had panic attacks in church - more like claustrophobia I suppose, so a bit different from your situation - but a girlfriend of mine who also struggled, we’d support each other, attend church together when possible and pick pews near the exits in case we needed to take a breather, etc. It helped get over that particular phase in each of our lives.

I’ll pray for your healing. :hug3:
 
I’m very sorry to read this.

People who are abused are victims and are not at fault. Anyone who tells you otherwise is misled. Please remember that the person who did this to you was a bad person. The vast majority of priests are good, caring people who would never hurt you.

I agree that you should talk to someone professional about this, so that you can begin to overcome your fears. God bless you.
 
Isca said:
I’m very sorry to read this.

People who are abused are victims and are not at fault. Anyone who tells you otherwise is misled. Please remember that the person who did this to you was a bad person. The vast majority of priests are good, caring people who would never hurt you.

I agree that you should talk to someone professional about this, so that you can begin to overcome your fears. God bless you.
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Good day.

I don’t have any advice to add other than that therapy is a good thing. If it’s any consolation, I spent a year at Seminary, living with priests. I didn’t pursue a second year, I just don’t believe the shoe fit. Regardless, I am sure if the priest celebrating your niece’s Baptism were to hear of your so-called triggering was made aware of your troubles he would try to accommodate. Hell, at my baptism my aunt was my Godmother, yet my cousin was a “proxy”, the reason? My aunt was in Atlantic City!

Hope all goes smoothly.

On a side note, I will say Vespers this evening with the intention that you are made able to resolve these issues.
 
You will be in my prayers for the Holy Spirit to lead you forward on a path to recovery. I am sorry you have suffered so long.
 
Thank you all for your support
I think i am going to talk to my therapist about this
thank you all again
 
my mother will ask why i need a proxy she don’t know about the abuse by the priest and the other abuse
i don’t want her to know
my mother is scary she also controls the rest of the family
 
EMILYOCD said:
my mother will ask why i need a proxy she don’t know about the abuse by the priest and the other abuse
i don’t want her to know
my mother is scary she also controls the rest of the family
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I think you got to the core problem right here! The OCD, maybe even the abuses, as bad as they are, are NOT your major problem. Your mother’s frightening, controlling nature is.
When you have your next appointment with your therapist, tell her everything about your relationship with your mother…and I mean everything! You are old enough to be married, and to be a godmother, so you are old enough to make your own choices, like whether to accept an invitation to a christening, or whether or not to “cover up” for your abusers (I would NEVER cover things up-but that’s me).

You may need to, temporarily or permanently, separate yourself from your mother. This is not disrespectful or dishonoring-It’s survival! ( Maybe for the both of
You-if/when your mother is sick or infirm, will she need a frightened child, or a strong, independent woman, to help her out and make decisions?).

Think-has your mother interfered with any relationships in your life? Your marriage? Please, speak to your therapist about changing the focus of your sessions. You need more help than you can be given here. But I’m sure many of us will be praying for you
 
Write down on paper what happened to you and hand it to your therapist. That way you can get it out and still let her know what is going on without verbalizing it. She should be able to take it from there. Why is your mother deciding on baptizing your nieces? That is the decision of the parents.
 
Sorry i didnt reply to this until now i cant say very much because it will identify me
But put it this way she is the head of family and what she says goes
there would no contact with the nieces there be She will get other family members to fight with you for her and clam she the one that the victim
she is bad tempered and shouts at everyone and gets moody at everyone
but she still gets away with it
i love her but i can only take so much am scared she will get all of the family against me
 
The idea of writing down the things that are bothering you is a good one. I still think you have to deal with your mother-but its obvious that you are not ready to do so now. And, if your therapist doesn’t believe you, about the abuse or anything else, find a new therapist. It’s her job to support and help YOU. Your sessions with her should be private, confidential, and for your benefit.
 
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