terrified

[needhelp2]

I was browsing around and saw hdog’s thread, and now I have a similar question. I made an account just for this. It’s scaring me so much, please be gentle I don’t have any mental problems or anything. I think maybe I should go to confession for this but I don’t know how and I’m terrified of explaining it to the priest, I’m scared he will judge me, or say I’m crazy…please help.

I used to be very lost in sin especially sins against purity. I’m sorry if this will be tmi but I have no idea who else to turn to. I like how these forums are anonymous and no one will ever know who I am. I’m struggling so much. Well back then when I was very lost in these sins, I wasnt’ repentant for them at all, and I didn’t know God, I didn’t believe in Him. These sins really messed me up and altered how I see love, I thought it was basically like lust and didn’t understand pure selfless love. I didn’t know anything better. By the way I’m a girl.

when I began to believe in God I was suprised that someone could love me in a real way and I began to truly love Him back. But I was still stuck in my sins and didn’t know I needed to go to confession for them. And I think all my impurity, for lack of better word,affected how I saw God as well. I think I was deceived by the devil. I know Jesus is God and He also has a human nature. How this relates to hdog’s thread is,I never thought of Jesus in a sexual way or had impure fantasies of him, but sometimes when I felt lonely I would think of meeting Him and Him just holding me, being near to Him. And what I’m scared about is that sometimes although these images in my head wouldn’t be wrong, how they made me feel was wrong. It was almost like lust, but I didn’t realize it was wrong. I was so messed up. Sometimes I was impure with myself and even because of that. This was before I was going to church.

Then I learned who God really is and formed a good solid proper relationship with Him. now i want to just live for Him with everything I have and to do His will, to not sin, I want to love Him and bring others to Him. I got closer to Mary and started going to church and now I don’t struggle with impurity anymore, I’m living a very pure life. But what happened back then still haunts me. I think I committed a mortal sin but I’m so scared to tell anyone like a priest. I think people wouldn’t look at me the same way if they knew. A week ago I was praying and then got those old thoughts again, i’ts like I felt impurely towards the Lord but I thought I just wanted to be near him. I don’t understand… maybe i’m wrong about everything. what should I do?

Im just a random person on the internet but i’d be glad for any advice.

I feel so bad for what i’ve done that i just want to cry. Will Jesus ever forgive me. I told a priest about the sins I used to do but not about this.

I took the most beautiful thing there is, the love of God and made it into something so base

i love church and i love Jesus but im scared of going to hell so much

 

[baltobetsy]

I solemnly promise you that you can take this to confession, and the priest will not think you are terrible. Just say exactly what you said here, and expect compassion and forgiveness. Really.

Betsy

 

[lil_flower_luv]

I solemnly promise you that you can take this to confession, and the priest will not think you are terrible. Just say exactly what you said here, and expect compassion and forgiveness. Really.

Betsy

I second Betsy’s post! Don’t worry hon, God forgives when we are truly sorry. How beautiful that even the most terrible offense against Him can disappear just like that. And all because He loves us saints and sinners alike. God Bless you.

 

[Julian0404]

Needhelp2: I was in the Faith but not living the fiaith for quite some time. An accidental reading of some of Mother Teresa of Calcutta’s writings moved me to the understanding of “the sinful situation” that I was in and very much comfortable with. I was the frog in the pot.
The courage for my return to confession was found through the rosary. I had even forgot how to say it, but eventually retaught myself. I travel a lot, so when the courage finally overtook me for confession, I was in a small town that “coincidentally” was offering confession before Mass. I hung on to that rosary so hard during that confession, it left marks in my palms. It was embarrasing, and degrading and humiliating all the things that I had done and confessed, but you know what - all that was only to me. The priest did not judge me. He did not ridicule me, he never caught his breath like he hadn’t heard that one before and in the end - took some time. He forgave me and I left that confessional like I just finished a marathon. Emotionally and physically exhausted, but feeling better than I had in many years.
Now I make confession a 1st Saturday event all the time. First so I never get back into the long term, “comfortable pot” again, and 2ndly I now understand how fragile life is. I have no guarantee for tomorrow, so today is the only chance I have to tell Jesus I love Him and to demonstrate that by confessing, which is the most loving act we can do. To tell Jesus what we have done to offend Him, so we can always remain close to Him.
Somehow find the courage. Yes, it will be embarassing, and self degrading and humiliating, but in the end you will be returned to the state of grace necessary to be in Jesus presence and to receive Him with love. And with that peace of mind will come and anxiety will end.
I will pray to Mother Teresa that she helps you with this, as she helped me.

 

[grace_singh]

it’s ok, sister. God understands your heart, and the difficulties of grappling with sin.

take your burden to the Lord, be totally honest with Him, and in Jesus’ Name rebuke the Enemy who is putting these thoughts into your head and heart. ask Jesus to help you and deliver you, and wash those images out of your head.

you’re not a monster, and you’re not crazy. Satan gets furious with people who sincerely love the Lord, and will do everything to confuse and burden believers. St. Anthony also suffered with sinful images and visions when he tried to pray, so this is not something new.

Jesus has defeated Satan once at the cross, and is fully able to kick him and help you prevail on this issue, too.

 

[Liberanosamalo]

The confessional is anonymous and you are talking to God, not the priest. God already knows what is in your heart and your confusion before you converted.

God knew when HE created His Son, and Christ took on perfected human flesh that Satan would also try to use that to confuse people. And Christ, Whom Satan tempted in the desert, understands the confusion of the human heart.

You long for union with Christ, you envision Him, in His purity and perfection. Satan loves to get in the middle of that. Don’t fall for it. Don’t let him twist and deceive. Because Satan has a way of taking away our shame when we sin and then giving it back when we’re in line at the confessional.

For a sin to be mortal, it must be serious. You must KNOW it’s serious at the time you commit it. You must give full consent of the will and sin anyway. If any of these is missing, your sin isn’t mortal.

 

[needhelp2]

Your posts have all helped me very much. Thank you. and thank you for being understanding!! I feel so relieved now. I’ll confess this on saturday. I’d rather face my fear than live with this sin in my soul. I dont know what the priest will say to me but I only hope he would give me absolution. Please pray for me if you can that I would have the right amount of contrition. I’ll tell you how it goes. I really need courage!

I need God’s forgiveness so much

 

[Liberanosamalo]

Look at a crucifix. That perfect and beautiful Lord loved you enough to endure that agony to wash away your sins.

Your sins did that to Him. All our sins did. But He begged God to forgive us all as He hung on that cross. Because He knew we didn’t really know what we were doing.

Contemplating Christ’s wounds is a good way to develop contrition. And it gives us courage because we know God loves us and wants to forgive us.

You are brave and you can do it!