Texting etiquette

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Anglewannabe

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Not being an avid cell phone user, I can’t help but feel totally out of touch with the modern way of communicating. When I was a kid and only phones existed, whenever I got home and someone left a message for me, my parents would make me immediately return the call (assuming it was a reasonable hour).

When I email with people, there is usually a ‘good bye’ at the end of the email so I really don’t get offended if the person does not respond to me

However, when it comes to texting (which I assume the other person is texting but I am using my email), I seems like I will get a ‘one-liner’ that is a conversation started, and then nothing. For example, I went to see a play and someone sent me a ‘hey are you on-line’ I responded yes then ‘How was the show’ and I answered and then nothing.

Personally, I think that is rude. It is like hanging up on a phone conversation or just walking away when someone is talking.

So my question is ‘Is this normal texting etiquette’? Is there some unwritten rule that if it is a text, it is OK for one to not respond when one actually started the conversation?

Please enlighten me

Angie
 
There is no standard texting etiquette. I actually don’t like texting and I find it frustrating that so many people close to me only text. They won’t even answer their phones for a voice call. With texting people take forever to respond, abruptly stop responding, give short uninformative replies such as “k” and otherwise abandon all social decorum. I hope that eventually some etiquette will develop, but the next generation seems set against it. I always reply if I can and appropriately end the conversation, but I seem to be a rare exception (my best friend is similar to me with it. )
 
Try communication. If you reply and get nothing you can add, “Hello? Was it something I said, LOL?” Then when you see them, tell them that it feels weird to be left up in the air like that. If they see nothing wrong with it, well, this isn’t an area where Emily Post is going to come to your rescue or where anyone would care if she did.

Text conversations are about as deep as conversations that take place between floors in an elevator. If you let it be known that what you described was a weird conversation, the only likely change you can expect is the addition of a sign-off: “Oops, gotta go” without the conversation being picked up again later.
 
EasterJoy said:
Try communication. If you reply and get nothing you can add, “Hello? Was it something I said, LOL?” Then when you see them, tell them that it feels weird to be left up in the air like that. If they see nothing wrong with it, well, this isn’t an area where Emily Post is going to come to your rescue or where anyone would care if she did.

Text conversations are about as deep as conversations that take place between floors in an elevator. If you let it be known that what you described was a weird conversation, the only likely change you can expect is the addition of a sign-off: “Oops, gotta go” without the conversation being picked up again later.
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I have an acquaintance that continually uses LOL. It seemed odd that everything was LOL until her sister explained to me that she believes it means lots of love:shrug:
I have a friend who always has the last text.

It becomes a question as to when to stop answering. It could go on forever if each continued to answer.
I think an initial text should be answered, as I tell my sons, but after that it is a matter of what is being texted. It seemed appropriate that no text would be sent after the question was answered. I don’t think it was necessary to respond to you answer of how was the play.
 
From my experience with texting, the rudeness is pretty common. All of the people that text will suddenly stop responding even if I ask a question. It is very irritating, specially when they ask for help and when I give it they say nothing in response. Since it is so impersonal and distant, texting seems to lack any politeness that is normally found in actual conversations.
 
I am no expert texter, and I only got my first smart phone last December. However, I am starting to like texting.

In general, I would avoid attaching some emotion / motivation to a person’s response or failure to respond. That is because you just don’t know if the other person is even looking at their phone. Sometimes I put my phone down for a few hours etc.

Sometimes my millennial trainer does not get back to me for a couple days about possible training appointments and responds after some of the options I gave him have passed. I don’t worry about it, nor do I spend time waiting for a response. If he gets back right away, we may get together on a proximate time. If not, no problem.

The good part is that you have the same flexibility to answer or not, depending on your schedule. If other people don’t have expectations about a time table on their part, then you don’t have to worry about it on your end either.

It fits into my overall philosophy of trying to live more and more in the present, instead of in your mind. If you are offended or waiting for a response while imagining motivations, then you are in your mind. If you are not worrying about it and just dealing with your own issues around you, then you are in the present. It takes the pressure off of everyone involved.

Good luck.
 
This is unfortunately one of those areas where you ought to go to the trouble of learning something about the preferences of the people you text often. Some people hit “send” every line or so…they want nothing long. Others far prefer long texts because they leave the sound on and don’t want their phone repeatedly “binging” at them when they’re with someone else in real time. Some people never want to talk when they can text; others don’t want to fiddle with texting when a phone call will get the communication accomplished faster. Some use “LOL,” and others think that acronyms are a vestige of pay-by-the-character that needs to die.

Most importantly–some people have to have their phones on but have times that they do not want any trivial texts. If you know someone like that, make a note of their “quiet” times on their contact information. Others do not have unlimited data or unlimited texts, and appreciate people who respect their limitations, whether self-imposed or not. Work hard to respect that possibility. Don’t send lots of texts to people who don’t rain them down on you.

If you want to be polite, take the trouble to find out what the text preferences of your friends and family are. Once you’ve taken the trouble to find out theirs, you can let them know a few of your own preferences, such as that you *happen to dislike *trivial interchanges that are just left hanging. Tell them if texting is a good or bad way to reach you urgently, compared to phone or e-mail. Tell them if you don’t check or don’t respond to your social correspondence when you’re being paid to work. Do yourself a favor and do not pretend that you are the arbiter of text etiquette for everyone else. If you do, ignoring your preferences could become someone’s guilty pleasure.
 
I don’t think it matters.
I text a lot, especially with my daughters, since I work so far from home.
Friends will often text me a question, and since I work at a parish and OFTEN have my phone off, or at least on silent, they all understand that I may not even see their text for hours. Nobody gets upset.
Don’t get into the tendency to read way too much into things.
It’s just a text.
 
pianistclare said:
I don’t think it matters.
I text a lot, especially with my daughters, since I work so far from home.
Friends will often text me a question, and since I work at a parish and OFTEN have my phone off, or at least on silent, they all understand that I may not even see their text for hours. Nobody gets upset.
Don’t get into the tendency to read way too much into things.
It’s just a text.
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Yes.

I tend to look at texting like email - so there really aren’t expectations about a conversation progressing in real time. Reading and answering happens when it’s convenient for the recipient.
 
My wife questions why I do not pick up a phone and call certain friends who I text with quite frequently, but the context of the texts makes this silly.

I text with a few buddies on sports news and tidbits that are going, or thing in the world of politics.

If I picked up the phone every single time and said this:

“Did you hear what Trump said?”

Okay, you did, cool. Later."

or

“Did you hear about C.C. Sabathia going to rehab?”

“Yeah, sad for him, but the Yankees are still loathsome.”

I’d be making phone calls all the time for 10 second coversations. Texting is much more apropos.

And there is no ettiquette. My close friends respond eventually, and if they don’t I assume it is work or family related.
 
EasterJoy said:
. If you let it be known that what you described was a weird conversation, the only likely change you can expect is the addition of a sign-off: “Oops, gotta go” without the conversation being picked up again later.
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That to me is the perfect solution because I know right away they are going and I don’t have to wonder if there is a response coming
 
adrift said:
It seemed appropriate that no text would be sent after the question was answered. I don’t think it was necessary to respond to you answer of how was the play.
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I can’t help but think the kind thing to do would have been to text ‘good bye’. It is like leaving someone’s house and rushing out without saying bye
 
dedo said:
The good part is that you have the same flexibility to answer or not, depending on your schedule. .
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That option doesn’t exist for me because I refuse to be impolite. I would text back ‘got to go’
 
Maximilan_Kolbe said:
My wife questions why I do not pick up a phone and call certain friends who I text with quite frequently, but the context of the texts makes this silly.

I text with a few buddies on sports news and tidbits that are going, or thing in the world of politics.

If I picked up the phone every single time and said this:

“Did you hear what Trump said?”

Okay, you did, cool. Later."

or

“Did you hear about C.C. Sabathia going to rehab?”

“Yeah, sad for him, but the Yankees are still loathsome.”

I’d be making phone calls all the time for 10 second coversations. Texting is much more apropos.

And there is no ettiquette. My close friends respond eventually, and if they don’t I assume it is work or family related.
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Yes I agree, it would be silly to phone someone for a one-liner, but personally, I find it equally silly to text for a one-liner. Honestly, I don’t think I will ever understand why someone would want to text ‘this cake I am eating is good’
 
Anglewannabe said:
Yes I agree, it would be silly to phone someone for a one-liner, but personally, I find it equally silly to text for a one-liner. Honestly, I don’t think I will ever understand why someone would want to text ‘this cake I am eating is good’
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Well I agree, but don’t do that. We keep each other informed on sports and politics, that’s it. Offer a response to the said tidbit of info. Ask a fantasy football question here and there.

Sharing information about myself is foreign to my wife and I. We finally last year created a facebook page, and for the longest time, I used this as our pic:

http://cojoweb.com/McCrary Twins.jpg

The facebook page doesn’t ever use photos of us. I especially don’t need more exposure for my children. All I use it for is to post Catholic and political propoganda, quite frankly. My family expects it :), and if my friends don’t like it, they can unfriend me:shrug:. I have a God, a wife and kids who love me, and that’s enough.

But what some do is not for others. I do think our me-centric culture promotes way too many selfies, youtube videos, twitter postings, and the like. But to each his or her own.
 
Anglewannabe said:
That option doesn’t exist for me because I refuse to be impolite. I would text back ‘got to go’
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See, I don’t see it as impolite.
It’s a text. Not a promise of eternal friendship. 🤷
Texting is convenient precisely because of it’s brevity.
If you want a big ol’ conversation with all the bells and whistles. Call.
But a text is just a quick response, or a quick note.
 
pianistclare said:
See, I don’t see it as impolite.
It’s a text. Not a promise of eternal friendship. 🤷
Texting is convenient precisely because of it’s brevity.
If you want a big ol’ conversation with all the bells and whistles. Call.
But a text is just a quick response, or a quick note.
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A short note to me would have a point such as ‘Before you come over, please stop at the store and pick up a loaf of bread please’. If I wrote back ‘sure’, I would not expect a goodbye. But I would write back to let them know if they can count on me or not

But a ‘How was the play’ is an invitation to a conversation.

I guess different people have different styles.
 
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