Thank you guys for teaching me

[Carjack1]

about NFP and also for being patient with me. I am getting the baby bug, but my husband wants to buy a house first. I want to start right away. What do couples do when one of them wants to have children and the other one wants to wait? Just wanted to know of any experience. Thanks

 

[SMHW]

about NFP and also for being patient with me. I am getting the baby bug, but my husband wants to buy a house first. I want to start right away. What do couples do when one of them wants to have children and the other one wants to wait? Just wanted to know of any experience. Thanks

I think you have to have a very frank discussion with your husband about what “waiting” means. Does it mean one year? Two years? Longer? And you also have to discuss what it would mean to your husband if you do get pregnant before you get a house. Make it very clear that you are using NFP or nothing at all.

See if you can settle on an upper time limit. Now this is just my opinion but if he says something longer than two years (which is pretty long) then you really need to consider whether he actually wants children.

If you do agree to wait for a while before having children, make sure that your entire income goes to saving for the house and perhaps building a small nest egg. If you can’t live on his income now you’re going to have a tough time living on it when it’s time for children.

 

[iluvmybabies]

about NFP and also for being patient with me. I am getting the baby bug, but my husband wants to buy a house first. I want to start right away. What do couples do when one of them wants to have children and the other one wants to wait? Just wanted to know of any experience. Thanks

Well I wanted a baby and my honey didn’t…When we were dating we both made promises, no birth control, and I would stay home with child until child was old enough for school. He was going to continue to support us…Well that changed really fast after the first child…He was used to his lifestyle that he didn’t want to let it go, I was too but I was more than willing for my husband and child you know? And soon it was “you need to get a job, you need to do this, you need to do that, YOU WANTED THE KID NOT ME!!” It got really bad, but we worked it out, the second baby came, he was all in love until the bills started pilling up, then it was the same thing all over again, he became very abusive, manipulative etc to tell you that after the 3rd child I left…because “I wanted the kids not him!!”

I know of another couple who were in the same position, wife wanted, husband didn’t. “we need to get better prepared, we need a house, we need this, we need that!! Etc.” So she decided to wait…and wait…and wait…and wait…and the years passed before they knew it they were 30 years old and no babies…then he was worried, and pushed at having a baby…she was so used to their lifestyle she didn’t want a baby any more, I think she was just broken you know and gave up…So when he was finally ready she didn’t really care any more…So then when she turned 32 she really wanted a child, and she decided to go for it, and no child, 35 and no child, 36 and no child!! They seeked all professional help and no one was able to help them, they had all the money they wanted but no child…She blamed him he blamed her etc, but they worked it out, they were best friends after all, and they stopped bothering each other for a baby, they seeked counseling etc and decided to let GOD do what He needed to do, when she turned 37 she missed her period and was like OMG early menopause?! Oh great!!! Went to the dr and found out she was pg…Yes kind of late in her life, but they now have their 7 year old miracle!!! Now they wanted more but they were happy GOD gave them their gift and they adore each other and their baby more than anything in this world…

There are others that have waited and no baby…My bil doesn’t want children, surprise, surprise, and she has tried to get pg, he’s almost 30, and no baby, she has even purposely tried to get pg by him without him knowing, by not taking her “pill” and still no baby…

I also know of a couple that waited, got “prepared” yet when the first baby came, and then the second they went into bk, and this that both made well over 100 grand a year!!!

And there are others that both don’t want to wait but still no baby…so either way you choose let it be what both want and of course GOD’s will!!!

Good luck, I wish you well and hope all turns out for the best!!!
The important thing is for you to speak with your hubby clearly about the situations…k…

 

[Long_Island_Bob]

From a money standpoint buying a house first makes a LOT more sense.

Once you get over “the hump” down payment closing costs moving expense etc. owning a home will most likley leave you with more money in your wallet at the end of each month (exception being if you now live in a tiny apartment and the house you buy is big and expensive.)

By contrast having a baby first comes with expenses that leave you with less money in your wallet each month and make buying a first home more difficult.

 

[thomfra]

Forgive me if I am wrong

(and let me tell you I personally have no problem with birth control at all).

But isn’t the use of NFP only when there are very serious reasons as to why you can not start having children? (I read it on another tread).

Is “wanting” to buy a house first a serious reason?

Mabye I am wrong - I’m going on what I have read.

 

[Carjack1]

Forgive me if I am wrong

(and let me tell you I personally have no problem with birth control at all).

But isn’t the use of NFP only when there are very serious reasons as to why you can not start having children? (I read it on another tread).

Is “wanting” to buy a house first a serious reason?

Mabye I am wrong - I’m going on what I have read.

He wants to wait until there is enough room for a baby. He considers that to be serious

 

[thomfra]

He wants to wait until there is enough room for a baby. He considers that to be serious

I was thinking more about if the church sees that as a serious reason. Obviously there is enough room for at least one baby in just about any household.

Again - I think people should have kids when they want. I am just wondering if the church sees things that way. I see so many posts by women who have avoided pregnacy using NFP for years at a time when they clearly have money and resources to look after more children. They say they are open to life, but at the same time say that when used properly NFP is 100% effective. That’s more effective than most ABC. Is that not an abuse of NFP? Dunno. Feel free to set me straight.

 

[Carjack1]

I was thinking more about if the church sees that as a serious reason. Obviously there is enough room for at least one baby in just about any household.

Again - I think people should have kids when they want. I am just wondering if the church sees things that way. I see so many posts by women who have avoided pregnacy using NFP for years at a time when they clearly have money and resources to look after more children. They say they are open to life, but at the same time say that when used properly NFP is 100% effective. That’s more effective than most ABC. Is that not an abuse of NFP? Dunno. Feel free to set me straight.

Some reasons are emotional. The Church gives each family the consideration in letting the family choose what thier ‘serious and grave’ reasons are.

 

[Em_in_FL]

It is between the husband, wife, and God to decide prayerfully what “serious” or “grave” reasons they have to avoid pregnancy at any particular time. Something that may seem minor for one family may be very serious for another.
A “bigger” house for a family in a currently safe environment with a healthy job and mental outlook may seem extravagant…
A “bigger” house for a family in a currently unstable living arrangement, poor job outlook, depressed state is a totally different story…
We cannot judge others by just one statement… instead of questioning whether their reasonings are “serious” enough why not just pray for their situation to improve!

So no, there are no “definitions” given by the church… except that the couple prayerfully decides…

 

[Mark77]

What is more important?

A house? Financial stability? Or a precious miracle from God?

On your deathbed will you cherish your house? Will you cherish your bank account?

NO!

You will love and cherish every child that God gives you, no matter what the circumstances!!

As a father of 3, I can assure you that a house and money mean nothing, but your children are the most beautiful and precious gifts.

How often can you partake in a miracle with God?

What if you wait and can’t have children in a year or two, or worse yet, what if one of you is not alive in a year or two?

Pray and let God’s will be done. Do not thwart His love, He will provide whatever you need.

Did Mary tell the angel Gabriel, “Wait until I buy a house and have $100,000 in the bank”?

Sancta Maria, Ora Pro Nobis Peccataoribus.

You are in my prayers.

Mark

 

[iluvmybabies]

Well you do realize that everyone around us tells us, “Hey don’t you want something better for your kids? Don’t you want to give them better things than what you have? Is this fair for your children to squeeze in a 2 bedroom house? Well since you can’t even afford the 3 that you have, why will you have more? Well if you can barely pay your bills and have to get foodstamps why would you put your new children through this hardship? You need to quit thinking irrationally and think about their futures not being able to have Christmasses, if you barely can even buy a cake for your kids’ on their birthdays why would you reduce a small $7.00 birthday cake to nothing? If you are going to the salvation army to get your kids clothes because you cant afford to buy children’s clothing and taking everything from second hands including shoes why would you want to put your kids through that? More children to suffer? What are you thinking about? SO what if you are in nearly 50 grand in educational debt you need to graduate with your bachelor’s and make sure you are making more than enough to support your children without problems then start thinking about more children! First make sure you have your own roof over your head and living in a decent neighborhood at least safer than the one you are living in before bringing in more children to this world!! Make sure you are stable and have your own house before making more children suffer!!!”

So yeah I am definitely not wanting to have any more children because of all the things mentioned above…I want more children but can’t afford it, and my soon to be hubby wants more children but our combined income isn’t more than 30 grand a year, and to have 4 plus children is really hard for us, and I wouldn’t know what to do…SO I understand in the waiting thing, even though you run the risk of later on not being able to have any more children…

And it’s a lot for us to think about and it’s a lot of pain that goes into me thinking I would have to get 2 jobs and my husband would have to too in order for us to at least have enough food to eat…so it’s very sad that it’s so difficult to have more children, I mean if I had the money and if it was GOD’s will I would have as many children as possible! I love kids and always wanted a large family!!!

 

[Carjack1]

What is more important?

A house? Financial stability? Or a precious miracle from God?

On your deathbed will you cherish your house? Will you cherish your bank account?

NO!

You will love and cherish every child that God gives you, no matter what the circumstances!!

As a father of 3, I can assure you that a house and money mean nothing, but your children are the most beautiful and precious gifts.

How often can you partake in a miracle with God?

What if you wait and can’t have children in a year or two, or worse yet, what if one of you is not alive in a year or two?

Pray and let God’s will be done. Do not thwart His love, He will provide whatever you need.

Did Mary tell the angel Gabriel, “Wait until I buy a house and have $100,000 in the bank”?

Sancta Maria, Ora Pro Nobis Peccataoribus.

You are in my prayers.

Mark

This is a great point! How do you explain this to an athiest spouse?

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

This is a great point! How do you explain this to an athiest spouse?

If spouse is a committed atheist you really can’t expect them to understand this point of view. Of course, you can still explain how you see it and why it is important to you. Out of respect and love for you he should at least listen. But atheists are only concerned with the here and now…for them there is no later (after physical death) so it makes absolutely no sense to enter into suffering or hardship willingly:shrug:

 

[iluvmybabies]

What is more important?

A house? Financial stability? Or a precious miracle from God?

For my fiance and myself a miracle from GOD for family members and everyone around us, financial stability-guarantees you will be able to provide for the miracle from GOD allowing you not to stress over it and raise your child perfectly well!!

On your deathbed will you cherish your house? Will you cherish your bank account?
Of course your children, but to others, well at least you will be able to leave your child or grandchild a good home and money to help them with their financial issues!!!

NO!

You will love and cherish every child that God gives you, no matter what the circumstances!!

As a father of 3, I can assure you that a house and money mean nothing, but your children are the most beautiful and precious gifts.

How often can you partake in a miracle with God?

If I could as often as possible but the matter of fact is that I am seriously in so much economical problems, without being in debt other than my car, that’s the sad part, and this year for my son’s birthday, which is in 2 weeks, if I don’t get any money from my exhusband from child support, he isn’t having a birthday at all…just a hug and a kiss from his siblings, and myself, of course my fiance all ready bought him a gift but that man barely makes it for himself either!!!

What if you wait and can’t have children in a year or two, or worse yet, what if one of you is not alive in a year or two?
Exaclty how I feel!! Well then my parents tell me “oh well what happens if you have a kid and you die during birth then what? What will happen to this baby? So you don’t get to enjoy your miracle!!! What if you die a year after then what? You still don’t get to see your miracle grow?! What if you are in so much debt or having such economical problems child services gets called onto you by your child’s school because your child wears the same clothes over and over and doesn’t even have a coat for winter, then what? You still won’t enjoy your child, someone else will!!!” And I respond and if I wait till I am rich, and then I can’t get pregnant then what? How is that fair for my husband and myself? And she responded with this “well there are other children that are homeless go adopt one!! That means GOD didn’t want you to have kids!!!”

Pray and let God’s will be done. Do not thwart His love, He will provide whatever you need.

Did Mary tell the angel Gabriel, “Wait until I buy a house and have $100,000 in the bank”?

Exactly but unfortunately we live in more complicated times than those, and the necessity to put your kids through school and education, not to mention keep a job, etc is more needed than not even though I see your point, try and understand living in the streets now-a-days or going from house to house is very difficult to imagine and do with a child…

Sancta Maria, Ora Pro Nobis Peccataoribus.

You are in my prayers.

Mark