Thank You notes?

[barhoram]

Looking for some perspective on a couple of questions regarding Thank You notes…

I’ve noticed that we as a family have usually not sent Thank You notes out when we have a kids party, First Communion, etc. I also noticed that we typically get ones back when our kids attend something and bring a gift. Are Thank You notes still considered proper etiquette? What would you think if we were the family that never sent them out?

Trying not to judge, but I don’t know that my wife thinks that they are something that needs to be done. So now that some of our kids are old enough, I have had the kids sit down and write them out.

We just had a party four our 4 year old son, and received lots of gifts. Of course he’s too young to write them out. Pretty sure If I say nothing, no Thank You notes will go out. Should I just write them out myself? Or maybe send Thank You emails? I mentioned something to my wife in passing and she kind of blew it off like She was too busy at the moment to think about it…

Mom and Dads…how are you handling??

 

[mommy_k]

We always send thank you notes for everything . When our children were too young to write them for thier birthday parties we wrote them and signed thier names. If you little one can write thier name, you can write the message and they can sign it. We do not send mail thank yous.

Thank you notes are proper etiquette, and if I did not get one after giving a gift, I would be hesitant to give another one, or attend. I would probably think the family is rude, and not appreciative enough to write a quick note. They had time to accept the gift, yet no time to write a note?
I am surprised you did not send communion thank yous–did you send out thank you so from your wedding, or baby shower and things like this?

 

[1ke]

Are Thank You notes still considered proper etiquette?

Yes.

Unless you thank each guest in person at the time the gift is given, a written thank you is called for. And, even if you thank in person, some people still expect written thank yous.

What would you think if we were the family that never sent them out?

That you lack manners and are failing to teach your children manners.

And you’d probably be off my gift list.

Trying not to judge, but I don’t know that my wife thinks that they are something that needs to be done

Then you need to do them, and sit your children down and do them. There is no rule that thank you notes have to come from the wife. You can write them out for your family.

So now that some of our kids are old enough, I have had the kids sit down and write them out.

That’s good!

Should I just write them out myself?

Ideally, you and she could write them out together. If not, then yes you should.

Or maybe send Thank You emails?

I think thank you emails are tacky. Expend the energy to thank someone with a handwritten note.

I mentioned something to my wife in passing and she kind of blew it off like She was too busy at the moment to think about it…

Sit down with your wife and talk about this. Talk about the need to train your children in manners and etiquette.

I got a preprinted Shutterfly picture/card as a thank you from a local HS senior that my husband and I gave a graduation gift. UH, tacky. But that came from the parents, I’m sure. The younger siblings may not get such a generous gift as she did. All the other seniors in that class sent handwritten thank you notes (last year) and this year’s seniors sent hand written notes as well. So, yes, thank you notes are still important, and handwritten ones at that. Preprinted or email says “I don’t think that much of you” basically-- a thank you assembly line. (That’s what it SAYS, not necessarily how you meant it).

Of course, a busy mom may not think “thank yous” are top of the priority list. So, find a time to do them-- while watching TV in the evening, when kids are in bed, or she takes kids to play and you write them (until kids are old enough to write themselves).

 

[bitterhope]

We send thank you notes out; however, never in my life have I ever received a thank you note. It doesn’t seem to be something the majority of people do. We do it in order to help our kids learn appreciation but we don’t expect to get them for gifts we give. Honestly I think they are a very good practice to get into and teach to your children but make sure you do it in a way that doesn’t cause them to judge others that don’t send them out.

 

[1ke]

We send thank you notes out; however, never in my life have I ever received a thank you note. It doesn’t seem to be something the majority of people do. We do it in order to help our kids learn appreciation but we don’t expect to get them for gifts we give. Honestly I think they are a very good practice to get into and teach to your children but make sure you do it in a way that doesn’t cause them to judge others that don’t send them out.

Wow!

All my nieces/nephews have been (or are being) trained up to send thank you notes. We’ve gotten thank yous from local kids for graduation and first communion and other gifts (with a few exceptions).

Most adults have managed to send thank you notes for wedding and other gifts.

I’d say the majority of people I know do send thank you notes.

 

[barhoram]

Thanks for the replies.

I agree with everything above. That’s how my mom taught me.

I know this is a completely different day and age…guess I’m just a bit disappointed that my wife isn’t instinctually doing the same for our kids…and things like that can be hard for me to bring up.

Will try and figure out a way to kindly and respectfully bring it up.

 

[Allegra]

I’ve always sent them, but it does seem to be going out of fashion. I can’t even find them in the store these days.

 

[1ke]

I’ve always sent them, but it does seem to be going out of fashion. I can’t even find them in the store these days.

Really? Maybe that’s regional?

There are racks of them in Wal Mart. An entire section of individual thank yous and the boxed ones have their own section too.

I’ve never encountered a dearth of thank you cards.

 

[Xantippe]

We get a bunch of mailed thank you cards when we give gifts (I’m not sure what the percentages are because I’m not monitoring).

I’ve got a bunch of notes to write because of a birthday party two weeks (!!!) ago, but it’s going to happen eventually. Our family does either phone thanks (usually for family gifts) or emailed thank yous (usually for gifts from friends). The last couple years, I’ve also sat the kids down right after parties and as they opened gifts, took down their positive remarks and wrote up emails at the same time. With this last party, I had my 14-year-old write up some notes for me to use in the emails. She is big enough to do it herself (if I supervised the whole process), but this time I think life will be simpler if I just use her notes and type up the emails myself. (I’ve got a PILE of notes from her to use.)

Thank you notes are a big Southern culture thing.

I don’t think I do this perfectly, but given that the last few years I haven’t managed to do Christmas cards, it’s actually kind of amazing it happens at all.

 

[Allegra]

Really? Maybe that’s regional?

There are racks of them in Wal Mart. An entire section of individual thank yous and the boxed ones have their own section too.

I’ve never encountered a dearth of thank you cards.

The last time I bought some, I had to get a box of blank cards from Hobby Lobby. They have an assortment of flower pictures on the front. The only thankyous I found were obviously for weddings.

 

[tawny]

Yes.

Unless you thank each guest in person at the time the gift is given, a written thank you is called for. And, even if you thank in person, some people still expect written thank yous.

That you lack manners and are failing to teach your children manners.

And you’d probably be off my gift list.

Then you need to do them, and sit your children down and do them. There is no rule that thank you notes have to come from the wife. You can write them out for your family.

That’s good!

Ideally, you and she could write them out together. If not, then yes you should.

I think thank you emails are tacky. Expend the energy to thank someone with a handwritten note.

Sit down with your wife and talk about this. Talk about the need to train your children in manners and etiquette.

I got a preprinted Shutterfly picture/card as a thank you from a local HS senior that my husband and I gave a graduation gift. UH, tacky. But that came from the parents, I’m sure. The younger siblings may not get such a generous gift as she did. All the other seniors in that class sent handwritten thank you notes (last year) and this year’s seniors sent hand written notes as well. So, yes, thank you notes are still important, and handwritten ones at that. Preprinted or email says “I don’t think that much of you” basically-- a thank you assembly line. (That’s what it SAYS, not necessarily how you meant it).

Of course, a busy mom may not think “thank yous” are top of the priority list. So, find a time to do them-- while watching TV in the evening, when kids are in bed, or she takes kids to play and you write them (until kids are old enough to write themselves).

As always; well stated 1ke.

 

[mommy_k]

The last time I bought some, I had to get a box of blank cards from Hobby Lobby. They have an assortment of flower pictures on the front. The only thankyous I found were obviously for weddings.

Wow.
Around here, they sell the thank yous next to the matching invitations at party city, they also sell them at target, toys r us, the hallmark store, the supermarket, the dollar store, and of course walmart.

 

[Richard_White]

Yeah, my mom always had me write thank you notes to anyone, either family or friend, who gave me a gift at a birthday or special celebration like First Communion.

May God bless you always!

 

[Padres1969]

Looking for some perspective on a couple of questions regarding Thank You notes…

I’ve noticed that we as a family have usually not sent Thank You notes out when we have a kids party, First Communion, etc. I also noticed that we typically get ones back when our kids attend something and bring a gift. Are Thank You notes still considered proper etiquette? What would you think if we were the family that never sent them out?

Trying not to judge, but I don’t know that my wife thinks that they are something that needs to be done. So now that some of our kids are old enough, I have had the kids sit down and write them out.

We just had a party four our 4 year old son, and received lots of gifts. Of course he’s too young to write them out. Pretty sure If I say nothing, no Thank You notes will go out. Should I just write them out myself? Or maybe send Thank You emails? I mentioned something to my wife in passing and she kind of blew it off like She was too busy at the moment to think about it…

Mom and Dads…how are you handling??

We always endeavor to send out thank you notes. We always fail. There just aren’t enough hours in the day sometimes.

 

[Bonnie]

Thank you notes are a non-negotiable in our family. When the kids were too little we would have them scribble something on the note or draw a picture. One year we Xeroxed daughter’s little hands to make a homemade card. That was cute.

As they got older they had to write the note themselves - and it had to be more than “thanks for the gift.” I insisted on a proper letter - & they learned to write interesting letters!

As adults, they send thank you notes to everyone - except me.

 

[Beryllos]

Thanks for the replies.

I agree with everything above. That’s how my mom taught me.

I know this is a completely different day and age…guess I’m just a bit disappointed that my wife isn’t instinctually doing the same for our kids…and things like that can be hard for me to bring up.

Will try and figure out a way to kindly and respectfully bring it up.

It’s easy. Just sit down with your son and do it. Ask your wife for the guest list and addresses if she has them. No need for store-bought note cards; fold a piece of white printer paper in quarters, you write two sentences on the inside, your son can draw a colorful picture on the front, and it will be great.

 

[pensmama87]

The last time I bought some, I had to get a box of blank cards from Hobby Lobby. They have an assortment of flower pictures on the front. The only thankyous I found were obviously for weddings.

Miss Manners says the cards are tacky, anyway,and stationery is preferred.

I grew up in a family that never did thank yous (until high school graduation). That was probably our first big non-family “event.” We did call relatives, though, to thank them for birthday and Christmas presents.

I almost never received one, either, but we never went to anything . We missed out on a lot of etiquette opportunities because we were hermits.

I started a thread a few years ago about this and people were adamant that I had been very rude and better train my kids better. So, even if it’s not the message your wife intends, it might be what people are hearing. It might be why my family never got invited to things! So, I make a fuss over it - that we appreciate the thoughtfulness of others and make sure to let them know we appreciate it.

As far as other people, it can be hard, but I choose to believe that not receiving a thank you is not a sign of lack of appreciation, but a sign of exhaustion (e.g. new baby) or ignorance (like I had until a few years ago.) I may have learned the social rules about this, but it would be silly for me to all of a sudden expect my parents or siblings to do it. It’s also true that things get lost in the mail (we had that happen with two wedding invitations, for example - they were eventually returned almost completely destroyed!) Basically, hold yourself to a high standard and give a lot of grace to others.

 

[Lorelei12]

I think it’s rude not to send thank-you notes. If someone has taken the time to choose a gift for my son or our family, and/or attend an event, I can find the time to write them. My mother always made us write thank-you notes when we received gifts, but my husband never wrote a thank-you note until our wedding.

My son will be writing his own thank-you notes when he is old enough, but for now I write them. It doesn’t seem like a lot of people write them these days (I never even got one from a wedding that was three years ago), but it’s important to me that he learns how to express gratitude.

 

[mommy_k]

Even if a store bought card is used, we handwrite thank you for the specific gift in thw card,also how we plan to use it. How thoughtful it was for them to come etc…

You have to keep track of who gives what gift to do this --just to sign a thank you card is a no-no. Even if the parent writes it’s fine for little ones and then the little ones can write thier name as signature.

 

[1ke]

Miss Manners says the cards are tacky, anyway,and stationery is preferred. .

Now there’s something that really is going out of style-- personal stationery. So, I give slack to preprinted Thank You notes, because I don’t even have personal stationery anymore!

I did when I was younger, however! Because I had a grandmother who was an etiquette Nazi and she gave me personal stationery for high school graduation.

But, really, personal stationery, or even generic stationery, is fairly rare these days.

I love stationery. I wish the rest of the world still did!