Thank You notes?

[barhoram]

I do like the idea of a hand-print of our 4 year old. Can probably get the kids to help out and make a dozen traces of his hand on blank paper to use for the notes.

 

[pensmama87]

Thanks for the reply. As I think I stated in the original post, when I noticed they weren’t getting done, I worked with kids to do them (without fanfare). **My wife has not offered to help or do them and doesn’t seem to think they are necessary. **Kids are now “with Mom” in that they aren’t important or necessary. It’s like I’m going against her will teaching the kids to do it–because that’s how I was brought up. To be honest, I feel a bit weird writing thank you notes to her parents and siblings when she doesn’t think they are necessary.

I would not guess as to her thoughts, but ask her straight out.

The way we do things in our house, as much as possible, is that I deal with my family and my husband deals with his. I think for your kids, you and your wife need to come to a consensus about how you handle things. Maybe you don’t need to write a thank you to Grandma and Grandpa, but you do call them. And always write thank yous to non-family. Or something like that. The particulars can be worked out.

I’m always very nervous when kids see there is a “Team Mom” and “Team Dad” and make alliances. That is not a good pattern to set.

 

[Rosebud77]

The last time I bought some, I had to get a box of blank cards from Hobby Lobby. They have an assortment of flower pictures on the front. The only thankyous I found were obviously for weddings.

Making them on the computer is easy enough and much cheaper and you can personalise them. I do this with First Communion cards … name and date etc.

Had to smile when I read the title of the thread. Some years ago I sent a little knitted hat when a much -longed for baby arrived locally… that was just before Christmas…

Never thought any more about it.Until a THANK YOU card arrived, in JULY… But this is Ireland … not had anything after a similar gift sent nearly two years ago,

 

[Irishmom2]

Thanks for the replies.

I agree with everything above. That’s how my mom taught me.

Will try and figure out a way to kindly and respectfully bring it up.

Then do not expect your wife to be responsible for something she may not have been taught, and don’t point it out as a fault, just explain to her that you found it a helpful way to learn gratitude and you would like your children to learn that. And then, you be the one to teach them and remind them what to do. Please make it sound like something you should do because it is thoughtful to express your thanks and because it makes other people happy to receive them, just as they were happy to receive the gift. Not that you “have to,” or you are “expected to” write one. Make it pleasant, not a chore. (Like it was for me as a child. ) Let them choose the notes or buy new markers to make their own out of blank notes.

 

[Book_Worm]

Funny you should mention it…I was just online shopping for stationery.
One of my students just left for seminary, and asked me to write him letters…WRITE…not email. He says my penmanship makes him smile.
I wonder, do they sell boxes of stationery at Hallmark anymore? That’s where I used to buy it.
One can buy pretty computer paper, I suppose that would work. I went on Zazzle to design some personalized stationery or to buy some already done up, but it was expensive and sold by the sheet, not the box.
There’s many places where you can buy lovely journals…but I haven’t seen boxes of stationery. I should call Hallmark.

American Stationery has a large selection of writing paper, notes, note cards, etc., at all different price points. americanstationery.com/?gclid=CILL5LPUq84CFcxahgodtEMPkg

The quality is nice. It’s not Eaton, but the price is considerably less.

 

[mommy_k]

You have young kids. People who are reasonable will understand this.

Yes, unless the person who gave the gift has young kids too, and manages to send them when they are on the receiving end.

 

[Kay_Cee]

When my children were too little to write their own thank-you notes, I had them draw and color pictures of themselves with the gift they had received.

They very much enjoyed doing this, and it taught them appreciation at a young age.

 

[pensmama87]

Yes, unless the person who gave the gift has young kids too, and manages to send them when they are on the receiving end.

Hm. I’m not sure I agree. I always send them, but I have zero expectation of receiving them from new moms etc. But again, I think I’m a reasonable person and not everybody has the same strengths or weaknesses I do. I can find time to write a note pretty easily and actually enjoy doing it, but I may also leave the house and not realize that I have a giant hole in the seat of my pants (yep, that happened last week.)

 

[Allegra]

The benefit of not getting upset when you don’t get a thank-you note is that you get upset a lot less often. I, personally, prefer to enjoy the pleasure of gift-giving without getting upset over something as trivial as a card I’m only going to pitch. I just don’t have time to get mad over that.

 

[bitterhope]

The benefit of not getting upset when you don’t get a thank-you note is that you get upset a lot less often. I, personally, prefer to enjoy the pleasure of gift-giving without getting upset over something as trivial as a card I’m only going to pitch. I just don’t have time to get mad over that.

This is exactly what I meant in my post. We send them. Normally they are hand made and the kids enjoy it. I homeschool so I have the time, and if we are in a pinch it becomes a writing/art assignment. We are in a position to get it done and we enjoy doing them. However, we’ve never received a thank you card. Most people say thank you but never have they sent a card. We don’t mind that. We don’t give a gift for the praise. We gave it because we wanted to give it. Please, try not to be judgmental of families that don’t send out thank you cards. There are many reasons that could occur. Maybe they can’t afford it, they are far to busy, they could have other cultural traditions they follow (not all countries share the idea of thank you notes), or maybe they just never were taught to send them out themselves. How many people actually keep each card or note or child’s drawing they receive? How many busy moms have time or money to devote to something that’s destined for another person’s trash can? I just don’t see the big deal.

 

[mommy_k]

I don’t think it’s the thank you card–it is what it represents.
If parents have time to work on booking and planning a birthday party, they have time to teach thier children how to be grateful ansd how to appreciate others.

In normal circumstances, it is especially important if the child has received thank you’s when they attended the same kind of events.
It is called recipriocity…

This is not a judgement-it is a fact…

A few times, my children have wondered why they did not get a thank you,–was it because their friend did not like the gift?

Once I had to call someone to see if thier gift arrived after I sent it out of state.

To have to answer my child with assumptions or to embarrass myself by calling another to see if rhe gift got thete is not worth the effort for next time.

To me this is the same kind of nicetie as bringing a hostess gift when invited to dinner. I guess there are some that don’t do this either, but in my circle when they dont it just shows that a person is thoughtless and perhaps uncouth and teaching thier children to be the same.

Sometimes a casual attitude not a good thing as it expands to other things- but that another thread.

 

[misspriss]

I don’t think it’s the thank you card–it is what it represents.
If parents have time to work on booking and planning a birthday party, they have time to teach thier children how to be grateful ansd how to appreciate others.

In normal circumstances, it is especially important if the child has received thank you’s when they attended the same kind of events.
It is called recipriocity…

This is not a judgement-it is a fact…

A few times, my children have wondered why they did not get a thank you,–was it because their friend did not like the gift?..

Well, my son has actually only received one thank you note, and that child did not come to his party so he didn’t send her one, although I did manage to get the notes out after that party. He is 3, he doesn’t wonder why he didn’t get thank you notes.

I don’t have time to work on booking and planning a birthday party, I honestly don’t. All of my children’s birthday parties have either been A) just family getting together for some other reason and having cake too, or B) heavily co-planned and co-financed by grandparents. They apparently don’t co-write thank yous though, I even asked repeatedly after the party for people to watch the kids for a bit for the sole purpose of writing thank yous, but I could not secure babysitting.

The only reason I can spend time online but don’t have time for thank you notes, is because I sit around with a sleeping baby who won’t nap well if I’m not holding her on top of me, in the dark, and type while she naps.

 

[Lorelei12]

I don’t think it’s the thank you card–it is what it represents.
If parents have time to work on booking and planning a birthday party, they have time to teach thier children how to be grateful ansd how to appreciate others.

In normal circumstances, it is especially important if the child has received thank you’s when they attended the same kind of events.
It is called recipriocity…

This is not a judgement-it is a fact…

A few times, my children have wondered why they did not get a thank you,–was it because their friend did not like the gift?

Once I had to call someone to see if thier gift arrived after I sent it out of state.

To have to answer my child with assumptions or to embarrass myself by calling another to see if rhe gift got thete is not worth the effort for next time.

To me this is the same kind of nicetie as bringing a hostess gift when invited to dinner. I guess there are some that don’t do this either, but in my circle when they dont it just shows that a person is thoughtless and perhaps uncouth and teaching thier children to be the same.

Sometimes a casual attitude not a good thing as it expands to other things- but that another thread.

I agree with all of this. I don’t sit around and dwell on who sent me a thank-you note and who didn’t, but when I do receive them I consider it thoughtful, polite, and well-mannered. I don’t care if anyone throws out my thank you notes (I throw out most of the ones I receive, too); I care that they know we appreciate whatever it is they are being thanked for, whether that’s attending an event, giving a gift, did a favor for me, whatever.
When applying to jobs, applicants are encouraged to write thank-you notes to those they have met and interviewed with. I just think it’s a good habit to get into.

I actually don’t really understand the excuse of not having time. I think there are probably extenuating circumstances, but most of the time writing thank you notes does not take that long, even if you do it over a period of a few days or weeks. It takes less than five minutes to write a short note, and address and stamp an envelope.

 

[CatholicRaven]

Well, as I said, I have generally seen thank-you notes as a way to express gratitude when the person wasn’t there to receive thanks at the time the gift was opened or service received. I have never been upset that I didn’t get a thank-you note, but I have been upset when I went through a lot of trouble for someone and didn’t get any sign of gratitude at all (well, except from little children who simply don’t know any better). And I have never expected a note after already being thanked in person, or on the phone, etc.

One thing I’ve done to encourage my kids to write notes (not just thank you notes) is by occasionally sending them little notes and cards in the mail, too. When they receive mail, it helps them to see how it makes other people happy, too. I’m certainly not against thank you notes.

But once they’re old enough, if they complain about writing a thank you note, I ask how they would choose to express their thanks, and if it’s appropriate and feasible, that’s what we do. Sometimes they might prefer to call and thank the person on the phone–and often have a nice long conversation. Sometimes they end up deciding to draw pictures and/or write notes to send after all. One of my kids even came up with the idea to send a video thank you to a long-distance friend (which was very well received). And one of my older children sent a “prayer bouquet” as thanks after a generous gift of time was given to him.

So, while I agree that we need to teach our children to express gratitude, that doesn’t necessarily mean they can’t do it in ways besides writing thank-you notes.

 

[SerraSemper]

I got a job because I was the only candidate that wrote a thank you note for the interview.

 

[pensmama87]

I got a job because I was the only candidate that wrote a thank you note for the interview.

This is a good point. My husband did that for the job he was recently hired for. He was a top candidate anyway, but expressing gratitude definitely never hurts.

 

[Gwyn]

I love doing Thankyou notes.
But find no one else does.

In fact in the last few years we have not received a thank you for wedding gifts.

I guess people have different ideas

 

[Rosebud77]

I have had a lovely thank you card this week, I sent a small hand made gift to someone i knew slightly who had had a baby, The card was a lovely one, four photos of the baby and her parents on the front.

It lifted my day and week so please! Send them!

 

[LisaB]

I don’t think I’ve ever written a thank you note in my life, and I certainly don’t expect them. I agree that it’s important to thank a person who gave you a gift, but that can be done via phone or email. I’m surprised so many people expect them.

 

[ConfusedLucy]

I remember my mother making me write them when I was a kid for birthday presents. It was always a battle of wills. A lot of them were to relatives I had never met or even seen a photograph of and I actually found it really weird and uncomfortable writing to a total stranger who had nothing to do with me.

I’ve never received one for a present but as an adult I think presents are more low key anyway. I did do them when I got married and have received them for wedding gifts.