Thanksgiving After Mass - Am I all alone with this situation?

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schautzi

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Every time mass ends, we like to kneel and say our prayer of thanksgiving and other intentions. But, it is so hard to do so when people are getting up and stand all around visiting with each other loudly as though a movie or concert just ended. I lose my concentration and focus and start feeling so aggravated. I try to do self talk about how they are ignorant, they do not know any better, I should not be upset, judgemental, etc etc. Sometimes, I just want to tell them to please shut up and talk outside! I hate feeling that way, but honestly, their behavior is so disrespectful to our Lord, the church and the people trying to pray.

The amount of time I get to spend in church is precious to me and I really like to have that intimate silence and peace between myself and Jesus.

Does anyone else experience this at your church, and if so, how do you cope with it?

It gets me so upset, that I even feel like giving up church and then I come to my senses and realize that the demon is just using this to discourage me.

I guess this is just one of the challenges I must deal with in spiritual battle. Through God’s help, I can meet this challenge and get over it.

Thanks, I feel better already! Ha Ha
 
No, you are not alone with this. It is surprising how many people treat a church as if it were a common meeting place. BUT (and this is a “BUT” for me as well as you) the spiritual battle with this is not about being able to concentrate on your prayers. It is about avoiding the following:
  1. anger
  2. impatience
  3. spiritual pride (“they are ignorant, but I know better”)
and it is actually not a trial, but an opportunity to grow in charity towards the “noisy ones” in the church. An opportunity to learn to forgive. It is the priest, not you, who should warn the congregation to keep silent in church after mass. Your task (oh, and mine too) is to learn to forgive. Not to look at your fellow parishioners as children who don’t know any better, but as sinners like you. Perhaps you are inattentive in another way - not in church, but in some other situation, you may cause annoyance to someone else. (I know I do…)
Why not include them in your after-mass prayers? 😉

St Therese of Lisieux mentions how she used to seek the company of a sister who was very restless and fidgety, a great distraction and a trial for her. She deliberately knelt next to this sister at common prayers to train herself in patience and charity. Just a bit of inspiration.

Keep calm at all times!!
 
I agree with the above post - try to be patient, as frustrating as it is. Personally I attribute this trend to the following:
  • modern church architecture that feels more like a family room than a church;
  • the Eucharist no longer present behind, next to, or near the altar…any remaining body and blood is whisked away to a remote room - out of sight, out of mind;
  • priests no longer admonish the faithful to respect the sanctity of the space through silence (simply out of favor to do so and priests risk complaints from parishioners who feel they’ve been chastised).
There are probably other contributing factors but those feel like the big three.

If you can find a more traditional parish nearby you may be happier and more comfortable with the customs (but good luck with that…I’m still trying to find one).
 
Thanks, Margita!

Points well taken and I will follow your advice. The Little Flower is such a wonderful example, too. God bless you for your words of encouragement and direction.

For clarity: I was thinking of them as “ignorant” in the sense that they don’t realize where they are or that they don’t realize what they are doing, not that I am better. In thinking this way, I thought I was being charitable. At least that is what I intended.
 
The same thing happens at my parish. When friends see me and want to talk as I am leaving the pew, I whisper that we should talk outside and start walking so I can get them out as quickly and quietly as possible.

I get frustrated at the noise level when I first enter the church and begin praying to prepare for Mass. I kind of attribute this to the fact that my parish doesn’t have kneelers, so people aren’t kneeling reverently and praying quietly to themselves like I did growing up. They’re sitting in chairs chatting with neighbors and not noticing that folks around them may want to pray in silence.
 
AMDGI

You have some good points and I think you are right about them all especially the Eucharist. We have three churches in our community and we have been to them all trying to find the “one”. None of them are even following the general instructions of the mass. Inclusive language is commonplace and in one church, the words are changed in the liturgy. The Tabernacle is placed to the side in one church. I guess I could go on and on.

We enjoyed a Latin mass that is held in a church two hours a way. This is inconvenient and expensive to say the least, but worth it. I am hoping that Pope Benedict 16 will succeed getting us all straightened out.

Thank you and God bless you for your feedback.
 
Where do all of you get the idea that the “Celebration” of the Eucharist is a private, personal matter? There are plenty of times in your lifves for personal reflection, but not at the Sunday liturgy. It is the gathering of the Christian family! It should be joyous and a sharing of the happiness of all who just received Jesus in Holy Communion. How could people NOT be exuberant and want to share?

Thanks.
 
Pax_Tibi said:
Where do all of you get the idea that the “Celebration” of the Eucharist is a private, personal matter? There are plenty of times in your lifves for personal reflection, but not at the Sunday liturgy. It is the gathering of the Christian family! It should be joyous and a sharing of the happiness of all who just received Jesus in Holy Communion. How could people NOT be exuberant and want to share?

Thanks.
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I don’t think anyone here has a problem with people wanting to be exuberant or sharing, but we’d rather they do it outside the Church out of respect for those who would like to pray.
 
Pax_Tibi said:
Where do all of you get the idea that the “Celebration” of the Eucharist is a private, personal matter? There are plenty of times in your lifves for personal reflection, but not at the Sunday liturgy. It is the gathering of the Christian family! It should be joyous and a sharing of the happiness of all who just received Jesus in Holy Communion. How could people NOT be exuberant and want to share?

Thanks.
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If people are sharing their joy in the Mass they just attended that’s one thing. For the most part they aren’t, they’re discussing the same old things they yak about every other day - their children, their spouses, their aches and pains, their plans for the rest of the day. Anything and everything BUT the miracle that has just been enacted on the altar.

And your statement is wrong. Anyone who wants to talk with others can do so at any point in the week - heck, they can move 10 or 15 metres outside the church and go for it half a minute after Mass if they like.

But that time IN the church is the closest most can ever get to time for personal reflection and one-on-one time with Jesus - certainly it isn’t like any of us have tabernacles set up in our houses! So out of respect for those who are taking the opportunity to be in the Lord’s presence in the unique way a church offers, be quiet!
 
schautzi said:
Every time mass ends, we like to kneel and say our prayer of thanksgiving and other intentions. But, it is so hard to do so when people are getting up and stand all around visiting with each other loudly as though a movie or concert just ended. I lose my concentration and focus and start feeling so aggravated. I try to do self talk about how they are ignorant, they do not know any better, I should not be upset, judgemental, etc etc. Sometimes, I just want to tell them to please shut up and talk outside! I hate feeling that way, but honestly, their behavior is so disrespectful to our Lord, the church and the people trying to pray.

The amount of time I get to spend in church is precious to me and I really like to have that intimate silence and peace between myself and Jesus.

Does anyone else experience this at your church, and if so, how do you cope with it?

It gets me so upset, that I even feel like giving up church and then I come to my senses and realize that the demon is just using this to discourage me.

I guess this is just one of the challenges I must deal with in spiritual battle. Through God’s help, I can meet this challenge and get over it.

Thanks, I feel better already! Ha Ha
Click to expand...
I really struggle with the chatting after Mass too. The difficulty with our church is that it is very old and there is no vestibule to go out and chat in. It gets fairly chilly up here on top of our mountain and we get a lot of rain and fog. People have little choice but to linger and chat inside or just leave straight away and not connect with anyone. So I try to just ignore the noise because I would rather they (and I) form relationships instead of being isolated.

But I don’t understand why they can’t move down the back, keep their voices at a moderate level and remember where they are. Once I even had people stand in the pew in front of me and the pew behind me and talk OVER MY HEAD while I was kneeling in prayer!!! I was so shocked that I couldn’t say a word to them (and I was too busy desperately asking God’s assistance in not having judgemental thoughts regarding them. :rolleyes: )

I often see people chatting away in the pews around me who actually don’t realise that I (and others) are there praying and when they turn around and see us, they look quite sheepish and slink away quietly. The only way I think it will change is if each parish priest addresses the problem and endeavours to re-instate an atmosphere of quiet reverance.

When we attend the TLM (we attend both NO & TLM) pretty much the entire congregation remains after the dismissal for silent prayer. Maybe it’s because it is part of the culture? Habit? Encouraged? Don’t know!

I love how the congregation prays the prayer to St Michael the Archangel after each TLM Mass. My DH and I pray this after the No Mass also - it is a crying shame that it was dropped from the Mass. I wonder why?
 
I am fortunate that in several churches where I go to daily Mass there is also a chapel, and I just get up and go there. Often I am the only one. In another church, I go to the side altar where the Blessed Sacrament is reserved and kneel on the floor there. One day I overheard a woman (after most people had left) go get the priest and return with him. What I heard behind me was something along the lines of “She’s just been kneeling there, something must be wrong.” He is a wonderful older priest and he said something like “She’s okay. She is just making her thanksgiving after communion.” The woman said “What’s that? Why is she doing that?” And he must have gestured her back to the sacristy for a discussion. Maybe the priest giving a homily sometime about the importance of Thanksgiving after Communion would be helpful, rather than it seeming like a “Sssshhhh!”

My Sunday church has no separate side altar or tabernacle, and there I share the same problems as the original poster. We do have, as a community, the practice of saying 3 Hail Mary’s in silence for the next person to die in the community. And it does help for a quieter few minutes. Also I sit up front so I can be one of the first to Communion, which gives me more time for a Thanksgiving in the pew. I hope these ideas help a tiny bit, and I welcome hearing about what other people are doing to cope.
 
Where I go to Mass the talking is bad. There’s an adoration chapel very near so I go there before Mass and stay till practically the last minute. Then after Mass, I leave and pray on the way home.
I wish I didn’t have to do that, but what else can you do?
 
DH and I also kneel and pray a thanksgiving after Mass. We just do what we are there to do - pray - and then leave when WE are finished. The parish we are changing to is nice and quiet after Mass, so don’t think we will have the noisy problem we had at our previous parish. After every Mass there is coffee and chat outside the Church proper, so that gives everyone an opportunity to be social, in the proper setting.

~Liza
 
lizaanne said:
After every Mass there is coffee and chat outside the Church proper, so that gives everyone an opportunity to be social, in the proper setting.

~Liza
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Although I would choose an older style church over a modern building anyday, the modern design often has the advantage of a purpose built sheltered gathering place, outside of the church proper. I do wish we had this at our church, but we step straight out into the carpark which is next to a very busy and noisy road. There doesn’t seem to be any way to get around having the talkers inside the church because there is literally no where else for them to go in inclement weather. I think the idea of addressing the lack of reverance during the homily is the way to go. All a congregation wants is a good leader to offer a reverant example to follow.
 
Originally Posted by lizaanne forums.catholic-questions.org/images/buttons/viewpost.gif
After every Mass there is coffee and chat outside the Church proper, so that gives everyone an opportunity to be social, in the proper setting.

~Liza
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aboverubies:
Although I would choose an older style church over a modern building anyday, the modern design often has the advantage of a purpose built sheltered gathering place, outside of the church proper. I do wish we had this at our church, but we step straight out into the carpark which is next to a very busy and noisy road. There doesn’t seem to be any way to get around having the talkers inside the church because there is literally no where else for them to go in inclement weather. I think the idea of addressing the lack of reverance during the homily is the way to go. All a congregation wants is a good leader to offer a reverant example to follow.
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The Church I’m speaking of was built in the late 1800’s - the gathering is over at the parish school. Sorry I was not clear. 🙂

~Liza
 
I would kill (well, maim) for a few quiet moments after communion and after Mass but I am convinced one of the persistent problems we see at Mass is one that now aflicts all of our society: fear of silence. We have been so accustomed to surrounding ourselves with noise that we are uncomfortable with even a few minutes of silence. It is just not going to happen, even in communal moments that call for silence so we have to find our own silent places and times. Recently on campus there was supposed to be a minute of silence observed for the VT victims, at least half those present could not stand for 60 seconds without talking, fidgeting or checking cell phones (which rang like church bells throughout the whole time).

what I cannot stand, and consider exceedingly rude, but is an occupational hazard is when I am kneeling after communion or after Mass or even during adoration (like last night) with my eyes closed, head bent, hands over my eyes–and people tap me on the shoulder with urgent questions that just can’t wait until normal office hours or even after we leave church. Sometimes they just want to say hi. Why?
 
lizaanne said:
The Church I’m speaking of was built in the late 1800’s - the gathering is over at the parish school. Sorry I was not clear. 🙂

~Liza
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No, you were clear Liza, I was just speaking in general terms of one of the benefits of a modern building. 🙂 Our parish only opens up the school hall once a month after only one Mass, so it’s the church or the carpark the rest of the time unfortunately.
 
puzzleannie said:
Recently on campus there was supposed to be a minute of silence observed for the VT victims, at least half those present could not stand for 60 seconds without talking, fidgeting or checking cell phones (which rang like church bells throughout the whole time).
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Oh yes. Cell phones. In Budapest (capital city of Hungary) there is a note on the door of nearly every church: “God is calling you - but not on your cell. Please switch your cellphone off before entering the church. Thank you.”
 
Well I guess I’m one of the few who doesn’t understand the need for additional prayer and reflection after Mass is over. You just finished the highest prayer of the Church, and you feel its not enough or there are no other times for prayer? We also just gave God thanks when the priest said, “The Mass is over, let us go in peace,to love and serve the Lord” and we responded with, “Thanks be to God.”

Don’t get me wrong, if more prayer time is what you want, fine, but don’t complain about people talking with each other as they’re leaving the Church. Fellowship is an important part of being a Christian and for some, this is all they get. You can always sit back and wait for the Church to empty out, then have your private moment of prayer.

Also, why not just go early, before Mass ?

Jim
 
When mass has ended, Jesus is present in all those who have received the Eucharist. He is present in those who leave and drive away, those who attend the "coffee and donuts’ and those who stay in the pews who take their focus from the “Christ within” back to the “Christ” of the Tabernacle.

Yes, I too at times like to be in solatude with Jesus. However, if I really want solatude with Jesus in the Church, I make time at side of Mass [and the period of time immediately before and after] because these are communal times. If I stay after mass for a period of time I “tune” out those around me…

I always think of the time King David spent before the Lord, dancing, singing, playing instruments. Scripture tells us that we cannot loose a hair without God’s notice… Jesus probably loves being a part of the ‘regular’ conversations that occur after mass.

We are dismissed from mass with the charge to “Go forth to love and serve the Lord” not to stay and become focused upon self…Just my :twocents:
 
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