That one angry memory

[YehoiakhinEx232]

I’m not sure if this is the right place to post this but, I keep having difficulty with this one angry memory. I have struggled with other memories from my past that make me angry, but I easily manage to get out of them before things go badly. But with this memory, every time my mind wanders into it, I immediately become engrossed in it and can’t get out of it for a very longtime, and end up causing a whole host of material sins in the process.

What advice do you have for not getting entangled in this memory.

 

[Lee1]

How would it be if you prayed it to Our Lord?
Begin a prayer to Him explaining that you have trouble with this memory and that you might get angry whilst doing so, then ‘replay’ the whole thing to Him and ask Him to help heal you about this.

You may need to do it more than once but Our Lord is patience incarnate.

 

[Eric_Hyom]

The person who angers you, controls you, they could be dead, or even live a thousand miles away. They might have hurt you thirty years ago, and you probably were not able to get true justice for what happened.

They still have the power to hurt you even thirty years later, and the reason is this, YOU give them permission to keep hurting you.

I am sure you are a kind and caring person, but the person who angers you, stops you from being that kind and caring person, they cause you to do a host of material sins.

You have choices, but you should be the only person who controls what goes on inside your head. If you pray for them as suggested, then you will find peace.

 

[0Scarlett_nidiyilii]

First, if this is an ongoing abuse situation, you need to get away from them physically.

That said.
Pray for the person who hurt you every time you start ruminating.
Pray that God will heap blessings on that person.
It will be the hardest thing you do, but do it anyway.

 

[QwertyGirl]

This has happened to me, too, in the past. I have learned that being prepared to replace the thought about the memory with somethig else works quite well. It can be difficult to do. Arm yourself with a few good memories you will call on, or a song you will sing. It sounds silly, but it really works. When you catch yourself ruminating on the thing that made you angry, tell yourself “stop” and then replace it with whatever you have decided you are going to replace it with. Put yourself together a little, mental toolbox to help you divert your thoughts.

There is a caveat to my advice, however. If you were traumatized by the original event to the point that you need to address the trauma with a professional, then I highy recommend considering that. Ignoring trauma is never a good thing.

 

[DeniseNY]

Do the Mary, Undoer of Knots Novena. It’s been helpful to me.

http://www.theholyrosary.org/maryundoerknots

 

[TheLittleLady]

pray the Our Father with “Forgive me my trespasses as I forgive (insert name here)”

 

[robertmidwest]

What advice do you have for not getting entangled in this memory.

Recognize that even if you do you part you still need God’s help.

Get involved with some kind of ministry. Soup kitchen, meals on wheels, teaching people to read, prison ministry or something like that. Helping and giving has amazing healing power.

Are you physically able bodied? Exercise, fresh air, sunshine.

 

[Bluebright]

Confession. Take this memory and confess it, I don’t necessarily mean that you have to share the entire memory but it’s effects. Tell the priest what you have told us about it’s hold on you how it leads you to commit sins. Obviously you will need to tell him to ‘angryness’ of the memory and have a desire for it not to have this hold over you, which it sounds like you already have.

 

[Seagull]

I’m more extreme with my thoughts -
have done a specific meditation - for years -
YOU - have to pull the plug on those thoughts - Like a TV set.
I - guillotine them - lol
The second they pop up - like a karate chop HI YA !!!

As a side not - Bedlam - comes from a hospital named Bethlehem - somewhere, long ago…
It was for alcoholics and druggies and such -
and those people often slurred the word Bethlehem - to Bedlam. Sad.

Someone said that our thoughts - are NOT our thoughts - but originate elsewhere -
but that’s a whole entire different subject.

 

[YehoiakhinEx232]

The person who angers you, controls you, they could be dead, or even live a thousand miles away. They might have hurt you thirty years ago, and you probably were not able to get true justice for what happened.

They still have the power to hurt you even thirty years later, and the reason is this, YOU give them permission to keep hurting you.

I am sure you are a kind and caring person, but the person who angers you, stops you from being that kind and caring person, they cause you to do a host of material sins.

You have choices, but you should be the only person who controls what goes on inside your head. If you pray for them as suggested, then you will find peace.

First, if this is an ongoing abuse situation, you need to get away from them physically.

That said.
Pray for the person who hurt you every time you start ruminating.
Pray that God will heap blessings on that person.
It will be the hardest thing you do, but do it anyway.

This has happened to me, too, in the past. I have learned that being prepared to replace the thought about the memory with somethig else works quite well. It can be difficult to do. Arm yourself with a few good memories you will call on, or a song you will sing. It sounds silly, but it really works. When you catch yourself ruminating on the thing that made you angry, tell yourself “stop” and then replace it with whatever you have decided you are going to replace it with. Put yourself together a little, mental toolbox to help you divert your thoughts.

There is a caveat to my advice, however. If you were traumatized by the original event to the point that you need to address the trauma with a professional, then I highy recommend considering that. Ignoring trauma is never a good thing.

It wasn’t anything traumatic that happened in that memory that keeps coming up, but I’m starting to wonder if this has anything to do with repressed anger over the past. I did have traumatic things happen in the past, I was bullied at school and had a bad relationship with my mother, and I always had very bitter anger and resentment since my adolescence, like, for example, an analogy I often use for the state of society today is, that it’s akin to a good son, who always goes out of his way to please his parents and do the right thing, only to be brutally beaten by his alcoholic father in a drunken rage.

I’m not sure whether this is the problem or if it’s something else, or where I should go from here. I need to pray and meditate over all of this and re-think things.

Please keep me in your prayers.

 

[YehoiakhinEx232]

Recognize that even if you do you part you still need God’s help.

Get involved with some kind of ministry. Soup kitchen, meals on wheels, teaching people to read, prison ministry or something like that. Helping and giving has amazing healing power.

Are you physically able bodied? Exercise, fresh air, sunshine.

I’ll see what I can do, but it might be difficult because I’m really busy right now, with an online French course and other things. Do you know of any online ministry or apostolate thing I can join, like some kind of prison pen pals thing, or something?

Also, this may be a bit off-topic but, I’ve been thinking of joining the Cardinal Kung Foundation, but I’m uncertain due to the new China deal. Does the China deal change anything in regards to joining the Cardinal Kung Foundation, or supporting the Underground Church?

 

[robertmidwest]

Also, this may be a bit off-topic but, I’ve been thinking of joining the Cardinal Kung Foundation, but I’m uncertain due to the new China deal. Does the China deal change anything in regards to joining the Cardinal Kung Foundation, or supporting the Underground Church?

I couldn’t tell you.

Start out small and easy. Is there a food pantry around you?

 

[TK421]

I’m not sure if this is the right place to post this but, I keep having difficulty with this one angry memory. I have struggled with other memories from my past that make me angry, but I easily manage to get out of them before things go badly. But with this memory, every time my mind wanders into it, I immediately become engrossed in it and can’t get out of it for a very longtime, and end up causing a whole host of material sins in the process.

What advice do you have for not getting entangled in this memory.

Whenever we remember something, we are retrieving it the last time that memory was accessed.

So, what this means is that the more we think about a past event / time that we considered happy, the more and more rose-colored it becomes, because each time we access that memory, we are reinforcing it with our happy reflection of it.

And then, when we access a negative event, each time we mull over it, we are reinforcing the negative emotions that were associated with that event.

When you think about this disturbing memory, consider any positive aspects of it. If you aren’t able to gain any positive aspects from it, then when thinking about this memory, you can also put it into perspective by making it less negative than what it seems. One way of doing this is by changing the language that you use both externally and internally. For example, instead of saying that the event destroyed your life, you might rethink the language to say that it damaged your life. Changing the language can help change the attitude and perspective.

As you revisit this memory, and as you associate it with emotions that aren’t negative or at least aren’t as negative, then the power of the memory will gradually diminish. Tangible results could take weeks or a few years, depending on how extreme the memory is.

I would also regularly commit this to prayer if you feel it is a problem, such as by saying a novena to Mary, St Joseph, or St Michael the Archangel. If you feel it deserves more attention, you can even explicitly pray about it for an entire month or an entire year.

Peace.