That's it. I'm checking out now

[Detroit_Sue]

ridesawhitehors:

Couch? You mean like, a psychoanalist? I think he just needs to go fishing or something. Maybe a puppy. Definatly single though.
This is fun.

No, I meant like sofa!

 

[montanaman]

Ah, lovely. I’m going to start a running “vent” thread here called something like “Office Space.” Somehow, I’m living in the movie, only my office isn’t as diverse.

I got the dreaded “Can you come see me?” e-mail from my boss about two hours ago. I was cautiously optimistic when I entered her office–right up until she said “Go ahead and shut the door.” After that, I put myself into Zen mode.

Zen mode is that state where you assume a professional position–crossed legs, sharp Franklin Covey planner open to today’s date with an appropriate number of squiggles written between the lines, pen in hand, leaning slightly forward as though eager to transcribe every utterance from the Muse. It also means the mind slows way, waaaay down, ready to see in four dimensions so as to catch ALL of your faults.

It was Stock Lecture #3, “Time Management.” High points: Plan for meetings, ask questions at appropriate times, don’t hunt down people randomly to answer questions, etc., etc. I appropriately acknowledged the “Yes” parts, but for the most part my mind was trying to ignite a good Vivaldi sonata. She knocked me from my reverie when she said “[Jasmine] is your new boss now. You need to work to impress her.” Great. Translation: You’ve already managed to look like an idiot in front of one of the new bosses."

What kept me from any temptation to bite back was her pleasant demeanor. I think she’s starting to have short-timer’s disease, and it’s tough to get too worried about problems that’ll soon belong to other people. I even joked with her a little bit, but I think my comparison between the end of the rainbow and trying to get on top of all my work was lost on her. I should have known better than to so quickly break my new Workplace Prime Directive: “Say Nothing Unwarranted. Ever.”

I HAD been on top of things today, but then the absurd little edits kept coming in. “Montanaman, can you make these five rows .5 inches to the left? Thanks.” “Montanaman, this opening paragraph is too cheeky–can you redo the five letters where it appears? Thanks.” “Montanaman, can you juggle these chainsaws while riding a unicycle naked while I throw pancakes at you? You’re a peach.”

So now, at 6:00 pm, I’m finally getting to my last due item of the day. Smashing. I’m not bummed, though. It’s quiet and I’m hitting what’s becoming my second wind every night. I figure I’ll put in another hour or two, then head for the Metro where, if I’m really lucky, I’ll find a seat that isn’t covered with something that used to be food.

Cheers.

 

[Youngcatholic]

Montanaman, I am guessing you are either in your late 20s or early 30s. I am 26 and probably in the same mental state as you! It is funny how you think after high school and college you should not longer be in “crisis stage” but I think crisis begins NOW. I too have a great career by outside standards, but really I don’t like working. I am a motivated, academic-type person that feels like all my energy and knowledge is sucked-out by this organization I work for. Work is not even half as fulfilling as I thought it would be, and this is after getting a Masters to pursue it-- But, like you, you have to keep working, and switching jobs is easier said than done.

Now I am at the point of “what do I do next” and I haven’t even been in my field 4 years. You are not alone! I just try to stop being depressed and remind myself of the good things I have. I too am Catholic but don’t always feel that it is the key to my happiness. I can’t seem to achieve that “inner peace” either. There are too many trite problems to face on a daily basis, and many times I am impatient and want something better.

Sorry to sound gloomy, but you are not alone!

 

[montanaman]

Youngcatholic:

Montanaman, I am guessing you are either in your late 20s or early 30s. I am 26 and probably in the same mental state as you! It is funny how you think after high school and college you should not longer be in “crisis stage” but I think crisis begins NOW. I too have a great career by outside standards, but really I don’t like working. I am a motivated, academic-type person that feels like all my energy and knowledge is sucked-out by this organization I work for. Work is not even half as fulfilling as I thought it would be, and this is after getting a Masters to pursue it-- But, like you, you have to keep working, and switching jobs is easier said than done.

Now I am at the point of “what do I do next” and I haven’t even been in my field 4 years. You are not alone! I just try to stop being depressed and remind myself of the good things I have. I too am Catholic but don’t always feel that it is the key to my happiness. I can’t seem to achieve that “inner peace” either. There are too many trite problems to face on a daily basis, and many times I am impatient and want something better.

Sorry to sound gloomy, but you are not alone!

Let me give you the worst observation I’ve ever gotten, ironically from the guy who usually has the most insightful advice, my Dad: Son, enjoy it now, because this is the best it’s ever going to get.

Paradoxically, he also told me once, after I’d asked him what the best day of his life was, “Every day is the best day of my life.” So, I guess it just goes to show my dad is either shizophrenic, or he had no faith in my abilities since I was very young.

Don’t get too bummed, Youngcatholic. All this whining I have on display here is just a release valve. It really does get better, even if you find yourself losing your hair while it turns white, while living in a house with three younger dudes. If nothing else, the perspective is worth it. And my dad was right about another thing–somehow, mystically, after you turn 30 you begin “hitting your stride” and the money starts coming in. When you’re just starting out, you think $23,000 is a pretty smokin’ deal. Before much longer, people are paying your $60,000 or more to do not much more than check your e-mail.

Then, to keep it interesting, you engage in a number of idiotic life decisions that “build character.” For example, you take a lower-paying job in order to “get experience” or “learn a new skill.”

I don’t mean to be too flip about that–I’ve done it twice and it paid off big both times. I recently basically paid ten grand in the form of such a pay cut so I could work for an organization that would keep me writing full time. Not that you can tell from these hastily written notes, but my writing has improved far beyond what I thought possible. Plus, I got the added benefit of working under a fantastic editor. He’s so good the crushing edits are offset by the chills of admiration.

Anyway, be open to change, and while you’re single, don’t be afraid to take some otherwise insane risks.

 

[tcay584]

Wow Montanaman! I’d read your books…I really like your writing style. Sorry things seem crummy right now, but I was sorry to see your post end because it was so engaging. You’re probably “failing” because you’re too timid to take the plunge and go after what you really want and it makes you feel flustered…but when you finally do jump over that edge I bet you’ll do great at whatever you set your mind to…you certainly have the creativity!

 

[AlanFromWichita]

montanaman:

Work
Relationship
Social

Add Church to the list and these are the systems that broke down in my life on June 8, 2001.

It’s been quite the roller coaster ride since then. That has been a wonderful training ground. At this point, I actually am to the point where every day is the best day in my life. Relationships and social are now a complete piece of cake, but I still have no income stream – quite a shock after a reasonably lucrative 20 year career in engineering that came to an end suddenly and unjustly. Again, this is all for good except for that nagging issue: where to get an income stream…

If you write books maybe we need to get together because I’d like to learn how to do that?

Alan

 

[Peace-bwu]

BLB_Oregon:

Glad to hear you’re LOL. I know you won’t do anything “stupid”, but you just meant you wouldn’t kill yourself. You didn’t mean you wouldn’t keep p***ing your life away while chasing your own tail.

You sound way too familiar, you know that?

Maybe, as the enneagram crowd would say, you’re just a Nine. Maybe a Nine with a big One wing. (That is just short-hand for some personality traits that seem to go together. If you don’t know about the enneagram, check out Richard Rohr’s “Discovering the Enneagram”. The basic idea is that different experiences and personal qualities set you up for different life strategies for coping with it all, which in turn leave you heir to different temptations.)

.

I am also a nine with a big one wing,

Check out the enneagram, but be very careful. Think of it as a simple exploration of personalities but avoid any temptation to read more into it. There is a big tendency for the New Age movement to take it far too religiously.

 

[pira114]

You seem to be fishing for people to tell you what’s wrong.

That’s fine. I figured it out. After reading your post a couple of times it finally hit me. That’s life!

I don’t know what standard you have in your head, or what TV show you got it from, but your problems aren’t that bad. That’s the answer by the way. You deal with life’s little problems by realizing that they are not that bad and dealing with them. If venting is the start, then that’s OK. I’m in no way knocking you for venting here. Just want to make sure you realize what you’re doing.

If everything in life went just the way we liked it, it would be extremely boring and no fun at all.

And, just because you are not ready to propose to your girlfriend, does not mean that you two are not meant for each other! It doesn’t mean you are either. I think it would be very irresponsible for anyone to suggest staying or leaving your girl based solely on this thread.

Here’s the part where I’m supposed to give you encouragement. I like the phrase “hang in there.” I like it because it’s just about the dumbest thing I could say. You don’t have a choice. Tomorrow will come no matter what. Whether you and I are here or not. The sooner you realize it’s not all about you, the better. Just live life and get over it. In the words of the immortal Axel Rose, “I don’t worry about nothin’ at all, because worrying is a waste of my time.”

 

[AlanFromWichita]

pira114:

You seem to be fishing for people to tell you what’s wrong.

That’s fine. I figured it out. After reading your post a couple of times it finally hit me. That’s life!

I don’t know what standard you have in your head, or what TV show you got it from, but your problems aren’t that bad. That’s the answer by the way. You deal with life’s little problems by realizing that they are not that bad and dealing with them. If venting is the start, then that’s OK. I’m in no way knocking you for venting here. Just want to make sure you realize what you’re doing.

If everything in life went just the way we liked it, it would be extremely boring and no fun at all.

And, just because you are not ready to propose to your girlfriend, does not mean that you two are not meant for each other! It doesn’t mean you are either. I think it would be very irresponsible for anyone to suggest staying or leaving your girl based solely on this thread.

Here’s the part where I’m supposed to give you encouragement. I like the phrase “hang in there.” I like it because it’s just about the dumbest thing I could say. You don’t have a choice. Tomorrow will come no matter what. Whether you and I are here or not. The sooner you realize it’s not all about you, the better. Just live life and get over it. In the words of the immortal Axel Rose, “I don’t worry about nothin’ at all, because worrying is a waste of my time.”

These are some excellent points. I noticed that even after Jesus calmed the storms, he admonished his disciples for having weakness of faith so they thought they had to physically wake him up for safety.

I think in society we are expected to behave within limits, and we gain a false expectation that the world will reciprocate by behaving within limits. It doesn’t. Everyday people live and die by “decisions” made by inert objects or evil people. The problem is, if we are limited in our minds as to what we are able to deal with, when more then that comes up we are surprised and unprepared. Many people, I’m afraid, never progress beyond this stage. At the age of 46, I’m just beginning to see this and I consider myself extremely lucky to have had the lessons I’ve had – even though they were attached to reaaaly lousy circumstances at times and even now in some areas.

Alan

 

[montanaman]

AlanFromWichita:

Add Church to the list and these are the systems that broke down in my life on June 8, 2001.

It’s been quite the roller coaster ride since then. That has been a wonderful training ground. At this point, I actually am to the point where every day is the best day in my life. Relationships and social are now a complete piece of cake, but I still have no income stream – quite a shock after a reasonably lucrative 20 year career in engineering that came to an end suddenly and unjustly. Again, this is all for good except for that nagging issue: where to get an income stream…

If you write books maybe we need to get together because I’d like to learn how to do that?

Alan

That’s IT! No job equals happiness!

Well, you sound quite happy for the “unplanned circumstances.” I’m glad you have been able to get by without the income stream. Tell you what–you tell me how you do that and I’ll tell you everything I know about writing. (Shouldn’t take more than five minutes).

 

[montanaman]

pira114:

You seem to be fishing for people to tell you what’s wrong.

That’s fine. I figured it out. After reading your post a couple of times it finally hit me. That’s life!

I don’t know what standard you have in your head, or what TV show you got it from, but your problems aren’t that bad. That’s the answer by the way. You deal with life’s little problems by realizing that they are not that bad and dealing with them. If venting is the start, then that’s OK. I’m in no way knocking you for venting here. Just want to make sure you realize what you’re doing.

If everything in life went just the way we liked it, it would be extremely boring and no fun at all.

And, just because you are not ready to propose to your girlfriend, does not mean that you two are not meant for each other! It doesn’t mean you are either. I think it would be very irresponsible for anyone to suggest staying or leaving your girl based solely on this thread.

Here’s the part where I’m supposed to give you encouragement. I like the phrase “hang in there.” I like it because it’s just about the dumbest thing I could say. You don’t have a choice. Tomorrow will come no matter what. Whether you and I are here or not. The sooner you realize it’s not all about you, the better. Just live life and get over it. In the words of the immortal Axel Rose, “I don’t worry about nothin’ at all, because worrying is a waste of my time.”

Thanks for the insight. I know it’s not all about me, and I’d be appalled if it actually were.

 

[AlanFromWichita]

montanaman:

That’s IT! No job equals happiness!

Well, you sound quite happy for the “unplanned circumstances.” I’m glad you have been able to get by without the income stream. Tell you what–you tell me how you do that and I’ll tell you everything I know about writing. (Shouldn’t take more than five minutes).

In my case I am lucky there is a donor who can support the bulk of my expenses. My investments are all gone. My illness and leave from work had been expected to last only a year and not four years, though, so we are near the limit of how long that will be available. I make a little money playing organ/piano for a couple churches, and we finally got public health benefits for the children.

One of the emotional challenges is the sense of failure that I have for not providing, which is actually complicated by the fact that we are “charity cases” now. Sometimes I wonder whether I’m just “milking” it so I can get a good dose of guilt going about that but then my illness flares up again and makes me feel merely weak and incapable rather than lazy and evil.

Hopefully I am nearly over that, and I’m hoping and believing that the spiritual and emotional benefits I’ve received will empower me to make up for lost ground. As my doctor said a couple weeks ago, “you will be more effective when you can finally approach life with a calm, clear mind.”

Personally I feel like a totally wuss in a way, but I know the difference between unmotivated and beaten down, and I’m learning the boundary here as I go. All the self-judgment I’ve given myself for four years has not been helpful, but I was brought up expecting much from myself. That’s the problem I guess… I should have high hopes but no expectations. :ehh:

Alan

 

[montanaman]

AlanFromWichita:

In my case I am lucky there is a donor who can support the bulk of my expenses. My investments are all gone. My illness and leave from work had been expected to last only a year and not four years, though, so we are near the limit of how long that will be available. I make a little money playing organ/piano for a couple churches, and we finally got public health benefits for the children.

One of the emotional challenges is the sense of failure that I have for not providing, which is actually complicated by the fact that we are “charity cases” now. Sometimes I wonder whether I’m just “milking” it so I can get a good dose of guilt going about that but then my illness flares up again and makes me feel merely weak and incapable rather than lazy and evil.

Hopefully I am nearly over that, and I’m hoping and believing that the spiritual and emotional benefits I’ve received will empower me to make up for lost ground. As my doctor said a couple weeks ago, “you will be more effective when you can finally approach life with a calm, clear mind.”

Personally I feel like a totally wuss in a way, but I know the difference between unmotivated and beaten down, and I’m learning the boundary here as I go. All the self-judgment I’ve given myself for four years has not been helpful, but I was brought up expecting much from myself. That’s the problem I guess… I should have high hopes but no expectations. :ehh:

Alan

I hear you. Even if something out of our control takes us down a fw notches, as men, our worth is tied up in our ability to provide. All the fuzzy niceness of our pampered PC culture can’t scrub that out of our natures. If we want to produce, but we are prevented from doing so, it doesn’t matter how much Jesus loves us, we still feel like a tumor on the [behind] of society. Depending on what your circumstances are at the moment, that can either be a virtue or a vice.

I’ll say a prayer or two for you. It sounds like you’ve got a good attitude, though, so that’s half the battle.

 

[AlanFromWichita]

montanaman:

I hear you. Even if something out of our control takes us down a fw notches, as men, our worth is tied up in our ability to provide. All the fuzzy niceness of our pampered PC culture can’t scrub that out of our natures. If we want to produce, but we are prevented from doing so, it doesn’t matter how much Jesus loves us, we still feel like a tumor on the [behind] of society. Depending on what your circumstances are at the moment, that can either be a virtue or a vice.

I’ll say a prayer or two for you. It sounds like you’ve got a good attitude, though, so that’s half the battle.

Likewise. I really like your writing. Where is your book?

Alan

 

[montanaman]

AlanFromWichita:

Likewise. I really like your writing. Where is your book?

Alan

Heh. No book yet, but a few things have been crystallizing for a while. Like I think I said in the first post in this thread, I recently wrote a screenplay for the Kairos Prize, but it was rejected. However, they sent me the evaluation form, and I’ve got to say, if all rejection letters are as good as that, I could get used to those. It had lots of good praise AND advice.

I think, before I tackle something totally new that would make my career stillborn (such as a sci-fi epic involving the Church on other worlds–yeah, I know), I’ll turn the screenplay into a novel. The screenplay is a romantic comedy about a spokesman for the Archdiocese of Washington and a tough Washington reporter for something called “Evangelical Weekly” who fall in love and have to learn to get along. The SP is 111 pages, which makes for a ripping good outline. It’s just a matter of filling in the blanks.

Basically, to get to the “novelization,” though, I’ll have to become a hermit every night after work.

 

[Peace-bwu]

Detroit Sue:

Good luck to you, hang in there, and pray without ceasing. Well, cease long enough to read “Cell.” I think the book is a disappointment though, Stephen King’s lost his edge.

I haven’t been a Stephen King reader since “It” That was the worst book. It started out fine, dragged in the middle as he struggled with either writer’s block or just now knowing how to end the book, it was painful to read, then, after struggling through the long middle, the end was so stupid I was ticked for wasting my time! I agree, he lost his edge. Some of my family members are convinced that he has a contract with the devil. Yeah, seriously.

 

[Peace-bwu]

montanaman:

Basically, to get to the “novelization,” though, I’ll have to become a hermit every night after work.

If you find yourself on a roll, and then look down at your manuscript to read “All work and no play make montanaman a dull boy.” take a break.

With all that Stephen King talk I’m imagining you hangin out at the Overlook Hotel.

 

[montanaman]

Peace-bwu:

If you find yourself on a roll, and then look down at your manuscript to read “All work and no play make montanaman a dull boy.” take a break.

With all that Stephen King talk I’m imagining you hangin out at the Overlook Hotel.

Lol. Almost.

I think Detroit Sue may have a point about S.K., though. And “It” wasn’t his greatest work, but several others of that time period were some of the best. Tommyknockers, The Stand…Those were the books that made me want to become a writer. “Cell” reminded me of that, but I’m sorry to report that it is, ultimately, disappointing. It kept building and building and building in a “Stand-esque” sort of way, and then when the denoument happened, I couldn’t believe that resolved it.

His book “On Writing” is one of the best on the topics I’ve ever read, though.

 

[montanaman]

With the abundance of threads on this site about people with REAL problems, I feel like an idiot for posting here. I mean, I’ve been through a few things lately, but it doesn’t hold a candle to a spouse who hates the spouse who rediscovered his/her faith. Or, inattentive or abusive spouses. Or lost jobs. Or anti-Catholic family members. The list of woe on this site really does put things into perspective. Perhaps that’s why right now I’m not incapacitated on my living room floor amongst a swarm of empty bottles of Jack. Grace and I broke up yesterday.

Well, sort of. The “break” was amicable following a talk we had at the National Shrine. We’re “using this Lenten season for prayer and discernment,” but I think we both know the score. We’re too old to the break up/get back together cycle ad nauseum.

Actually, I feel pretty good about things. Suddenly I’m thinking about new opportunities now that I don’t have to worry about being pinned to D.C. Maybe I’ll even go to work for someplace like Catholic Relief Services. Who knows? Right now, I have very few worries.

The point of posting this, though, for anyone who’s thinking about marrying someone, is to tell them to KNOW. Don’t think forcing yourself into it will make it “click.” Don’t think “just doing it” will silence that little voice that questions the decision. Make absolutely sure there are no deal-breakers in the way. When you first consider asking someone out, make sure you are completely open to marrying this person. Seriously–it happens that early. You don’t have to be in love with someone from the first meeting, but if you have any major doubts, address those first.

I’m probably the last person on the planet to realize these things, but there it is. Some advice for the next generation.

 

[ConcernCatholic]

montanaman:

Actually, I feel pretty good about things. Suddenly I’m thinking about new opportunities now that I don’t have to worry about being pinned to D.C. Maybe I’ll even go to work for someplace like Catholic Relief Services. Who knows? Right now, I have very few worries.

If you are serious about looking for a job in the Catholic sector, there is a great website that lists Catholic jobs around the nations.

Here is the link: catholicjobs.com/

Check out some of the universities and community colleges too. They are a great source of jobs that aren’t as stressful as the business world. Almost every diocese has a list of jobs available within the diocese.

Peace and good luck!