The annoying coincidence of coming across someone asking for money after church

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I’d like to say how ambivalent I am towards going to church and Catholicism ‘on the whole’. It is more ‘semi-enjoyable’ when I go to one building ‘where it all began for me’, mainly because there are Masses done in Spanish.

I arrive somewhat late during the “through my fault,my most grevious fault part” on Sunday. On my way out, I turn down towards a street where a certain when who else =_= but a certain someone who I have a distinct skepticism towards when it comes to giving him money is there.

The previous time on which I encountered this person before Sunday, I wrote a posting on a different forum about him wrongplanet.net/forums/viewtopic.php?t=319324 .

:mad:He lives in a group home, reminds me of someone who oversees things where I volunteer and I have Asperger’s syndrome. Apparently it was his birthday and he was turning 25 as I well in a few weeks, (I found it very strange how he was like ‘waiting’ at the end of that street; almost as if he were visiting someone).

It floppin aggravating >< >8( how his routine is "Hey can you give me___, I’m trying to get something to eat, I live in a group home" followed by “hey can I ask you a question?..can you give me more?” ,before he bugs off after I give him essentially everything I have.

I was ready to get aggressive telling him that I will follow him first, before someone vouched for him saying how he’s really not going to buy drugs. I give him money, tell him “boundaries” and still enraged follow both of them until I lose track of them.

I write this in part out of a need for cartharsis of the rage and negativity which I’ve been feeling for weeks now and which took a different turn last week-ish. I don’t know what to do about this and think that maybe next time, I shouldn’t hesitate to be more confrontational and/or aggressive…first time for everything =_= *including *beating someone and/or calling the police.

Here’s to hoping that just b/c I wrote about this person I won’t see them today or anytime again.
 
“hi can I have some money?”

“AHHH I will either give you all my money or beat you!!!”

Talk to a priest/counselor something…this is not healthy reaction.
 
sidetrack said:
I’d like to say how ambivalent I am towards going to church and Catholicism ‘on the whole’. It is more ‘semi-enjoyable’ when I go to one building ‘where it all began for me’, mainly because there are Masses done in Spanish.

I arrive somewhat late during the “through my fault,my most grevious fault part” on Sunday. On my way out, I turn down towards a street where a certain when who else =_= but a certain someone who I have a distinct skepticism towards when it comes to giving him money is there.

The previous time on which I encountered this person before Sunday, I wrote a posting on a different forum about him wrongplanet.net/forums/viewtopic.php?t=319324 .

:mad:He lives in a group home, reminds me of someone who oversees things where I volunteer and I have Asperger’s syndrome. Apparently it was his birthday and he was turning 25 as I well in a few weeks, (I found it very strange how he was like ‘waiting’ at the end of that street; almost as if he were visiting someone).

It floppin aggravating >< >8( how his routine is "Hey can you give me___, I’m trying to get something to eat, I live in a group home" followed by “hey can I ask you a question?..can you give me more?” ,before he bugs off after I give him essentially everything I have.

I was ready to get aggressive telling him that I will follow him first, before someone vouched for him saying how he’s really not going to buy drugs. I give him money, tell him “boundaries” and still enraged follow both of them until I lose track of them.

I write this in part out of a need for cartharsis of the rage and negativity which I’ve been feeling for weeks now and which took a different turn last week-ish. I don’t know what to do about this and think that maybe next time, I shouldn’t hesitate to be more confrontational and/or aggressive…first time for everything =_= *including *beating someone and/or calling the police.

Here’s to hoping that just b/c I wrote about this person I won’t see them today or anytime again.
Click to expand...
:confused:
Are you Catholic? It’s the year of Mercy.
Maybe some compassion is in order.
🤷
 
sidetrack said:
…

I write this in part out of a need for cartharsis of the rage and negativity which I’ve been feeling for weeks now and which took a different turn last week-ish. **I don’t know what to do about this **and think that maybe next time, I shouldn’t hesitate to be more confrontational and/or aggressive…first time for everything =_= *including *beating someone and/or calling the police.

Here’s to hoping that just b/c I wrote about this person I won’t see them today or anytime again.
Click to expand...
bold emphasis mine

First of all, I think you need to really explore why you are angry. You are just reacting here. You’re obviously steamed. Yeah, sure its annoying when people (especially people whom we don’t believe deserves a gift from us) ask us for something and we don’t really want to. The fact of the matter is, you can always say no. Jesus says let your yes be yes and your no be no. He also says he doesn’t want us to be lukewarm. Scriptures also say God loves a cheerful giver. So what is going on inside your heart about all this? Conflict. You even said you believe this person is in a group home and that he has Aspergers. Did you read up on it? Do you understand how miscommunication (there are certain social signals they are most likely not able to pick up on) is most likely happening, and if you understand this, why then still the rage? (That is a private question for you to ponder in your prayer time, not looking for divulged answers here, unless you want to share.)

What if the tables were turned? How would you want someone else to cope with* your f*aults? How do you think Jesus would want you to respond to this person? What action is it that you’d like to go to the throne of God with on judgement day? Keep in mind, God wants to perfect us, and we ‘must become perfect as Our Heavenly Father is Perfect’, but we also must be true in our actions, which means you have some serious exploration of the heart to do. I don’t say this to push you into acting in a manner that goes against your true self, that is as you are now- don’t be fake, but that you really need to think over why it is you feel so much rage and why this is bothering you so much. Are you jealous? Are you overworked? Very possessive of your money? Hold yourself up to the light of God, to God’s word and humble yourself. I didn’t say make yourself a doormat… I said just to have a really close LOOK at the situation if that’s the ONLY thing you end up choosing to do with this scenario… as I said, you can always say no too… there are some times that call for prudence. I am not saying don’t give to this person… I am saying you need to search what you believe The Lord is calling you to do in this irritating and bothersome (to you) situation.

Take St. Francis’s (of Assisi’s) encounter with the leprous man as an example and study it.
 
Paragraph 1768 of St. Faustina’s Diary:

“Know that whatever good you do for any soul, I accept it as if
you had done it to Me.”
 
If it’s an issue of money or that you don’t trust he’s spending it on food (some folks ask and do drinking and drugs) you can offer to take him to McDonalds or something. If his intentions aren’t pure then he’ll eventually quit asking you if you respond the same each time.

Katrina
 
My parish priest has specifically told parishioners not to give money to people asking outside after mass, but to direct them to the charities office in the parish so that they get the help they need.

One time, there was a group parked outside asking for people to take them to buy food, and we were explicitly instructed not to give them anything. They church office had already offered them assistance and they had turned it down. The reasoning was confirmed for me later when I met a bit of their group (or another similar group) outside of a walmart and told them I would get them a little something. After we went in the woman just kept pulling things off the shelf and putting them in the basket; she would not listen to me when I told her that I could afford to do very much and just kept going. By the end of it, we had an eighty dollar bill for their food. I should have told them no, but I just purchased it and left. I will never do that again.

I will not give to people who are just asking for money, but if they are looking for food I will take them and get them something to eat. With that said, OP, your reaction is really over the top. If you’re uncomfortable giving money then tell him that you can’t; if he’s looking for food, then you can offer to get him something instead of giving him money. But getting this angry simply because he’s there asking is a problem that you need to address.
 
In the parable of the Good Samaritan, the holy men avoided the unclean stranger. We can do better than that.

If you don’t wish to give him money, then don’t give him money, but you should at least be respectful and perhaps give him a kind word like “Good morning” or “God bless you.”
 
It is nearly impossible to know why a person is begging. And impossible to know if the person is dangerous. And impossible to know what they will do with the money I give them.

Luckily, I have not felt danger and very seldom read a news report of those who were injured when trying to help. My wife does worry about danger and avoids encounters. I would never give them a ride because that increases the danger - I have to control the car, they do not.

I presume one who begs is truly down on their luck. Whether it is their fault or not, I do not know. I also presume they have lost hope, at least in this stage of their life, and I know we all need hope in order to make the effort to live a better life.

So, it is a very minimal, but important part, of my connection to humanity to TRUST there is a valid need and I try to respond with whatever is in my pocket, generally $1 or $5, sometimes a $10 or a $20.

HOPE matters. I also try to say, “God bless you.” In my heart, I am reminded, “There, but for the grace of God, go I.”
 
sidetrack said:
I’d like to say how ambivalent I am towards going to church and Catholicism ‘on the whole’. It is more ‘semi-enjoyable’ when I go to one building ‘where it all began for me’, mainly because there are Masses done in Spanish.

I arrive somewhat late during the “through my fault,my most grevious fault part” on Sunday. On my way out, I turn down towards a street where a certain when who else =_= but a certain someone who I have a distinct skepticism towards when it comes to giving him money is there.

The previous time on which I encountered this person before Sunday, I wrote a posting on a different forum about him wrongplanet.net/forums/viewtopic.php?t=319324 .

:mad:He lives in a group home, reminds me of someone who oversees things where I volunteer and I have Asperger’s syndrome. Apparently it was his birthday and he was turning 25 as I well in a few weeks, (I found it very strange how he was like ‘waiting’ at the end of that street; almost as if he were visiting someone).

It floppin aggravating >< >8( how his routine is "Hey can you give me___, I’m trying to get something to eat, I live in a group home" followed by “hey can I ask you a question?..can you give me more?” ,before he bugs off after I give him essentially everything I have.

I was ready to get aggressive telling him that I will follow him first, before someone vouched for him saying how he’s really not going to buy drugs. I give him money, tell him “boundaries” and still enraged follow both of them until I lose track of them.

I write this in part out of a need for cartharsis of the rage and negativity which I’ve been feeling for weeks now and which took a different turn last week-ish. I don’t know what to do about this and think that maybe next time, I shouldn’t hesitate to be more confrontational and/or aggressive…first time for everything =_= *including *beating someone and/or calling the police.

Here’s to hoping that just b/c I wrote about this person I won’t see them today or anytime again.
Click to expand...
For safety’s sake, please do not follow this guy, for any reason! If someone asks you for money, either say NO and keep walking or give them a few dollars and forget about it. Nothing else is required.
 
If you give (which we should all do), it’s not unusual to be asked to give more. You just have to use your judgement and do what you feel is right.

A man was sitting on the pavement in our town centre yesterday with a cap by his side, with a few coins in it. I walked past then walked back and gave him £1. He said “I need £4 so that I can buy a train ticket, I have a Court appearance this afternoon.”

I said sorry, I didn’t have enough in coins (which was true, although I had a little paper money). I do give a lot to homeless people (both my time and money, in buying food) and I felt I’d given enough yesterday, as I’d just spent several hours making and distributing food at church, which I do every week. But I thought about it afterwards and felt that maybe I could have given him more, for that particular need he had.
 
Directing the needy to a place that provides them help is charitable as well.
 
sidetrack said:
He lives in a group home, reminds me of someone who oversees things where I volunteer and **I have Asperger’s syndrome… **…

It floppin aggravating >< >8( how his routine is "Hey can you give me___, I’m trying to get something to eat, I live in a group home" followed by “hey can I ask you a question?..can you give me more?” ,before he bugs off after I give him essentially everything I have.

I was ready to get aggressive telling him that I will follow him first, before someone vouched for him saying how he’s really not going to buy drugs. I give him money, tell him “boundaries” and still enraged follow both of them until I lose track of them…

I write this in part out of a need for cartharsis of the rage and negativity which I’ve been feeling for weeks now and which took a different turn last week-ish. I don’t know what to do about this and think that maybe next time, I shouldn’t hesitate to be more confrontational and/or aggressive…]
Click to expand...
( I bolded and deleted for clarity )

The way I read this post is that it is Sidetrack who has Asperger’s Syndrome, not the guy who is confronting him.

Sidetrack, take a deep breath, calm down and lets just look at the situation. If I am understanding you, this guy seems to be confronting/stalking you specifically so he can beg for money every time he sees you. You have given him money before and he wasn’t happy with what you were willing to give him as he kept asking for more bills until you gave him all you had on you. I think if I were trying to help someone out and if what help I was able to give wasn’t ever good enough, I’d get pretty fed-up too.

I have been told by several priests that you do not have to give to EVERY single person who asks you for money as long as you DO help support the poor, hungry and needy. It sounds like you are a good and caring person who does help people, but you feel this particular person is hounding you. It is perfectly fine to tell him that you are supporting the needy NOW through your church and that he can contact your church if he needs help, then keep walking.

Don’t let him make you angry or feel like you are being used. Let the hurt and anger go. He can ask, and you have the right to say that you give through your church now and leave it at that. Don’t argue with him or keep talking, just keep walking. When he understands that he will have to deal with your church now if he is truly needy, he will quit confronting/stalking you and go somwhere else.

The only thing we have control over in life is ourselves and our attitudes. Don’t let HIM control YOUR attitude or even your day. Don’t give another person that much power.
 
I see people asking for money so frequently that there is no way I can help every time. I just make sure to put money in the poor box at my parish each time I go to Mass or Adoration.

Heroin is such a huge problem around here that I don’t like handing money out on the street.
 
This person reminds me of someone I used to know. She got the same train to work as me and I don’t know if she had learning difficulties. She was constantly asking for money with excuses like she wouldn’t have money for lunch or the bus from the station. She also made some odd claims like that she had to get up at 4 am to walk 2 hours to the station but then she talked about having a car. She also had a habit of telling distressing stories then asking for money immediately after, this one time she was saying how her dad had died in Iraq and she had to collect his ashes from an office but then a week later I overhead her telling someone else that she had her dad over for dinner last night!

It was a strange situation and I ended up just telling her I didn’t have change on me and trying to talk about good financial habits. I tried to be nice, my own social skills aren’t perfect and I try to give everyone a chance but she made me very uneasy and I worried about her finding out where I live. I wondered if she was in a begging gang or maybe she didn’t have the insight to see that her behaviour was inappropriate.

I think all you can do is try to be nice but be careful about giving money. Another incident that happened to me was when I gave £1 to a homeless man who began following me demanding more money, if I hadn’t had someone with me it would have been really scary and sadly it’s really put me off giving people money.
 
There is nothing wrong with saying politely, “I have no money to spare today.”
 
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