The Birds and The Bees

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MGEISING

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How and when did you finally sit down with your children to talk to them about the birds and the bees? My two children are 11 and 12 … and I haven’t formally sat down with them.:eek:

We do live on a farm though - so they do know how babies are made in the animal world!

Need some advice. How did you tell them? Good books on the topic? Etc.

Nervous in NH! :eek: :eek: :eek:
 
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MGEISING:
How and when did you finally sit down with your children to talk to them about the birds and the bees? My two children are 11 and 12 … and I haven’t formally sat down with them.:eek:

We do live on a farm though - so they do know how babies are made in the animal world!

Need some advice. How did you tell them? Good books on the topic? Etc.

Nervous in NH! :eek: :eek: :eek:
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my two oldest daughters who are 26 (one married and pregnant) the other still single and not pregnant (thankfully), are yet to have that talk… My 3rd daughter is 22 single still lives at home and we haven’t had that talk yet… my son who is 17 senior in high school still living at home hasn’t had his talk yet… my wife and i haven’t had the sex talk with our parents yet… i am not convinced “THE TALK” is worth the time invested…IMHO

Peace:thumbsup:

http://www.extravagameza.com/sexedgame.jpg
 
I have never sat down and had the talk, instead, I have simply answered their questions or made comments as subjects have come up. Jus a guess, but I think that a formal discussion might embarrass some kids. If your kids know the basics, maybe you could just start talking about morals and chastity with them.

SG, do you mean that you never ever discussed sex with your daughters or that you just didn’t have a formal discussion?
 
Same as above poster, we just answer questions (and bring up topics) in the natural course of conversation. Son is almost 15, we have just always been honest and open - stressing morality with every conversation.
 
The elder children, 6th grade and above, all had the talk from a good family friend, a doctor, when she came to school to talk to the classes. That is how we were educated. Mom and Dad answered questions, but trusted that our friend, who came and talked to the sixth grade classes year afte year, didd a good job communicating the truth as well as the Catholic position… now when I have kids…
 
Nowadays kids probably hear things long before they should… but when I was a kid I was quite innocent. My mother wanted me to know a little bit about my own body before puberty began. That is because she knew nothing herself as a child and got frightened the first day the blood appeared (to put it bluntly). She did not want me to have that experience, so one evening when my younger siblings were gone to bed, and my dad was gone out, she put me sitting on her knee for a chat. We had a close relationship, so I always felt great having these mother/daughter chats. This particular day she asked me to say the “Hail Mary”. I sort of groaned inwardly, thinking I was going to get a religious lecture. After I finished she asked me if I understood all the words. I said “yes” and she asked if I was really sure. I thought about it and realised I didn’t know what “womb” meant… so she explained from there and I was fascinated and really amazed and asked her lots more questions.

The funny side to this story was the next day… I felt like such a big girl, and yet I knew I couldnt tell my sister anything about it. But I just boasted: “I know something you dont know” and she said: “what?” and I said: “it’s something to do with the Hail Mary” and she quickly lost interest!!! 🙂
 
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deb1:
I have never sat down and had the talk, instead, I have simply answered their questions or made comments as subjects have come up. Jus a guess, but I think that a formal discussion might embarrass some kids. If your kids know the basics, maybe you could just start talking about morals and chastity with them.

SG, do you mean that you never ever discussed sex with your daughters or that you just didn’t have a formal discussion?
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…we never discussed sex, we didn’t believe in it:D

…seriously… if they had questions, they figured it out… they were/are smart kids… i wasn’t too smart as a child, but i never asked my parents questions to do with sex… mother nature and the library answered most questions… biology class in high school answered other minor questions… it’s not rocket science… it’s been going on for a while…

…it(sex) was not that big of an issue when i was a wee ghost!👍

…when i met and married Ms SG that’s when the discussion began… there was no need to bring the family into it…

http://www.dgcomicart.com/BrandySpaceGhost.jpgnow if your one of the “NEW MELINNIUM” parents that have to group babies together at every opportunity, then i guess i can understand why there would be question… IMHO
 
space ghost:
…we never discussed sex, we didn’t believe in it:D
]
hehehe… I like that idea… maybe we can get that idea into some of the heads of the duffous guys here at high school!
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I always assumed that I would just let the info out “naturally”. You know, when the kids starting asking questions. However, this year, I opted out my daughter from 5th grade reproductive health. I followed the class curriculum with my daughter, but included virtues, God, and Catholic faith. What I found was she had a MILLION questions!!! She had some (incorrect) info from the neighbor kid and had questions, but never “thought” to ask me about anything. So, I’ve changed my attitude about the whole “formal talk” thing. At some time before puberty, I think it’s wise to talk to children about the physical and emotional changes that will be happening to their bodies and why they’re happening.

BTW, I’ve been using a wonderful book with my daughter called “The Joyful Mysteries of Life” by Bernard and Catherine Scherrer. Read it first. Then read it with your kids. It is a beautiful book about the “birds and the bees” that is based on the Joyful Mysteries of the rosary.
 
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Giannawannabe:
She had some (incorrect) info from the neighbor kid and had questions, but never “thought” to ask me about anything. So, I’ve changed my attitude about the whole “formal talk” thing. At some time before puberty, I think it’s wise to talk to children about the physical and emotional changes that will be happening to their bodies and why they’re happening.
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yup…the incorrect info that we could come up with, I think, drove my mother insane trying to have a civil conversation with us. Caution yourselves about this huge possibility! (esp. as I recall “sex” was a terrible word in the first grade mean a guy and a girl kissing naked in the dark! That that a terrible thing to say and was a scandal of the years until I was in the sixth grade…AHHHH!)
 
If you are going to send the kids to a public or private high school, for heaven’s sake do the Birds and Bees before that!

I went to a public high school, and believe me, I wished I’d known about the birds and bees beforehand! Whoever believes in the innocence of childhood has never babysat. There were more discussions about unprintable topics there than probably happen in most porno studios. And I sometimes didn’t know if the boy was making an innocent remark to me or if it was a deviant suggestion. You WANT your kids to know this sort of thing - what’s right and what isn’t - so they can tell the difference. They will be much more embarrassed if they accidentally say the wrong thing in school than if they have to sit through a half hour of birds and bees.

My dad, fortunately, sat down with me when I was 14 - about to enter high school - and rattled off a list of what we called “slap remarks.” This was, if a boy said anything to me which contained any of the words, it was a slapping offense. He advised that unless it was really bad, I just complain to the principal and tell Dad about it. I only had to do this twice before they got the idea that he really was serious about suits for harassment.

So just tell them “This is what you should know. If a boy (if you’re talking to your daughter, that is) says any of these to you, this is what you should do.” But do NOT drop them headfirst into a secular environment!
 
We have always bred and raised animals, so the topic came up regularly as they grew. When they reached prepuberty, 9 for my daughter, 10 and 1/2 for my boys I gave them copies of info books that explained what to expect growth and feelings wise.

I regularly bring home books from the library and leave them around the house (in the bathroom is a good place) that provide info on physical stuff as well as moral decision making.

We have never had the one big talk, but an ongoing conversation. They know where me and hubby stand, what we expect, why etc.
If the topic comes up in a movie or tv show, it is another chance to talk.

cheddar
 
I got the “talk” when I was in about…5th grade. In one word it was “horrifying” :eek: Not because my dad did a bad job or anything, but because our neighbor’s kid gave me the “talk” when I was in second grade and I was so intent on trying to look suprised when dad talked to me. :cool: Everything worked out. 👍
 
Remember parents, you are the primary educator of the children God has sent you. you have promised to bring them up in accordance with the Laws of God and His Church.

I would rather spend the 15 - 30 mins of ‘embarrasement’ with my children teaching them the truth rather than let them off into a life time of misinformation and hearsay to find out for themselves.

I think that is bordering on neglect of a God given duty.

The sexual facuty is one of God’s most precious gifts given to his creation, and it is through this beautiful faculty that we have been raised to become cooperators with God in his plan of creation.

To become a cooperator one must know the fullness of truth. God expects you to do just that. Teach them in the truth so that they can cooperate fully in the divine plan God has for the world.
 
Fergal 👋

I absolutely concur 100000%. I never got the talk. Never knew what was wrong or right - just that sex was bad.

I do not want to teach my children that. I want to teach them the beauty of that gift … and teach them to respect the gift.

Thanks! 👍
 
There are a couple of great Catholic resources for this.

The first is a book titled “Beyond the Birds and the Bees” by Gregory Popcack. It’s for parents to read to give them ideas of how to talk to kids of every age and what’s appropriate at what age.

For teens (13 and up) there is the Jason Evert DVD titled “Pure Love” available at Catholic Answers, and a booklet of the same title.

For younger girls and changes in their bodies, there is a book by the American Girl publishers called something like “The Care of Your Body.” I gave this to my daughter in 4th grade and we went through it together, had a special “Girls Day” where we spent the afternoon together reading through the book and talking, then went out for ice cream. That night when I tucked her in, she said “Mom, this was one of my best days ever!” She really appreciated talking honestly and opening the door for future discussions.

I haven’t found a similar book for boys – if anyone has suggestions, I’d love to hear them (it’s about time for my son’s special day!).
 
I’m not a parent, but I hope the parents here will take Didi’s advice. My parents never had that talk with me, and I had to learn on my own – and trust me, some of the sources kids will use to learn on their own aren’t the best.

Fortunately, my school had a Mother/Daughter day to teach girls some of the facts about puberty and the monthly cycle, so at least that didn’t come as a shock to me. (they also had a Father/Son night to teach boys what they needed to know).

I guess maybe kids aren’t as “innocent” today as they used to be; maybe those talks need to happen at a younger age.
 
We don’t plan on having one big talk, but would like to keep it a fairly open topic while our children are growing up. I was so embarassed about the whole idea that I almost couldn’t face my parents when I got pregnant and my husband wound up doing the telling. My mom had it as an “unmentionable” topic since she explained some stuff when I was little until after I was married.

I would like our children to have a more open mind about it, since my husband seems so much more normal about it than me.
 
Here was my “talk” from my mother:

A couple of days after I got the “you are a woman now” statement…you know started that monthly thing :eek:

Mom; “You know that you can get pregnant now”

Me: “Yes”

Later, when I was around 14 yo, a 16 yo tried (and did) teach me all about the birds and the bees…Not good! Then later when I had a pregnancy scare…yes…scary…my mother told me that I WOULD have an abortion…not good at all!

I plan on talking about sex with my children…I have boys so far…I will definitely talk to them about respect for girls and the responsiblity of having sex…maybe scare the you know what out of them also… Parents just need to talk more to their kids about these things…because

I never got the talk…it would have been nice!
 
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