K
KCT
Guest
I’ve seen it recommended here. Who has read it? Why did you read it? Did you find it helpful? In what ways?
Thanks
Thanks
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T
TheRealJuliane
Guest
I am one of the ones who recommends it frequently. I have to re-read it at least once a year, to remind myself that setting personal boundaries is a good thing and is healthy.
K
KCT
Guest
Thanks. I bought the Kindle version and started reading it today.
T
TheRealJuliane
Guest
It was a little late for me to go into a long discussion of the book last night, but I will add a couple of thoughts today, since no one else is chiming in.
I have read and continue to read self-help and books on psychology and especially abnormal psychology and character disorders such as narcissism. Most of them are secular, so when I come across a Christian resource, I am excited to read it. Cloud and Townsend weave their own Christianity through this book (and their others) without making it into a religious book. Christianity is the underpinning for drawing healthy boundaries, and one of the first misconceptions they tackle is that “a good person sacrifices for the benefit of others.” Many Christians have struggled with the concept of what is self-caring v. what is selfish. I think you will have a better grasp of the difference by the time you finish this book.
“I don’t have to live like I don’t matter,” is the take-away from “Boundaries,” along with the reminder that if God wants me to be a martyr, he’ll do the arrangement of that, I don’t have to seek out pain, suffering and abuse just to prove something.
The first chapter paints a very clear portrait of a woman with porous boundaries and I think most of us can relate to her story in some way. Some of us live our lives like that, and don’t really know that there is another way. But the book will lead to a lot of reflection, and hopefully some changes for every person who reads it. Sometimes it helps to have a counselor who can help us start setting up the boundaries, because we’re likely to get “pushback” from family and friends who have become accustomed to using us for their own ends. If we don’t have anyone to back us up, we can lose our resolve when others start to say things like, “You used to be so nice, what’s happened to you?” etc.
Let us know what you think of the book.
I have read and continue to read self-help and books on psychology and especially abnormal psychology and character disorders such as narcissism. Most of them are secular, so when I come across a Christian resource, I am excited to read it. Cloud and Townsend weave their own Christianity through this book (and their others) without making it into a religious book. Christianity is the underpinning for drawing healthy boundaries, and one of the first misconceptions they tackle is that “a good person sacrifices for the benefit of others.” Many Christians have struggled with the concept of what is self-caring v. what is selfish. I think you will have a better grasp of the difference by the time you finish this book.
“I don’t have to live like I don’t matter,” is the take-away from “Boundaries,” along with the reminder that if God wants me to be a martyr, he’ll do the arrangement of that, I don’t have to seek out pain, suffering and abuse just to prove something.
The first chapter paints a very clear portrait of a woman with porous boundaries and I think most of us can relate to her story in some way. Some of us live our lives like that, and don’t really know that there is another way. But the book will lead to a lot of reflection, and hopefully some changes for every person who reads it. Sometimes it helps to have a counselor who can help us start setting up the boundaries, because we’re likely to get “pushback” from family and friends who have become accustomed to using us for their own ends. If we don’t have anyone to back us up, we can lose our resolve when others start to say things like, “You used to be so nice, what’s happened to you?” etc.
Let us know what you think of the book.
B
bmaj
Guest
I read both “Boundaries” and “Boundaries in Marriage” and found them to be excellent. I read them to try to figure out a way to keep my marriage afloat after discovering my husband’s pornography habit. They not only explained ways for wives (or anyone) to set loving, personal boundaries, but they also are written from a caring Christian viewpoint - something which is not often found today.I’ve seen it recommended here. Who has read it? Why did you read it? Did you find it helpful? In what ways?
Thanks
I would highly recommend the series to anyone, male or female, who feels that others may be attempting to control them in any way or disregarding / disrespecting their feelings or needs. They were very helpful to me personally and my marriage.
A
ahs
Guest
I read it and it has been life-changing! I had taken on the role of the enabler (from a very young age) and the “one man down” in my family of origin. When things came to a head recently (about a year or more ago) I found myself lost and my marriage in trouble. I was teetering on the edge of repeating something I had done several years prior…taking the side of kin at the expense of my wife, in order to restore order to my “family”.
I knew it was wrong, I could feel the angst deep down, and I knew something had to change. I went to a Christian therapist and she said, “you’ve got boundary issues…have you ever read Boundaries…”. I read it, in 1 week (for a guy who hates to read, this was a phenomenal event) and went back to the therapist with a whole new perspective on my relationship between me and my family (of origin), and me and my FAMILY (wife and kids). It opended my eyes to SO MANY things that I had just not paid attention to.
Super duper highly recommend it! My wife and I are currently working on Boundaries With Kids.
Just as a note, I was challended on the “catholicity” of this book by a family member. “It was written by non-Catholics, ya know?” I personally have found nothing in their psychology that contradicts in any way with Catholic Teaching. I also contacted a Catholic therapist from CatholicTherpaists.com and aked if they also recommend this book to clients, knowing the authors are not Catholic. They DO.
I knew it was wrong, I could feel the angst deep down, and I knew something had to change. I went to a Christian therapist and she said, “you’ve got boundary issues…have you ever read Boundaries…”. I read it, in 1 week (for a guy who hates to read, this was a phenomenal event) and went back to the therapist with a whole new perspective on my relationship between me and my family (of origin), and me and my FAMILY (wife and kids). It opended my eyes to SO MANY things that I had just not paid attention to.
Super duper highly recommend it!
My wife and I are currently working on Boundaries With Kids.Just as a note, I was challended on the “catholicity” of this book by a family member. “It was written by non-Catholics, ya know?” I personally have found nothing in their psychology that contradicts in any way with Catholic Teaching. I also contacted a Catholic therapist from CatholicTherpaists.com and aked if they also recommend this book to clients, knowing the authors are not Catholic. They DO.
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