I didn’t need to investigate any and every claim made by any given Christian to come to the conclusion that the claims are based on false assumptions. Although I have pretty much done so.
I didn’t need to debate all matters theological with scores of Christians over very many years to come to the same conclusion. Although I have.
I didn’t need to have spent my hard earned money on books by Christians which attempt to prove the unprovable to come to the same conclusion. Although I am the poorer financially for having done so.
I didn’t need to spend many years attending church and being taught by some quite intelligent people about God and the path I needed to take to ensure my salvation to come to the same conclusion. Although I did.
I didn’t need to examine the different interpretations that various denominations have on Christianity or to investigate the different interpretations that people from the same denominations have to come to the same conclusion. But I did.
I didn’t need to spend any time studying the biological and psychological aspects of evolution to come to the same conclusion. But my book shelves are stacked with works from very many experts in those fields.
I haven’t needed to spend a lot of time thinking about how the world works, how I fit into it, what the meaning is of family and friends, what the definition is of a life lived well, how I can be a good person and what that means in the first instance. Although I have.
The reasons why people believe in God and why they become Christians and why they end up in a particular denomination are not, as you might expect me to say, many and varied. They are actually quite limited and all quite straightforward and I have no need nor indeed inclination to refute why someone does believe.
What I need to do, and I have done, and have spend a considerable amount of time doing, is to decide whether their reasons are applicable to me.
They are not.
Not that I want to break apart your well-constructed ideological fortress. I am sure you have worked very hard to create the safe space in your head within which you now live full time, but let me give you my “testimony” – seeing as you so edifyingly gave yours.
Back in my last days of high school in the very late sixties, taking trips, as a famous songwriter once said, “without leaving the farm” was a daily occurrence. It was all fun and dissipation until one day I was plunged into an “altered state” that I have never forgotten. It didn’t last for one day or a few, but for the rest of my life. At first it was utterly terrifying because I was faced with the intense realization that everything I knew or thought was not only untrue but radically false and misconceived.
Call it a “cloud of unknowing” if you wish, but the reality of what truly is suddenly pierced my dark world and showed it up for what it was. I knew instantly that I knew nothing. I didn’t know myself, I didn’t know the people around me and I knew nothing about nothing AND I KNEW it to the deepest marrow in my bones.
So the question – one I have grappled with ever since – is how did I know that when I spent no time learning it, no time discussing it, no time exploring it, but it came upon me like a ton of bricks completely flattening not only my world but everything I had ever thought about it?
Sure, we can spend a whole lot of time, energy and resources constructing ideas and beliefs about the world to make sense of it – and I have tried to do so many, many times since – but in the end the realization always breaks through my cobbled-together facade that what is – the Truth – will simply reduce all of that to straw.
I guess where we see things differently is that you believe that you, within your capacities to think or discover for yourself, can build for yourself a conceptual framework from which to look out at the world and make sense of it. On the other hand, I have no such illusion. What truly is, Being Itself, far exceeds my capacity to know AND, in fact, in an instant can reduce all my profoundest and deepest thinking on any subject to a pile of ash and rubble.
I have faith in the Logos, the I AM, the Christ, precisely because HE and not me is why I am here to begin with. I had no capacity to bring me about in the world, but HE did. I can try to understand better the Truth that grounds all existence and with God’s grace and permission I will encounter Truth more fully, but not by my own efforts and knowledge, nor relying solely on myself because all that I construct eventually is revealed as pure vanity.
God Is Who Is. That is about all I need to know. In an instant he can reveal and create more than I can ever imagine or conceive.