The Case for Young Marriage

[Rach620]

I thought the article was really great and insightful as a social commentary. It did quite evidently lack an understanding of marriage as a sacrament. Yes, it is a formative institution–but it is also a vocation, a sacrament through which God forms us and gives us the gift of His grace. If people enter into the sacrament of marriage with an understanding of what it is and understand that they are committing themselves to their spouse for life, it doesn’t matter if they are 18 or 22 or 30 or older. To discern whether they really have that understanding is not only their job, but the shared responsibility of the rest of us–friends, family, and especially the clergy who are preparing them for marriage.

But back to the article, I think his essential point was that our culture simply is not marriage-friendly any more, and Christians ought to recognize that, as so much of the “Christian” advice given out to people thinking about marriage is colored by the culture. The message we hear everywhere, even from well-meaning family and ministers in the Church, seems to be that we ought to get all of our ducks in a row–and then, only then, start thinking about marriage. That’s just not how it works. There are practical basics that should be taken care of before entering into marriage, but college degrees, high-powered careers, a 401(K) and a mortgage are not prerequisites for the sacrament! And telling young couples in love that they should wait until they have all of these things in order, while at the same time telling them to live chastely, really just ends up being bad advice. It’s apparent to me, at least, that God didn’t design us to find the person He has chosen for our spouse and then wait for years and years before we can give ourselves fully to them. My DH and I dated for about 3 1/2 years before we married at 21 and 22, and we thought that was a long time!

In effect, society has continually delayed the start of adulthood by requiring increased amounts of education. This has had the effect of delaying marriage and children until later in life.

BINGO. My DH and I have discussed this quite a bit, and a professor of mine in undergrad talked about the “bubble of arrested adolescence”. Requiring such extended schooling is NOT family-friendly, nor is it really necessary to do jobs which once were done by quite competent bachelors candidates. Plus, it’s not healthy to start out marriage with mountains of debt from pursuing all of that “required” higher education!

 

[sheilathebard]

My husband and I were married this summer, both at 23. And you wouldn’t believe how often we heard the same comment, “Getting married? But you’re SO young!” They seem to think that 23 years old is pretty much the same as being in diapers.

Now, I will admit that there’s some truth to part of what they say. Getting married when you’re immature is a pretty bad idea. I have friends who still haven’t figured out the basics of their life (for instance, neither has a job) and are still getting married. I worry about them, because once you’re married, mom and dad aren’t nearly as willing to take you back to live in the basement.

But the idea that you can’t or shouldn’t be mature at 23 is just wrong. Some people, at 23, are still in school, living at home in the summers, and their parents are paying for their car or their education. Some people, at 23, have been working and living on their own for years. In our case, we both went to college, decided on our careers while there, graduated, worked for a year, each living on our own and paying our own bills and rent, and then got married. It worked for us. There was a lot of growing up that had to be done throughout that process, but we chose to rise to the occasion the best we could, instead of listening to the people who said, “Oh, enjoy your young days! Go out and party more! Why save at your age?” Or the peers who were out living that lifestyle. We kind of had to be a little counter-cultural.

But, as they say, age is just a number! I would rather be spending the years when I have the most energy with my husband, enjoying life with him, pushing out babies (as my grandma puts it), chasing them around … My mom is still having kids at 45, and believe me, it’s not as easy to keep up with them then! Besides, I want to have a lot, and that takes time. Delay of marriage, not just contraception, is a huge reason for the falling birthrate both here and in Europe.

 

[rotlex]

My wife and I will be celebrating our 20th wedding anniversary this October. I’ll be 42, and she will be turning 40.

I wouldn’t have it ANY other way.

 

[cephas161619]

I wish I could have married young. I’m 27 (an old maid according to my family), and all my other friends were married by 23. But apparently God has another path for me (which is hopefully religious life). It just gets lonely when everyone under 50 in Mass is married, except you. And they expect to help at the Church becasue you are “single and have all this free time.” And the smug marrieds think they are more important than you. Or get the personal questions about why you are not married (the best one is “so, do you have a deformity we can’t see?”).
All of you who married young are lucky, you know what your life is going to be. I still don’t have a clue.

“so, do you have a deformity we can’t see?” ??? Seriously??? They say that??

I feel like I still don’t have a clue either, but I see God acting, and I’m taking it day by day .

 

[MercyMia]

CountrySinger - at 27 you are still a spring chicken!
I got married at 23 (am 25 now) and I have never though it odd when someone wasn’t married. I have plenty of friends and family over the 30 mark that aren’t married and they seem to have plenty of worthy interests to persue. Romantic love is NOT the most important thing in the world, love of God is.