The Chase

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dulcissima said:
Going at the dating thing a little older and hopefully wiser, I decided to ditch the rules. When we were in the getting to know each other phase, before he asked me out, I finally did ask him when he was going to ask me out. When I went on the first date with my boyfriend, I called him on my way home from the date to let him know that I had a good time. Pretty sure that would be considered to be a big no no, but I did it anyway, because no matter what happened, I wanted him to know that I liked him and enjoyed being with him.

A year and half later, the relationship is going great. He is comfortable and so am I. We both put effort into it and are at the point we are talking about marriage.
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*This seems perfectly natural, how things unfolded…I wouldn’t say you hardcore pursued him…you gave him a hint. lol Nothing wrong with that. It’s nice to see that your relationship is going well! *
 
Who came up with the rules anyway?

Is there anything in the CCC that supports “the rules?”

Wilson is codependent an in need of CODA which is why he has friends like House, Amber, etc. Personally I think all problems would be solved if Chase got an anullment based on the fact that is wife never stopped loving House and then his wife fell in love with Chase and the two of them got married and had 2.3 kids. Don’t know which could should only come out as .3 though. Maybe round up to 3 they are doctors they can handle financially.😛
 
This is a fun topic. 😃 In my younger days (18 and such), I used to chase the boys and I never did catch one. 🤷 And as I got older (I am “over 35” now), I tried (much more subtly, of course) to initiate, but of course it never worked. My last relationship-- he pursued me and did all the initiating, and we dated, but he was not the man for me, very nice, very sweet, but I am a bit of a firecracker, and I think if he had gotten to know me better, it would have scared him. :rotfl:

So now, I do not date–not in a position to, and too many bad experiences gone by, but if the right one came along and pursued me. I just might. 😃

My opinion is that it is better to let the man do the pursuing, not that the women are silly and helpless and will get the vapors from being at all assertive, but in a case like me, where I am quite assertive, smart, and at times, have been forced to do manly chores (fixing the roof, pulling out tree stumps). I just don’t want to be the man.

But I will give them signals if need be, oh yes, indeedy.😃
 
SeekingWisdom said:
This is a fun topic. 😃 In my younger days (18 and such), I used to chase the boys and I never did catch one. 🤷 And as I got older (I am “over 35” now), I tried (much more subtly, of course) to initiate, but of course it never worked. My last relationship-- he pursued me and did all the initiating, and we dated, but he was not the man for me, very nice, very sweet, but I am a bit of a firecracker, and I think if he had gotten to know me better, it would have scared him. :rotfl:

So now, I do not date–not in a position to, and too many bad experiences gone by, but if the right one came along and pursued me. I just might. 😃

**My opinion is that it is better to let the man do the pursuing, not that the women are silly and helpless and will get the vapors from being at all assertive, but in a case like me, where I am quite assertive, smart, and at times, have been forced to do manly chores (fixing the roof, pulling out tree stumps). I just don’t want to be the man. **

But I will give them signals if need be, oh yes, indeedy.😃
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*bolded for emphasis, by me

Wow, that’s so well put…👍*
 
Having never seen a singel episode of “House” (for some reason the series scares me, but I watch the new TMNT cartoon, go figure), I have no idea what the “rules” are that are being talked about here, but…

…what are the rules?

I’ve never really “dated.” I have had a very small handful of relationships (only one guy was good, but I didn’t marry him due to wanting to go to college - of the others, I got dumped more than once for refusing to “put out” and one guy would dump me regularly to get laid, only to turn around and come back with his tail between his legs when he got dumped).

In each case, I don’t recall any preamble - no flirting, no dropping signals, just me talking to someone for a while and then asking him, “Are we a couple now?” and getting a “yes” response back from him.

How does a lady let someone know that she’s available? Is that even part of the “rules?”

This whole “dating” thing seems like a horrible waste of time sometimes. I wish for something more relaxed and less stressful, or less confusing. Something that doesn’t require you to reconform yourself for some guy.

Blah.

On the positive side, I’m talking with a very sweet guy online now, and though we’re not a couple by any means, I am re-discovering the fun of making a new friend, and it’s a blast! Even if things don’t work out romantically between him and me, it’s wonderful to know I have made a new, interesting, thoughtful friend.

Maybe that is the real key to a good relationship - what’s your friendship like first?
 
Just_Lurking said:
See here.
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I was going to limit my active involvement in this discussion, but for the sake of our younger readers:

Not saying thank you for a gift is rude. Not returning a call when asked is rude. This doesn’t apply to strangers and creeps, obviously.

Apart from the obvious gag, to the point it’s kind of silly even talking about that kind of book in serious company :p, overall, it’s probably a good thing that it came out. Some of the stuff is clearly manipulative, whereas the rest is kinda like SCA, like a renfair. It’s like when a young man reads a savoir-vivre manual; he’s going to be an idiot for a while, but when he gets over it, it’s going to be fine and there will be some good results. While it’s all eye-rolling in general, there is a couple of refreshing ideas there, actually. Say, women not falling for dumb or disrespectful come-ons (finally), keeping the man interested after the chase etc. In fact, I would very much appreciate it if a woman cared to keep me “crazy”, as they put it.
 
There is only one rule worth remembering:

If men would just remember that women are always right there would be no problems…:rolleyes:

And I am kidding.
 
joandarc2008 said:
There is only one rule worth remembering:

If men would just remember that women are always right there would be no problems…:rolleyes:

And I am kidding.
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I learned that lesson many years ago. It’s why I’ve been happily married for 20 years.
 
Of course - if you have faith then the Lord will have picked that special person for you and there is very little you can do to mess up His plans 😃 unless maybe you are Chevalier and then you should revert back to rule #1.
 
I’m sorry, but it’s the woman who’s man’s helpmate, not the other way round. It actually makes the whole “pursuing” thing worth it. 😃
 
All joking aside - which is what is was - I think two people become each others helpmates. Even in a situation where you have a SAHM or SAHD you can’t say they don’t equally support each other. If they don’t it is kind of like one loses their identity and instead of two becoming one - you have one becoming the other.
 
joandarc2008 said:
All joking aside - which is what is was - I think two people become each others helpmates. Even in a situation where you have a SAHM or SAHD you can’t say they don’t equally support each other. If they don’t it is kind of like one loses their identity and instead of two becoming one - you have one becoming the other.
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Your joke clearly went farther than mine. 😛
 
joandarc2008 said:
I am so sorry, chev. I didn’t mean it. :o
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I know you didn’t! I was referring to rule #1 vs “helpmate”. 😉

The actual reason I’m single is my unwillingness for group association. I’ve only ever been in two organisations: in the one I was the chairman but my membership declaration on paper never existed and in the other… they put me on the list by mistake as far as I know and decided it was fine by me (my law faculty’s grad club). I’m also the chairman (elected) of an election board (with elected membership) that has never gathered in one place and member of another election board (elected) where there’s no chairman because it has never gathered even to choose one. 😛 Despite this propensity for chairing and the allegations by my past coworkers that I can get anything done as long as it involves a people factor, especially a female one (that was a running joke), I just don’t go to groups, get involved in this or that on a regular and enlisted basis and so on.
 
Personally all joking aside again - 😉 - I like my deacons rule #1- do the will of the other and you can’t go wrong.
 
joandarc2008 said:
Personally all joking aside again - 😉 - I like my deacons rule #1- do the will of the other and you can’t go wrong.
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Too will-centred for my taste (I prefer needs and interest in case of mortals), but I see the point and agree with the general vibe.
 
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