The Cycle of Control and Uncontrol

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Hello everyone. I am a 23 year old Catholic man struggling with a cycle of control and loss of it. I doubt that my experience is completely unique, but I have been dealing with it for years now, and am hoping to get some advice for breaking the cycle.

What I mean by control is mastery over my passions, a solid daily routine, healthy eating habits, a good exercise regimen and sleep schedule, and, of course, a consistent prayer life.

This period of time usually lasts somewhere between 1-2 weeks. Then, something sets my life off-balance and the entire thing crumbles like a deck of cards. In the past, things like Final Exams would cause this to happen, but today, even so much as a vacation or late night out with friends can jeopardize everything. It is a sort of ripple effect that happens very quickly. A late night leads to waking up late, which messes up my prayer routine, perhaps my eating habits, my exercise routine, etc. Within a day or two, I have lost all motivation, and become a slave to my most base of passions. I eat more than I should, I get lazy, I become lustful, etc. Sometimes it is something noticeable that derails me, but sometimes I just grow weary, my passions start burning, and I fall apart in all respects–never just one.

Within a few days, my passions have become jaded, I become disgusted with myself, and I resolve to change my life. I go to confession, I start eating healthy, and promise myself that this time will be different. It never is.

My usual prayers include Morning Prayer and Night Prayer from the Divine Offices, sometimes Evening Prayer as well, and Daily Mass about 3 times a week on average. None of these practices have helped me to break the cycle of sin, and I just feel like a slave to my passions. Any advice would be helpful. God bless.
 
I have had a similar problem. I burned myself out trying to blitzkrieg my sinfulness and over-exaggerated the need for works. I honestly think that you’re falling into a religious routine that makes you feel secure, instead of digging into your heart and fixing the root of the problems. External things will never exercise that kind of healing you need, and they’re supposed to proceed forth from the healing.

In other words, it’s not about doing things right, it’s about being made right.

EDIT: Not to mention, like in my situation, sometimes lots of good works actually come from pride. I thought I was a better, more spiritually advanced Christian than I really was and almost destroyed my spiritual life trying to go faster than I could. Maybe you should do less good works and focus on God’s love and grace. Focus on how all proper morals boil down to love.
 
Looking forward to some good answers to this. If I knew the answer, I wouldn’t be sitting here on CAF at 12:20 AM on a work day!

And I am 52 🙂
 
Within a day or two, I have lost all motivation, and become a slave to my most base of passions. I eat more than I should, I get lazy, I become lustful, etc. Sometimes it is something noticeable that derails me, but sometimes I just grow weary, my passions start burning, and I fall apart in all respects–never just one.
A day at a time; ‘‘slipping away’, always trying to grasp… almost have it’; exercise regimen
This period of time usually lasts somewhere between 1-2 weeks. Then, something sets…
Must harden. Varying degrees of… combatedness in life.
 
You’re not alone. I’ve gone through that. In my case it was exaggerated because I was suffering from depression and mood problems because of a thyroid problem etc. But, since I’ve gotten on medication for my thyroid, it still happens.
I think what we both need to cultivate is true humility. I don’t know about you but there’s either one of two sorts of thoughts going through my head when I mess up my good momentum. One is a kind of resentment of God…a kind of thought saying to God, ‘Hey! You didn’t keep me from messing up, this is your fault, not mine, because you didn’t give me enough grace to keep this from happening,’ something along those lines. The other line of thinking is, ‘I messed this up, I’m always going to mess up, what’s the point? Why not just mess up all the time instead of bothering to try at all?’
All of this comes from a lack of true humility.
First, we’ve got to have faith and believe God when he says, ‘my grace is sufficient for you’. In other words, we have to absolutely believe that God always gives us the grace we need to never sin mortally.(Another thing is believing God really loves us with a special love even when we fall, especially when we fall, which has always been a personal struggle of mine.)
That leads us to the second point. We can’t fall into the trap of thinking we’re already at the end of the race. Paul said we have to run the race to the finish for a reason, he said, work out your salvation with fear and trembling for a reason. He knew that we mess up all the time, that a righteous man falls seven times a day. We just have to reconcile ourselves to the fact that we’re not perfect yet…that’s where the real humility comes in. If we see ourselves as we truly are, we see not saints, (even actual saints didn’t see themselves as saints), we see sinners. That can be very uncomfortable, upsetting and discouraging, if we’re honest about it. We like to think we must be near the end so we end up going ahead of ourselves in our arrogance and taking on more than we can handle.
I’m still in the midst of the struggle too. I don’t go as overboard when I mess up but I still succumb to this kind of cycle. I think the only thing we can really do until we become actual saints, is to try to make the cycle shorter and shorter and less and less destructive and out of scale. Instead of going around for a couple of weeks in sin and hopelessness, try to pare it back to one week and so on. Instead of going all out in destructiveness, focus only on the thing that tripped you up and try to isolate it from the other areas of your life until you can deal with it in confession and prayer and practice. Focus on that particular area of failing. First, you have to define what it is. Is it just a fault or a venial sin, is it a mortal sin, is it a sin at all or is it just something I’m not particularly happy with? Then, seek for the remedy.
For example, I was having a huge problem with being short with people, losing my temper, not being very kind when I talked to them etc. I dealt with only that problem for at least a couple of months and no others. I saw what triggered it, I saw what my thought processes were when I did it, I internalized how it made other people feel instead of ignoring their reactions or dismissing their reactions to my behavior, I measured it against the gospel and the saints’ teaching, I prayed through all of it. That was the remedy, just looking at it squarely in the face and seeing how no matter how much I tried to minimize it or excuse myself, how much it really did hurt others and myself and how little I took other peoples’ feelings into consideration. I realized how I prioritized my feelings instead of theirs. But, if I listen to the saints, I should always see myself as lower than everyone else, if I listen to Jesus, I should be their servant, not their equal or their imperious master. So, with all that combined in my mind and my heart, each day got a little better. I kept focusing on it in reading the saints and in my prayers and meditation. I resolved that if I started to feel I was going to lose my temper or say something I shouldn’t, then I would say the prayer of St. Francis of Assisi silently to myself, ‘Lord, make me an instrument of your peace’. I also actually did works of service too. I did things for my family like doing extra cleaning up or very small acts of kindness, even a smile for them when they got home, and that became a part of my prayer and sacrifice to God to help me heal from my sins.
So, if what’s messing you up is a lack of humility (I’m not saying it is that or only that, only you can say that, I’m just giving an example from what I took away from your post), then you should seek the answer. For a certain amount of time, only focus on that. When you go to mass, have that on your heart and meditate on Christ’s humility in becoming so small and giving himself to us in the Eucharist. In your Divine Office, look particularly at parts of the readings that talk about humility in any way. Look at the situations and thought processes that lead you to this lack of humility, to behave in this way. Ask Jesus to change them, and since you are doing the ground work in you spiritual life to change, you will change day by day. Jesus will give you answers, maybe he’ll lead you to a different devotion, maybe he’ll show another devotion or a different way to pray, maybe he will just give you more understanding, a softer heart, a clearer vision of yourself. It will definitely be the perfect thing you need to get back on the Way.
Sorry this post was so long, but I just felt like I could relate a lot to what you’re struggling with. I hope it helps in some small way.
 
I have had a similar problem. I burned myself out trying to blitzkrieg my sinfulness and over-exaggerated the need for works. I honestly think that you’re falling into a religious routine that makes you feel secure, instead of digging into your heart and fixing the root of the problems. External things will never exercise that kind of healing you need, and they’re supposed to proceed forth from the healing.

In other words, it’s not about doing things right, it’s about being made right.

EDIT: Not to mention, like in my situation, sometimes lots of good works actually come from pride. I thought I was a better, more spiritually advanced Christian than I really was and almost destroyed my spiritual life trying to go faster than I could. Maybe you should do less good works and focus on God’s love and grace. Focus on how all proper morals boil down to love.
Me too. I still need regular reminders of my frailty. 😦 I think that this is very pertinent to the problem of not being able to persevere with one’s good intentions, as described by the OP.
 
Thanks, Oren. That was very insightful. I am going to probe my heart to see if a lack of humility truly is the root cause of my struggle. For the most part, I have focused on purity, but perhaps an obsession with the passions is really an underlying desire to control things on my own without the help of God. If this is the case, then humility is what I need. Thank you again for your help, and I wish you all the best in your own spiritual life.
 
Don’t know if this helps (if not, plese disregard), but I am 48 yrs old & I have been going thru this my whole life! The important thing is to not give up. No matter how many times you fall, or how far away you stray, go back & try yet again. Don’t give up on God, because He hasn’t given up on you- He *will *always take you back! And we never really know exactly how He is working on us, and in us. God bless you!
 
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