The Dark Night of the Soul

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Brothers and sister, I’m looking for help in understanding the Dark Night of the Soul. God has lead me from atheist/agnostic to believer to Protestant to Catholic over 5 years. I’ve been Catholic for 3. My family had problems and God got us thru, but it was always more then we could handle, medical bills went unpaid because the money just wasn’t there. I tried to tithe, but my wife was always against it. Since becoming a Catholic, I have had a never ending barrage of problems. Medical problems in my family. I’ve suffered severe depression. My wife left me. God was close and helped me thru that divorce. During the divorce, I prayed for reconciliation and He said no, He promised me another wife. After my divorce I tried dating, once, it was awful. I prayed that If He had someone for me, He would just have to tell me who, which I believe He did. Only she was all for it and now won’t even talk to me. My issues, nobody wants a broken man, I’ve read enough personal ads to know that, I hoped she would be different. She might be someday, but not today. I still believe God will keep this promise but it’s hard because I’m all alone now. I can’t even date because I still believe me and her are suppose to be together. I have a couple friends, but they aren’t great friends, the one does let me have his spare room rent free, which I’m thankful for. God encouraged me to move back in with that friend to save money, I thought it was so I could pay off my debt from the divorce. Soon after moving and after praying for His will in my life all day at work, the engine in my car thru a main bearing, 3000 dollars I don’t have. I lost my job because I can’t get to work. I’m walking to find jobs and the choices aren’t great. Now He’s gone again, depression has set back in. I’m also trying to deal with issues from my past, my father was abusive, physically, emotionally and verbally. My mom was sick a lot, it was years before I realized moms weren’t suppose to be in the hospital that much. I was picked on a lot in school, I know people say everyone was but what I went thru was different. It was all, day everyday. I couldn’t concentrate on school because of it. I also was attacked at school, it was so bad I received severe brain injury I didn’t realize I had till I was dealing with my depression. Short term memory is severely damaged as is the speed at which I process information. I have gone on to not having achieved much in life, except my relationship with God. Which I have to count on because of my issues. While I was a kid I was a believer and prayed a lot, I prayed for a wife at 15, I was so miserable, I didn’t want to live my whole life alone and die alone too. God reminded me of that prayer just before my wife left. I called my pastor and I feel like he brushed me off. I know there’s a lot there and it’s not great writing. Please, some advice, help, encouragement, anything, please
 
God bless you, brother. Having had my own periods of “dark nights” in my life, I can say that as difficult as it is to understand while you’re going through it, these dark nights are blessings. What you are gaining in eternity will more than make up for difficulties in this life.

That said, I have to ask about this statement: “During the divorce, I prayed for reconciliation and He said no, He promised me another wife.” How is it that God “promised” you “another wife?” I have to tell you that this does not follow Church teaching. There is no “other wife.” If you are able to get an annulment, which you may want to consider sooner than later, then you could find “a wife” but not “another wife.”

I’m not a clergyman, but ask your priest and he should tell you the same thing. In the meantime, accept the blessings God has truly given you. Remember, Jesus didn’t say, “Blessed are the successful” or “Blessed are the confident,” He said “Blessed are the poor in spirit,” “the meek,” etc.
 
You have a lot of issues to deal with going all the way back to your childhood. Is there a centering prayer practice in your parish? If so I recommend that you get in touch with the leader see if the discipline is for you.

Here is a link that will get you started (centeringprayer.com/). A centering prayer practice can provide great comfort and help you work through your problems.

Peace be with you.
 
I’m posting an update, I believe I have been going through the Dark Night of the Senses. I have been detaching myself from material things and desires over the last few months. God gave me the ability to get rid of stuff I have clung to for years. Today, I believe, I have cut the last cords of my last few serious desires. The darkness has cleared and Hope, Peace and Love have returned. I know this seems an abrupt change, but it has been going on for months. This morning I was at its darkest point and I was feverishly looking for some solace, which is why I posted the frantic message above.
 
Do you have a Perpetual Adoration chapel in your area? Go and sit before Him and spend time loving Him. You don’t have to say anything, just bask in His Perfect Love. Surrender everything to Him, and let Him heal you. He will do it! Don’t worry right now about the personal ads, finding a wife etc. Just kneel or sit before Him and acknowledge your brokenness. Maybe you can arrange to do this on a weekly basis. Receive the sacraments often. Over time, you will find great healing in your life. If you aren’t doing this already, you can pray the rosary each day. I have found that it brings great comfort! God bless you and I’ll be praying for you!
 
jerome_ky said:
That said, I have to ask about this statement: “During the divorce, I prayed for reconciliation and He said no, He promised me another wife.” How is it that God “promised” you “another wife?” I have to tell you that this does not follow Church teaching. There is no “other wife.” If you are able to get an annulment, which you may want to consider sooner than later, then you could find “a wife” but not “another wife.”
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Me and my first wife were not believers when we were married. We were baptized after our marriage. It was actually during RCIA, when learning about what the Church teaches on marriage, when my xwife stopped going to RCIA, stopped entering the Church and separated from me. God has assured me my annulment will go through. He couldn’t have gotten me through my divorce without it. I clung to my marriage, I feared being alone. My depression was terrible at that point. I most likely wouldn’t be here today without that assurance.

I know what the church teaches about marriage. I also know what many Protestants believe. Catholics have annulment. Many Protestants believe no divorce ever, even if you were an unbaptised non believer. I couldn’t stop my ex wife from leaving, but I know I’m suppose to be married and God has promised me whatever hoops need to be jumped, will be. I didn’t seek the women God dropped in my lap, God just dropped her there and said she will be your wife. To me it feels like Abraham and his son, am I going to trust God even if it seems hopeless. I was losing faith over my Dark period, but it’s back. She will be my wife in a valid Catholic wedding, annulment in place.

Calling my ex wife my wife or something else is irelavent. She is who she is, she is the mother of my three children. I stood before a justice of the peace in a civil ceremony, devoid of any teaching of what true marriage is. I love her, I prayed to be able to love her more for years, but it never came. She was also unfaithful. I say that with great reservation, because I have forgiven her, but it is relevant to the discussion at hand. I was never unfaithful, but had a huge problem with porn before believing again. I burned it all after God helped me believe. I only had a couple small moments I fell back into it over the next few years. Today it disgusts me to much to look at. I hope all that helps you gain some understanding of my situation. God Bless
 
Evania said:
Do you have a Perpetual Adoration chapel in your area? Go and sit before Him and spend time loving Him. You don’t have to say anything, just bask in His Perfect Love. Surrender everything to Him, and let Him heal you. He will do it! Don’t worry right now about the personal ads, finding a wife etc. Just kneel or sit before Him and acknowledge your brokenness. Maybe you can arrange to do this on a weekly basis. Receive the sacraments often. Over time, you will find great healing in your life. If you aren’t doing this already, you can pray the rosary each day. I have found that it brings great comfort! God bless you and I’ll be praying for you!
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I pray the Divine Liturgy almost daily, the office of readings is always particularly good. I try to pray the rosary daily but it’s usually 2 or 3 times a week. I used to go to mass daily but can’t anymore, since I moved. I do go to confession and then mass every Saturday night. We do have perpetual adoration at a church near me but without my own car it’s to far. Till this afternoon, loving God seemed a very impossible thing to do.
 
Blue_Goose said:
You have a lot of issues to deal with going all the way back to your childhood. Is there a centering prayer practice in your parish? If so I recommend that you get in touch with the leader see if the discipline is for you.

Here is a link that will get you started (centeringprayer.com/). A centering prayer practice can provide great comfort and help you work through your problems.

Peace be with you.
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Isn’t there an issue with centering prayer, I remember seeing a sticky post “no centering prayer”. I’m not familiar with this practice.
 
I have to share this, it is by Saint John of the Cross, In Ascent of Mount Carmel. It really hit home for me.

For this reason one must greatly lament the ignorance of certain men, who burden themselves with extraordinary penances and with many other voluntary practices, and think that this practice or that will suffice to bring them to the union of Divine Wisdom; but such will not be the case if they endeavour not diligently to mortify their desires. If they were careful to bestow half of that labour on this, they would profit more in a month than they profit by all the other practices in many years. For, just as it is necessary to till the earth if it is to bear fruit, and unless it be tilled it bears naught but weeds, just so is mortification of the desires necessary if the soul is to profit. Without this mortification, I make bold to say, the soul no more achieves progress on the road to perfection and to the knowledge of God of itself, however many efforts it may make, than the seed grows when it is cast upon untilled ground. Wherefore the darkness and rudeness of the soul will not be taken from it until the desires be quenched. For these desires are like cataracts, or like motes in the eye, which obstruct the sight until they be taken away.
 
Godconvertedme said:
Isn’t there an issue with centering prayer, I remember seeing a sticky post “no centering prayer”. I’m not familiar with this practice.
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Yes, you are correct. This topic is banned by the moderators due to controversy.
 
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