The Death of Pretty (an article on how many women want to be seen now)

[chevalier]

Ah, skinny jeans. Now you’re talking in a language I can understand lol. Yes, those are in style and very common, so if they are part of the “raunchy fashion” you refer to, that helps me see what you mean exactly. Although I will disagree that they are immodest and will say that I own a pair, but at least you are willing to admit that they are a matter of opinion, and not something that can be pegged as officially immoral (like some people).

What do you think of my post 270 on the last page?

Well, let me try: I wouldn’t buy my hypothetical daughter a pair (and I’d prefer looser ones as a matter of what looks prettier to me), though I wouldn’t give her hypothetical mother a silent day for it.

I don’t want to give the wrong impression but after some deliberation I decided it might be helpful to look at some so called haute coutoure (and in some cases little is “haute” (French for high) in some of those things, though certainly haughty), at this page there are some examples of what I have a problem with without being too indecent (let alone close or clear enough pictures) to post a link:

I have a problem with 13 middle, 14 left, 15 left and middle (15 middle with misgivings because it’s very pretty from an aesthetic point of view but still indecent), 16 right (which is dumb first of all)
mixed feelings about 17 right and 13 right, they might be okay but seem a little kinky, which the models’ arrogant expressions aren’t helping (the arrogant expressions are a major factor actually in much of haute couture, as in the same stuff worn by a warmly smiling woman would give a totally different impression)

On this page:

1 middle and 10 middle are a good example of the type of outfit where the way it is worn makes a ton of difference and the outfit’s own properties don’t matter that much

1 right is an example of ??? fashion, as in I don’t have an immediate problem with the midsection but what again is it supposed to express? (and I’d be inclined to see it as immodest or at least suspicious in the western culture)

2 left is an example of shorts that could use some volume and some length, they are just absurdly short and clingy and underwear-like

I’m not offended by the bare arms in 2 right but I’d rather not see the outfit as a prevalent trend in my classroom (and I’ve yet to see any bad stuff in my classroom but all of my students are grown adults) and it probably would be hard for me to regard the wearer as a credible lawyer or accountant or a serious professor

3 left is kinda pretty and not indecent but it does look like the belly line is supposed to attract imagination as some kind of mystery thing and I’d have a problem with that principle

about 4 left and middle (except when middle would serve as a beach dress) something feels to be wrong but I may be mistaken

5 middle isn’t indecent but I see no reason to keep the buttons opened and the bra showing in a professional or city setting, let alone in court or classroom and forget church

6 middle is probably objectively fine, although I’d be inclined to complain about the top part being to sheer (I’ve had enough of study of ancient and exotic civilisations not to see anything objectively wrong in it but it doesn’t strike me as appropriate in a modern western setting).

6 right: make-up gives a completely normal outfit a kinky vibe.

Probably none of the outfits I marked a problem with carries an objective problem with it. But the kinkier it gets, the harder would be to imagine a culture which would inculpably hold it to be acceptable.

 

[Debora123]

Nobody wants to feel unneeded in a relationship. Women too take it hard (possibly harder than men but I don’t know) when they are made to feel unneeded. Also, people who insist on appearing self-sufficient and so complete in themselves (as if they didn’t need community), aren’t really great at making friends (because this is not really about sexuality). A lot of people’s appearances of self-sufficiency are gamed. They are brave facades that they put up to look tough. Admitting the need for others is a step towards normalcy and sanity and humility.

Good post.

I think the reason why some of us are taking this whole “men need to feel needed” mentality kinda hard is because of the way it can sometimes be presented.

The way you put it is perfectly acceptable and completely true. However, the whole notion can sometimes be taken a step too far and turn into a very sexist ideology of women being fragile, helpless, dumb creatures that need a man by her side to make sure she makes it through life ok. I don’t agree with the people who feel this way.

But I completely agree with you on the notion that both sexes need to feel needed, and that it’s good to acknowledge that we, as social creatures, do indeed need each other.

I’d also like to add that I’m not a crazy feminist, and I don’t think any of us here are either. I believe in chivalry. I believe in a man holding the door open for the women, letting them walk in front while in line to communion, and feeling a sense of duty in taking care of them. But such does not need to take the form of a meek, innocent looking girl, as some seem to think.

 

[LilyM]

It goes both ways - there’s a real trend in tv and advertising of portraying men as dumb and somewhat emotionally stunted (helpless and fragile to use your own words) beings who can only be kept on the right track by the smart and capable women in their lives.

Good post.

I think the reason why some of us are taking this whole “men need to feel needed” mentality kinda hard is because of the way it can sometimes be presented.

The way you put it is perfectly acceptable and completely true. However, the whole notion can sometimes be taken a step too far and turn into a very sexist ideology of women being fragile, helpless, dumb creatures that need a man by her side to make sure she makes it through life ok. I don’t agree with the people who feel this way.

But I completely agree with you on the notion that both sexes need to feel needed, and that it’s good to acknowledge that we, as social creatures, do indeed need each other.

I’d also like to add that I’m not a crazy feminist, and I don’t think any of us here are either. I believe in chivalry. I believe in a man holding the door open for the women, letting them walk in front while in line to communion, and feeling a sense of duty in taking care of them. But such does not need to take the form of a meek, innocent looking girl, as some seem to think.

 

[Debora123]

Well, let me try: I wouldn’t buy my hypothetical daughter a pair (and I’d prefer looser ones as a matter of what looks prettier to me), though I wouldn’t give her hypothetical mother a silent day for it.

I don’t want to give the wrong impression but after some deliberation I decided it might be helpful to look at some so called haute coutoure (and in some cases little is “haute” (French for high) in some of those things, though certainly haughty), at this page there are some examples of what I have a problem with without being too indecent (let alone close or clear enough pictures) to post a link:

I have a problem with 13 middle, 14 left, 15 left and middle (15 middle with misgivings because it’s very pretty from an aesthetic point of view but still indecent), 16 right (which is dumb first of all)
mixed feelings about 17 right and 13 right, they might be okay but seem a little kinky, which the models’ arrogant expressions aren’t helping (the arrogant expressions are a major factor actually in much of haute couture, as in the same stuff worn by a warmly smiling woman would give a totally different impression)

On this page:

1 middle and 10 middle are a good example of the type of outfit where the way it is worn makes a ton of difference and the outfit’s own properties don’t matter that much

1 right is an example of ??? fashion, as in I don’t have an immediate problem with the midsection but what again is it supposed to express? (and I’d be inclined to see it as immodest or at least suspicious in the western culture)

2 left is an example of shorts that could use some volume and some length, they are just absurdly short and clingy and underwear-like

I’m not offended by the bare arms in 2 right but I’d rather not see the outfit as a prevalent trend in my classroom (and I’ve yet to see any bad stuff in my classroom but all of my students are grown adults) and it probably would be hard for me to regard the wearer as a credible lawyer or accountant or a serious professor

3 left is kinda pretty and not indecent but it does look like the belly line is supposed to attract imagination as some kind of mystery thing and I’d have a problem with that principle

about 4 left and middle (except when middle would serve as a beach dress) something feels to be wrong but I may be mistaken

5 middle isn’t indecent but I see no reason to keep the buttons opened and the bra showing in a professional or city setting, let alone in court or classroom and forget church

6 middle is probably objectively fine, although I’d be inclined to complain about the top part being to sheer (I’ve had enough of study of ancient and exotic civilisations not to see anything objectively wrong in it but it doesn’t strike me as appropriate in a modern western setting).

6 right: make-up gives a completely normal outfit a kinky vibe.

Probably none of the outfits I marked a problem with carries an objective problem with it. But the kinkier it gets, the harder would be to imagine a culture which would inculpably hold it to be acceptable.

Thanks for posting. I saw all the pics you pointed out.

Honestly, a lot of them are things I’ve never seen anyone walking around in. Which is weird because the top says “fashion trends.” I know a lot of fashion shows show many crazy things that you won’t ever actually see people wearing outside of those cat walks.

I don’t know, maybe they are more prevalent in places like Los Angeles or something lol. Can’t say I’ve ever been there though.

 

[Debora123]

As for your comment on skinny jeans, would it be safe to conclude that you think these look raunchy?

sodahead.com/living/do-you-like-skinny-jeans/question-643923/?link=ibaf&q=&imgurl=http://www.thebudgetbabe.com/uploads/2009/200902/curvy-skinnyjeans02.jpg

 

[francisca]

I feel sad with such article (OP), because such article still show that our culture still unfairly expect “innocence” from women, without really checking why nowadays our women prefers to be “hot”, as if such preference has nothing to do with men. The funny part is men are always the party to complain, while women agree with them.

“If only women dress better, less men fall into temptation” → this is a lie.

The truth is:

If a man do not defend a woman because of her dress/ look, he would not defend her even if she is truly innocent.

 

[chevalier]

The way you put it is perfectly acceptable and completely true. However, the whole notion can sometimes be taken a step too far and turn into a very sexist ideology of women being fragile, helpless, dumb creatures that need a man by her side to make sure she makes it through life ok. I don’t agree with the people who feel this way.

Umm… Dumb is not attractive, nor is it when someone is helpless who has enough intelligence or resources to pull of a solution (although men might be more natural problem-solvers). But sometimes old-fashioned customs are interpreted too far in this way. For example the old-fashioned etiquette to which many people are so attached (myself included) that has the man pull the chair or hold the door or pour the drink has nothing to do with considering the woman unable to do it on her own (and no analogy to supervising a child at the table either). One would need to be a little oversensitive (perhaps for understandable reasons) to arrive at such conclusions. The proper response for a woman who started feeling a need to do something would be to perform an act of kindness for the man in return (e.g. help him with his coat when he’s done helping her with hers, just a random example). In fact, that would be a very classy thing to do (in a large part due to the fact there’s no etiquettal “obligation” for her to do so).

I’d also like to add that I’m not a crazy feminist, and I don’t think any of us here are either.

No, I probably am not striking you as a radical feminist, am I?

I believe in chivalry. I believe in a man holding the door open for the women, letting them walk in front while in line to communion, and feeling a sense of duty in taking care of them. But such does not need to take the form of a meek, innocent looking girl, as some seem to think.

Of course not and the woman can always decline going first (smile “No, you go first, I insist.”) or return whatever gesture it was (e.g. the man gets up and circles the tablet around to pour the woman some coffee, after a while she does the same for him) or some other act of kindness, manifesting that she too is a chivalrous person (at which point the man should feel very honoured and singled out in a positive sense, and definitely not entitled to service in the sense of waiting on him). The fact that this is not obligatory and that manners guides won’t mention it doesn’t mean there’s no room for it. At any rate, chivalry doesn’t oblige the woman to sit passively. She just can if she chooses.

Innocent-looking is fine by the way. Doesn’t mean she’s weak or anything. Any if she’s in need of protection, she entitled to it anyway. We should probably all strive to look innocent, not as in weak or naive but as in uncorrupted (not yielding to corruption) and holy. I take it that you might be ever so slightly prejudiced towards the word or notion of “innocent”. No need to.

 

[chevalier]

As for your comment on skinny jeans, would it be safe to conclude that you think these look raunchy?

sodahead.com/living/do-you-like-skinny-jeans/question-643923/?link=ibaf&q=&imgurl=http://www.thebudgetbabe.com/uploads/2009/200902/curvy-skinnyjeans02.jpg

I would first of all be interested to know the reason why so many women love them (especially considering that the thought of putting something equally skinny on fills me with horror). The “curvy-skinny” in the URL is already making me at least slightly prejudiced and as I look at the picture I don’t see anything inherently wrong, and they aren’t actually as skinny as the white trousers that male soldiers wore as part of their uniform for much of the 18th and 19th centuries (those actually required the help of two fellow soldiers to put on )… Still, at least on the black lady they look a bit too much like tights (pantyhose) rather than trousers, that is like something that would perhaps be worn under a pair of trousers or a skirt, with an outer layer of clothing being missing in this case, as if a man paraded around the town in a union suit (he’s got everything covered and probably isn’t particularly titillating but come on)… or remember Robin Hood: Men in Tights? But I suspect this has little to do with modesty actually (taste maybe?), and even little to do with sexuality. Since we talk about pretty, I’d add that something less skinny, perhaps bell trousers or something with a crease, would look better, much more flattering and, well, prettier. Definitely more attractive to me as a man, for example, while at the same time less sexual (in the sense that very clingy clothing is somewhat sexual maybe not in the moral sense but in the sense of TMI or privacy, by how much it shows, regardless whether it’s attractive or titillating or both or neither).

 

[Debora123]

I take it that you might be ever so slightly prejudiced towards the word or notion of “innocent”. No need to.

No, no prejudice towards innocence in any sense. I’m just not too crazy with the notion that a girl should ideally have that sort of look to her. Every girl looks different and every guy has a different taste in appearances. None is better than the other, and I myself don’t have the “innocent” look to me, neither is it really my style, as evident in my pics.

 

[francisca]

Women don’t have to be smart, or innocent, or any other expectations in order to please men. Women just have to learn to love and respect themselves (NOT so in order that men respect us, no no no no no no no. We do not even give it a damn if they respect us or not !!!)

Even if we are naked, men still bound to respect us. Our ancesters were naked, many savages are still naked. Yet they treat their women with respect. Naked or clothed doesn’t matter. You expect innocence from women, be innocent yourself man.

 

[Debora123]

I would first of all be interested to know the reason why so many women love them (especially considering that the thought of putting something equally skinny on fills me with horror). The “curvy-skinny” in the URL is already making me suspicious and as I look at the picture I don’t see anything inherently wrong, and they aren’t actually as skinny as the white trousers that male soldiers wore as part of their uniform for much of the 18th and 19th centuries (those actually required the help of two fellow soldiers to put on )… Still, at least on the black lady they look a bit too much like hose rather than trousers, that is like something that would perhaps be worn under a pair of trousers or a skirt, with an outer layer of clothing being missing in this case, as if a man paraded around the town in a union suit (he’s got everything covered and probably isn’t particularly titillating but come on). But I suspect this has little to do with modesty actually, and even little to do with sexuality. Since we talk about pretty, I’d add that something less skinny, perhaps bell trousers or something with a crease, would look better, much more flattering and, well, prettier.

I see. So it’s not a matter of you thinking they actually look raunchy… you just don’t think it looks very good.

To answer your question, I don’t like skinny jeans anymore than I like boot cut or flares. I have one pair of skinny jeans because it is the only style that allows me to wear boots over top… And I like that look.

 

[chevalier]

No, no prejudice towards innocence in any sense. I’m just not too crazy with the notion that a girl should ideally have that sort of look to her. Every girl looks different and every guy has a different taste in appearances. None is better than the other, and I myself don’t have the “innocent” look to me, neither is it really my style, as evident in my pics.

Yeah, everybody of the one sex has a different look and of the other a different taste (to be inclusive … but I’ll still not use the word “they” with a singular verb, ever! not even though canon law refers to a priest as “they” in at least one canon sorry, I digress ). What I meant with “innocent” was I perceived some apparent hostility, as in not actual hostility but a quick, decided and a little emotional reaction whenever someone mentioned it, as well as negative vibe in the way you used it.

 

[Debora123]

Women don’t have to be smart, or innocent, or any other expectations in order to please men. Women just have to learn to love and respect themselves (NOT so in order that men respect us, no no no no no no no. We do not even give it a damn if they respect us or not !!!)

Even if we are naked, men still bound to respect us. Our ancesters were naked, many savages are still naked. Yet they treat their women with respect. Naked or clothed doesn’t matter. You expect innocent from women, be innocent yourself man.

Haha. Your last sentence is pretty great. I agree that both men and women should respect each other regardless of appearances.

 

[chevalier]

Women don’t have to be smart, or innocent, or any other expectations in order to please men.

With all due respect, neither do men need to please women. It’s just that if we don’t want to be single we need to please somebody of the offer sex enough that he or she will marry us and stay married. And we need to learn to cooperate with people of the opposite sex at least so that the society can continue to function.

We do not even give it a damn if they respect us or not !!!)

That is sad actually. I would never dare presume to say that I “don’t give a damn” whether women respect me.

Even if we are naked, men still bound to respect us.

Yes, of course, and the other way round. Doctors of either sex know that pretty well, as well as any group of people deprived of privacy for reasons not of their choosing.

Our ancesters were naked, many savages are still naked. Yet they treat their women with respect. Naked or clothed doesn’t matter.

Indecency doesn’t begin with nudity. Indecency begins with sexual liberation, as in liberation from the sixth commandment (which applies not only to the most obvious physical adultery but also to the way we interact with the opposite sex, including what kind of attention we seek from others, or give them). Wearing a burkha or a three-piece suit does not prevent indecent behaviour. Anything can be perverted with the wrong intention.

You expect innocence from women, be innocent yourself man.

I suppose nobody would be innocent if we all waited for somebody else to make the first step.

 

[Debora123]

Yeah, everybody of the one sex has a different look and of the other a different taste (to be inclusive … but I’ll still not use the word “they” with a singular verb, ever! not even though canon law refers to a priest as “they” in at least one canon sorry, I digress ). What I meant with “innocent” was I perceived some apparent hostility, as in not actual hostility but a quick, decided and a little emotional reaction whenever someone mentioned it, as well as negative vibe in the way you used it.

Only for the reasons I have already explained. I’d feel the exact same way If it was some other type of look being idealized (sexy look, sporty look, exotic look, etc etc), while bashing the other looks.

 

[chevalier]

Only for the reasons I have already explained. I’d feel the exact same way If it was some other type of look being idealized (sexy look, sporty look, exotic look, etc etc), while bashing the other looks.

I see. Well, I don’t see innocence as just a style (as in manifestly withdrawn and shy, somewhat 1890 or otherwise anachronous on purpose?). That would only be an appearance of innocence and wouldn’t be worth much. What I see as a good and desirable thing is when external impression reflect the inward innocence and vice versa. I tend to think I see it when I see clothing that seems to draw from the person’s own dignity and perhaps adorn him or her than when I see clothing that seems to rely on physiological aspects of human sexuality (e.g. by using scientific knowledge of what type of exposure and of what makes the sex drive of the opposite sex to stir), no matter which sex the person is. Thus I’d see innocence in the sporty look, the exotic look (dark and exotic shouldn’t be automatically associated with whatever dark thoughts someone might be having) but not the sexy look. And if I so someone alternate between the “innocent look” (as in something that consciously focuses on manifesting innocence) and the “sexy look”, it’d be mind-boggling to me. I admit I’d feel insecure as a man in such a situation, if the person were a lady I were seeing.

 

[GraceDK]

I feel sad with such article (OP), because such article still show that our culture still unfairly expect “innocence” from women, without really checking why nowadays our women prefers to be “hot”, as if such preference has nothing to do with men. The funny part is men are always the party to complain, while women agree with them.

“If only women dress better, less men fall into temptation” → this is a lie.

The truth is:

If a man do not defend a woman because of her dress/ look, he would not defend her even if she is truly innocent.

I totally agree with you. Men help just as much to foster the demand for sexy looks. Tonight my sister told me one of her very young colleagues just got “new breasts”. The young girl felt low selfesteem because she had small breasts. Guess what. Her brother was the one who told my sister about this and he, as well as everyone in his family, had encouraged the young lady to get breast implants.

And no, don’t tell me she was afraid what her girlfriends would say if she stayed the way she was, an otherwise beautiful girl, but without porneffect apparently, until now.

I was ever so sad to hear this. Girls are victims of this body-cult culture and they have to constantly live up to totally extreme things… Makes me really sad how stupid men and women can be. Then I see how men even on CAF look at pornography and say how they can only fall for girls with such and such body shapes, and I am… I don’t understand how such people can think there isn’t a lot of resentment and lack of trust going on, even among christian men and women, when the animality and fear of being disliked is so strong in this show- and competition culture. Yuk is all I can say… In my view men are not the victims and they need to clean up their own act.

And women gotta stop letting themselves be driven by low selfesteem ,accept their own looks, and recognize the demonic influences in our culture. Women need to be solidary with women and not flaunt their private parts at other women’s men, or getting all sort of distorted things done to their bodies so that less and less women dare to look normal and different from that sick artificial man-dream.

My best friend once said he was often embarrased at his own gender, because he felt his male friends were driven so much by primitive drives and objectified women.
I also once met a guy who repeatedly refused to enter a room if his pal was waching pornographic movies in there, and he refused to watch sex scenes in movies. Because of these few men, I have hope still that there are some who are not total idiots.

 

[chevalier]

I totally agree with you. Men help just as much to foster the demand for sexy looks. Tonight my sister told me one of her very young colleagues just got “new breasts”. The young girl felt low selfesteem because she had small breasts. Guess what. Her brother was the one who told my sister about this and he, as well as everyone in his family, had encouraged the young lady to get breast implants.

And no, don’t tell me she was afraid what her girlfriends would say if she stayed the way she was, an otherwise beautiful girl, but without porneffect apparently, until now.

I was ever so sad to hear this. Girls are victims of this body-cult culture and they have to constantly live up to totally extreme things… Makes me really sad how stupid men and women can be. Then I see how men even on CAF look at pornography and say how they can only fall for girls with such and such body shapes, and I am… I don’t understand how such people can think there isn’t a lot of resentment and lack of trust going on, even among christian men and women, when the animality and fear of being disliked is so strong in this show- and competition culture. Yuk is all I can say… In my view men are not the victims and they need to clean up their own act.

And women gotta stop letting themselves be driven by low selfesteem ,accept their own looks, and recognize the demonic influences in our culture. Women need to be solidary with women and not flaunt their private parts at other women’s men, or getting all sort of distorted things done to their bodies so that less and less women dare to look normal and different from that sick artificial man-dream.

My best friend once said he was often embarrased at his own gender, because he felt his male friends were driven so much by primitive drives and objectified women.
I also once met a guy who repeatedly refused to enter a room if his pal was waching pornographic movies in there, and he refused to watch sex scenes in movies. Because of these few men, I have hope still that there are some who are not total idiots.

Does the fact I refuse to watch a sex scene in a film, even if I have a woman sitting next to me and laughing at me for it change anything? I wouldn’t normally bring this up but I’d like you to see a different angle.

I too am sad for the girl you wrote about. (While it’s not true that her surgery will make her more attractive to all men, nope, just some (too many anyway) and the less refined they are the more likely the “porn effect” to work on them.) However, not all of what’s bad in our oversexualised culture can be blamed on men. A lot of misunderstanding is caused by the fact that attraction and relationships between the sexes are complementary and not symmetrical, hence plenty of shifting the blame around.

Because of these few men, I have hope still that there are some who are not total idiots.

I’m sure you didn’t mean it this way but it wasn’t really pleasant to me as a man, to hear that perhaps not all men are total idiots.

 

[Nate13]

I totally agree with you. Men help just as much to foster the demand for sexy looks. Tonight my sister told me one of her very young colleagues just got “new breasts”. The young girl felt low selfesteem because she had small breasts. Guess what. Her brother was the one who told my sister about this and he, as well as everyone in his family, had encouraged the young lady to get breast implants.

And no, don’t tell me she was afraid what her girlfriends would say if she stayed the way she was, an otherwise beautiful girl, but without porneffect apparently, until now.

I was ever so sad to hear this. Girls are victims of this body-cult culture and they have to constantly live up to totally extreme things… Makes me really sad how stupid men and women can be. Then I see how men even on CAF look at pornography and say how they can only fall for girls with such and such body shapes, and I am… I don’t understand how such people can think there isn’t a lot of resentment and lack of trust going on, even among christian men and women, when the animality and fear of being disliked is so strong in this show- and competition culture. Yuk is all I can say… In my view men are not the victims and they need to clean up their own act.

And women gotta stop letting themselves be driven by low selfesteem ,accept their own looks, and recognize the demonic influences in our culture. Women need to be solidary with women and not flaunt their private parts at other women’s men, or getting all sort of distorted things done to their bodies so that less and less women dare to look normal and different from that sick artificial man-dream.

My best friend once said he was often embarrased at his own gender, because he felt his male friends were driven so much by primitive drives and objectified women.
I also once met a guy who repeatedly refused to enter a room if his pal was waching pornographic movies in there, and he refused to watch sex scenes in movies. Because of these few men, I have hope still that there are some who are not total idiots.

First off I agree with all your points here. There is a belief out there though that women are the ones who set the rules and make the standards. In other words men are only as good as women require them to be. From a purely biological outlook I think this is the case. A pursuer will only be as good as he has too, in order to catch what he is after. A cheetah wouldn’t run 60mph if 30mph was all it needed to be successful at hunting. Yes, this is a very raw, broad way to look at it but it is the biological imperative. Things have changed some and it is not always the men that are chasing the girls, sometimes its the girls chasing after the men. I think in general the standard holds though and women retain that power over men if they only stepped and took the power they have slowly been giving up for the last 50 years.

 

[chevalier]

First off I agree with all your points here. There is a belief out there though that women are the ones who set the rules and make the standards. In other words men are only as good as women require them to be. From a purely biological outlook I think this is the case. A pursuer will only be as good as he has too, in order to catch what he is after. A cheetah wouldn’t run 60mph if 30mph was all it needed to be successful at hunting. Yes, this is a very raw, broad way to look at it but it is the biological imperative. Things have changed some and it is not always the men that are chasing the girls, sometimes its the girls chasing after the men. I think in general the standard holds though and women retain that power over men if they only stepped and took the power they have slowly been giving up for the last 50 years.

Men can and should have standards too. And sometimes they need to (which is not to say “X or Y is too bad for me”, in fact, it’s rather painful because the brain has to do what the heart loathes to). For what’s worth it, men have themselves to blame partly for things that happen to them since they allow them to happen, as opposed to refusing to tolerate them. A lot of bad things that happened to me resulted from my just not putting my foot down and sticking for the right thing. So yeah, I have myself to blame.