The decision to buy a house

[holyrood]

Just looking for (name removed by moderator)ut.

I’m a single mother of a large family, with a somewhat erratic income of 1) child support which will steadily drop–no spousal support; 2) self employment; 3) teaching at a community center which can wax and wane depending who signs up for classes, and typically does drop significantly three months of the year.

My goal is to buy a different, cheaper, house for many reasons. 1. My mother chose this house, it’s not me, nothing I ever would have chosen. 2. Get my kids farther from my parents, who I believe are a bad influence. 3. Get rid of my mortgage altogether. 4. I’d love to get my kids and myself into a small town.

My reason for #3 (apart from the obvious, wouldn’t everybody love to do that?) is so I can reduce my work hours in order to be with the kids more and deal with some of their needs that right now, I’m scrambling to deal with and not meeting as well as I could, given more time. Also, being home with them more would allow me to focus more on my self employment, which is what is really going to support me in the future more reliably and better, than the teaching.

I look at houses constantly and sometimes even go out to see some of them. Sometimes I find what’s a great deal, something I really like, and I hesitate because it’s a long way out from my work and friends here. Because then I start to worry what if something more perfect comes along a month after I buy that one? Or what if my ex-husband suddenly moves out of state (as I know he wants to do) and I’m free to move anywhere (given a choice, I’d leave the state, too, and yes, I know that contradicts what I said about the thought of moving so far from friends). I start to worry what if I suddenly meet someone with whom I have a future (and yes, I can see in black and white that obviously I wouldn’t be marrying anyone next month anyway, and if/when that happens, we simply sell one house.)

I’m just looking for any words of wisdom to help put some of these worries and fears in perspective, and gain some peace and ideas in choosing wisely as I make my decisions about housing.

Thank you.

 

[manualman]

There’s a lot to be said for living cheaply. but then again, a cheaper house sometimes is that way for a reason. Old houses often come with big maintenance bills. On the other hand, they often also have simpler systems (few roof variations, back-back plumbing, etc).

My only advise is to make sure you look at the important stuff, not the decorating. Harder than it sounds! Making lists and notes helps.

 

[Cat]

Have you considered renting a house in a small town instead of buying one?

It seems to be a wise option with your rather uncertain finances. You still get all the advantages you are looking for (find a house more to your preference, be further away from your parents, get rid of your mortgage, live in a small town), but without the long-term financial obligation and the impending specter of foreclosure should your financial situation go bad on you. Also, you’re not responsible for any repairs ($$$)!

My brother owns several houses in several small towns. Many are older homes that he rehabs and rents out, often to families who are building a big new home, but want to move into the town before the home is finished so they can get their children settled into the schools.

There must be other houses for rent in small towns, because surely other investors do the same thing my brother does–rent to those who are building their own new home.

 

[Mrs_Sally]

Before you worry too much about buying a new house, I’d make sure the house I had now will sell well. You can always rent if your current house sells before you find something you like, and renting might be a good idea anyway so you can see how things work out at the new location.

Do you have a realtor to help you sell the house you have now? The housing market can be volatile and you want every advantage when it come time to sell - from knowing what repairs you should make, to when to put it on the market, to how to price it.

Good luck!

 

[holyrood]

I won’t be renting. That would be trading mortgage for rent. The goal is to have no monthly cost for my home at all. Hence the desire to buy a cheap older home. Cash or close to cash down, and selling my current home would be cash in hand. The goal is to have more time with my children.

I guess what I’m really struggling with is…is it wise to move and buy at all? Should I just be grateful that I have a roof over my head and hold tight until…I guess that’s just it. The future is so uncertain that I don’t even know what ‘until’s’ I’m waiting on. But I just have this fear I’m going to go through all the hassle of buying and selling and then everything will turn on its head and I’ll be faced with selling and moving again. And yet I realize if I do nothing, I could spend the next 20 years in a house I never chose, paying more mortgage than I really want to, at the expense of being there for my kids as much as I potentially could be.

 

[Cat]

I won’t be renting. That would be trading mortgage for rent. The goal is to have no monthly cost for my home at all. Hence the desire to buy a cheap older home. Cash or close to cash down, and selling my current home would be cash in hand. The goal is to have more time with my children.

I guess what I’m really struggling with is…is it wise to move and buy at all? Should I just be grateful that I have a roof over my head and hold tight until…I guess that’s just it. The future is so uncertain that I don’t even know what ‘until’s’ I’m waiting on. But I just have this fear I’m going to go through all the hassle of buying and selling and then everything will turn on its head and I’ll be faced with selling and moving again. And yet I realize if I do nothing, I could spend the next 20 years in a house I never chose, paying more mortgage than I really want to, at the expense of being there for my kids as much as I potentially could be.

Since you’re asking for opinions, I think you have a lot of good reasons to move, and if you can swing buying a home for cash, why not?

I’m sure you already know that older, cheaper homes can be sinkholes for money. OTOH, if you are savvy, you might be able to buy a perfectly good home at a very cheap price.

My caution to you is to not count on a move to fix any deep-seated problems. You can’t escape from problems. You have to deal with them.

E,g., the home that you are currently in is not your preference. I assume this means that you would rather live in a Cape Cod than a ranch, or something like that? And that’s fine. However, sometimes when you move into a new place, you recognize that the style you thought you would like is not really as great as you thought it would be. Sometimes it’s not the house style that we are searching for, but an “image” of that style that has been imprinted into our mind.

An example of this would be buying a Victorian home because we grew up watching Mary Tyler Moore and loved the old home that she and Rhoda and Phyllis lived in. Victorian homes are indeed lovely, but they are a ton of work and cost a lot to maintain. They also have some architectural quirks that can be hard to live with day after day.

So what we discover is that it wasn’t the Victorian home that we were longing for, but the whole “Mary Tyler Moore” life–the young, single, beautiful girl in the big exciting city working at a fun job earning a decent income and doing lots of fun things with fun people and having adventures with no children and no husband and no real responsibilities or conflicts."

If none of this applies to you, then just ignore it. Obviously I don’t know you personally, and so I’m only speculating based on your OP and your reply, and fully I realize that I could be totally off!

The main thing is, make sure that you are moving for good reasons, not to escape from problems that you don’t want to deal with. .

 

[Xantippe]

If you move to a small town, I think you should rent first for a couple of years, just to see if it’s what you want (unless there’s some sort of compelling tax reason to buy sooner). You might, for instance, discover you can’t stand the locals, or that the public schools are not adequate for your children’s needs.

We moved to a new town 6 years ago and for the initial period, I was very smitten with a well-maintained neighborhood of 80 and 90-year-old homes. I stalked the internet real estate listings and prowled the older neighborhood on foot. However, we eventually purchased a house that is much newer and walking distance to my husband’s work. We won’t need a second car, the maintenance should be much less fiddly and expensive than a 1920s Tudor or Spanish Colonial, the energy efficiency is better, and we will have less commuting time and better access to events. Also, the area we chose is not sandwiched between major roads. Anyway, a different person might have made a different choice, but it took a long time to figure out what really would be best for us. If we had bought immediately, we would have made a totally different and less-informed choice.

Also, the longer you wait, the less house you’ll need, so you do gain by waiting.

Best wishes!

 

[gardenswithkids]

Do you intend to sell your current home and then buy the next home with cash? If not, your self-employment and erratic income may make it difficult or impossible to obtain a mortgage with the current lending policies.

Putting a home on the market and trying to sell it when you have a large family living in it sounds difficult. But having cash in hand to buy the next house without waiting for lender approval puts one in a better place for negotiating a better price. My husband and I have been looking at homes for over a year. Cash sales have gotten some great deals on homes we looked at–one even snatched a home out from under us as our lenders dragged their feet beyond the time on our purchase contract!

Don’t forget that the cost of real-estate agent fees take about 6% or so on the sale of your home, so that will eat away at some of your equity on your current home. It’s far cheaper to find a place you like the first time around and stay put rather than to pick up and move. Buying and selling homes cost money.

Is your current home something you could rent for less the cost of you renting another place? As my husband and I ponder a move to a different town, I’m considering renting our current home rather than selling it, (especially in a depressed housing market where our home is barely worth what we paid for it and put into it in home improvements). I hesitate to let go of a home that we mostly like and that is in good working order to try some unknown. Once it’s sold, it’s hard to get back what you had and you may not like the next home or the next place as much as you think you will.

Moving is hard. You have to give up something in order to get something else. As the line in an old song goes, “You don’t know what you’ve got 'til it’s gone.” Even if you love the new place, there will be things about the old place that you will miss.

 

[holyrood]

Also, the longer you wait, the less house you’ll need, so you do gain by waiting.

Best wishes!

This is one thing I’m considering. I found a great home, great deal, last spring. It was everything I’d always wanted for this big family. Somebody else made an offer, and I have been feeling down about it ever since. But I did realize that in five years, it would have been down to just me and three boys in that huge house, and in ten years, maybe only me with 8 bedrooms. Yes, it did have perfect office space, a perfect little room off another that would have been a library or maybe a small ‘chapel.’ I had envisioned having rehearsal space for music there, my home studio, and maybe foster children in the future, since I would have had room.

But I also realized I might be alone in a huge house. It’s part of what makes the decision hard. Part of why I keep telling myself I might be wiser to just sit tight where I am and appreciate what I have.

 

[holyrood]

Since you’re asking for opinions, I think you have a lot of good reasons to move, and if you can swing buying a home for cash, why not?

I’m sure you already know that older, cheaper homes can be sinkholes for money. OTOH, if you are savvy, you might be able to buy a perfectly good home at a very cheap price.

My caution to you is to not count on a move to fix any deep-seated problems. You can’t escape from problems. You have to deal with them.

E,g., the home that you are currently in is not your preference. I assume this means that you would rather live in a Cape Cod than a ranch, or something like that? And that’s fine. However, sometimes when you move into a new place, you recognize that the style you thought you would like is not really as great as you thought it would be. Sometimes it’s not the house style that we are searching for, but an “image” of that style that has been imprinted into our mind.

An example of this would be buying a Victorian home because we grew up watching Mary Tyler Moore and loved the old home that she and Rhoda and Phyllis lived in. Victorian homes are indeed lovely, but they are a ton of work and cost a lot to maintain. They also have some architectural quirks that can be hard to live with day after day.

So what we discover is that it wasn’t the Victorian home that we were longing for, but the whole “Mary Tyler Moore” life–the young, single, beautiful girl in the big exciting city working at a fun job earning a decent income and doing lots of fun things with fun people and having adventures with no children and no husband and no real responsibilities or conflicts."

If none of this applies to you, then just ignore it. Obviously I don’t know you personally, and so I’m only speculating based on your OP and your reply, and fully I realize that I could be totally off!

The main thing is, make sure that you are moving for good reasons, not to escape from problems that you don’t want to deal with. .

All wise words. That the home is nothing I would have picked is the least of the issues. Just one more thing. No, the two main reasons are to get rid of the monthly expense, and to put distance between my kids and my parents. I’ve posted before about some of the things that go on in the family. I’m sure I posted about my nephew’s behavior last May, and my older kids’ reaction to it. They’re learning from my parents and sisters that these things are acceptable. I’ve found out in the past that my parents have been in my home without my knowledge, and that they invite the kids out to lunch or dinner without so much as telling me. These things are all sending messages to my kids.

I would like an older home, probably a Victorian, although I’ve never watched Mary Tyler Moore. I’ve always liked them, the heavy woodwork, the built-ins, etc. What are their architectural quirks?

 

[Cat]

All wise words. That the home is nothing I would have picked is the least of the issues. Just one more thing. No, the two main reasons are to get rid of the monthly expense, and to put distance between my kids and my parents. I’ve posted before about some of the things that go on in the family. I’m sure I posted about my nephew’s behavior last May, and my older kids’ reaction to it. They’re learning from my parents and sisters that these things are acceptable. I’ve found out in the past that my parents have been in my home without my knowledge, and that they invite the kids out to lunch or dinner without so much as telling me. These things are all sending messages to my kids.

I would like an older home, probably a Victorian, although I’ve never watched Mary Tyler Moore. I’ve always liked them, the heavy woodwork, the built-ins, etc. What are their architectural quirks?

I think your reason of wanting to get away from toxic family is a good one. I have often advised people on CAF to MOVE to get away from situations that are toxic. Godspeed to you.

Here’s a good summary of “quirks”: mentalfloss.com/article/24378/quick-10-10-quirks-old-houses. 3,4,5, 7, 9, 10 are the ones I’ve seen in Victorian houses. Kind of cool, actually! The drawbacks are drafts and cold, high ceilings in the attics (which means that the attic isn’t usually insulated), and really dicey plumbing! Also, there’s the wiring–sometimes it was hobbled together by a home handy man, and electricians will pronounce your home a “deathtrap!” Hoo, boy.

Unless the place has been renovated, you can have a frustrating time dealing with all these things. But if the home has been re-noed, it is really cool to have all those interesting historical features.

 

[Cyndir]

Check out the USDA rural development. They finance and will reduce your mortgage based on how many children you have and your income. We did this after leaving the mission field. Thanks be to God we have the income now to not need the suppliment!

 

[holyrood]

Those are all quirks I’d love!

Thanks for the information on the USDA program. I looked over a few pages, and I suspect I might not qualify.

What I think I need is a ‘bridge loan,’ and I’m told those are not so easily come by these days.

 

[Xantippe]

holyrood said:

“What I think I need is a ‘bridge loan,’ and I’m told those are not so easily come by these days.”

They’re also dangerous, should you be unable to sell your old house for whatever reason.

I know it’s a pain, but please sell your old house before buying a new one.

 

[white_sheep]

Sounds to me like you’re getting it all figured out.

 

[holyrood]

holyrood said:

“What I think I need is a ‘bridge loan,’ and I’m told those are not so easily come by these days.”

They’re also dangerous, should you be unable to sell your old house for whatever reason.

I know it’s a pain, but please sell your old house before buying a new one.

Xantippe, between kids and instruments (I’m a professional musician and have dozens, some quite large), it would be incredibly difficult to move into a rental for a short time. I harbor some hopes that XH will rent it, which a realtor friend tells me will help matters.

White sheep…I wish. I waver back and forth, some days telling myself I need to just settle in and accept that I’m not going anywhere for awhile. But it seems to me that house prices are inching up again, and child support will be dropping, which also means now is the time to do it.

 

[Xantippe]

holyrood said:

“Xantippe, between kids and instruments (I’m a professional musician and have dozens, some quite large), it would be incredibly difficult to move into a rental for a short time.”

You could lose literally tens of thousands of dollars if a house deal went bad (for instance if you had a bridge loan and then were unable to sell your old house). Financially speaking, it’s a disaster waiting to happen, particularly for a single mother of a large family.

We recently were forced to move twice within the space of a single calendar year. We were buying a house and our sellers wanted an extra year and we had to move from a long-term rental to a one-year rental and then into the house were buying (and we did it the first time with me not allowed to lift anything because of pregnancy complications and the second time with a 7-month-old baby). It was kind of terrible both times (I think it took me 6 months to totally move into the one-year rental and I had to drive my husband to work with the baby just about every day), but within half a year of all that year of chaos, it’s only a memory. I certainly wouldn’t want to do a one-year rental in your shoes, but a two or three year rental while figuring out the town would be a really good idea (and you would ideally be able to save a lot of money). You might find that your new neighbors are really standoffish and insular and be really relieved that you haven’t actually bought a house there. Meanwhile, with every year that goes by, your need for space will be going down and down.

You may be able to find exactly what you need and buy immediately, but it’s huge, expensive gamble. I would definitely suggest you start going to the parish you have an eye on and “moving” yourself there (if this is geographically feasible) and then and only then moving houses or maybe even getting a job there while staying in your current house. It may turn out that your idyllic little town is insufferable. Or it may be great.

Best wishes!

 

[white_sheep]

Xantippe, between kids and instruments (I’m a professional musician and have dozens, some quite large), it would be incredibly difficult to move into a rental for a short time. I harbor some hopes that XH will rent it, which a realtor friend tells me will help matters.

White sheep…I wish. I waver back and forth, some days telling myself I need to just settle in and accept that I’m not going anywhere for awhile. But it seems to me that house prices are inching up again, and child support will be dropping, which also means now is the time to do it.

I meant I support your ideas from the op and that your plan and reasoning seems solid. Gotta strike while the iron’s hot.

 

[YADA]

You say you won’t rent - but want to use the money from this house to buy your home and not have a mortgage …

Your posts infer that your income is at times less then you need at times and there is little extra

You want to spend less time working in order to spend more time with your children …

You want to move to a small town but fear the long drive to work …

And you expect to meet someone some day and marry …

Wow … that is a huge list of desires …

First - if you have not already done so - begin the annulment process … that way if Mr Right comes along - you will be prepared … but without that decision in hand you may or may not be able to pursue that relationship …

Second - even owned homes come with expensive repairs … our home had to have the septic system replaced this last year = $7,000 … thus - if you have not saved for emergencies maintenance and repairs - you could be facing a huge financial setback and one that may make selling you house less profitable … luckily - we had savings - it took nearly all of it … but we had it

If you are certain you want to move ahead with your plans - selling you house now and renting - short term - is a good first step. For one - you will have certainty in your next purchase - as in you will know how much house you can purchase to be mortgage free. And if you have no emergency fund - you should plan for funding that in addition to your home purchase.

Also - even though the real-estate market is rebounding - not all houses and not all areas are … you could find the perfect house - and not be able to sell yours soon enough and you do not sound as if you could handle financing your new house until you could sell the existing one - and even if you got someone to loan you the money - it would be the set up to financial ruin. Look for rent that is less then your current mortgage, homeowners insurance and property taxes … utilities you will have in either place - unless some are covered in your rent …renters insurance is cheaper then homeowners insurance - so there is built in savings there

If you are looking to move to a small town location - look for work there … consider work that might pay more - be part time and stable, - remember - it is often easier find a position while you have one - then be unemployed and looking … consider making a job change as part of the changes you have - and since you are depending on your work to provide for your family - you will need to think both short term and long term for your living needs - saving for the future - retirement planning etc …

Get some help with monthly budgeting - when income is tight and uncertain - families to feed - a realistic budget and regular savings [no matter how small that amount may seem] are extremely important

 

[Xantippe]

I’m a fairly new homeowner and only have 3 kids, but I would feel very uncomfortable not having $10k in cash savings at all times–and with a larger family, a larger emergency fund would be a very good idea. In the course of a year, a major emergency (i.e. something in at least four digits) in your situation is practically a certainty. And from what you’ve said, your family support system is poor.

Go slow!