ok…that may all be true. At some point you will have to decide what kind of life YOU want to live, what kind of Christmas Traditions YOU want to have and you will have to put on your big kid pants and do the deal.
My father was the big guilt tripper - the guy who was always going to kill himself or leave forever or blah blah blah…when I was 31 (note how long it took me to grow up, please) I took one of his rants seriously and told him so - I said, “Dad, I believe you. I absolutely believe that you are going to kill yourself. I need to hang up so I can call 911”. Now, I could say that to him because I knew, in my heart, that he was NOT going to kill himself (he was far too selfish and self-centered to ever harm himself). He even called my bluff one time and was so shocked when the paramedics showed up at his house he never, EVER threatened suicide to me again.
When I got sober, my first sponsor had me make my amends to my father first. It was incredibly liberating. I could look him in the eye for the first time in many, many years. I still had to learn how to say “Nope, cannot do that” with love and not out of bitterness or as a way to teach him a lesson and I made plenty of mistakes, but I am going to tell you that when he died (ten days after coming home to the Holy Mother Church) he was 78 years old and I was the ONLY one of his three children with whom he had a good relationship.
Your mother is what she is and you are going to have to find a way to love her without letting it suck you into a black hole of despair and anger. I am going to suggest you read about St. Margaret of Costello…if that woman could love her parents, all of us can love our parents.
You are loved!
