The Fourth Commandment & parental abuse

[EphelDuath]

I have a friend named Jane. Her biological parents both sexually abused and tortured her until she left her home country and came to the U.S. Her foster parents beat her and emotionally abuse her.

How can I advise her to “honor her mother and father”? Even thinking about her biological parents can induce nausea in her, and her foster parents have been the cause of several mental breakdowns for Jane. I really don’t know what to tell her; she seems completely legitimized to do nothing for any of her parents but pray for their salvation.

God bless.

 

[nicolep]

So sad that parents would do a thing to another human being let alone their own child.

Honoring our parents doesn’t mean we have to speak to them or allow abuse to continue. She has every right (even a duty) to not allow herself to be in a position to be abused again. Never speaking to them or seeing them again doesn’t mean she’s dishonoring them.

If they want forgiveness, she should probably listen and extend forgiveness (with a lot of work on her part). Forgiveness doesn’t mean she then has to be around them or let them be involved in her life.

If she lives her life and lets them live their’s (not running around trying to sabotage everything they do), I say she’s honoring them the best she can.

Edit - Is she still with the foster parents? If so, she needs to speak with her case worker. She’ll be removed from that home immediately. I am a foster parent. There is a zero tolerance (rightly so) for any sort of abuse. She doesn’t have to stay there.

 

[EphelDuath]

She goes to college which is paid for by her foster parents, so she doesn’t want to completely disown them. I hear lately they’ve been trying to make a change but I’m hearing conflicting things about it.

 

[nicolep]

That’s really strange. The state should be paying for her college. The foster parents need not be involved at all.

 

[karow]

Edit - Is she still with the foster parents? If so, she needs to speak with her case worker. She’ll be removed from that home immediately. I am a foster parent. There is a zero tolerance (rightly so) for any sort of abuse. She doesn’t have to stay there.

My thinking 100%.

 

[surfinpure]

I believe in this case the obligation means simply to pray for their souls and avoid dishonoring them (particularly making public their sins or discussing them with people who don’t need to know). If making contact means abuse or emotional trauma, she should avoid contact. We are not required to keep harmful people in our lives, even if they are related to us.

 

[Rascalking]

Being a Christian doesn’t mean being stupid. Tell her to stay away from these people. Parents or not, you don’t need to keep getting abused.