the fourth commandment

[1Ptr22]

Is it ever morally acceptable to break the fourth commandment to honor your mother and father? What if a person’s parents are abusive? Is it a sin if an adult doesn’t want to have a relationship with a parent that has been and continues to be abusive? And does it depend on the type of abuse in question (ie: physical vs emotional)?

I have done a lot of research on what the obedience to the fourth commandment entails, so I know what is owed to parents. What I want to know is if there is ever a case that would be an exception.

 

[Irish_Girl_68]

I have to say it depends upon the interpretation of “honor” before you can determine if one is being disobedient to the commandment. If my parent tells me its OK to do something immoral and I disagree and don’t do it, is that dishonoring them and thus breaking the commandment? In the situation(s) you gave, I do not believe a child is morally obligated to continue a relationship with a parent if it is physically or psychologically damaging. I do think the child has an obligation to maintain an openness to a relationship with the parent. Should the parent’s behavior change, I think it would be morally wrong for the child to deny the parent/child relationship.

 

[jpaul]

Is it ever morally acceptable to break the fourth commandment to honor your mother and father? What if a person’s parents are abusive? Is it a sin if an adult doesn’t want to have a relationship with a parent that has been and continues to be abusive? And does it depend on the type of abuse in question (ie: physical vs emotional)?

I have done a lot of research on what the obedience to the fourth commandment entails, so I know what is owed to parents. What I want to know is if there is ever a case that would be an exception.

i am both a son (to my living parents, of course) and a father to my 3 sons. our experiences tell us that no parents are perfect. but also are the children. both parents and children are prone to any kind of repeated wrongdoing, mistakes and sins. it is a burden that we all carry while still here on earth.

but the 4th commandment is uncoditional. it is even the 1st commandment from GOD with a promise. if a son or daughter fails to honor his or her imperfect father or mother, he fails to honor the GOD who made the commandment. saint paul said, “honour your father and mother- this is the first commandment with a promise: so that it may be well with you and you may live long on this earth” (ephesians 5: 2-3).

it is not always easy to respect an imperfect parents, but let all children understand that parents don’t live forever. by now, they may be old, broken and abandon. let me end this with sirach 3, "do not glorify yourself by dishonouring your father, for you father’s dishonour is no glory to you… my child, help your father in his old age, and do not grieve him as long as he lives… for kindness to a father will not be forgotten, and will be credited to you against your sins, in the day of your distress it will be remembered in your favour… (verses10 and following).

 

[GratefulFred]

Some definitions of HONOR: dignity, esteem

**1. **high regard or great respect given, received, or enjoyed;
**2. **a keen sense of right and wrong; adherence to action or principles considered right; integrity [to conduct oneself with *honor]
**3. **to respect greatly; regard highly; esteem
**4. **to show great respect or high regard for; treat with deference and courtesy

DEFERENCE suggests a display of courteous regard for a superior, or for one to whom respect is due, by yielding to the person’s status, claims, or wishes **in deference to his age ]

Our biological parents are not always our social parents. And too many of us have a series of social parents. Some parents see us as their sacred duty to God to raise us correctly with true LOVE. Some could not be bothered with us at all. Many try to do right by us but often, caught up in their own struggles, they don’t do as well as we think they should have done.

Parent(s)not good enough: If I am too selfish, I may see my parents best efforts as not being good enough for me. I should Honor their best efforts and not revile them because they did not do more, in my opinion.

Most of us get to be parents and then we learn that being the perfect parents we expected for ourselves is very hard to attain and maintain.

Unloving parent(s): Regardless of my parents intent at the moment of conception, or commtiment to each other and me in my developing years, I AM HAPPY TO BE ALIVE. Life is a great gift. I must Honor the givers of that gift by at least NOT hating either one of them. I can pray for them asking God to help them in their needs.

Old age parents: Just as someone took care of me when I was incapable of taking care of my young self, and just as I may need care again when I am old, I really cannot, in fair play, resent being called upon to care for my ageing parent(s) if that need arises.

There are, I think, degrees of Honor. It is easy to Honor (respect) good parent(s). The Commandment deals with those who did not measure up, objectively or subjectively in our personal opinion. We should not hate. We should not revile. We should pray for their needs, especially their eternal salvation.

 

[PJM]

=1Ptr22;6712702]Is it ever morally acceptable to break the fourth commandment to honor your mother and father? What if a person’s parents are abusive? Is it a sin if an adult doesn’t want to have a relationship with a parent that has been and continues to be abusive? And does it depend on the type of abuse in question (ie: physical vs emotional)?

I have done a lot of research on what the obedience to the fourth commandment entails, so I know what is owed to parents. What I want to know is if there is ever a case that would be an exception.

***Notice how Christ ties “love of neighbor” and honor for parents togeather.

Matt.19: 19* “Honor your father and mother, and, You shall love your neighbor as yourself.”

I suspect the answer lies not “in honoring” but in loving. It falls under the catagory of “hate the sin; but love the sinner.”

I pray that this makes sense to you and lessons your pain?

Because “LOVE” is a conscience decision; it’s possible “to love” without liking.**

Love and prayers

 

[crenfro]

Here’re some words from the Catholic Catechism:

2218 The fourth commandment reminds grown children of their responsibilities toward their parents. As much as they can, they must give them material and moral support in old age and in times of illness, loneliness, or distress. Jesus recalls this duty of gratitude.23

For the Lord honored the father above the children, and he confirmed the right of the mother over her sons. Whoever honors his father atones for sins, and whoever glorifies his mother is like one who lays up treasure. Whoever honors his father will be gladdened by his own children, and when he prays he will be heard. Whoever glorifies his father will have long life, and whoever obeys the Lord will refresh his mother.24

O son, help your father in his old age, and do not grieve him as long as he lives; even if he is lacking in understanding, show forbearance; in all your strength do not despise him. . . . Whoever forsakes his father is like a blasphemer, and whoever angers his mother is cursed by the Lord.25

2222 Parents must regard their children as children of God and respect them as human persons. Showing themselves obedient to the will of the Father in heaven, they educate their children to fulfill God’s law.

2223 Parents have the first responsibility for the education of their children. They bear witness to this responsibility first by creating a home where tenderness, forgiveness, respect, fidelity, and disinterested service are the rule. The home is well suited for education in the virtues. This requires an apprenticeship in self-denial, sound judgment, and self-mastery - the preconditions of all true freedom. Parents should teach their children to subordinate the "material and instinctual dimensions to interior and spiritual ones."31 Parents have a grave responsibility to give good example to their children. By knowing how to acknowledge their own failings to their children, parents will be better able to guide and correct them:

For me, the words “as much as they can” is key. You don’t want to confirm someone in their abuse by just being a doormat and taking it, but you do need to honor them.

That’s my understanding though. Maybe it’d help to ask one of the apologists on this website. My parents have been abusive towards me, but I decided to call them once a week since I live far away - across the country-- from them. I didn’t want to become an old bitter person and forgiveness helps me let go of resentment. However, I can’t talk to them for too long or visit much because of the distance and because it reopens old wounds. I try to always say “I Love You” to each of them. I know it isn’t much, but at this time, with God’s help, it’s all I can do.

 

[crenfro]

I need to qualify my previous post.

Things have gotten much better with my parents and me since I started trying to behave myself better in regard to the 4th commandment.

We talk now, on the phone, and it’s kind of nice. And I worry about them.

Sometimes I think this commandment is underrated.

Sorry to be so verbose. Thanks for listening.

My parents have been abusive towards me, but I decided to call them once a week since I live far away - across the country-- from them. I didn’t want to become an old bitter person and forgiveness helps me let go of resentment. However, I can’t talk to them for too long or visit much because of the distance and because it reopens old wounds. I try to always say “I Love You” to each of them. I know it isn’t much, but at this time, with God’s help, it’s all I can do.

 

[FightingFat]

I need to qualify my previous post.

Things have gotten much better with my parents and me since I started trying to behave myself better in regard to the 4th commandment.

We talk now, on the phone, and it’s kind of nice. And I worry about them.

Sometimes I think this commandment is underrated.

Sorry to be so verbose. Thanks for listening.

Wow! That’s great! Well done!!