The husband as head of the family

[Miserissima]

g00dgirl , my heart goes out to you.

I like what budgie2 sais, “…it would be a question of if my devotion to Christ in the Eucharist was greater than my devotion to my husband.” That’s powerful stuff.

When my husband and I were going through marriage prep, we picked up a couple of Catholic wedding guides. Did you know that Catholics don’t have the father “give away” the daughter, because that’s an unnecessary symbolism of a male over a female?

In fact, although the roles of a man and woman in a Catholic marriage are not egalitarian, they are complimentarian (think separate in nature but equal in value). And the husband isn’t the head of the home, Christ is.

I don’t usually spend too much time on AmericanCatholic.org, but here’s a relevant excerpt from Friar Jack’s E-spirations:

**What is the Church’s definition of the Sacrament of Matrimony? **
Following is the Church’s official definition of the Sacrament of Matrimony: is this: “The matrimonial covenant, by which a man and woman establish between themselves a partnership of the whole of life, is by its nature ordered toward the good of the spouses and the procreation and education of the offspring; this covenant between baptized persons (two Catholics or one Catholic and one baptized Protestant) has been raised by Christ the Lord to the dignity of a sacrament” (CCC, # 1601).

What are the aspects of this lifelong covenant?
**b) “It establishes between them a partnership.”
**The “partnership” aspect of marriage is obviously an important part of the couple’s life together. Neither person should think he or she is dominant over the other, even though each will have gifts and talents the other does not. In fact, leadership in a marriage may move from one partner to the other times because of circumstances that may occur such as sickness or loss of a job. If we keep in mind that each person is created equal in the image and likeness of God, husband and wife will recognize the equality of the other. The marriage vows are the same for both.

 

[Miserissima]

g00dgirl , my heart goes out to you.

I like what budgie2 sais, “…it would be a question of if my devotion to Christ in the Eucharist was greater than my devotion to my husband.” That’s powerful stuff.

When my husband and I were going through marriage prep, we picked up a couple of Catholic wedding guides. Did you know that Catholics don’t have the father “give away” the daughter, because that’s an unnecessary symbolism of a male over a female?

In fact, although the roles of a man and woman in a Catholic marriage are not egalitarian, they are complimentarian (think separate in nature but equal in value). And the husband isn’t the head of the home, Christ is.

I don’t usually spend too much time on AmericanCatholic.org, but here’s a relevant excerpt from Friar Jack’s E-spirations:

**What is the Church’s definition of the Sacrament of Matrimony? **
Following is the Church’s official definition of the Sacrament of Matrimony: is this: “The matrimonial covenant, by which a man and woman establish between themselves a partnership of the whole of life, is by its nature ordered toward the good of the spouses and the procreation and education of the offspring; this covenant between baptized persons (two Catholics or one Catholic and one baptized Protestant) has been raised by Christ the Lord to the dignity of a sacrament” (CCC, # 1601).

What are the aspects of this lifelong covenant?
**b) “It establishes between them a partnership.”
**The “partnership” aspect of marriage is obviously an important part of the couple’s life together. Neither person should think he or she is dominant over the other, even though each will have gifts and talents the other does not. In fact, leadership in a marriage may move from one partner to the other times because of circumstances that may occur such as sickness or loss of a job. If we keep in mind that each person is created equal in the image and likeness of God, husband and wife will recognize the equality of the other. The marriage vows are the same for both.

Take a look at he 3 page Theology of Marriage in the Catholic Church from the Archdiocese of Atlanta. (.pdf format). It will help you to stay strong in your convictions. We’re all behind you!

 

[Shin]

g00dgirl , my heart goes out to you.

I like what budgie2 sais, “…it would be a question of if my devotion to Christ in the Eucharist was greater than my devotion to my husband.” That’s powerful stuff.

When my husband and I were going through marriage prep, we picked up a couple of Catholic wedding guides. Did you know that Catholics don’t have the father “give away” the daughter, because that’s an unnecessary symbolism of a male over a female?

In fact, although the roles of a man and woman in a Catholic marriage are not egalitarian, they are complimentarian (think separate in nature but equal in value). And the husband isn’t the head of the home, Christ is.

I don’t usually spend too much time on AmericanCatholic.org, but here’s a relevant excerpt from Friar Jack’s E-spirations:

Take a look at he 3 page Theology of Marriage in the Catholic Church from the Archdiocese of Atlanta. (.pdf format). It will help you to stay strong in your convictions. We’re all behind you!

It is the teaching of Christ, and that is the Church that the husband has the greater authority in the marriage than the wife, and his emphasis is the leadership role while hers the support. Certainly there are exceptional cases, and times when the man knows to step aside, but that is simply part of how it works – One has greater authority and the final word as a standard, before any exceptional matters.

It is the key to a happy marriage to have the male assume his proper responsibility, whether he wishes to or not, and the wife to see that he fulfills it and be his support.

'Therefore, husbands, do you preserve a tender, constant, hearty love for your wives. It was that the wife might be loved heartily and tenderly that woman was taken from the side nearest Adam’s heart. No failings or infirmities, bodily or mental, in your wife should ever excite any kind of dislike in you, but rather a loving, tender compassion; and that because God has made her dependent on you, and bound to defer to and obey you; and that while she is meant to be your helpmeet, you are her superior and her head. And on your part, wives, do you love the husbands God has given you tenderly, heartily, but with a reverential, confiding love, for God has made the man to have the predominance, and to be the stronger; and He wills the woman to depend upon him, - bone of his bone, flesh of his flesh,-taking her from out the ribs of the man, to show that she must be subject to his guidance. All Holy Scripture enjoins this subjection, which nevertheless is not grievous; and the same Holy Scripture, while it bids you accept it lovingly, bids your husband to use his superiority with great tenderness, lovingkindness, and gentleness. “Husbands, dwell with your wives according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife as unto the weaker vessel.”

St. Francis de Sales, Bishop & Doctor of the Church

Observe again that Paul has exhorted husbands and wives to reciprocity. . . To love therefore, is the husband’s part, to yield pertains to the other side. If, then, each one contributes his own part, all stand firm. From being loved, the wife too becomes loving; and from her being submissive, the husband learns to yield.’

St. John Chrysostom, Bishop, Doctor, and Father of the Church

The audio sermons in the links below on marriage are truly wonderful and I heartily recommend them to all couples and those contemplating marriage.

They explain the why behind the above, and all the wonderful good that is in it – and give greater insight into human nature than the world has, showing how God made men and women.

 

[Shield]

Hello g00dgirl, (please read, you’re not alone)

I am a protestant man dating a very devout Catholic woman. We have been together for 3 years. The first two years were the most difficult, I can remember many arguments that ended in tears.

I love her so much I will do anything for her so for the last 3 years I have been researching the Catholic faith so I can better understand her and her relationship with God. After three years of relentless research I have just barely scraped the surface. There is much to learn and understand about Catholicism, much of it I had to humble myself and attend all Catholic functions with her to fully understsand. That includes EVERY Mass (Latin and English), Wedding, Baptism, Preist Ordination, Catholic fund raisers, and on and on and on. My first Catholic Mass was in Latin at a Monestery said by monks in the middle of nowhere…it was weird for me.

So after three years I am still a protestant and she is still a Catholic, but I now appreciate Catholicism much more. Everything is not wierd to me anymore, most of it makes sense. It’s hard for me to believe that your boyfirend knows everything about the Catholic church, it’s mysteries are deep and many must be experienced first hand. I don’t know if I’ll ever convert, but one thing is for sure, I will NEVER ask her to convert to protestantism. I pray every day for God to help us. Despite what many protestants say, Catholicism is good, it’s holy, and it’s Christianity, I don’t want her to leave that.

As a man, and a future leader of a family, it is my duty to fight for my woman. That means I have to always do what is in my womans best interest. I have to do what protects her, even if that means humbling myself and honoring her relationship with God. That may mean I have to convert someday, I don’t know, I’m still trying to figure that out. There’s really no easy answer.

I’m sorry if I wasn’t much heIp, I just wanted you to know that you’re not alone. And from a Protestant to a Catholic, please, please, please, don’t leave your faith as a Catholic. Not for anyone. All men should fight for their women, and fight for what is best for their women, even if it hurts.

Please pray for us, we will pray for you.
-Shield.

 

[BiologyBrain]

g00dgirl - I feel for you and hope things can be resolved one way or another.

1. Its noble of him to say he’ll ‘give way’ to you by becoming Catholic, but words are cheap. I don’t mean to sound cynical, but in my experience, someone who doesn’t really want to do something & just ‘gives way’ in conversation, isn’t really going to follow through.
2. Be proud of your Catholicism and don’t let him make you feel uncomfortable and/or wrong. You are doing what you’ve been taught and what is right. Keep standing up for your faith and if you feel stumped on a particular issue - research it.
3. Ask him why he won’t convert (or even consider it) if he ‘knows everything’ about Catholicism. Perhaps you could ask him for the particular differences he sees in his Baptist faith vs your Catholic faith. If you don’t have quick answers for him, ask him to let you research it. Also, make sure you emphasize that the Catholic faith is very historical, complicated, and long-winded. There is no way anyone (even the Pope) can know everything about the faith. Most of us (even the Pope) can only touch the tip of the iceberg. We are all children of God and God will always be a mystery to us.
4. Don’t fret over-much about whether you two will get married or not. Sometimes the answers to our prayers isn’t what we want and/or intended. However, God is our ultimate provider and knows what’s best for us - even if we disagree. You may be called to convert your boyfriend, or you may be intended for a devout Catholic man you have yet to meet.
5. Mixed marriages are HARD. I’m married to a non-baptized non-religious man. I don’t think he signed a contract or anything, but he did verbally agree to raise our children in the Catholic faith. However, while we were dating & engaged he was also attending RCIA. He actually even went so far as to sign the book (making him a catechumen as opposed to just an observer). However, after we got married, he stopped attending RCIA & shortly thereafter stopped attending Mass with me regularly. (The reason for my statement in #1.)

He’s a good man and although we don’t necessarily fight over religion (since he doesn’t have a preference), we do disagree on some issues of morality. He’s been told (by the priest that married us… grrrr ) that since he’s not Catholic he’s under no obligation to follow the ‘Catholic’ rules - even though he implied &/or said he would when we were dating/engaged. We have a 16 month old son who is growing up w/o his daddy attending church. Its hard on me b/c church has always been a family affair and that’s what I was lead to believe (love is blind and naive). Its also hard because I’m unsure whether our son will be willing to continue attending with me (if my husband doesn’t convert) when he reaches the age of objections/reason. I also worry about my husband’s soul. However, I love him deeply and I am devoted to giving my all to God - even if it means running in place on this issue.

1. Pray to God - together & separately - for a resolution to this situation. Perhaps it would be beneficial to find a meditation garden or some neutral ground where you can both sit and address God in front of one another. If you’re talking to God perhaps you can avoid the shortfalls of arguing (and crying) over the topic. Perhaps if he sees your true passion and desire for him - not just to be Catholic, but to be a full member of Christ’s body - he’ll be more open to at least discussing the matter.
2. Don’t let him throw scripture at you that doesn’t particularly mean anything to your situation. You guys aren’t married, therefore the ‘submit’ part isn’t in effect. Also, he’s leaving out the portion about the man loving his wife as God loves him (and her). He’s forgetting the part about making sacrifices for one another, but never placing one another in danger. Of course, he may think that Catholicism is the path to hell (some Baptists do), so he may think he’s ‘saving’ you from the evil Catholic Church. In that case - RUN far far away!
3. There are a good number of similarities between different sects of Baptists and/or Christians and Catholics. Sometimes if you’re unfamiliar with your own faith (even a little) a passionate non-Catholic can persuade you its all the same. However, in general they (like you) only know a portion of their faith. They will be weak in another area where you might be strong in your faith. Don’t let it get you down on yourself or the Church. Be confident and trust in God to help you through. Pray to the Holy Spirit to guide your words and thoughts when in discussions like that.

Good luck!

BTW My husband is somewhat the head of our family, but generally on moral issues he defers to me b/c he knows his own weaknesses. I think that is truly the meaning of the scripture your boyfriend quoted. Let each spouse play up their strengths for the betterment of the marriage/family.

 

[sixofseven]

I’m marrying a non-baptised, non-Catholic later this year. It is a tough road but I believe God brought us together for a reason. I pray for him and his family every day (his father was Catholic).

The only thing I would raise in reference to the scripture he has quoted to you - is that just as wives should submit to their husbands, husbands must love thier wives as Christ loved the Church - and what did Christ do for His Church? - he totally sacrificed himself for Her, to glorify Her and gives Himself to Her for eternity.

I also read somewhere, and I wish I could remember, that God created woman FOR man, FROM man because man NEEDED a helper. Our role as women, whilst not as great as being the head of the family, is to be the neck - to support. Sometimes that support is in guiding the head too.

If he’s going to sling Scripture quotes at you you can always use ‘that is why a man leaves his father and mother and clings to his wife’…

A priest once said that any non-catholic person marrying a Catholic will be sanctified by God for marrying that Catholic. Remember that Christ can work on other people, through the faith of others.

Keep praying for him, trust God, and even if it doesn’t work out it only means that there’s something better out there for you.

 

[eucharisteo]

First, I left the Church to something similar only reversed. I am the man. My wife’s family has a very conservative Christian family. They were bent on converting me and pulling me away from the wicked snares of Satan by becoming a priest. I was discerning a vocation. He too, even though well meaning, will ultimately try to pull you away from your seemingly strong faith. My faith was strong, though I had many doctrinal issues I hadn’t worked through but that’s another story. Hard advice. Walk away before you put any more in this relationship. I assure you that it will be filled with much pain. I know from not only my own parents but also my own. I honestly would never do what I did if I could do it over, yet I do love my wife dearly. Only she ended up pulling me back to the Catholic Church kicking and screaming… but it wasn’t just her it was learning about the ancient church father’s writings that converted me. I wanted to become an Eastern Orthodox Christian if I had my way back then. Now my formerly anti-Catholic wife is the most Catholic woman I know. But not having a huge Catholic family is difficult. They just found out we converted to Catholicism and it wasn’t pretty at first. Fortunately, we’re older and thye let us off the hook for now after finding out, which is unusual. My guess is that they are waiting to attack us just at the right time to try to bring us back to the truth. To them we are walking dead in some sense. Not all but most.

If you are already having this much difficulty with the relationship on this matter then you better consider counseling by a priest and seek private advice from an orthodox priest. A good priest would tell you NOT to marry someone that will give you a difficult time with your Catholic faith by constantly trying to convert you. Ultimately, in your weakened state of mind and yearning for unity you’ll end up giving most likely. Weather he believes he knows Catholicsim or not makes no difference except that he really can’t know the truth. You can’t walk away from truth without putting your soul on the line. So if he knows the truth then he’s a gonner so to speak. If he doesn’t get it, most likely, then how can you reach him without encountering problems later on. Then there is something you haven’t really put out there yet…children. You need to think about the children right now that you do not have yet. How will this disunity affect your children. I can tell you first handedly that it ultimately cost my older brother his life and my little brother’s twice attempt at taking his own. I struggle with the same issues only that my faith keeps me going forward. It’s not worth the pain and agony you’ll put your children through. That’s my opinion. Take it or pray for it. Your choice.
God bless.