The importance of apologies?

[Binary]

A friend of several years recently told me that she considers apologies to be worthless. She thinks this is so because 1. Apologies often don’t repair the damage that has been caused, and 2. she thinks people are intentionally careless or selfish because they think “Well whatever I do, I can just apologize for it and that will get me out of trouble.”

I think #2 can be dismissed as obviously false for most people, but I really don’t know how to respond to reason #1. Is an apology incomplete without an attempt at compensation? What if compensation is impossible? What should an apology mean to the one being apologized to? If I say anything to her, should I try to convince her of the value of forgiving, or apologizing, or both?

 

[Malcolm_McLean]

A friend of several years recently told me that she considers apologies to be worthless. She thinks this is so because 1. Apologies often don’t repair the damage that has been caused, and 2. she thinks people are intentionally careless or selfish because they think “Well whatever I do, I can just apologize for it and that will get me out of trouble.”

I think #2 can be dismissed as obviously false for most people, but I really don’t know how to respond to reason #1. Is an apology incomplete without an attempt at compensation? What if compensation is impossible? What should an apology mean to the one being apologized to? If I say anything to her, should I try to convince her of the value of forgiving, or apologizing, or both?

Normally the material damage isn’t what is important. If someone scratches my car deliberately I am likely to be a lot more upset than if I do the same damage in an accident. So an apology is in fact what is necessary - I can get an aerosol easily enough to spray over it.

If the damage is the significant thing, and it is in the apologiser’s power to repair, then justice would say that the offender should make good the loss. To refuse to do so would to cast doubt on the sincerity of the apology.

We are commanded to forgive. It is a lot easier to forgive someone who recognises that he has done wrong and asks for forgiveness, that someone who doesn’t. So even if restitution is impossible, as after a murder, it is always worthwhile the offender making some act of contrition. It may be perceived as cynical and manipulative, particularly after a very serious offence. You cannot force someone to forgive you.

 

[awalt]

If apologies were not fundamentally important, then why does God ask us to do so with Him in reconciliation? That’s all Confessions really is…so I think we can take a lead from God and treat our neighbor the same way!