The issue of forgiveness

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jerseygirl12491

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I have been struggling with this for a while. When Jesus said to forgive those who have tresspassed against us, does that mean to move on as if nothing happened? well, let me explain my issue.

A month ago, my very best friend was ignoring me and going behind my back about a difficult decision which I feel I handled correctly. (I was in charge of a segment of a vacation bible school, and her younger sister was causing a lot of trouble and making a mess and distracting the rest of the kids, and so of course I told her what she did was causing everybody a lot of grief and politely asked her to stop.) When i asked my friend why she was avoiding me(she promised to help me out at the VBS and suddenly stopped with no explanation), she said that I was mean and rude and that she didn’t want anything to do with me. I was shocked, and I cried a lot about it, and prayed too. I came to the conclusion that it was for the better, that I am better off knowing what she thinks and moving on.

But yesterday my friend called and I wasn’t there, so she talked to my sister. Apparently she asked if I was still mad at her, and my sister said, I think so, and my friend said something like, “oh”, and that was all. I am not sure how to handle this. In my mind I forgive her, and like I said I have tried to move on, but I am still very hurt and upset.

Do I need to tell her to her face that I forgive her? That might only cause more grief, since she thinks I am the one who did a bad thing. But if I do forgive her and we become friends again, I don’t think it’s healthy to surround myself with people who don’t like me.🤷
If somebody has any advice on how to deal with this, it would be very much appreciated!
 
It sounds like this was a miss understanding or may be that someone took things out of context on a bad day. Either of these would be problems with a situation not necesarilly with the other person. In your mind can you separate your opinion of her from your opinion of the situation?
 
Is it plausible that you two are the victim of a situation and it is not ill will on her part?
 
possibly. i don’t think she really understands how much her actions upset me. but it is still a sore point and i am not sure what to do about it.
 
Have you tried writing a letter? I wouldn’t write a letter and send it in haste but sometimes putting thoughts down on paper helps you work through them and can help you figure out how to communicate them.

Have you thought about telling her something like “I wasn’t mad, I thought you were mad…I am sorry if I uspet you.” That isn’t saying yoiu did anything wrong, only that you are sorry about the situation.
 
I have been taught that “resent” comes from the French word ressentir, meaning “to be affected by”. A resentment is a thought or feeling that we keep replaying in our minds, and that we continue to consider and mull over, all the while building up negative feelings about the person, place, thing or situation we’re pondering. Re-sent. To re-feel.

What I do is this (and it’s a great idea to do this on paper): I write down the alleged “offense” in detail, with all crucial players but no sideliners. Just the facts.

I write down how it made me feel - was I hurt, angry, depressed, afraid, or what?

Then I distill the situation to this critical factor: what part did I play in the events which lead me to feel resentful? Was I selfish? Self-seeking? Demanding? Untruthful? Whatever it was, I need to own up to it.

Then I need to seek out the person with whom I’m having the trouble and make amends to him or her for the part that I played. I need to do this face-to-face if possible; otherwise, a phone call might be all right.

This is the emotional/mental/spiritual housecleaning that keeps me on track.

Forgiveness is an art, but it does not require that we forget the incident which caused harm or ill will. If we forget we fail to learn from it. Prayer is a main ingredient in the healing process. God is big enough to straighten out these problems if we give Him room and agree to His terms.

Sometimes we can’t make amends to the person(s) involved (such as their unexpected death or an inability to find them). In that case, we keep them in our prayers, asking for God’s peace and blessings for them.

Just saying “I’m sorry” doesn’t even scratch the surface of processing a resentment. Good thing there are steps we can take, in order, and that a positive outcome is probable.

marietta
 
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