The joke thread

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I figured I’d start a thread for laughter.

Q: What’s the last thing that goes through a bug’s mind when he hits a windshield?
A: His butt.
 
Did you hear about the joke thread that already existed?

(Couldn’t resist it, true though 🙂)
 
Lee1 said:
Did you hear about the joke thread that already existed?

(Couldn’t resist it, true though 🙂)
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how’d I miss it? Darn ADHD of mine.

A harp seal walks into a bar, and the bartender asks what he wants. The seal replies, “Anything but Canadian Club on the rocks!”
 
Q: What did the trout say when he swab face-on into a concrete wall?

A: DAM!!!
 
I think so, I’d take a look at the other thread and get a feel for the type of thing that’s ok. No offence 🙂

I may be wrong.
 
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Lee1 said:
I think so, I’d take a look at the other thread and get a feel for the type of thing that’s ok. No offence 🙂

I may be wrong.
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I believe you misspelled “offense”😉, but none was taken. I’m typically more thick skinned than that.

Q: What does a hippie call his wife?
A: Mississippi.
 
Why did the turkey cross the road?

To prove he wasn’t chicken!
 
Q: What did the seal say when he was late?

A: Sorry I’m late, but my iceberg hit a ship.
 
I went to the chemist I said “have you anything that’s good for a headache?”
He said “ have you tried heavy metal music?”
 
Jamaican comedy. Funny as anything when you understand the accent a bit.😁

 
😂

That is the first time I have really heard Jamaican. Wow they talk fast!
 
Cop: “Professor Heisenberg, do you know how fast you were driving?”

Heisenberg: “No, Officer, but I know exactly where I am!!!”
 
The Texas Aggie platoon commander was ordered to form a firing squad.

“Everybody!” he hollered; “Get in a circle!”
 
I’m not sure what a Texan Aggie is but I think they’ll be decreasing rapidly going by your jokes.

Now imagine something funny …done it? Ok now read my joke.

Looking on the bright side feeling light headed at night is very useful, no need for a torch.
 
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"When I was young, I used to knock back vodka and snort cocaine.

Now I get the same effect when I get to my feet too fast. "

—Unknown

(A Texas Aggie is a student or grad of Texas A&M University.

They and my alma mater, U.T. – Austin, have a running rancor going back to the late 1800s.)
 
GEddie said:
When I was young, I used to knock back vodka and snort cocaine.

Now I get the same effect when I get to my feet too fast. "
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I heard George Burns tell a highly similar joke a while ago.

Bob Hope once said of Jack Benny that he is so tight that when he heard a free orphanage had opened up nearby he shot both his parents and moved in. 😱
 
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