Marci,
First of all you have not offended.
The church doesn’t force anyone to stay in a marriage. A couple can divorce civily and still receive the Eurcharist. It is only when they want to remarry that an anullment must be abtained.
I know that, today, people are not bound as tightly by the Church as in times past. But years ago, women in particular, were expected to stay in a bad marriage and not seek divorce. Many others chose to stay due to social stigma.
I do believe that annullments are granted too easily.
They probably are. Our problem here on this board is that we don’t know which ones are valid and which should be denied. Nor do we know which tribunals are being poorly administered.
I dare say that I myself could get one if I wanted to. There were lots of issues before my husband and I married that would have led to the ability to obtain one, and on more than one occasion I considered leaving and divorcing him. However, I didn’t. Not because things weren’t that bad, they were terrible, but **I honestly believed **that I would be breaking the covenant I made.
Here is the crux in my mind. That you honestly believe you need to stay. In my case I honestly believed that I had to get out. (my ex, too, is now a much better person for our break-up)
Not to mention the fact that I couldn’t have imagined doing that to my children.
There again, each situation is unique. My child is, I believe, worse off because his mother and I stayed together.
The thought of not being with them for days or weeks at a time. The thought of my husband not assisting me in forming their faith, or worse, making them go to another church (he’s not catholic).
All of this and more kept me in an extremely unhappy marriage. I remember I used to cry uncontrolably during confession to my priest. Even he basically said it would be OK for me to leave, “God doesn’t want us to be unhappy”.
In the end I decided to accept this suffering and began to pray for the conversion of my husband’s soul.
Long story short (too late) eleven years later I thank God that I didn’t give up. Things are by no means perfect and he hasen’t converted yet, (hope, hope, hope), but I can honestly say that all of the suffering, praying, and hoping has paid off.
First of all thank God for your understanding confessor who stuck with you through this.
Second, it is obvious that you (and hopefully) your husband do not suffer from “terminal selfishness”.
I am truly glad that your life seems to be working out.
I think that if more couples could just hang in there a couple more years they would find that God does work through them and will give them the Graces they need to stay together.
- or not - (sorry to be flip)
My first marriage was nearly 20 years, and we both had long ago turned away from the church - I cannot speak to any others.
As a side note: Second marriages are not necessarily better. I believe that over 80% end in divorce.
Statistics like this mean little. It’s taking one data point to prove a point.
What percent of these are divorsed 3 or more times?
How long is the average second marriage?
What is the mean age versus the mean length of marriage?
What is the divorce rate on second marriages for people under thirty vs over thirty?
etc. etc. etc.
All of these would be more useful statistic than the one given.
I agree, however, I think that much of this dilema of divorce boils down to selfishness and a wordly view of happiness. Which is not just an issue for Catholics, but for christians of all faiths in our modern secular society.
AGREED
(continued)
