The Light Has Gone Out

[Tis_Bearself]

Okay, it sounds less extreme now when you explain it.
Missing meals and taking cold showers would not be my strategy for myself, but I know these practices may work for some others.
Being angry at yourself is not as bad as hating yourself.
But I would mention what a confessor said to me when I said I was angry at myself because I kept committing the same sin. The priest said God gives us these situations in order to show us that we cannot overcome our sins and faults alone, that we have to turn to Him and can only overcome these things through Him.

I would like to be one with God too, but wishing for death is not the way to go (even if you’re not suicidal) because God has you on earth to do something for Him, not to hurry up and die.
It’s understandable that when we are very frustrated we may have such wishes.
But we need to concentrate on figuring out God’s will for us now.

Finally, if you are getting these feelings on a regular cyclical basis, I would suggest trying to figure out what is triggering it. If there is a particular temptation, stress or physical trigger that brings these feelings on, maybe you can do something to prevent or lessen these trials. I would talk to a doctor just in case there is some bodily cause.

 

[joeybaggz]

By “hate myself” I meant that I am angry at myself. That was poor word choice on my part.

If the Lord is not angry with you, (and he isn’t in times of trouble or distress) why be angry with yourself.
My suggestion, ease up and go watch some children, little ones, at play. See the simplicity of their laughter and joy, and then remember Christ’s words, “unless you become like unto these little ones you shall not see God, for such as these is the kingdom of Heaven made.”
Shalom

 

[ASC]

Finally, if you are getting these feelings on a regular cyclical basis, I would suggest trying to figure out what is triggering it. If there is a particular temptation, stress or physical trigger that brings these feelings on, maybe you can do something to prevent or lessen these trials. I would talk to a doctor just in case there is some bodily cause.

You still don’t understand. It’s not emotional. So nothing triggers it.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

Fine, whatever you say.

Edited second sentence, I confused this thread with another, sorry.

 

[Nap66]

It is passing. It always does eventually. Has what I described ever happened to any of you?

It might be what people call “the dark night of the soul.” God feels absent, far away. I went through a deep dark night of the soul about a year and a half ago. I thought I would never get out of it. It lasted so long until God showed up one day and said “go to church.” So I did, and slowly, ever so creeping slowly God was there and the light was back.

But at the moment God seems to have done his disappearing act in my life again. The difference this time is that I know he will show up when he needs to. But like you said, it’s not easy to feel like God is far away when in the past he was so close to you. So what to do? Keep praying, keep going to church and something I’m learning is to do things for other people. When my mind is not on me, the loneliness lessens.

 

[Lee1]

You would know why I asked the Lord to take me if you understood how this feels. It’s utter loneliness. It is separation from God.

To feel such a way you must have felt the love of God very strongly in the past which was a wonderful gift that many do not receive.

When I turn on the tv and there’s no stations I don’t assume that they’ve stopped broadcasting I check the aerial, often it’s been pulled out from the socket because there’s been a passing storm, and I don’t assume that the aerial antenna on the roof pulled it out, I assume someone down here did it. Is there a reason why you may have pulled out the aerial? Maybe you did it due to a passing storm?

I have read of saints who have had this problem. St Pio for one experienced a period like that, and not just for a few days. Perhaps they found a remedy? You may find some help in St Francis De Sales ‘treatise on the love of God’ I think I remember him describing how he felt God was playing hide and seek on occasions. I do know one thing that great suffering can bring great rewards if we align ourselves with it and gently contemplate the experience. There are many examples to learn from in this regard but none better than our own. I have a tale I could share if you ever need it.

Using my analogy with my pesky aerial if I plugged in the thing and still had no reception I’d figure my receiver was faulty. With us it can be due to neurotransmitters and diet.

And just a final thought, I’m sure you know but God works through all media including people around you. I’m sure He will communicate with you. God gives us what we need and just as there’s is sometimes great wisdom in silence there may be a great deal to be gained by this ‘‘Drought’. After an extended hot dry period the rain is Heavenly and much appreciated.

I wish you well, Gods love for you is beyond measure I’m sure, perhaps you just need to rest your batteries.

 

[lilypadrees]

Sounds like you are going through a dark night of the soul. The Light hasn’t gone out. He is carrying you through this darkness you feel.