Jesus will forgive you as soon as you are truly sorry, but you are obligated to go to confession for mortal sins, that is the condition Christ made,
perfect contrition, however, does not mean you “feel” sorrow and sadness, but that you regret sinning because it has hurt and offended God who is so loving and pure, and Who deserves all your love, it comes from a love of God.
imperfect contrition is also valid, which is a hatred of sin that comes from a fear of the loss of heaven and the pains of hell,
you can have perfect contrition without physical tears, because it is a hate of sin for the love of God, and love itself is not a feeling, but an act of the will, so don’t worry if the feelings aren’t always there.
but as far as hating yourself goes and being angry with yourself, that is not good, God does not want that, you have to see yourself as you are, which is, a weak creature totally dependent on God, and without God sin is what you can expect from yourself…so if you are disappointed in
yourself and angry with
yourself, then what you’re dealing with there is a hidden type of pride, and to explain that, i will quote from Saint Alphonsus who puts it best -
“Should we have the misfortune to commit a fault, we must exercise meekness even towards ourselves. To be angry with oneself after committing a fault is not a sign of humility, but of secret pride; it shows that we do not regard ourselves as the weak and wretched creatures we really are. St. Aloysius said: “The devil likes to fish in troubled waters, where we can distinguish nothing.” If a soul is distracted and disturbed it is very hard for it to recognize God and its duties. When, therefore, we have committed a fault, we must turn to the Lord with humility and confidence, beg Him for pardon and say with St. Catherine of Genoa: “Lord, see, here is fruit from my own garden! But pardon me, I beg Thee! I repent from my heart of having offended Thee; I will do so no more; give me the aid of Thy holy grace.” “Never,” says St. Francis de Sales, “permit anger to enter the soul under any pretext whatever; for once the violent passion has found lodgment in the heart, it is not in our power to banish it.”
Seek to control the emotions of anger at once by remaining silent, or by thinking of something else. Do as the Apostles did when they were tossed about by the stormy sea; they had instant recourse to their Divine Master; He alone can still the storms of the human heart. If in consequence of weakness, anger has entered your heart, do all in your power to regain your composure and act humbly and meekly towards him who was the occasion of your angry feelings. St. Francis tells us that it cost him much labor to overcome his two predominant passions, anger and love. To conquer his angry passion he struggled for twelve long years. With regard to love, he changed its object, detaching himself entirely from creatures and giving his whole love to God.
It was a practice of the saints during prayer and meditation to bring to mind all the annoyances and obstacles they were apt to encounter in the course of the day, and to prepare themselves in advance to endure them with meekness and humility. Thus they were enabled to put into practice the counsel of their gentle Saviour: “Learn from me, because I am meek, and humble of heart: and you shall find rest in your souls.” (Matt. 11:29).”
true humility means knowing yourself, and also knowing *what *you are, we need to be aware of what we are now, and what God intended for us to be, which we all can achieve by imitating His life, and also by studying the lives of the saints, who imitated his life so well in a way we may better understand.
here are a few books, free to read online, that i think will help you -
archive.org/details/theheartofthegos00donnuoft
archive.org/details/catechismexplain00spiruoft
archive.org/details/meditationsday00bacouoft
alright, hope this helps, take care.
