The Loss of a Good Friend?

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foreveralone

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It seems that recently my very good guy friend has grown away from me. We had a long distance friendship for over a year, and see each other rarely, but we spoke for hours nearly everyday. Because we had similar past hurts, we instantly connected and formed a very nice friendship, helping one another through our problems. He had a girl he was interested in, and I did not have any interest in him in that way, and so I assumed all was well.

Well, since my boyfriend and I have become closer and more serious in our relationship, my friend has pulled away. He rarely writes to me anymore, reducing our conversations from everyday, to once every three weeks or so. He also used to confide in me whatever was going on in his life, but now when I ask he says he doesn’t want to talk about it, or that “he’ll be fine.” He’s also made some remarks regarding my boyfriend - “I’m SURE I’m not as talented as HE is.”

Could be possibly be jealous? I mentioned this to my boyfriend, and while he is saddened that I have lost such a good friend (who I considered to be like a brother), he suggested that it might be jealousy. But the thing is, he had told me how he was so in love with another girl, and that is why I doubt that he is feeling jealous. Oh, I don’t know anymore. I am just so very sad that I seem to have lost such a fun friendship with a great guy. Any thoughts?
 
We just never know what goes on in the mind of another, was it friendship on his part or a secret attraction, if that is the case perhaps it is best that a separation takes place. On the other hand if it was a true friendship he desired, give him space and pray for him and focus your attention on the one you love.
Good luck
 
We guys tend to get very jealous, even when we shouldn’t, even when we won’t admit it. I think that may be the case here.
 
Hi foreveralone,

It does sound like jealousy to me too, especially if he is making comments where he is comparing himself to your boyfriend.

I agree with georget, too. Is it possible that he feels more for you than he is letting on?

I agree in that I would just let him have some space, as much as this is causing you sadness.

Perhaps with time, he will talk to you like he used to.
 
foreveralone said:
It seems that recently my very good guy friend has grown away from me. We had a long distance friendship for over a year, and see each other rarely, but we spoke for hours nearly everyday. Because we had similar past hurts, we instantly connected and formed a very nice friendship, helping one another through our problems. He had a girl he was interested in, and I did not have any interest in him in that way, and so I assumed all was well.

Well, since my boyfriend and I have become closer and more serious in our relationship, my friend has pulled away. He rarely writes to me anymore, reducing our conversations from everyday, to once every three weeks or so. He also used to confide in me whatever was going on in his life, but now when I ask he says he doesn’t want to talk about it, or that “he’ll be fine.” He’s also made some remarks regarding my boyfriend - “I’m SURE I’m not as talented as HE is.”

Could be possibly be jealous? I mentioned this to my boyfriend, and while he is saddened that I have lost such a good friend (who I considered to be like a brother), he suggested that it might be jealousy. But the thing is, he had told me how he was so in love with another girl, and that is why I doubt that he is feeling jealous. Oh, I don’t know anymore. I am just so very sad that I seem to have lost such a fun friendship with a great guy. Any thoughts?
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It could be that he want’s to be sure not to be viewed as interfering with your current boyfriend, and/or avoiding a conflict with his girl friend. Sometimes friendships simply fade away because of changes in each others lives that may require it…

I had a male friend for close to 20 years, and felt that this friendship was like that of a sister and brother. I had no romantic interests at all, but over time he did, and would not let the matter go. I had to very bluntly end that friendship since he could not accept that I was not interested in that way.

After a year apart he tried to contact me via letter and explained that he understood how wrong he had been to think there was any other intention in my being his friend than that of a strictly platonic relationship. He wanted to get in touch again, but I decided that it would be best that this not happen. I wrote and told him that this was not possible and to please let the friendship go.

It is not easy sometimes, but not all friendships are meant to be life long.
 
foreveralone said:
It seems that recently my very good guy friend has grown away from me. We had a long distance friendship for over a year, and see each other rarely, but we spoke for hours nearly everyday. Because we had similar past hurts, we instantly connected and formed a very nice friendship, helping one another through our problems. He had a girl he was interested in, and I did not have any interest in him in that way, and so I assumed all was well.

Well, since my boyfriend and I have become closer and more serious in our relationship, my friend has pulled away. He rarely writes to me anymore, reducing our conversations from everyday, to once every three weeks or so. He also used to confide in me whatever was going on in his life, but now when I ask he says he doesn’t want to talk about it, or that “he’ll be fine.” He’s also made some remarks regarding my boyfriend - “I’m SURE I’m not as talented as HE is.”

Could be possibly be jealous? I mentioned this to my boyfriend, and while he is saddened that I have lost such a good friend (who I considered to be like a brother), he suggested that it might be jealousy. But the thing is, he had told me how he was so in love with another girl, and that is why I doubt that he is feeling jealous. Oh, I don’t know anymore. I am just so very sad that I seem to have lost such a fun friendship with a great guy. Any thoughts?
Click to expand...
I have gone through something similar with a friend of mine expect I am the boy. It could be jealous but I seriously doubt it. For me it was giving the girl some space because I don’t want the other guy to think I like her. Also I would feel you can talk to him more openly and share yourself better with him than you could me
 
foreveralone said:
It seems that recently my very good guy friend has grown away from me. We had a long distance friendship for over a year, and see each other rarely, but we spoke for hours nearly everyday. Because we had similar past hurts, we instantly connected and formed a very nice friendship, helping one another through our problems. He had a girl he was interested in, and I did not have any interest in him in that way, and so I assumed all was well.

Well, since my boyfriend and I have become closer and more serious in our relationship, my friend has pulled away. He rarely writes to me anymore, reducing our conversations from everyday, to once every three weeks or so. He also used to confide in me whatever was going on in his life, but now when I ask he says he doesn’t want to talk about it, or that “he’ll be fine.” He’s also made some remarks regarding my boyfriend - “I’m SURE I’m not as talented as HE is.”

Could be possibly be jealous? I mentioned this to my boyfriend, and while he is saddened that I have lost such a good friend (who I considered to be like a brother), he suggested that it might be jealousy. But the thing is, he had told me how he was so in love with another girl, and that is why I doubt that he is feeling jealous. Oh, I don’t know anymore. I am just so very sad that I seem to have lost such a fun friendship with a great guy. Any thoughts?
Click to expand...
Yeah, he sounds like he is a little envious. Sometimes, we’re not always logical. We can get used to being in a certain position, whether it makes sense or not. Change can be hard. He shouldn’t be jealous, but what we don’t always feel what we “should”.
 
I dthink its jealous. It maybe he backed off due to the fact that now you have a boyfried. If i was interested in someone and then found out she was with someone i would back off as well. Or maybe due to the fact that like you said you leave far away from thim now so it was only a matter of time until you both slowly speak to each other less and less.
 
I think all friendships have times of jealousy, feeling unsure, and giving and/or needing space. This just might be a time when it is natural for some space and time to come between you and eventually that will change. Hang in there. Send a Christmas card if you haven’t already and keep happy thoughts.

Reach out now and then if he doesn’t. Give him time, though. I had a very good friend, a woman, who joined a new church and always had time and money for pie and fellowship but not for me anymore. Anytime I ran into her she would ask me to call, but I felt it was insincere and was jealous, so I did not. I lost my friend because I was too proud. In hindsight I wish I would have called.

A couple of years ago, I had a very good male friend who was not only a great help to me after my mother’s passing, but by being a good companion. He passed away and I still miss him. You still have the ability to have the friendship. Have faith.
 
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