C
clbsc7
Guest
Hi CAF,
This is an interesting topic that hopefully hasn’t been discussed.
I am in a time of discerning whether God has called me to single life or married life.
My question / topic comes from Matthew 19:12
“For there are eunuchs, that were so born from their mother’s womb: and there are eunuchs, that were made eunuchs by men: and there are eunuchs, that made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven’s sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it”.
**The following has two parts, giving the reader protection, respect, and time: **
The first is a brief general discussion, suitable for everyone.
The second is personal reflection, of my own life, which is longer and a bit depressing-- and may NOT be suitable for everyone.
For those with a gift of counseling and feel led to respond, I welcome your (name removed by moderator)ut. To maintain order and peace, please email me at clbsc7 att yahoo dot com if you have a personal response and keep the posts on here for the general discussion (thank you).
*** Part 1 ***
Ok, so I follow cases 1 & 3: 1) those born with the gift of singleness for the kingdom’s sake from the beginning and 3) those not necessarily born with that gift, but at some point decide to choose it.
I’m curious about case 2 ? I get it from a historical perspective, in that some were “made eunuchs by men” for specific and functional purposes such as serving in court.
Hopefully most of us do not have to worry about that happening today.
But what about indirect situations, say a child born in a dysfunctional home, where they may not have been given the healthy capacity for intimate relationships? Can you think of any others? Maybe geographic or economic disparity? Being born with a genetic or mental disability?
In such cases, is the individual at the mercy of their circumstances regarding their vocation; or are they free regardless? If they are free, how do they choose responsibly and with certainty?
*** Part 2 ***
I am contemplating whether my own life falls into the second case, being a man made eunuch.
Both my parents made really big boo boos in having kids before resolving their generational issues of alcoholism, codependency, and abuse. In short, the children, my sister and I, have been greatly compromised and have not transitioned well to adulthood.
I’m 30 now, and have spent the last 12 years going to counseling, recovery groups, retreats, and reading self help books, trying to amend the loss and move forward. While there has been some progress, I still have not finished my education nor been able to consistently hold down a job. No joke, in trying to achieve these goals, I have had a few close encounters with death, either from poor health or job accidents.
At this point, my nerves are shot, I’m exhausted, and I regularly have PSTD. Growing up in a constant survival state, I have not been able to truly learn how to love or relate to God, others, or myself, as I can’t seem to get free of the old ways of coping. I don’t trust myself or others, nor do I truly trust God. I would like to, but not sure how to learn in a way that’s lasting. More than that, I’m afraid of being hurt again and am in so much pain I can’t seem to open up. My relationships with both men and women have suffered as a result, and also because of my poor boundaries and inappropriate social skills.
Honestly, it’s a scary place to be in, but I am trying to trust that God has a greater purpose in all this. It has also been incredibly painful watching my peers move on, establishing careers, getting married, and starting families, as I feel like a complete flop.
In looking at my grandparents, most ended up lost and divorced. Nor were they ever really able to become “healthy adult” members of society, as they never fully understood themselves or their past.
My maternal grandma and great aunt, for example, did not attain some level of self acceptance till their late 70’s. Really? So far, I’m moving at the same rate; which to me, is humiliating, embarrassing, and shameful-- and pretty much makes the whole married life idea laughable, unless God wants to change my name to Abraham; in which case, it’s going to be really hard given how much pride I have. I know pride is bad; but sometimes, when you’ve been spit on, pissed on, and constantly beat up, and I mean literally, you don’t have much holding you up. One might say “God can hold you up,” but not if you aren’t able to really trust Him.
Anyways, that societal ideal, the American dream (the career, the house, the family, etc.), for me is starting to fade. I always thought I’d be a part of it, but now I’m not so sure. My mental and physical health is poor, and at this point, I’m just hoping to become self supporting, hold down a job, serve in some small capacity, and make it into heaven. This is realistic and practical for my life; and yet, there’s a great sense of bitterness behind it all, over what my life could have been, as I feel greatly robbed and rejected. I understand how bitter-roots “have defiled many” and that this is not a good situation to be in, and I have tried my best to forgive and move on, but daily triggers keep me stuck.
I appreciate your prayers for help, healing, and mercy.
Given all that, it’s seems easier to just forget about the possibility of marriage and live a life of poverty, chastity, and obedience, either as lay-person or consecrated person in religious life. Could this be a case of a man made eunuch?
clbsc7
This is an interesting topic that hopefully hasn’t been discussed.
I am in a time of discerning whether God has called me to single life or married life.
My question / topic comes from Matthew 19:12
“For there are eunuchs, that were so born from their mother’s womb: and there are eunuchs, that were made eunuchs by men: and there are eunuchs, that made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven’s sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it”.
**The following has two parts, giving the reader protection, respect, and time: **
The first is a brief general discussion, suitable for everyone.
The second is personal reflection, of my own life, which is longer and a bit depressing-- and may NOT be suitable for everyone.
For those with a gift of counseling and feel led to respond, I welcome your (name removed by moderator)ut. To maintain order and peace, please email me at clbsc7 att yahoo dot com if you have a personal response and keep the posts on here for the general discussion (thank you).
*** Part 1 ***
Ok, so I follow cases 1 & 3: 1) those born with the gift of singleness for the kingdom’s sake from the beginning and 3) those not necessarily born with that gift, but at some point decide to choose it.
I’m curious about case 2 ? I get it from a historical perspective, in that some were “made eunuchs by men” for specific and functional purposes such as serving in court.
Hopefully most of us do not have to worry about that happening today.
But what about indirect situations, say a child born in a dysfunctional home, where they may not have been given the healthy capacity for intimate relationships? Can you think of any others? Maybe geographic or economic disparity? Being born with a genetic or mental disability?
In such cases, is the individual at the mercy of their circumstances regarding their vocation; or are they free regardless? If they are free, how do they choose responsibly and with certainty?
*** Part 2 ***
I am contemplating whether my own life falls into the second case, being a man made eunuch.
Both my parents made really big boo boos in having kids before resolving their generational issues of alcoholism, codependency, and abuse. In short, the children, my sister and I, have been greatly compromised and have not transitioned well to adulthood.
I’m 30 now, and have spent the last 12 years going to counseling, recovery groups, retreats, and reading self help books, trying to amend the loss and move forward. While there has been some progress, I still have not finished my education nor been able to consistently hold down a job. No joke, in trying to achieve these goals, I have had a few close encounters with death, either from poor health or job accidents.
At this point, my nerves are shot, I’m exhausted, and I regularly have PSTD. Growing up in a constant survival state, I have not been able to truly learn how to love or relate to God, others, or myself, as I can’t seem to get free of the old ways of coping. I don’t trust myself or others, nor do I truly trust God. I would like to, but not sure how to learn in a way that’s lasting. More than that, I’m afraid of being hurt again and am in so much pain I can’t seem to open up. My relationships with both men and women have suffered as a result, and also because of my poor boundaries and inappropriate social skills.
Honestly, it’s a scary place to be in, but I am trying to trust that God has a greater purpose in all this. It has also been incredibly painful watching my peers move on, establishing careers, getting married, and starting families, as I feel like a complete flop.
In looking at my grandparents, most ended up lost and divorced. Nor were they ever really able to become “healthy adult” members of society, as they never fully understood themselves or their past.
My maternal grandma and great aunt, for example, did not attain some level of self acceptance till their late 70’s. Really? So far, I’m moving at the same rate; which to me, is humiliating, embarrassing, and shameful-- and pretty much makes the whole married life idea laughable, unless God wants to change my name to Abraham; in which case, it’s going to be really hard given how much pride I have. I know pride is bad; but sometimes, when you’ve been spit on, pissed on, and constantly beat up, and I mean literally, you don’t have much holding you up. One might say “God can hold you up,” but not if you aren’t able to really trust Him.
Anyways, that societal ideal, the American dream (the career, the house, the family, etc.), for me is starting to fade. I always thought I’d be a part of it, but now I’m not so sure. My mental and physical health is poor, and at this point, I’m just hoping to become self supporting, hold down a job, serve in some small capacity, and make it into heaven. This is realistic and practical for my life; and yet, there’s a great sense of bitterness behind it all, over what my life could have been, as I feel greatly robbed and rejected. I understand how bitter-roots “have defiled many” and that this is not a good situation to be in, and I have tried my best to forgive and move on, but daily triggers keep me stuck.
I appreciate your prayers for help, healing, and mercy.
Given all that, it’s seems easier to just forget about the possibility of marriage and live a life of poverty, chastity, and obedience, either as lay-person or consecrated person in religious life. Could this be a case of a man made eunuch?
clbsc7