the matter of non-Catholic spouses

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AlwaysAsking

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Hello,

I am so heartened by the thoughtful responses I’ve been given here. I have another question:

Have any of you influenced a spouse to convert to Catholicism? Do you have any big “Do’s” or “Don’ts” from your experience?

*background: *I believe the Holy Spirit may be calling me to convert, or at least study Catholicism. I want to involve my formerly-Catholic husband in this process of inquiry. So far, he’s not feeling led into this at all. He respects that I am trying to figure out where the Holy Spirit is trying to lead me, but he is the head of the house. As well as my best friend. I want to do this with him!
 
Hello,

I am so heartened by the thoughtful responses I’ve been given here. I have another question:

Have any of you influenced a spouse to convert to Catholicism?
No. I am still the only Catholic in my family.
Do you have any big “Do’s” or “Don’ts” from your experience?
Yes. Don’t let his lack of faith hinder your progress. Because if you wait, you could be waiting a really long time.
*background: *I believe the Holy Spirit may be calling me to convert, or at least study Catholicism.
If so, then go ahead and do this.
I want to involve my formerly-Catholic husband in this process of inquiry.
How about just talking to him in “I” phrases - hey, guess what I learned today - without putting pressure on him to share your enthusiasm. Leave it up to him, what he wants to do. He’ll be happy that you’re happy, and that’s a good starting place, I think.
 
I am so amazed at the work of the Holy Spirit sometimes! I could have written almost every single one of your questions just four years ago! I have a little time while my youngest is napping, so I will try to offer my experience again.
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When I first began studying what the Catholic Church teaches,  I also started "alone."  But my husband was very supportive, and while he didn't agree with everything, he was still happy to see my interest and enthusiasm!  I was blessed that very soon after I really began delving into church history, God led my husband down the same path! We attended RCIA together that year, and by God's grace, we were both confirmed together at Easter Vigil!

 I think more than anything, the key is to continue learning as much as you can... and of course to PRAY! You mentioned you have been saying a rosary daily for your husband, and I think that is the MOST important thing right now.  Your goal isn't to influence your husband towards the Catholic church with you... your goal should be to continue seeking the truth..sharing what you learn...and supporting your husband on his own journey.

Particularly in your husband's situation, having been a part of the Catholic church at some point in his life. I think so many leave the church because they are misled, and never given an opportunity or the desire to find out the "what" and "why" behind His church.  You mentioned that he always thought the eucharist was a "silly idea..."  Which is actually a very common belief among those who leave the church. I mean really....if you've never truly understood or believed just what the Eucharist is, then it would seem to be an absolutely silly or bizzare idea!
Right now… I think your goal should be to learn as MUCH as you can…so that when and if the Holy Spirit prompts your husband to ask questions, you feel equiped to help him through them!

Your journey in itself…your passion and thirst for God and truth could be just the inspiration your husband needs for the Holy Spirit to begin speaking to his heart:) I wouldn’t push the issue with him…I think it’s good to share what you’re learning about, but not if he shows signs of being uncomfortable. I have a dear friend, who asked me one day “a question about being Catholic…” And she became very DEFENSIVE! I wasn’t attacking her beliefs, I was only answering her questions of what I believed… And it greatly put her on guard, because she didn’t think the Catholic Church could “make that much sense!” I think her goal was to “evangelize” me and help me see the error of the church, but when I was able to answer her questions, it put her on guard:( Now…she actually avoids talking to me about our faith! And I feel so terrible for it. She is a wonderful, faithful Christian, and I have so much respect for her:) But through our conversations, she felt that the TRUTH of the Catholic Church was an attack on her own beliefs AGAINST the Church.
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And it cant' be helped... in order for protestantism to stand, the  Catholic Church "must" be wrong!  Up until our conversation, I think my friend had never met a Catholic who really knew what the Church taught, and WHY it was true.
So now… I commit her to my prayers, and I don’t push the subject on her. The last thing I want is to turn her away, and when the Holy Spirit is ready for her to ask questions again, I am ready and willing to help however I can:)

I think that’s what you need to do for your husband… Don’t be afraid to talk about things you’ve learned, but be aware that by their very nature they MAY put him in a defensive position…

In the testimony of Scott and Kimberly Hahn for example (from Rome Sweet Home) Scott began looking into the Catholic Church. He was a presbyterian minister! His wife was VERY disturbed by his sudden interest in things like the rosary and devotion to Mary. She would cry every night because she felt she was loosing a connection they had always shared… She felt like he was being pulled into lies and idolotry. She felt isolated and alone from the man who had always been her best friend!

Scott knew that his journey was hurting his wife. So he only prayed the rosary when she was not around… he respected her wishes when it came to discussing catholic teaching. He didn’t “bring it up” unless she really wanted to ask him something. He continued to study and learn, and prayed for his wife:)

It’s an amazing testimony to read! Through their trials and through the pain Kimberly felt, and through some very important events in their lives, the Holy Spirit worked on Kimberly’s heart. She too could no longer resist God’s calling her home to the Catholic Church 🙂 It wasn’t an “easy” path for them, but they both followed their hearts and honestly followed the TRUTH…God hears our prayers, and sometimes it is when we stop “trying to DO” and instead, stick to PRAYING and loving, that He prepares our hearts:)

Please please continue to learn! Continue to seek answers and grow in faith! You are on such an exciting journey! Your husband is in a rough spot…because you are finding TRUTH in the faith that he at some point in his life rejected. Pray that through your example, he might start to question just what it really was he left behind!

God bless you, and please don’t hesitate to PM anytime you just want to talk or ask questions, or even if you just need prayers from another mother and wife who has once been on the same path you are now:hug1:
 
Hello,

I am so heartened by the thoughtful responses I’ve been given here. I have another question:

Have any of you influenced a spouse to convert to Catholicism? Do you have any big “Do’s” or “Don’ts” from your experience?

*background: *I believe the Holy Spirit may be calling me to convert, or at least study Catholicism. I want to involve my formerly-Catholic husband in this process of inquiry. So far, he’s not feeling led into this at all. He respects that I am trying to figure out where the Holy Spirit is trying to lead me, but he is the head of the house. As well as my best friend. I want to do this with him!
As a revert, once I started delving back into my past, I became voracious in learning all I could about the Catholic Church. For me it was like the flood gates opening & all I could do was hang on & go for the ride. As I went along, DH & I talked, cried (me), argued- “where’s the proof” kind of stuff throughout. Today he believes the Catholic Church is the church begun by Jesus, but he has no desire to convert right now. :rolleyes: (that’s my impatience showing) That being said, you on the otherhand have one foot in the door so to speak w/ DH being a non practicing Catholic.

I’d suggest that if you’re being pulled toward Catholicism, do not let your DH deter you. It may be the Holy Spirit wanting you to take the first steps. Then maybe DH will some along…

As another has posted, take the “guess what I learned” approach, & see how he reacts. From your post it seems that he’s not against you going this route? He may just be surprised how much he does not know, has forgotten. Or maybe he’ll realize there is something missing. That’s what happened to me.

We cannot convert one on our own. That’s up to the Holy Spirit. Do as I do, & simply pray. I pray for patience, alot…:blushing:

There is a website CatholicsComeHome, for the wayward Catholics, that maybe your DH might take a peek at when he’s ready? I know when I see their commercials on EWTN, I bawl everytime.

I will pray for you & your DH AlwaysAsking
 
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