The mormon church is the best social church there is. That is why people have good feelings when praying about it.

[excaliber]

Good point. The BoM is really pretty bland and the only beautiful parts are those plagiarized from the King James Bible. But… the social network is impressive. My wife is Mormon and when she went through her surgery, we had Mormons stopping by every day for 2 weeks with dinner and other support. They really do reach out to those in need. My current Catholic church has a plethora of programs and an outreach program for those in need, but the LDS are definitely better at the social and support aspect.

If my only criteria for joining a church was quick friends, good feelings, and building a strong social network… the Mormons probably win. But I prefer truth over the con of Joseph Smith, so it’s really not an option.

Why not have both. Associate with the mormon church for social events and attend the catholuc church every sunday.

 

[excaliber]

From the outside it sounds good, but the singles wards are not all they are cracked up to be. With the exception of about 3 years, I attended an LDS singles ward from the time I started attending BYU at age 18 to age 30 when I (finally) got married.

Do you want to know how many boyfriends I had that I met in a singles ward? I had one for about 4 months during my time at BYU. I was the instigator of that relationship as he was quite passive. It didn’t last because I didn’t want to be with a man I could walk all over. Other than this boyfriend, I never was asked out or had any kind of positive male attention that was more than just friendship during my time at BYU.

After I graduated, I had all of two dates with LDS men in the 5 years I attended a singles ward and neither was due to the man being remotely interested in me. The first was a blind date because a friend from the singles ward had a friend who was coming to Houston for a formal dance and needed a date. My date came from College Station and I actually had a good time. I would have gone out with him again and even would have driven out to College Station if he was remotely interested, but he wasn’t. My other date was the result of my bishop telling one of the men to ask me out. He was pushing the men to have lots of first dates to get to know the women. So I had a date. I had a nice time, but that was it. LDS men in the singles wards I attended never found me attractive, or if they did, they never acted like it.

Compare this to all the positive male attention I received outside of the LDS church. I would have random men stop me at the grocery store to tell me how beautiful I am. (I do not think I am all that beautiful. I have really beautiful red hair, but that’s about all I really have going for me). I had male co-workers who were shocked that I never dated or had a boyfriend, especially given the fact that I attended a singles ward where the male/female ratio was 1:1. I even had an older man hit on me while in line to vote and ask if he could take me out sometime. (I declined because he was at least as old as my father and I didn’t want to date a man that much older than me). It was unfortunate that I limited my social life outside of work to the LDS church.

The funny thing is that I knew that if I attended pretty much any other church that had a young singles ministry, I probably would have dated quite a bit and found a husband in a relatively short period of time. For a long time, I was too obstinate of a Mormon woman to date anyone outside of the LDS church. I was fortunate to find the man who became my husband when I did.

I was not the only single woman in my singles ward who was dateless. It was pretty much the norm for most women, especially those who do not meet the mold of a good Mormon woman. I would say in a Mormon singles ward about 80% of the men pay attention to 20% of the women. It was rather depressing, and I had resigned myself to being a plural wife after death. It is soul crushing and I really feel bad for my friends who won’t date non-LDS men because they are holding out for their priesthood holder who can take them to the temple.

How many boyfriends would you have had just attending mass… zero.
They have a church for single people… what else do you want them to do?

 

[excaliber]

I have a catholic church a block away from me for church. And I just picked a mormon church for social events… cant beat that.

 

[PaulDupre1]

How many boyfriends would you have had just attending mass… zero.
They have a church for single people… what else do you want them to do?

One reason those in Singles Ward have such trouble getting dates has nothing to do with the woman’s inherent desirability. In Mormon culture a woman over 21 years old is considered to be over the hill and everyone suspects she has something wrong with her or she would have been scooped up by a worthy returned missionary at a much younger age.

Because I was an adult convert, I went on my mission when I was 23 years old. Back then, women weren’t allowed to serve a mission until age 21 because their duty is to get married as young as possible. There were some 21 year old sister missionaries in my mission who were quite attractive, but all the “elders” would theorize about why they hadn’t been able to attract a husband when they were still young. Some of the talk was downright cruel, and all of it presumed that women are a commodity to be had.

LDS culture is weird and incomprehensible to an outsider.

Paul (formerly LDS, now happily Catholic)

 

[Marie5890]

An LDS singles ward only exists in areas that have more LDS members in general.

I live in CT. No singles wards that I know of.

 

[iepuras]

How many boyfriends would you have had just attending mass… zero.
They have a church for single people… what else do you want them to do?

If all I did was attend Mass and not talk to anyone or participate in parish life, particularly those activities that are targeted to young singles, you would be correct.

Do you have any idea what a Mormon singles ward is about? It is far more than one hour of sacrament meeting a week.

1. Three hour block on Sunday that consists of sacrament meeting, Sunday School, and Priesthood/Relief Society. There is plenty of opportunity for socializing and meeting new people.
2. Family Home Evening activity every Monday evening for groups of 15+ singles. Lots of socializing.
3. “Break the fast” / Linger linger activity after Sunday meetings at least once a month. Involves food and socializing.
4. Monthly ward activity
5. Monthly singles dance
6. Lots of unofficial activities where larges groups of singles are invited

Please tell me how it sounds right to a normal person that a moderately attractive woman can fully participate in a Mormon singles ward and never have a date or have a man find her attractive.

 

[iepuras]

I have a catholic church a block away from me for church. And I just picked a mormon church for social events… cant beat that.

So what is your purpose in attending a Mormon singles ward? Do you want to pick up on Mormon women (or men)? Good luck with that. They will try to convert you. Flirt to convert.

If you do manage to date a Mormon, you will always be considered less than because you won’t be able to get married in the Mormon temple.

 

[iepuras]

One reason those in Singles Ward have such trouble getting dates has nothing to do with the woman’s inherent desirability. In Mormon culture a woman over 21 years old is considered to be over the hill and everyone suspects she has something wrong with her or she would have been scooped up by a worthy returned missionary at a much younger age.

Because I was an adult convert, I went on my mission when I was 23 years old. Back then, women weren’t allowed to serve a mission until age 21 because their duty is to get married as young as possible. There were some 21 year old sister missionaries in my mission who were quite attractive, but all the “elders” would theorize about why they hadn’t been able to attract a husband when they were still young. Some of the talk was downright cruel, and all of it presumed that women are a commodity to be had.

LDS culture is weird and incomprehensible to an outsider.

Paul (formerly LDS, now happily Catholic)

My problem is that when I was younger, I had no desire to get married. I didn’t even think marriage might be a good idea until I was 23. By that time, it was too late. I was already an old maid to Mormon men.

I did a master’s program is accounting at BYU, and it got down right awful socially the last couple of years. While my professors were great and very encouraging of the women in the program, some of the men ( but certainly not close to all) acted very rude to the women, especially the single women. There were some men who were resentful that women were even admitted to the masters program because we “took their spots”. You see, they needed to get a professional degree so they can support a family. Us women folk were a bit uppity thinking we could have careers in accounting too. We really should have gotten degrees in elementary education or maybe in nursing since those are “applicable” to being a mother. On more than one occasion, I had men ask me what was wrong with me because I was a single woman pursuing a professional degree and I didn’t even go on a mission. The horror! I was just too worldly for a righteous Mormon priesthood holder.

When I first met my husband and he was interested in me, he was jealous of all the Mormon men I went to church and socialized with. He lived in another city and thought they would snatch me up before he could. This is what a normal man would think, but he didn’t have anything to worry about.

Excaliber, are you sure you want to socialize with people like this?

 

[PaulDupre1]

My problem is that when I was younger, I had no desire to get married. I didn’t even think marriage might be a good idea until I was 23. By that time, it was too late. I was already an old maid to Mormon men.

I did a master’s program is accounting at BYU…

Wow, sounds like you were quite an anomaly among LDS women of your time. My (LDS) wife (Sister H) was a brilliant young woman - brilliant enough that even though she was very cute and had a great personality, LDS guys were put off by her (and she by them) because they were looking for a submissive little plaything, not an intellectually brilliant equal who would challenge any silly idea. She was 25 years old when I married her at age 26.

I had met her before my mission while I was at BYU and dating someone else - a farm girl from Idaho. Sister H and I met for the first time at a mutual friend’s house in Provo (even though we were from the same ward in Massachusetts and had never met before). We had the most engaging conversation that afternoon about all kinds of lofty things while my then-girlfriend sat and watched - and fumed.

My then-girlfriend from Idaho hated Sister H with a passion. I could never figure out why until after my mission when I came home and ran into Sister H again at our home ward. After a while I realized why my BYU girlfriend hated her so much. Idaho girl had recognized what I did not - that I was in love with this brilliant cutie from the first time our minds connected at our friend’s house. Women understand these things where we men are clueless. My future wife and I were intellectual soul-mates, and Idaho-girl saw that way before I did.

Intelligence is what I have always found most attractive in a woman. But then, I was a convert. BTW, your husband sounds like a great guy.

Paul (formerly LDS, now happily Catholic)

 

[ivdaeorum]

The Catholic Church has and is trying to adapt a more befriending way to others out side the faith and also to those within. Cell groups or small groups within the house is becoming a big thing now days. As for the Mormon community and Protestant communities the act of being sociable is something even athiests can do, only the Catholic Church embraces the true teaching of Christ, alas to be more open and welcoming, to be more missionary and evangalising is something that the Church has and is adapting and is very welcoming to hear.

 

[Georgia]

Much of the social bonding in both Protestant and Mormon communities could come from the number of activities that members must attend, especially of Sunday mornings. Unless a Catholic has a child in CCD, the mass is all that is required. There are so many mass times that a certain social potential is lost.

When I was growing up in a very Protestant church, we had Sunday School and the morning worship service. There was quite a bit of social pressure to attend both, so that was the standard. Having one main service on Sunday morning meant that members learned other members. People had regular places they sat. You began to know right away if someone was missing. I would guess the same thing happens with Mormons with the three hours they spend in church on Sunday mornings.

For example, a couple of years after I moved to another state, I was back in my hometown for a visit, so I went to church. I got there early and took a seat in a pew. An usher came over and whispered something approximately “Mrs. Smith usually sits there.” I moved to another spot and the same thing happened. The third time was a charm. Nothing like that could happen in my parish.

We have a Saturday vigil and four masses on Sunday. People, including my family, bounce around on their mass times, so you really don’t know who is there and who isn’t. We don’t have everyone going to a mass sitting in Sunday school classes an hour before mass. People drive up, park, go into mass, and make bee lines for their cars when it is over. Unless we volunteer for special activities, we don’t have the bonding of being in small groups that dismiss, walk together into the church and have identities such as the John Doe Sunday School Class.

I know it’s true in my former faith community and believe the same would hold for Mormons that someone wanting to attend only the main service on Sunday would run into friendly and firm pressure to be there for more meetings.

 

[RebeccaJ]

Why not have both. Associate with the mormon church for social events and attend the catholuc church every sunday.

I’d rather not. Mormon social events are incredibly boring.

 

[twopekinguys]

I’d rather not. Mormon social events are incredibly boring.

Not to mention, if you’re not a mormon at one of these events, the love bombing begins, and doesn’t let up.

 

[Stephen168]

I have a catholic church a block away from me for church. And I just picked a mormon church for social events… cant beat that.

When I was a kid, I went to my Catholic Church. I attended Boy Scouts at the Mormon Church because it was the troop my friend went to. I was also involved in the Catholic youth program at my Church. I did attend a stake dance with my friend, but I knew I had absolutely no interest in getting involved with a girl outside of my Church, so I declined all future invitations. As an adult, I am involved with my Catholic Church, which gives me the opportunity to be as social as I wish. I attend a very small Parish and we still have plenty of social opportunities.

 

[iepuras]

Wow, sounds like you were quite an anomaly among LDS women of your time. My (LDS) wife (Sister H) was a brilliant young woman - brilliant enough that even though she was very cute and had a great personality, LDS guys were put off by her (and she by them) because they were looking for a submissive little plaything, not an intellectually brilliant equal who would challenge any silly idea. She was 25 years old when I married her at age 26.

I had met her before my mission while I was at BYU and dating someone else - a farm girl from Idaho. Sister H and I met for the first time at a mutual friend’s house in Provo (even though we were from the same ward in Massachusetts and had never met before). We had the most engaging conversation that afternoon about all kinds of lofty things while my then-girlfriend sat and watched - and fumed.

My then-girlfriend from Idaho hated Sister H with a passion. I could never figure out why until after my mission when I came home and ran into Sister H again at our home ward. After a while I realized why my BYU girlfriend hated her so much. Idaho girl had recognized what I did not - that I was in love with this brilliant cutie from the first time our minds connected at our friend’s house. Women understand these things where we men are clueless. My future wife and I were intellectual soul-mates, and Idaho-girl saw that way before I did.

Intelligence is what I have always found most attractive in a woman. But then, I was a convert. BTW, your husband sounds like a great guy.

Paul (formerly LDS, now happily Catholic)

He is! My husband wanted smart kids so he wanted a smart wife. Imagine that!

Yeah, I was always the red-headed step child even in my own family. I am just so different that even my own family doesn’t know what to think of me. I just never fit in anywhere in Mormonism. I never fit the mold even when I tried. I just couldn’t deny how God made me.

I love that story! At least you were smart enough to figure it out. Over the years, there were several LDS men I had that connection with but it seemed like they were incapable of valuing me as a person. They just wanted the submissive play thing rather than an equal, so I was always being heart broken. I was always the woman who was a good friend and someone good to talk to whose opinion was valued but never the woman who would make a good Mormon wife. I got to the point where I simply no longer cared to try and attract those fools. These “priesthood holders” were fools and I didn’t want one anymore. I ended up with a man who is no fool and is my equal.

 

[zaffiroborant]

Much of the social bonding in both Protestant and Mormon communities could come from the number of activities that members must attend, especially of Sunday mornings. Unless a Catholic has a child in CCD, the mass is all that is required. There are so many mass times that a certain social potential is lost.

When I was growing up in a very Protestant church, we had Sunday School and the morning worship service. There was quite a bit of social pressure to attend both, so that was the standard. Having one main service on Sunday morning meant that members learned other members. People had regular places they sat. You began to know right away if someone was missing. I would guess the same thing happens with Mormons with the three hours they spend in church on Sunday mornings.

For example, a couple of years after I moved to another state, I was back in my hometown for a visit, so I went to church. I got there early and took a seat in a pew. An usher came over and whispered something approximately “Mrs. Smith usually sits there.” I moved to another spot and the same thing happened. The third time was a charm. Nothing like that could happen in my parish.

We have a Saturday vigil and four masses on Sunday. People, including my family, bounce around on their mass times, so you really don’t know who is there and who isn’t. We don’t have everyone going to a mass sitting in Sunday school classes an hour before mass. People drive up, park, go into mass, and make bee lines for their cars when it is over. Unless we volunteer for special activities, we don’t have the bonding of being in small groups that dismiss, walk together into the church and have identities such as the John Doe Sunday School Class.

I know it’s true in my former faith community and believe the same would hold for Mormons that someone wanting to attend only the main service on Sunday would run into friendly and firm pressure to be there for more meetings.

I have never found that expected socializing was all that satisfying particularly within a small group of people. What’s all that great about compulsory fun, or obligatory socialization with “friends” you have nothing in common with other than you live in the same parish? Coffee, juice and donuts are available after Mass and those who want can hang around and talk with others who stay, people are allowed to stay or go as they please, I prefer it that way. Frankly I’d be more inclined to look to a “mega” church rather than a small Protestant or Mormon church for socialization. At least they understand that people are all at different points in their lives and are coming from different places in their quest for socialization, spiritual/theological guidance, and service. In a mega church you have the opportunity to meet a lot of people that may have interests in common with beyond the church environment. In this respect the Catholic parishes I’ve attended as an adult offered the same flexibility in meeting and socializing with people who were at the same point in their lives (mom & tot groups for instance) or had similar interests, I’ve found like minded friends in our book club and open volley ball.