The Mortal Sin of premarital Sex

[iAnneart]

Hello, I am a seventeen year old girl that has made a horrible mistake.
I have a boyfriend for almost a year now and I love him with all my heart… however I did something that to this day leaves me fill with guilt and shame.
I know I was not supposed to, but I had premarital sex with him, stupidly of both of our parts and I regret it in every fiber of my being. I feel like I have disappointed everyone, my family/friends but most important of all, God.
I know I can never get my virginity back but how can i finally be at peace of what I’ve done?
I have committed the sin of sexual intercourse and oral sex too.
I am definitely not proud of what I did, and I feel like I can never forgive myself.

Please anybody help.

 

[tbtcom1213]

Hello, I am a seventeen year old girl that has made a horrible mistake.
I have a boyfriend for almost a year now and I love him with all my heart… however I did something that to this day leaves me fill with guilt and shame.
I know I was not supposed to, but I had premarital sex with him, stupidly of both of our parts and I regret it in every fiber of my being. I feel like I have disappointed everyone, my family/friends but most important of all, God.
I know I can never get my virginity back but how can i finally be at peace of what I’ve done?
I have committed the sin of sexual intercourse and oral sex too.
I am definitely not proud of what I did, and I feel like I can never forgive myself.

Please anybody help.

Our help is in the name of the Lord who made heaven and earth Psalm 124:8

We have all sinned and have fallen short of the glory of God. We all make mistakes and have sinned venially and mortally. For us Catholics we have recourse to Our merciful and just Lord in the saving sacrament of Reconciliation.

James 1:9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just, to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all iniquity.

Confess your sins to the priest who stands in persona Christi, an alter Christus. Be contrite and sorrowful for your sins. After absolution you once again have a clean slate and restored to a state of grace. Peace will be restored to you through your repentance and reconciliation with Our Lord.

Pray to Our Mother Mary to cover you with her gracious mantle. Pray to her and with her for her intercession to Our Lord daily. Strive for purity and chastity and avoid the near occasions of sin. Seek counsel with a priest, religious sister and/or any other virtuous member of the community you trust and confide in.

Mary, Mother most pure, and Joseph, chaste guardian of the Virgin, to you I entrust the purity of my soul and body. I beg you to plead with God for me that I may never for the remainder of my life soil my soul by any sin of impurity. I earnestly wish to be pure in thought, word and deed in imitation of your own holy purity. Obtain for me a deep sense of modesty, which will be reflected in my external conduct. Protect my eyes, the windows of my soul, from anything that might dim the luster of a heart that must mirror only Christ-like purity. And when the “Bread of Angels” becomes my food in Holy Communion, seal my heart forever against the suggestions of sinful pleasures. Finally, may I be among the number of those of whom Jesus spoke, “Blessed are the pure of heart for they shall see God.” Amen.

Lord, inflame our hearts and our inmost beings with the fire of Your Holy Spirit, that we may serve You with chaste bodies and pure minds. Through Christ our Lord. Amen
Source: ourcatholicprayers.com/prayers-for-purity.html

 

[Sair]

Hello, I am a seventeen year old girl that has made a horrible mistake.
I have a boyfriend for almost a year now and I love him with all my heart… however I did something that to this day leaves me fill with guilt and shame.
I know I was not supposed to, but I had premarital sex with him, stupidly of both of our parts and I regret it in every fiber of my being. I feel like I have disappointed everyone, my family/friends but most important of all, God.
I know I can never get my virginity back but how can i finally be at peace of what I’ve done?
I have committed the sin of sexual intercourse and oral sex too.
I am definitely not proud of what I did, and I feel like I can never forgive myself.

Please anybody help.

I read this and feel unutterably sad, not because I think you have committed a grave sin, but because you have obviously been raised, as I was, to believe you have done so. Your belief in this regard is poisoning what should have been an important and beautiful experience for you, just as it did so for me in my youth.

 

[DWGarvin]

I read this and feel unutterably sad, not because I think you have committed a grave sin, but because you have obviously been raised, as I was, to believe you have done so. Your belief in this regard is poisoning what should have been an important and beautiful experience for you, just as it did so for me in my youth.

I’m not sure where to begin with this. Intercourse is of course supposed to be an important and beautiful experience. I don’t know how prohibiting it for persons outside marriage is supposed to be “poisoning it”. If you follow the possible and natural outcomes of sexual intercourse (pregnancy), it would lead to one of two outcomes: a child raised outside of marriage (eg: no father) or a possible abortion. I cannot see how either could be “beautiful”…

iAnneart
ALL of us here are sinners. The fact that you feel as you do illustrates (to me) a contrite heart. There is the beautiful sacrament of reconciliation. Remember: Christ came to us not because we are perfect and good all the time: on the contrary. He came to use because we are imperfect and sinful. That’s not to say that we are sinful all the time, of course, but we slip from time to time.

My only advice would be the same as offered to me during one reconciliation. One of my sins had been to be unfaithful in thought to my wife. The priest told me that I had to forgive myself (my wife had already forgiven me). So, don’t beat yourself up over this. But just as Christ said to the woman “sin no more”.

Your boyfriend is obviously important to you. Explain to him your beliefs. If there is indeed true love between the two of you, then he will understand. I pray for you and I wish you all the best.

 

[Serious]

I’m not sure where to begin with this. Intercourse is of course supposed to be an important and beautiful experience. I don’t know how prohibiting it for persons outside marriage is supposed to be “poisoning it”.

Just look at her OP. The poor girl is suffering from shame and guilt over a perfectly natural act of expressing her love. It is her unnatural guilt and shame (induced by the prohibition) what are poisoning her experience.

If you follow the possible and natural outcomes of sexual intercourse (pregnancy), it would lead to one of two outcomes: a child raised outside of marriage (eg: no father) or a possible abortion. I cannot see how either could be “beautiful”…

One can be prudent and protect against the unwanted pregnancy, and then there are no negative outcomes, only the happiness of loving the other and being loved in return. But that is also “forbidden”. Very sad, indeed.

 

[1ke]

Go to the sacrament of reconciliation first of all. Then, I suggest you go to Jason and Christalina Evert’s website www.chastity.com and read some of their materials. Read Christalina’s book Pure Womanhood or some of their other books.

Yes, you made a mistake, but God loves you and you can overcome this and move forward in faith, hope, and love.

 

[1ke]

iAnneart,

I hope you recognize that there are many who come on this site who do not know or love our Lord. They will continue to whisper Satan’s lies to you. However the Holy Spirit dwells in you and you are rightly wanting to do what is right.

You know what you did was wrong, but you also know that there is forgiveness in Christ. What you must not do is continue to beat yourself up over this like it is the worst thing in the world or that you can never overcome it. This simply isn’t true. It was a mistake. You can move past it. Put it behind you and move forward.

 

[ValPal]

You know what you did was wrong, but you also know that there is forgiveness in Christ. What you must not do is continue to beat yourself up over this like it is the worst thing in the world or that you can never overcome it. This simply isn’t true. It was a mistake. You can move past it. Put it behind you and move forward.

That’s the best advice yet. You made a mistake, do what you can to correct it (go to Confession, don’t do it again, etc.), and move on. My philosophy is that it’s okay to make a mistake, but one should use that mistake as a learning experience so as to not make it again.

 

[iAnneart]

To everyone that has been answering my question :

Thank you all for all your good advice, and with your kind words, I actually feel much more at peace with myself and more happy as a whole. I express absolute gratitude.
I am not sure if it’s possible, but I have heard that you can become a virgin spiritually again. If there is a way to do it, how can I? I want to become pure again in the eyes of God.

 

[Bob_Ross]

I am not sure if it’s possible, but I have heard that you can become a virgin spiritually again. If there is a way to do it, how can I? I want to become pure again in the eyes of God.

Go to confession and make a firm resolution to amend your life and to not have premarital sex again. Pray for others suffering from the same temptation to go against the will of God, and if your boyfriend is Catholic then I would advise him to also go to confession.

 

[EvelynEVF]

When you’re forgiven, you are pure again.

Now that you know what you’ve been “missing,” though, that firm purpose of amendment part is going to take some extra work. You know some of what tempts you, and you’ll need to watch out for the near occasions of sin.

The biggest penance will be avoiding doing this again, without beating yourself up every time it reappears on your radar.

This might be a wise time to find a spiritual director to help you find your way through.