The Nature of Sin w/ Pride & Vanity & Habit

[Safia]

As I fight zealously to become a saint, I wonder about things like this, and any insight would be much appreciated.

Before I found Christ, putting it bluntly, I developed a habit of lying – and it served primarily as a mechanism for self-defense, both at home and at school. The question of conscious consent to lies aside, I wonder if it is a venial sin, heavier or less so, or rather an imperfection, to say a lie in moments when I neither (a) consider the words or (b) consent to them? Is it a sin by the nature of the act? (There are still moments, very rare, but existing, in which I realize that I lied a millisecond after the lie has come out of my mouth, and my whole body grieves. Sin or no…?)

The same applies to questions of pride or vanity. My whole body, and my spirit, rebel against manifestations of either: I wish deeply to be perfectly humble, in the footsteps of Mama Mary. Also out of habit, there will be moments in which, for example, I’m not asked to do the reading at Mass and my heart says, immediately, faster than the snap of fingers, Oh, no! How tragic! (The reaction is vain.) My mind, at the exact same instance, rejects that emotion (even though, because it is so intense of an emotion, it doesn’t go away right away), saying, Stop. Stop. Stop. Humility. Humility. Humility. Sometimes I will continue to feel hurt, even though I really, really, really wish I didn’t. Sin, imperfection?

How do I judge if it’s actually a sin?

And any suggestions on how to fight something that is engrained into myself from a previous life? How to overcome that? I don’t want any of it.

Gracias!

 

[Oumashta]

Julian of Norwich says it better than I can.

And though I as a wretched creature had repented me, here saw I truly that it was reluctance and frailty of the flesh without assent of the soul: to which God assigneth no blame. Repenting and willing choice be two contraries which I felt both in one at that time. And these be [of our] two parts: the one outward, the other inward. The outward part is our deadly flesh-hood, which is now in pain and woe, and shall be, in this life: whereof I felt much in this time; and that part it was that repented. The inward part is an high, blissful life, which is all in peace and in love: and this was more inwardly felt; and this part is [that] in which mightily, wisely and with steadfast will I chose Jesus to my Heaven.

I know how you feel, but just ignore these little impulses of “Hah I’m better than you!” or “NO! I must read at Mass to show off!” It’s just the devil trying to disrupt your peace. As long as you don’t consent to them and would not think of such things voluntarily, you have no sin. We all get thoughts like that sometimes, but don’t be too worried about them.

I remember a story of devils showing Saint Catherine of Siena many evil and lustful pictures that tormented her greatly, and then when Jesus appeared to her, she repented with tears and asked why He (Jesus) was still showing Himself to her, and he said that she never desired or consented to those thoughts, and so they were not sins. !

 

[JRKH]

As I fight zealously to become a saint, I wonder about things like this, and any insight would be much appreciated.

Before I found Christ, putting it bluntly, I developed a habit of lying – and it served primarily as a mechanism for self-defense, both at home and at school. The question of conscious consent to lies aside, I wonder if it is a venial sin, heavier or less so, or rather an imperfection, to say a lie in moments when I neither (a) consider the words or (b) consent to them? Is it a sin by the nature of the act? (There are still moments, very rare, but existing, in which I realize that I lied a millisecond after the lie has come out of my mouth, and my whole body grieves. Sin or no…?)

Sin?..No.
Imperfection? Certainly. Join the club.:blushing:

Suggestion? Develop the virtuous habit of speaking more slowly and deliberately. Allow nothing from your lips that has not been deliberately formed and examined inwardly for truthfulness.

The same applies to questions of pride or vanity. My whole body, and my spirit, rebel against manifestations of either: I wish deeply to be perfectly humble, in the footsteps of Mama Mary. Also out of habit, there will be moments in which, for example, I’m not asked to do the reading at Mass and my heart says, immediately, faster than the snap of fingers, Oh, no! How tragic! (The reaction is vain.) My mind, at the exact same instance, rejects that emotion (even though, because it is so intense of an emotion, it doesn’t go away right away), saying, Stop. Stop. Stop. Humility. Humility. Humility. Sometimes I will continue to feel hurt, even though I really, really, really wish I didn’t. Sin, imperfection?

Sin? No.
Imperfection? Perhaps.
Do you feel joy for the one who is picked to do the reading? This would stem from Love.

How do I judge if it’s actually a sin?

If you do not entertain the thought or delight in the act, you have not sinned

And any suggestions on how to fight something that is engrained into myself from a previous life? How to overcome that? I don’t want any of it.

Keep doing what you are already doing.
In trying to overcome sins/imperfections such as pride, envy etc, it is good to understand the contrary virtues and to work to put them into practice.
It appears that you already are aware of this (Seven Deadly Sins and Heavenly Virtues) and have firmly committed to their implementation.
Now there is little to do except to continue doggedly applying them so that you slowly but surely “reprogram” your habits and reactions.
It takes time so while being resolute…you must also be patient with yourself.

Peace
James

Gracias!