The need to reconcile

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Kathrin

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The passage about leaving your git before the altar and first reconcile with your brother (Matthew 5:24) has often been used as an explanation for confession… But it says you ahve to leave your gift if you remember your brother has something against you (Matthew 5:23)… which does not necessarily mean we did something wrong…
So what if somebody has something against me that is not a sin I committed? The thing to do I guess would be to try and reconcile and make up and explain everything. I usually do that.

Now, how far do we go though? Today while I was playing the guitar and singing (in the street, for money) somebody I know (but don’t know very well) sat down next to me and started singing and clapping in her hands… I asked her not to do it. So she stood up and (I think, angrily) walked away. Now, not that I take it too personally, I know she lives at, or has lived at, a psychiatric hospital, and that is just the way she is… But then later I tried to find her because I wanted to reconcile with her. I even went to the hospital cafe but she didn’t show up there.

Now maybe she has “something against me”, maybe not… how far do I go to try and reconcile in such a situation? Do I try to find her again tomorrow, go all the way out to the hospital again?
Can I go to communion? I don’t think I committed a sin.

(And what if it happens with a stranger? It would be hard to reconcile with everybody we might bump into by accident and who storms off upset…)

Kathrin
 
I think you may have hurt her feelings. Yes, if you can find her, try and reconcile. It will help her and will also make you feel alot better. Good luck on your search.
 
I admit I was hoping somebody would say I am just being scrupulous again.😉

What do you think I should have done? Just let her? After she got up I even tried to make her stay and said she could stay (I just didn’t want her to go “lalala” very lozudly while I was playing my songs.

A friend of mine who was standing close by listening to me play said I took it way too personally, that she would probably just go to the next person now and if that person didn’t give her her full attention, go on…

I don’t think I acted really wrong, I just hate it when somebody storms off like that. I really like to be reconciled with everybody.

Now I feel kind of bad writing this, because I feel a little bit angry, almost close to tears. I helped her out with something a few years ago without even knowing her. I didn’t mean to offend her, I think I was being quite polite…

But as I said, even if it was her “fault” (nobody’s at fault here really I think), I don’t like anybody to have something against me. But how far do I go???

I spent a long time in the cafe at the psych hospital this afternoon, I went there in hopes to find her even though it is a faw way off. I even went to the ward where I thought she was but they couldn’t help me, I don’t even know her name, I forgot her name. IAnd as I think of it, she can’t be on the locked ward anymore because she walks around town now…Part of me thought I was exaggerating. But I thought of that Bible passage… But then again, I know that I tend to be wayyy too scrupulous sometimes.

So how far do I go??? I am really at a loss here. For something like this, do I have to spend a lot of time and energy to try and find her, and otherwise I can’t go to communion?

Have I hurt her feelings? I don’t know… I think she was kind of overstepping her boundaries and I just asked her to please not do it. But maybe I did hurt her feelings?

Kathrin
 
You sound alot like me. I have a problem letting things go. Try to find her and reconcile but if you can’t, try and let it go! Remember, she does have some mental issues. “Let Go and Let God!”
 
So you would try to find her again tomorrow?
How much energy and time to spend on it though? The hospital is really out of my way and I feel a bit uncomfortable going there sometimes because there is another woman hanging out at the cafe that I don’t like to run into because she makes me feel uncomfortable.😦

And if I go, how many hours do I wait? What if something else comes up tomorrow? Is this a high priority thing?
(I think it certainly would be if I felt I had really done something wrong and really hurt her. But I don’t think I have. I don’t think she should have just run off. 😦 )

And if I can’t find her (Friday I have to help my Mom with something, and Saturday probably too, and then I’ll probably go to a vigil mass), can I go to communion?
 
You have really clarified this problem to me in more detail. I’m not a priest or a doctor but maybe after everything that you have told me, you really should let it go! “Let Go and Let God!” I’ll be thinking of you. In fact, I’m going to say a prayer for you!!!
 
I’ll pray about it too. I hope I’ll be able to discern what God wants me to do tomorrow.

Thank you so much for all your time!!!

Kathrin
 
p.s. If you are in the US, you may have wondered why I keep talking about “tomorrow”, as then it would be in the middle of the day where you are. It’s late in the evening now over here…😉
 
Does anybody have an answer to the general question about reconciliation and communion? I really am somebody who tries to be in good standings with everybody (that is partly why I don’t like it when somebody just runs off), but sometimes there probably will be somebody who doesn’t like me or something I did. How do I apply that to the mentioned Bible passages?

Kathrin
 
Let me try a different tack:

To me, your thinking is a bit protestant. The Eucharist is Jesus,
as you know. To think the Church would not spell this out clearly to the faithful in the interests of revering Jesus properly would mean the Church is neglecting the flock and Jesus.

The rules for reception of Communion are very clear: Do not be in a state of mortal sin as best as you can determine by your conscience.

I think it’s good to study the Bible and especially if it is born out of a love of God to know Him better, but it is so easy to misinterpret or read in so many ways that Jesus knew we would need a living institution to guide us. For example, does “brother” in this mean a fellow Christian in good standing who acts in charity and so would not have something against you without cause?

Anyway, I’ve read some of your posts. You seem like a very nice person. I didn’t mean to come on strong, it was just a weird angle I saw to the problem you were posing.

peace
 
Michael,
what you say makes very good sense. Thank you for your reply.
The main point, if I read that right, being trust the church and don’t try to infer your own rules from reading the Bible… you know, good thing I AM not a Protestant, I would probably drive myself crazy…😉
Pease to you too,

Kathrin
 
Let’s boil things down to their absolute (even ridiculous) essence. Your concern is that it is necessary for everyone to have positive regard for you in order for you to receive Holy Communion worthily. Does this make sense? Of course not. Plenty of people will misunderstand you and think badly of you and “have something against you.” Plenty of people will be perfect strangers whom you are not even aware of having something against you, but they do. Plenty of people will be mildly and momentarily annoyed with you. You can’t please all the people all the time, and the scripture does not ask you to.

This scripture is not referring to these things. This scripture refers to important relationships that are broken because of something you have done and have left un-fixed. For example, not speaking to a family member or holding a grudge against a dear friend.

You have no duty to run after the person you asked not to “perform” with you and apologize until she is happy with you again. If she is a mental patient, that’s probably just her way of relating to people, and she wouldn’t remember if you did find her and apologize. If you see her again, make a special effort to be kind to her. That’s all you need to do. And until you see her again, keep her in your prayers. That will surely benefit both of you.

Betsy
 
Kathrin,
correcting misbehavior, as you described, is not your job to reconcile, but rather the person who behaved inappropriately.

What you might do, when you get a chance, is to just explain to the person why her clapping and singing was disruptive for you.

There is no sin in what you did, unless there was malice in your heart, and so you can still receive communion.

Jim
 
baltobetsy said:
This scripture is not referring to these things. This scripture refers to important relationships that are broken because of something you have done and have left un-fixed. For example, not speaking to a family member or holding a grudge against a dear friend.
Click to expand...
That’s what I was HOPING the scripture refers to. Otherwise it would just be tooo hard!!! Even impossible, yes.

And yes of course I’ll try to be kind to her when I see her again.
And I’ll pray for her.

Kathrin
 
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