The Ninth Commandment and "collar-chasers"

[paperclip21]

Hey everyone,

Okay, I’m not usually a collar-chaser, but a have a crush on one of the priests in my parish. It’s pretty harmless because I’d never try anything with him (and vice versa). Apart from the fact it would be a serious sin and I’d be stealing a good priest from people who need him more, I know it would never work out and I’m sure he’s mature enough to know the same. But the other day I was reading the Catechism and was reminded of the ninth commandment “You shall not covet your neighbour’s wife.”

The Roman Catechism mentions really briefly about cases with the religious but it’s not very indepth. So I tried to stop thinking about him for a few days and did alright, it actually brought me closer to God through prayer briefly. However, I found that I was less interested in my youth ministry work and became pretty depressed, which took me further from God.

This man really brings a lot of joy into my life and inspires me to work hard on a difficult youth ministry. Even though I can never have him, he still makes me happy and I thank God for him and the happiness he brings me. I feel like he brings me closer to God. And besides, I’ll get over him eventually.

I do occasionally fall into lust with him, which is definitely a sin. I’m beginning to think that the point of the commandment is to emphasis purity. The Catechism was talking about avoiding carnal concupiscence → va/archive/catechism/p3s2c2a9.htm which means lusting after someone’s body, right?

Is it alright to have a crush on him as long as it doesn’t degenerate into lust or a desire for him over God?

 

[puzzleannie]

I do occasionally fall into lust with him, which is definitely a sin. I’m beginning to think that the point of the commandment is to emphasis purity. The Catechism was talking about avoiding carnal concupiscence → va/archive/catechism/p3s2c2a9.htm which means lusting after someone’s body, right?

Is it alright to have a crush on him as long as it doesn’t degenerate into lust or a desire for him over God?

you just answered your own question
if you cannot exercise self control over your emotions remove yourself from the situation of temptation until you mature sufficiently.

you are basically talking about having these thoughts and feelings about a married man, he is married to the Church, so the same advice would apply if this person were the husband of your best friend or a married co-worker.

 

[Advocatus_Fidei]

He has become an occasion of sin for you so you need to keep your distance from him as much as possible, its not ok to have crush on him and you have to do all you can you rid yourself of it.

 

[paperclip21]

Hmmm I see what you’re saying. But if I can control the lust, which I have been able to, is it really a sin? I can’t really control a crush and I feel like a lot of positive comes out of it anyway.

 

[Advocatus_Fidei]

Hmmm I see what you’re saying. But if I can control the lust, which I have been able to, is it really a sin? I can’t really control a crush and I feel like a lot of positive comes out of it anyway.

If you deliberately put yourself in position which encourages the thoughts then yes it is, remember Christ said if a man commits adultery in his mind he is already guilty of it.

“But I say to you, that whosoever shall look on a woman to lust after her, hath already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Matt 5

 

[Neil_Anthony]

Hmmm I see what you’re saying. But if I can control the lust, which I have been able to, is it really a sin? I can’t really control a crush and I feel like a lot of positive comes out of it anyway.

It might be helpful to compare this to having a crush on another man if you were married. If your husband had “a crush” (that is, he felt himself falling in love) with another woman, what would you expect of him?

The right answer is, that he should do all he can to stay away from that person. Unless there is some very serious reason to be around someone who is a temptation to such an extremely serious sin, like your job or your health depends on it, then it should be avoided.

Sorry to bring you bad news! But if this news is really depressing for you, that might be a sign of how serious this crush situation is.

 

[birdie74]

I wouldn’t be too hard on yourself. It’s natural to feel love and gratitude for a wonderful priest. But, it really should be more like the love one has for a father. If this is a man who inspires you and whom you respect, it’s ok to “love” him.

You have to honestly ask yourself, are you happier with him in your life, or more miserable? Meaning, does being around him help you fulfill your Christian duties better and help you get closer to God? Then stay! Or, does being around him make you upset because of unfulfilled desire or wanting attention from him or being worried that someday you’ll crack and make a pass on him? Then try to leave and get over him. That’s easier said than done, I know!

People tend to be very harsh on women who say they love priests, but you know, many priests are generous, wonderful, caring people. The fact that you feel attracted to that is not psycho or evil! We are used to calling every loving feeling a “crush,” but you could be feeling deep spiritual friendship or filial love … those I think are ok.

As for having felt lust about him being a sin, I don’t know. Since you are making an effort to make sure it does not get out of control, I doubt it was a mortal sin. But if you feel shame about it, confess it and work on managing your devotion to this man.

What I am saying is, you are really lucky if you have a priest who is helping you do acts of virtue. I wouldn’t throw it away because you sometimes feel crushy. Good luck!

 

[jegow]

I would take the advise of the people who have responded so far. First, it is alright to admire your priest. Only being a priest for a couple years myself I can testify that not everyone admires you the way you thought they would and it’s nice to receive that sometimes. On the other hand, your admiration should not turn into affection for him, if you know what I mean. A priest knows to whom he has committed his life and knows the vows he took in doing so and while that is the case it does not mean that the priest doesn’t have to guard his heart so as not to be tempted to act against the life he entered. I bet you money if he found it hard to be around you because of your crush that he would not say anything. Remember what type of cultural climate we are in regarding priests - I am sure the last thing he’d want to mention is that he has noticed this crush.

If you want to really show a holy love to this priest then I’d recommend getting over this crush and instead be a woman that respects that loving sacrifice he is giving to Christ’s Bride is a loving sacrifice that can’t be your own - even in your dreams, or crush for your sake.

I hope that helps. I know it would be really, really awkward for me if a staff member or parishioner’s crush became noticeable in anyway, I imagine it would be for him as well.

 

[paperclip21]

Thanks everyone. You’ve given me a lot to think about. Please pray for me as I figure out what to do next…