The non and former-Catholic in-laws

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sixofseven

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I’m trying really hard not to be angry at my future in-laws for not baptising their children (my fiance included). I feel like they have robbed him of a faith-filled life. They left it up to their children to decide when they wanted to be baptised, only problem is h2b has no idea really what baptism is or means (only sees it as a public show/declaration/committment), thinks because Jesus was an adult when He was baptised, that that’s what everyone should do. He doesn’t know when he’ll be baptised, and doesn’t know which Church to be baptised in as they have Church-hopped his whole life…
I spend a lot of time educating him about the CC and I know his ignorance is not his fault, but it just makes me so angry at his parents.
Any owrds of advice?
 
Hi sixofseven
It is hard for us at times to understand why some people do not baptise their children, but alas sometimes they really don’t know much about God or realise the greatness of God and his love for us. This leaves it up to us to be loving and kind to these people so that they will experience this great love God has for them. It does appear the h2b is some what lost but remember it is Jesus who calls us in his own time and it is for us to gently prod with great love and gentleness. His parents did what they thought best without the depth of knowledge that you have and the love you have for God. It is a shame that they have missed out on the love God has be showering on them and continues to shower, pray that some day they will all find that moment you found when you realised the greatness of God and his boundless love. Take heart that only God can change them I will pray for your anger to diminish and peace will come into your relationship with the inlaws. Cheers may God bless geoff. Have a g’day
 
I’d just like to say that I hope religion has been discussed thoroughly during your marriage prep and that he knows his children will be raised Catholic. You should not be mad at his parents for doing what they thought was right… would you rather they had him baptized but not taught him anything about faith? Much can’t be required when little is given. He’s an adult. He can make up his own mind now, and you need to be willing to stay with him no matter what he decides in regards to religion – I’m told it’s very difficult to not be equally yolked like that and I don’t think I could do it. My point is he’s his own person now, not mommy’s little boy and his lack of religion is not their fault anymore.
 
My husband grew up in a non-religious household. He’d occasionally attend a church if a friend invited him or when he was dating some girl, but pretty much had no religious education whatsoever. I came from a religious Southern Baptist family (I’m a convert to Catholicism) and it was kinda hard for me to imagine NOT having any kind of church as a part of my youth, but that’s just how some families are. It’s unfortunate, but try to not focus on the past, but help your husband to learn about God now.

When we both joined the Church this Easter and my husband was baptized (at the tender age of 45!), it was a wonderful spiritual experience for him and for everyone who attended the Easter Vigil. He never stopped smiling the whole evening, and so many people came up to him later to comment about how wonderful the ceremony was. The people on our RCIA team and especially his sponsor (a guy we knew from choir) all went out of their way to encourage him in his faith journey. Heck, even Catholics he knew from work with were cheering him on!

Let your anger go. I’ll be praying for you both.
 
Advice? Forget about the parents. Your real issue is whether or not you’ve found someone with the interest or inclination to be as involved and committed to his faith as you are. If he’s not even sure he needs or wants to be baptized, or is unsure about what faith he even subscribes to, this may not be a good match for YOU. It’s not your job to recreate your fiance’s childhood, but it is your job to make sure the adult you pick to marry is a match in terms of faith and values.
 
journey137 said:
I’d just like to say that I hope religion has been discussed thoroughly during your marriage prep and that he knows his children will be raised Catholic. You should not be mad at his parents for doing what they thought was right… would you rather they had him baptized but not taught him anything about faith? Much can’t be required when little is given. He’s an adult. He can make up his own mind now, and you need to be willing to stay with him no matter what he decides in regards to religion – I’m told it’s very difficult to not be equally yolked like that and I don’t think I could do it. My point is he’s his own person now, not mommy’s little boy and his lack of religion is not their fault anymore.
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Thanks, yes we talk about it regularly. I know I shouldn’t be mad, but that’s the problem - I am. Totally agree with you, yes he’s a big boy but his parents still do have a lot of influence over him, they are very close. It’s not like they’re overbearing or smothering or anything like that, I get along fine with them, they’re great people - it’s just that their son, my fiance, is lost.
It doesn’t matter what I would rather have, it’s not about me, I don’t want him to be baptised for me - but I just think he has missed out, he is lost and confused about his faith - he can’t even say what it is that he believes - and I think that one of the reasons is that he hasn’t been baptised, he hasn’t received the Holy Spirit to guide him in faith, and that makes me angry that he was denied that. His parents are very Christian and one is a fallen-away Catholic - I think that’s why I get angry becasue I think they should know better.
I am willing to stay with him, we know it’s going to be difficult but we are prepared to stick it out.
 
Island_Oak said:
Advice? Forget about the parents. Your real issue is whether or not you’ve found someone with the interest or inclination to be as involved and committed to his faith as you are. If he’s not even sure he needs or wants to be baptized, or is unsure about what faith he even subscribes to, this may not be a good match for YOU. It’s not your job to recreate your fiance’s childhood, but it is your job to make sure the adult you pick to marry is a match in terms of faith and values.
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This is where it gets tricky - he is committed to Christianity, but his understanding of Baptism, IMO, doesn’t match with his committment. As I said in my OP, he has church-hopped his whole life - Baptist, Presbyterian, Pentecostal and other Christian Community Churches. We love talking about faith, and actually have a bit of fun ‘battling it out’ with each other. :slapfight: I am thankful that I found someone who challenges me and makes me defend my faith - I have learnt so much more about my own faith becasue of him.
I in no way want to recreate his childhood. My issue is not about us as a couple, I’m just struggling with my feelings toward his parents.
 
searcher_geoff said:
Hi sixofseven
It is hard for us at times to understand why some people do not baptise their children, but alas sometimes they really don’t know much about God or realise the greatness of God and his love for us. This leaves it up to us to be loving and kind to these people so that they will experience this great love God has for them. It does appear the h2b is some what lost but remember it is Jesus who calls us in his own time and it is for us to gently prod with great love and gentleness. His parents did what they thought best without the depth of knowledge that you have and the love you have for God. It is a shame that they have missed out on the love God has be showering on them and continues to shower, pray that some day they will all find that moment you found when you realised the greatness of God and his boundless love. Take heart that only God can change them I will pray for your anger to diminish and peace will come into your relationship with the inlaws. Cheers may God bless geoff. Have a g’day
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It is hard to understand, I think their decision was about their own agenda and difficulties they had with the Church.
I do try to remember that is up to Jesus and I constantly pray that the Holy Spirit will help H2B. I really try to take the backseat but I can’t help feeling, well to be honest, sorry for him and angry at them. I pray for patience and understanding…sometimes it just gets over my head.
 
I’ve heard the justification for delaying baptism that it should be up to the child to “decide for himself” from dear friends who have also decided that since that was the way they were raised, it is good for their precious baby daughter too. I regret it, but I think one must be sensitive about the emotions of the parents who, after all, are making the choice for their child. First, they might think that because it “worked for them” (which it probably didn’t), it should work for their kid. Maybe a good tack would be to ask them if they thought that decision their parents made on their behalf aided their own spiritual development and, if they assert that it did, ask them to elaborate. They might realize, in the elaboration, that it really didn’t help them as much as they think it is going to help “junior”. But, it’s their choice, not ours.–and the choice of the Holy Spirit to act upon them, so, of course, we can always pray unceasingly for that divine action. The next best thing we can do is “evangelize unceasingly and, in cases of extreme necessity, use words”.
 
Maria_Raphael said:
My husband grew up in a non-religious household. He’d occasionally attend a church if a friend invited him or when he was dating some girl, but pretty much had no religious education whatsoever. I came from a religious Southern Baptist family (I’m a convert to Catholicism) and it was kinda hard for me to imagine NOT having any kind of church as a part of my youth, but that’s just how some families are. It’s unfortunate, but try to not focus on the past, but help your husband to learn about God now.

When we both joined the Church this Easter and my husband was baptized (at the tender age of 45!), it was a wonderful spiritual experience for him and for everyone who attended the Easter Vigil. He never stopped smiling the whole evening, and so many people came up to him later to comment about how wonderful the ceremony was. The people on our RCIA team and especially his sponsor (a guy we knew from choir) all went out of their way to encourage him in his faith journey. Heck, even Catholics he knew from work with were cheering him on!

Let your anger go. I’ll be praying for you both.
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Thank you - and congratulations to you both!
This is what frustrates me - he has been brought up in a religious household, he went away to Bible camps, went to a Christian school, he does know God, but he is still searching for something like a lost child, and it breaks my heart. I know it is now his responsibility to find his faith but I just can’t help my anger towards his parents for confusing the heck out of him (IMO)!
I think his stance is that he’d join any Christian church as long as it’s not the Catholic Church! Yet everything he is looking for is here.
 
sixofseven said:
I’m trying really hard not to be angry at my future in-laws for not baptising their children (my fiance included). I feel like they have robbed him of a faith-filled life. They left it up to their children to decide when they wanted to be baptised, only problem is h2b has no idea really what baptism is or means (only sees it as a public show/declaration/committment), thinks because Jesus was an adult when He was baptised, that that’s what everyone should do. He doesn’t know when he’ll be baptised, and doesn’t know which Church to be baptised in as they have Church-hopped his whole life…
I spend a lot of time educating him about the CC and I know his ignorance is not his fault, but it just makes me so angry at his parents.
Any owrds of advice?
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I say this with love for the Church, for you as a sister and for your future in-laws: go to confession. What right do you have to be angry at them, exactly? They were under no obligation to raise him Catholic because they are not Catholic. The only person in this scenario who has an obligation to live under the authority of the Church is you, and that includes not marrying someone who won’t take the Church’s sacraments. I feel for you that you’re in this situation, but being angry at his parents is of no use and could be leading you into sin. I’ll keep you in my prayers.
’
 
jazzbaby1 said:
I say this with love for the Church, for you as a sister and for your future in-laws: go to confession. What right do you have to be angry at them, exactly? They were under no obligation to raise him Catholic because they are not Catholic. The only person in this scenario who has an obligation to live under the authority of the Church is you, and that includes not marrying someone who won’t take the Church’s sacraments. I feel for you that you’re in this situation, but being angry at his parents is of no use and could be leading you into sin. I’ll keep you in my prayers.
’
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Thanks for your prayers, the more the merrier - I have absolutely no right to be angry at them, I know that - this is what I am struggling with. I’m not angry with them all the time, it doesn’t sit there stewing away. It’s when H2B and I sit down and talk about faith and our plans for the future that his ignorance, confusion and misunderstanding comes to the surface - and that makes me feel sad for him, and angry at his parents. Doesn’t a parent also have the obligation to teach their children? To me it seems there has been no consistency in his faith-upbringing and now he is left wandering aimlessly. Part of my anger comes from the fact that one of his parents was Catholic - I feel like H2B has been robbed of his heritage. I will go to confession, I was thinking about it last night that that would be the best thing to do.:aok:
Thanks again.
 
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