THE ONE, Soulmate, Prince Charming, Princess Charming, The right guy?

[Sierrah]

D’oh!!! That would be the smart thing to do wouldn’t it! Stop worrying and give it over to God. Just when I start thinking I’m a pretty good Catholic God sends someone along to say “Hey, Carl, Jesus told me to tell you to stop being stupid–He’ll take care of it!”

Sometimes that’s hard to do. I mean give it over entirely to GOD. I’m working on that though.

 

[Sierrah]

Hey watch it! You are only 4 years older then me and I am no old foagie, thank you very much

I’m sure there is a wonderful woman out there for you and God will introduce you when the time is right.

He’s only a tiny bit younger then me and I don’t even admit to middle age yet.

 

[Whitacre_Girl]

Are any of these realistic or is it all just a numbers game? What do you think? At this point I still think it’s more of a numbers game. Just my 2 cent’s

I think it’s a fairy tale told to small children to sell valentines when they are older

I have been joyously happily married for almost 2 years. (not a long time I know) but if there is ONE thing we’ve learned; “the one” is who you make it. We are only so in love because we make sure we stay in love

 

[cthulhubryan]

I think it’s a fairy tale told to small children to sell valentines when they are older

When I was in my early twenties I used to joke that there was one woman made especially for me but unfortunately she just got run over by a rice picking machine in China.

I finally decided that I would never get married, well… God seems to take things like that as a challenge and He doesn’t have to sleep so I got married almost 14 years ago.

 

[iluvmybabies]

Are any of these realistic or is it all just a numbers game? What do you think? At this point I still think it’s more of a numbers game. Just my 2 cent’s

I think there is a soul mate for each person, now does that mean that person is “the one” or “prince charming”…etc?? No, I think you could have a bff that can be your soulmate but could never be “the one,” or vise versa…

I just think that if you are meant to be with that person for the rest of your life, that maybe that’s “the one,” your “prince charming” or “princess charming” etc…

 

[Marie_Duffy]

I think a soul mate is what you get when you marry!
DH likes to say that God brought us together (it’ll be 30 years this February since we met) as he was looking for a place to live after he took a job in a new town, and a priest directed him to the same house where I too was renting a room.
I’d recommend “Marriage: the mystery of faithful love”, by Dietrich von Hildebrand.

 

[KCtheMommy]

Well yes and no.

I feel I married the ONE. He’s the only one who’ll put up with me in the day to day stuff life throws at us, and I’m the only one that’ll put up with him I suppose.

But, and this is HUGE: we have passion with our love. We have a ton of passion, I mean it’s like we are newlyweds in that. We are not very cuddly or snuggly, and sometimes he’s selfish and sometimes I am selfish. Sometimes we neglect each other in all other areas – but there is one place we don’t neglect. You catch my drift. We couldn’t if we wanted to! Of course there is deep love of a long marriage, and as parents to four beautiful children together, and as friends who do consider each other (well most of the time ) and actually like each other – but for whatever reason and I am sure it’s only God who knows, we have this “spark” this “thing” this Soulmate-type of love between us.

We are very blessed.

We had a time apart in the beginning of our marriage, and even though we each dated I couldn’t settle for anyone I did not feel as in love with or as passionate for. We got back together and all it took was running into each other on the street. Just to SEE each other does it.

So yeah, I think if there is someone out there who takes your breath away, whom you are attracted to for the right reasons, the feeling is mutual and it’s just there – well yeah, it exists. Sometimes that very thing is hiding in a friend, and you didnt see it before. I know that works. But for me – the MINUTE I laid eyes on DH I said to myself “THAT’S the man I am going to marry.” Here we are. 14 years later. We’ll be married 13 in April.

So it does exist, and even if it doesn’t at first sight, it can be brought on through love, faith, dedication and friendship!

 

[BamaRider]

Well I reckon Sierrah found her soulmate not seen her around in awhile.

 

[happymommy]

Well I reckon Sierrah found her soulmate not seen her around in awhile.

Maybe the road off into the sunset together…

 

[happymommy]

Well I reckon Sierrah found her soulmate not seen her around in awhile.

So how did you meet D? Was it all fireworks for you two or were you friends first? I know, she made you tacos and slice’n’bakes

 

[puzzleannie]

Are any of these realistic or is it all just a numbers game? What do you think? At this point I still think it’s more of a numbers game. Just my 2 cent’s

since you ask what I think I will tell you. A girl waiting for the guy in thread title to drop off his magic carpet is dreaming and needs to come back to reality. Spend the time an effort now wasted on cruising to meet someone on discerning and preparing for your vocation in life, be attuned to all the people you meet, seeking the best in them. Learn the art of friendship. learn the art of relationship, not as “he is my current bed partner” but as in two people who discover and explore mutual interests and ideals, can work well together, share a world view, can open up about their inmost thoughts, and understand the meaning of emotional and intellectual intimacy.

Develop values based on faith for discerning what makes a good person, what makes a good friend, what makes a good partner, and yes, what makes a good husband and father. Go for the gold, not for the luster.

 

[GraceDK]

I am really down…
used to believe in soul mates… and encourage everyone else to, but the fact is… I guess I stopped feeling like I could be someones soul mate since I am in my 2nd relationship within a few years that is not going anywhere.
Oh… and I sweated out that I begged God to send me a good husband all last year and I mentioned to Him that I wish that He made my wish come true for Christmas. I believed He would fulfill my wish but now its passed Christmas and I am still alone… you just reminded me of this strong prayer.
I have for a few months been dating a guy who has my passion and a personlaity I like so much but his life is full of trouble and he is a non-believer. I dont see a future with him…
:crying: I am starting to give up…
every one of these relationships take so much out of me… energy, hope… So much grief always follows that I feel ten years later.

 

[chevalier]

Grace, maybe what you desired wasn’t good for you? Not the right man, not the right time. You wanted something rather specific, you met a guy who didn’t meet the criteria. Or maybe you met that guy but not everything in him was acceptable to you. Conversions obtained by the prayer of another take a long time of prayer, sometimes accompanied by mortifications. We don’t get a man or a woman to convert for us just so we could marry that person. Besides, would that be good for us? Find someone, anyone, then change that person via prayer so he or she is all that we like? Doesn’t work that way. As for the who and when, you never know until it happens.

 

[GraceDK]

Grace, maybe what you desired wasn’t good for you? Not the right man, not the right time. You wanted something rather specific, you met a guy who didn’t meet the criteria. Or maybe you met that guy but not everything in him was acceptable to you. Conversions obtained by the prayer of another take a long time of prayer, sometimes accompanied by mortifications. We don’t get a man or a woman to convert for us just so we could marry that person. Besides, would that be good for us? Find someone, anyone, then change that person via prayer so he or she is all that we like? Doesn’t work that way. As for the who and when, you never know until it happens.

Clevalier…
hehe… you are right and I know that if this person became a Christian he would be rather different… maybe I would hardly recognize him and his spirit… hmmm… but it would be lovely. see he has so many qualities that I love … with him I could see my self…
but what does God want from us? that we not marry these people who are so poor because they dont know Christ? I had to think everything through and came to the conclusion that I want to be happy in the long run and thats why I chose the pain of separation now… but I still doubt… if its Gods wish or my own fears that are leading my life… maybe even the fear of other people judgement.

 

[Norseman82]

Several problems with the “there is one soulmate” for you. First, it can lead to attitudes of predestination, and I am a Catholic, not a Calvinist. Second, it can lead to cult-like manipulation if someone tries to influence you into thinking that they know who is the one destined for you and could lead to unhealthy second-guessing that could lead one to be downright neurotic.

There may be several people - hundreds, maybe thousands - who could make suitable spouses. Finding them is the tricky part, especially if you are a practicing Catholic unwilling to compromise on faith and morals and you are looking for similar in a spouse. From what I’ve read on other forums and from what I’ve heard from people in real life, people often look for God to make a decision because they are incapable of making decisions on their own, and maybe that is something that needs to be addressed in our faith formation. If the Church reiterated that we should stop rejecting good Catholics eligible to marry in the Church in order to pursue those who are not (and the Church needs to state strongly FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY YOU HAVE NO BUSINESS PURSUING DIVORCED PEOPLE THAT ARE INELIGIBLE WHEN THERE ARE SO MANY ELIGIBLE CATHOLICS OUT THERE), there would be less confusion over the question of “who does God want me to marry”, because scales would drop from our eyes and we would see who is a candidate for marriage and who is not, and then as a previous poster alluded to we could go on to the secondary tier of criteria of compatibility on other issues and recognizing any “red flags”.

 

[chevalier]

Clevalier…
hehe… you are right and I know that if this person became a Christian he would be rather different… maybe I would hardly recognize him and his spirit… hmmm… but it would be lovely. see he has so many qualities that I love … with him I could see my self…

When people pray for people to convert, it takes years. Won’t normally happen overnight. Won’t happen because we want to marry that person - it would help if we prayed for that conversion for his or her own good and salvation (I’m not implying that lack of conversion prevents salvation). At any rate, it wouldn’t be a good thing if we could Midas touch convert any man or woman of our choosing into an eligible Catholic.

but what does God want from us? that we not marry these people who are so poor because they dont know Christ?

A wife or husband may be a tool of conversion, but if we were to make such a decision on our own, I think that would be misguided. It needs to be an authentic marriage at any rate, not solely formal means to have someone converted.

I had to think everything through and came to the conclusion that I want to be happy in the long run and thats why I chose the pain of separation now… but I still doubt… if its Gods wish or my own fears that are leading my life… maybe even the fear of other people judgement.

I can’t answer that, but have faith. Have faith, have hope, pray a lot, act with love. You will not get shortchanged and certainly not by God.

 

[chevalier]

Several problems with the “there is one soulmate” for you. First, it can lead to attitudes of predestination, and I am a Catholic, not a Calvinist.

Actually, we believe in God planning things and free will. We don’t believe God plans some people saved and some unsaved, but He may well have plans for us which we may follow or not. Those plans could involve a specific person for us to marry. I have a problem imagining God acting as a matchmaker, but didn’t Our Lord tell His Disciples to go without food rations, spare clothes and the like, eating what they receive and living from the Gospel? He also told us that Father cared for each single sparrow, then so much more for us. This makes it hard to say that God wouldn’t care who we end up married with. A mortal father would care, then so much more God does, not? I don’t see it (the soulmate theory), but some arguments against it are admittedly not so strong.

Second, it can lead to cult-like manipulation if someone tries to influence you into thinking that they know who is the one destined for you and could lead to unhealthy second-guessing that could lead one to be downright neurotic.

Yeah.

There may be several people - hundreds, maybe thousands - who could make suitable spouses.

True. Also true that some might be better than others. I suppose if we were all saints, much more people could have a successful marriage. Acting with love, being faithful, giving of oneself, supporting the other… Not like we wouldn’t have a reason to pick specific people rather than just anyone.

If the Church reiterated that we should stop rejecting good Catholics eligible to marry in the Church in order to pursue those who are not (and the Church needs to state strongly FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY YOU HAVE NO BUSINESS PURSUING DIVORCED PEOPLE THAT ARE INELIGIBLE WHEN THERE ARE SO MANY ELIGIBLE CATHOLICS OUT THERE), there would be less confusion over the question of “who does God want me to marry”, because scales would drop from our eyes and we would see who is a candidate for marriage and who is not, and then as a previous poster alluded to we could go on to the secondary tier of criteria of compatibility on other issues and recognizing any “red flags”.

If someone’s looking for the one right person God intended for him or her, I doubt the same person fathoms ideas that an ineligible person might be it. And the Church can’t mandate whom to pursue and whom not to in specific terms. The Church can’t really tell women to stick with good guys and avoid the rebels. Mandating that would limit their free will, which wouldn’t be that good for them. The other thing is that people are goals in themselves, so limiting Catholic women’s choices so that Catholic men, perceived by us as better than others, would have it easier to find a mate, is not an option.

 

[Norseman82]

This makes it hard to say that God wouldn’t care who we end up married with. A mortal father would care, then so much more God does, not? I don’t see it (the soulmate theory), but some arguments against it are admittedly not so strong.

If someone’s looking for the one right person God intended for him or her, I doubt the same person fathoms ideas that an ineligible person might be it. And the Church can’t mandate whom to pursue and whom not to in specific terms. The Church can’t really tell women to stick with good guys and avoid the rebels. Mandating that would limit their free will, which wouldn’t be that good for them. The other thing is that people are goals in themselves, so limiting Catholic women’s choices so that Catholic men, perceived by us as better than others, would have it easier to find a mate, is not an option.

Well, the Church does have marriage laws, so our free will is limited right there.

However, does God have ONE AND ONLY ONE intended for us, or is it a case of many would be good for us and we are free to choose form them, similar to what He told to Adam “you may eat of any fruit in the garden except for the one in the middle”?

 

[Just_Lurking]

If there was a Catholic doctrine that for each person there was a soulmate, then wouldn’t it be grounds for annulment if you accidentally married someone who wasn’t your soulmate? After all, if you married a person other than who God intended, then God wouldn’t really join you both together, so you wouldn’t be validly married.

 

[rayne89]

I wouldn’t know about numbers. In high school I didn’t date at all. I always felt the guys I talked to were after one thing -feeding me lines, putting on act…and then one fateful very warm day for January, when I was just shy of 17, I met my husband who was 17 at the time. I felt comfortable, it felt like I had met some I had known all my life. And from that day forward there was no one else for me.

Oh my gosh did we go about things all wrong. We wouldn’t have fit Kage’s catechism description at all. I married him was I was almost 19 and the first eight years or so it was a bumpy ride. But we worked hard at our marriage because underneath it all was that firey teenage love that pulled us together. I’m the kind of person that needs that fire. And with God’s help we have a better marriage than I could have ever imagined. We will probably always be almost broke, we will probably always flying by the seat of our pants, but I don’t feel like I wanting for anything.

I think different people need different things and you have to find the right fit for the person your are. I have a friend who’s never been the warm, fuzzy, goo-goo type person. She’s very practical and she married some one who is very practical, a very good provider, gives her a lot of security and she seems very happy with that.

I think people can be happy in different types of marriages, you just have to find the right fit.

I think God did have a hand in me finding my hubby. I mean it was a warm day in January, in Michigan…lol. My friend & I were walking at a local park, and he was there with his friend -and he hates the cold. A few degrees colder and we would never have crossed paths. Ok well we did go to same high school but it was a really big high school and we didn’t know each other until that day.

Anyway he feels like my soulmate to me. I don’t know, I’m sure I could have loved someone else…if I had been living in a different state or country or whatever. I just can’t imagine being with anyone else.