The ONE thing I agree with JW'S on!

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about dating. that i agree with them on. i must admit, it is really good the way they chaperon the dates of the young ones. that is pretty commendable. i do not agree with pre marital sex at all. i think couples should seriously only consider dating if they want to be married. but that is my humble opinion. i do agree that young couples to be should be chaperoned and not be dating without someone being there. it avoids scandal, and potential immorality.
that is the only issue i agree with. but agree with none the less.
 
a chaperoned date? thats swell with minors. but with adults? its unrealistic.
 
That’s how Muslim marriages usually work, I mean if the two are interested in possibly getting married they’ll meet (not ‘date’) and get to know each other with family members present. It works fine, so I don’t see any reason to label it unrealistic.

I don’t think this was uncommon in most Catholic countries either, until the last century or so.
 
notice i said young ones there agnos? adults can also be moral when it comes to dating. i was speaking of young ones. i also do not think adults should engage in pre marital sex. they can wait until they are married.
 
AgnosTheist said:
a chaperoned date? thats swell with minors. but with adults? its unrealistic.
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Adults may self-chaperone by choosing to go on group dates, dates in public places, etc. My husband and I would do this before we were married. Many of our married friends did as well (and we have unmarried friends who continue to do so). It can be a challenge, but far from unrealistic.
 
Kadaveri said:
That’s how Muslim marriages usually work, I mean if the two are interested in possibly getting married they’ll meet (not ‘date’) and get to know each other with family members present. It works fine, so I don’t see any reason to label it unrealistic.
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would you be more likely to reveal your true nature before a crowd or before the one person that you are really interested in?
 
Good_Daughter said:
Adults may self-chaperone by choosing to go on group dates, dates in public places, etc. My husband and I would do this before we were married. Many of our married friends did as well (and we have unmarried friends who continue to do so). It can be a challenge, but far from unrealistic.
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group dates are reasonable. it can also be quite fun. 🙂
 
Good_Daughter said:
Adults may self-chaperone by choosing to go on group dates, dates in public places, etc. My husband and I would do this before we were married. Many of our married friends did as well (and we have unmarried friends who continue to do so). It can be a challenge, but far from unrealistic.
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👍
 
In the congregation I spent most of my time in as a kid, we had 5 marriages where the female was still in High School and dropped out because they got married (that I can recall). All with approval of their parents of course and by California law the female had to be 16 years old (this was back in the late 1970’s so maybe the laws have changed, I don’t know). My brother was one of those 5 (well his wife, he was already out of High School by one year and she was a sophomore). So she never got a HS education or a GED. Since the JW’s place no emphasis upon formal education (or at least didn’t when I was in, it might be different now) these marriages of very young people was prevalent.

When I was in I was not allowed to date at all (parental mandate not necessarily a JW mandate) because dating was only for those contemplating marriage. My first “date” was my junior prom it was a double date with another couple getting ready to do the get married while we are still in HS deal, as you can imagine it was an abysmal failure in all aspects of the social spectrum.

This methodology stunted my social progression (in my opinion, of course) making it very difficult for my inter-sexual relationships later in life. As I’ve said before several times about the JW’s, they are a relationship killing organization. The way they handle marriage and dating is yet another example of this aspect of their teachings.

I believe it is entirely possible to encourage sexual purity in relationships prior to marriage without the strictness that I encountered as an adolescent in the JW organization.
 
b_justb said:
I believe it is entirely possible to encourage sexual purity in relationships prior to marriage without the strictness that I encountered as an adolescent in the JW organization.
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Me & my wife are the living proof that it is possible. We dated dated and dated…kissed, kissed & kissed…touched, touched & touched…and never had sex (of any sort) until after marriage which was 4 years after we became a dating couple. Been married for 10 years now and our relationship is still strong! 🙂
 
AgnosTheist said:
would you be more likely to reveal your true nature before a crowd or before the one person that you are really interested in?
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I see no reason to be a different person in different settings. I wouldn’t want a potential spouse to, either.
 
Feedmysheep said:
I see no reason to be a different person in different settings. I wouldn’t want a potential spouse to, either.
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but we are a different person in different settings. what we are at work is not what we are at home. what we are in front of a crowd is not what we are with an intimate partner. thats why a private dating will more likely tell the other person what you are.
 
TraditionalCath said:
about dating. that i agree with them on. i must admit, it is really good the way they chaperon the dates of the young ones. that is pretty commendable. i do not agree with pre marital sex at all. i think couples should seriously only consider dating if they want to be married. but that is my humble opinion. i do agree that young couples to be should be chaperoned and not be dating without someone being there. it avoids scandal, and potential immorality.
that is the only issue i agree with. but agree with none the less.
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Sure, the IDEA is comendable, the practice, not always. The problem arises in what happens to some who violate the dating restrictions. Quite often they can be pulled before a judicial committee and disfellowshipped (excommunicated). Judicial committees are not a fun experience, especially for those accussed of sexual misdeeds. The questioning is quite often probing to the point of being lewd. I’ve known people disfellowshipped because their car was seen in front of another persons house and they were “suspected” of fornication and couldn’t prove otherwise.

Disfellowshipping is a harsh punishment in JW land…friends cut you off, FAMILY cuts you off. My step-son hasn’t spoken to my wife in years because she disassociated herself from the JW’s to become Catholic…
 
I also, agree that prudent behavior is to be commended.

But, to be fair I can say there is more than this one thing, I personally agree with the JW’s on.

Daily bible reading is another one.

But, what I do find distrubing is stories like b_justb’s story, because its not enough to merely do the right things, those things must always be done in love and encouragement, not in ways that are harsh and leave someone wounded. Its in the spirit of how things are done that I object to with JW’s.

Rendering any good fruit rotten.
 
Yerusalyim said:
Disfellowshipping is a harsh punishment in JW land…friends cut you off, FAMILY cuts you off. My step-son hasn’t spoken to my wife in years because she disassociated herself from the JW’s to become Catholic…
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thats brutal. 😦
 
AgnosTheist said:
but we are a different person in different settings. what we are at work is not what we are at home. what we are in front of a crowd is not what we are with an intimate partner. thats why a private dating will more likely tell the other person what you are.
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I think it is possible (maybe even essential) to have private time as a dating couple while remaining in relatively public places. Before we were married, my husband and I loved spending time at one particular park overlooking the ocean. We would take long coastal drives and go fishing (his hobby, not mine) and we enjoyed many intimate restaurant dinners. My point is, we had plenty of private time, even in the midst of others, and we came to know each other very well in that kind of environment.

Agreeing with your sentiment from an earlier post, AgnosTheist, I am glad that, as adults, my future husband and I were free to make these dating decisions on our own. I wonder if Jehovah’s Witnesses actually chaperone adult dating couples?

I used to wish for more social structure in the Catholic Church, but as I learn more about other faiths who have such structure, I realize what a double-edged sword it can be.
 
Good_Daughter said:
I used to wish for more social structure in the Catholic Church, but as I learn more about other faiths who have such structure, I realize what a double-edged sword it can be.
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yeah, i think the catholic church is just fine as it is with regards to dating issues.
 
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