The Only Thing I Struggle With

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jesusforever70

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*I apologize in advance about how long my entry is. I wish I could shorten it. But I don’t think I could have.
I know that God puts struggles in all of our lives. Without them how could we be made stronger in faith? And it is clear that some of us have more temptations than others that we must overcome?
I love God. I really do with all my heart. I have completely opened up my heart to Him and let Him fill me with His Holy Spirit.
But there is one thing I struggle with. It is the temptation God has placed in my life that I must overcome. But it’s so difficult. To be honest I’ve only told one person about this temptation I struggle with and that’s a very good priest at my Parish in confession.

I struggle with homosexuality. I despise my orientation greatly. I mean I am happy with the way God has made me in countless ways. At only 18 I rejoice in him every day. But I just wish that He had made me straight. I’m so scared that my orientation is set in stone. All I long for is to be a husband and a father. It is what I’ve always wanted. But how am I supposed to fall in love with a woman if I can’t be in love with her sexually. God, please make me straight.
Is it possible to go from homosexual to straight? Like I seriously am afraid it isn’t possible. I know all things are possible through God. But I know that heterosexuals never really decided when they were thirteen that they wanted to be straight. They were straight without thinking about it.
I know I would make such a great father and husband. I know God has filled me with characteristics very suitable for that kind of vocation. And I know that God has called me to the married life. But I struggle with one of the worst temptations possible.
I masturbate nearly every day. I hate it. I wish I wouldn’t do it. The urge is so strong. Every day I plan not to masturbate, but I end up doing it. And I know that lust is a mortal sin and that I am separating myself from God when doing it. And it’s not like I don’t read scripture. I try to read the Bible every day. I’ve read like 19 out of the 73 books. My prayer life is a little weaker. But it’s pretty strong. I just want to be straight somebody!
I just need help, any kind of advice will suffice. I just want to live for Him so badly! Please somebody help me. I am praying to the Lord our God that somebody may respond who has gone through something similar. I find this is the only place I can talk about it where my identity is kept secret. God, help me.
 
jesusforever70 said:
*I apologize in advance about how long my entry is. I wish I could shorten it. But I don’t think I could have.
I know that God puts struggles in all of our lives. Without them how could we be made stronger in faith? And it is clear that some of us have more temptations than others that we must overcome?
I love God. I really do with all my heart. I have completely opened up my heart to Him and let Him fill me with His Holy Spirit.
But there is one thing I struggle with. It is the temptation God has placed in my life that I must overcome. But it’s so difficult. To be honest I’ve only told one person about this temptation I struggle with and that’s a very good priest at my Parish in confession.

I struggle with homosexuality. I despise my orientation greatly. I mean I am happy with the way God has made me in countless ways. At only 18 I rejoice in him every day. But I just wish that He had made me straight. I’m so scared that my orientation is set in stone. All I long for is to be a husband and a father. It is what I’ve always wanted. But how am I supposed to fall in love with a woman if I can’t be in love with her sexually. God, please make me straight.
Is it possible to go from homosexual to straight? Like I seriously am afraid it isn’t possible. I know all things are possible through God. But I know that heterosexuals never really decided when they were thirteen that they wanted to be straight. They were straight without thinking about it.
I know I would make such a great father and husband. I know God has filled me with characteristics very suitable for that kind of vocation. And I know that God has called me to the married life. But I struggle with one of the worst temptations possible.
I masturbate nearly every day. I hate it. I wish I wouldn’t do it. The urge is so strong. Every day I plan not to masturbate, but I end up doing it. And I know that lust is a mortal sin and that I am separating myself from God when doing it. And it’s not like I don’t read scripture. I try to read the Bible every day. I’ve read like 19 out of the 73 books. My prayer life is a little weaker. But it’s pretty strong. I just want to be straight somebody!
I just need help, any kind of advice will suffice. I just want to live for Him so badly! Please somebody help me. I am praying to the Lord our God that somebody may respond who has gone through something similar. I find this is the only place I can talk about it where my identity is kept secret. God, help me.
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The only thing I can say is that God doesn’t give us more than we can bear. And He always provides the graces necessary to be able to live a holy life despite its trials. If you have such inclinations, that in itself is not a sin. It is only if you act upon them in an immoral way. The same is also true for a straight person. We must bear the crosses we are given and it is not easy. Whatever hardships we face in life we will be rewarded for in heaven. The greater the hardship the greater the reward. All God asks is that we persevere. All of us “fall off the wagon” in life but we must still get back on and strive. Just pray for strength, all the time. If you feel an urge, pray for strength to overcome it. I know that’s easy for me to say, but it’s really all I can think of.

There’s a Catholic ministry to help people with homosexual inclinations, to help in staying true to God and respect your body. Unfortunately I can’t remember the exact name, perhaps someone here can.
 
The program that ministers to those with same-sex attraction is called Courage.

Also, perhaps since you cannot find a way to be a father of biological children, you could find fulfillment in priesthood where you would have many spiritual children.
 
Hey there. I’m here to tell you that it does get better. That you can deal with it, with God’s help and grace, and that it will be easier to deal with when you don’t put so much energy and attention on your sexuality. You are not your gonads. You are not your hormones. You are not your sexual orientation and that is probably not set in stone. Mine wasn’t, isn’t.

But if you don’t stop the masturbating, you will make things very difficult for yourself. You are binding yourself with chains that are growing tighter and stronger each time you do that. I am not a prude, I know what I’m talking about.

The first step to breaking any habit, even sexual, is to stop it when the inclination begins. Personally, I find Christ’s words to Peter to be helpful. “Get behind me, Satan!” That usually does the trick. Certainly changes the mood in a hurry. I also keep holy pictures and statues, a crucifix and a rosary nearby, and two tremendous stacks of Catholic books by the bed, and one of my many Bibles right next to me on the bed.

I had a dream a couple of weeks ago that troubled me mightily, but I woke up, sorta, and mumbled, “Get bhinnd mi, Stn.” And even though I mumbled in my near-sleep, it worked. And that was that.

Pour less energy into the problem, the problem begins to lose its hold. Pray for grace to help you with this. Have Masses said for your intention. (I don’t think you have to reveal your intention to anyone.) Make Holy Hours. Lots of them.

And, for goodness’ sake, do reach out to talk about it, like you did here. Troubles shared aren’t half so scary. That’s my experience, anyway. Hope something I’ve said here helps. I’ll keep you in my prayers. 🙂
 
jesusforever,

I am amazed and bless by your courage. This is a very difficult cross to bear, and I am touched that you are trying to be chaste, despite what the media says. God bless you!

It is difficult breaking the MB habit, especially when I was 18, but it can be done. Try to block it with the very first thought. It is so much easier blocking it there than right before you’re going to. I started praying a rosary when I got my first thoughts, and it started lessening and lessening to where it’s now been almost 4 months. Or you could say some other prayer, like maybe to St. Michael the Archangel. Distraction also helped me. I really like to read, so I started reading about some of my interests (Star Trek, music and psychology (although I had to stay away from Masters and Johnson… 😊 :rolleyes: ) ). Or you could go for a walk, go out for dinner with friends, find a Mass to go to (that really helped me out!)… etc. Possibilities are endless, but I would suggest maybe also having a list of “safe things” to do beforehand, because I’ve been really triggered before unintentionally, and I slipped up… 😊 I hope some of these suggestion might help.

You’re not alone. I know a few people who also have same-sex attraction, and they have lived with that attraction celibate for quite awhile. They also rely heavily on God for that strength. These people are some of God’s best witnesses. They also love children, so they help out with any kids they can find. A few are blessed with a huge family, and many nieces and nephews, so they make sure that they are the best uncle they can be. I am not sure if I’m called to marriage and children, so I make the effort to be the best aunt I can be. The ache of my own childlessness is eased when those kids run and tackle me when they haven’t seen me in awhile. 😃 Kids are great! 👍

God bless you, and I’ll be praying for you.

Ericka
 
jesusforever70 said:
*I apologize in advance about how long my entry is. I wish I could shorten it. But I don’t think I could have.
I know that God puts struggles in all of our lives. Without them how could we be made stronger in faith? And it is clear that some of us have more temptations than others that we must overcome?
I love God. I really do with all my heart. I have completely opened up my heart to Him and let Him fill me with His Holy Spirit.
But there is one thing I struggle with. It is the temptation God has placed in my life that I must overcome. But it’s so difficult. To be honest I’ve only told one person about this temptation I struggle with and that’s a very good priest at my Parish in confession.

I struggle with homosexuality. I despise my orientation greatly. I mean I am happy with the way God has made me in countless ways. At only 18 I rejoice in him every day. But I just wish that He had made me straight. I’m so scared that my orientation is set in stone. All I long for is to be a husband and a father. It is what I’ve always wanted. But how am I supposed to fall in love with a woman if I can’t be in love with her sexually. God, please make me straight.
Is it possible to go from homosexual to straight? Like I seriously am afraid it isn’t possible. I know all things are possible through God. But I know that heterosexuals never really decided when they were thirteen that they wanted to be straight. They were straight without thinking about it.
I know I would make such a great father and husband. I know God has filled me with characteristics very suitable for that kind of vocation. And I know that God has called me to the married life. But I struggle with one of the worst temptations possible.
I masturbate nearly every day. I hate it. I wish I wouldn’t do it. The urge is so strong. Every day I plan not to masturbate, but I end up doing it. And I know that lust is a mortal sin and that I am separating myself from God when doing it. And it’s not like I don’t read scripture. I try to read the Bible every day. I’ve read like 19 out of the 73 books. My prayer life is a little weaker. But it’s pretty strong. I just want to be straight somebody!
I just need help, any kind of advice will suffice. I just want to live for Him so badly! Please somebody help me. I am praying to the Lord our God that somebody may respond who has gone through something similar. I find this is the only place I can talk about it where my identity is kept secret. God, help me.
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My dear friend in Christ!

Your doing good!

two points:
  1. God has promised to never give us a Cross that we can’t carry WITH HIS HELP! So make frequent use of the Sacraments especially Mass and Confession. The more frequent the better!
Don’t be afraid to ask your priest for Confession Times outside of the “hour” posted. Pray, pray and then pray some more.
  1. Think often of the very purpose for our sexuallity. It is for the procreation with the cooperation of God Himself of children. It is only a secondary and unitive function of marriage of one man and one woman, where sexual enjoyment is licit and permitted.
That means that there ar a great many others, perhaps with different issues, who too are prohibited from unmarried sexual pleasure.

Play now, pay later
Pray now and setle for eternal joy;)

Keep a Rosary in your pocket and in your HAND EVERYTIME you are tempted! You can’t solve this by yourself!

My heart goes out to you!
God bless you,

PJM m.c.
 
The only thing I would add is to stay away from the near occasion of sin as much as possible. 90% of that is turning off the tv and pc. Being alone with the internet can be disastrous if not handled with care. Myself and countless others can attest.
This will help you ‘dry out’. I know what it’s like to be buried and consumed with concuspiscience, it is easy to be a slave to it.

And don’t beat yourself up when you fall, this is critical. Have patience with yourself.

Frequent confession is also mandatory. Weekly if possible.

God Bless you and we’re all praying for you.

Pax Vobiscum.
 
jesusforever70 said:
I struggle with homosexuality. I despise my orientation greatly. I mean I am happy with the way God has made me in countless ways. At only 18 I rejoice in him every day. But I just wish that He had made me straight. I’m so scared that my orientation is set in stone. All I long for is to be a husband and a father. It is what I’ve always wanted. But how am I supposed to fall in love with a woman if I can’t be in love with her sexually. God, please make me straight.
Is it possible to go from homosexual to straight?
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I don’t know if it helps much, but I struggled with homosexuality when I was your age. And, amazingly, I found that my orientation gradually shifted over the next couple years. So, yes, I do believe that change is possible.

But, regardless of whether that happens for you, remember how much God loves you. And remember that you are not alone; many, many other people struggle with these issues.
 
KennethD said:
The program that ministers to those with same-sex attraction is called Courage.

Also, perhaps since you cannot find a way to be a father of biological children, you could find fulfillment in priesthood where you would have many spiritual children.
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One should not choose the priesthood UNLESS called by God to do so.

The priesthood, having experienced the priestly issues that we still contend with, is hardly the place with an homosexual attraction. It is not fair to the applicant, nor the priesthood.

God HAS A PLAN for everyone. With God’s help, learn to control your passions, and then seek God’s imput for what He wants you to do with your life.

God bless you my friend in Christ!

PJM m.c.
 
I have been carrying this same burden all of my life. I am almost 50 years old. I hope I can tell you have I have been dealing with it.

Originally, not well at all. I won’t go into any details, but I’m sure you can well imagine the things I have done. From your post, I did everything you wrote about. I hated it; I hated being this way; I only wanted a family. I only wanted to be loved. But I was trapped.

Guilt? Well, I felt a lot of guilt because I kept trying to change. I promised myself I would change. I swore to God that I would change. My guilt came from breaking my vows even to God. I was unable to change, completely powerless. But I kept trying… And failing. Please understand, I DID try and I DID want to change.

My guilt and shame kept me out of church. I was too embarassed to walk in the door of the church. As soon as I would swear to change, opportunity for sin would be right there in front of me, and due to my weakness, I fell every time.

More than guilt, I felt filthy. The things I had done were quite degrading. Yet I craved it, burned in lust for it. And then felt hurt and filthy and used when I did these things. And when I was alone, I did what you did while thinking about it and dwelling on it.

I was a filthy, degraded, shamed, embarassed failure who broke his vows to God, and yet although I kept trying to change, and vowing to change, I kept falling, kept hurting myself and kept feeling filthy.

It got to the point that life was not worth living. So I prayed. I went to the church a few times a week. I prayed in front of the tabernacle. I was on my knees laying my sin at the altar. I told God that I was sorry, but that I was unable to change. I told him I was powerless to do this. I couldn’t. And I asked Him to do it for me.

Almost instantly, gears started to turn in my life. I did not hear a loud booming voice from heaven, but I did hear God speak to me in my heart. I felt the power. The power of God working amazing things inside me. He called me to go to confession. It was an irresistable urge to go. I HAD to go to confession. And I did.

Talk about shame…! I actually told the priest about my sins. I did not go into ugly details, I told him in a similar way to how I am explaining it here. But it was humbling, I cried. But the priest was amazing! He praised me for having the strength to confess. He thanked me for coming in. He was supportive, warm, forgiving. He absolved me of my sin and gave me a really small penance. He hugged me. I still cry when I think about this. I had no idea how I would change, but I felt God’s promise that He would help me with this. He did.

I had never thought it was a sin to masturbate so I was doing that a LOT. But God told me to stop. He told me to throw away all of the books, videos, www bookmarks, etc. that I had that dealt with this. He made me clean house of everything that was unclean. And He made me do it NOW! No, there was no voice in actuality, but it was so real to me. It was my thoughts. But since I never think this way, it had to be God putting those thoughts into my head. I had to do things His way and I had to do them NOW! ( The voices stopped 😉 )

All the time and effort I put into being homosexual, He made me turn over to Him. I was feeding my sinful life and I never realized it. The hours each day that I spent reading inappropriate magazines, viewing inappropriate video’s, visiting inappropriate web sites, cruising on inappropriate chats were fueling these desires.

I have been replacing those things with prayer and Bible reading. It is true, no normal guy should spend his entire day in prayer and Bible study, but I’m no normal guy. All the same amount of time I was doing those other sinful things, I now had to fill. I decided that at least for now, I would fill it with obediance to God. I pray often. I say the rosary frequently. I read the Liturgy of the Hours in the morning before work, in the afternoon at lunch time, when I get home from work at night, after dinner and before I go to sleep. I read several chapters from the Bible. And my television and radio are tuned to Catholic stations.

Yes, right now, today, as I am writing this, I am carried away to excess with what I am doing, but please keep in mind, I was spending this much time everyday feeding my sinful life. Eventually I expect this to become more moderate as I gain in strength.

So, how has it worked out for me? I have not fallen even one time. I don’t even do anything alone… if you know what I mean. I stopped. Completely. And instantly. The desires aren’t even there like they used to be, although I would be lying if I told you I was cured. But I have God to help me now. When a thought comes to mind, I say an Our Father. It works. And the thoughts DON’T come as they used to. I don’t think about it anymore.

I no longer feel filthy. I feel refreshed. The guilt is gone. I attend church. I receive communion. I am no longer keeping secrets from my family and friends. The truth is that we have no stregth over our sins. When Jesus says he came to save us, HE does the saving. We just have to be obediant to Him. But we need to acknowledge that we are powerless. If we try, we will fail. If we give it to Him, He will prevail.

This is a long response. If you are curious or want to know more, please write back here.
 
Short advice, from a fellow sinner:

Prayer life is key. I’ve struggled enourmously with certain sins; the only thing that has ever helped me overcome it is arming myself for “spirritual battle” with the best weapons - prayers!

Saying a rosary a day has been the greatest help to me in avoiding the sins which plague me most. during the times when i stopped saying a nightly rosary, i felt trapped by sin. After starting again, i felt freed from the burdens. The rosary is one of the greatest prayers we have and is essential!

In addition to the rosary, it has helped me to develop a special relationship with a select few saints. St Michael the Archangel has helped me and can help you, as his heavenly task is to wage the spirritual war against sin.

And my favorite, my personal patron, St. Jude the Apostle. Among other things, he is the patron saint of cases which seem hopeless. If you have ever felt hopeless, you can have no more powerful intercessor than St. Jude. Asking him to prayer for me has done wonders in my life. If you like, try praying this, my favorite prayer, whenever you find yourself in desperate need:

*“O most holy apostle, St. Jude, faithful servant and friend of Jesus, people honor and invoke you universally, as the patron of hopeless cases, of things almost despaired of. Pray for me, for I am so helpless and alone. Please help to bring me visible and speedy assistance. Come to my assistance in this great need that I may receive the consolation and help of heaven in all my necessities, tribulations, and sufferings, particularly (state your request) and that I may praise God with you always.”

“I promise, O blessed St. Jude, to be ever mindful of this great favor, to always honor you as my special and powerful patron, and to gratefully encourage devotion to you by publishing this request. Amen.”*

http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Ithaca/6461/jude.jpg

May God ever bless you! You will be in my prayers!
 
God’s mercy is greater than our sins. The enemy tricks us
with thoughts of anguish, despair when he has us fall into a
bad habit especially habitual sins. But no matter what sin we commit God loves us the same. He by his nature can’t not not love us totally and completely. He can forgive all sins no matter how many times we commit them.

Habitual sins are like chains that are used to ensnare a soul. When the enemy looks for a weak moment he pulls the chain & tries to get us to fall. Even if one moment we overcome he will later look for other opportunities. But this should not cause us
to despair for God can redeem us from every moment of our lives
and make new our past.

The Desert Fathers & other Saints recommend several things:
1.) Remove occasions of sin
Remove anything in your room or house that will be an occasion of sin–if this is possible–that is tempting for lust
2.) Never despair of confession nor stop going. A greater victory
is won not when we fall to temptation but when we despair of God’s mercy. As he told Faustina, “Throw a bottle of ink into the
ocean. Can you retrieve it? She stated no. He said: Neither can I remember the sins of your past once confessed”
3.) Lust is a sin directly tied to our senses. Thus, guard your eyes and ears from watching what you know will be tempting.
4.) Pray especially to St. Joseph & Mary the Mother of God.
These are patrons of chastity and purity par excellence. St. Joseph had the most pure heart among all men, not counting Jesus of course. The Church has stated in “Redemptus Custos & Quam Quam Pluries” that he is the greatest saint after Mary.
5.) Most especially, increase your prayer life. As grace increases in the soul the capacity or allurement for sin decreases. Grace strengthens the mind, will, and heart against evil. You can’t will yourself to purity. But you can receive purity from the Holy Spirit or at least receive the grace to fight for it.
Remember chastity and purity are a gift from the Holy Spirit as JPII stated.
6.) Find a good spiritual Father. Not all priests fit this category.
I mean find one who will direct your soul into purity and away
from lust. One who is holy. A good spiritual Father can help resolve many problems in a soul–but they can be hard to find sometimes. Pray for finding one unless you have a person in mind already.

Concerning your SSA:
1.) Courage is a Catholic organization that helps people who
have Same Sex Attraction be pure and Chaste. It is headed
by Father John Harvey
2.) Narth & CMA are two organizations that help people treat
SSA. Their goals is to help reorient people sexually or
at least decrease a persons same sex attraction to others.

I will keep your soul at prayer tonight. Trust in God’s Mercy. It is greater than your sin.

Your Brother in Christ
 
I am so overwhelmed with the number of responses! Thanks guys so much! Especially that one guy with the really long witness. I have received more advice and support here than I could have ever imagined. I have always told friends the exact words-- to trust in God’s mercy, to lay down your lives before Him, and to always give thanks. But I don’t think I ever applied the words I had been speaking through the Holy Spirit to my own sins. I know now that the Lord Jesus can take away these sins from me because He truly did die for me.
I’m helping out as a senior leader this weekend at a confirmation retreat for tenth grade confirmands this weekend and can’t wait! Hopefully, I can apply what you-guys said through the Holy Spirit, of course, this weekend when helping others learning how to avoid all sin by turning to the Lord Jesus Christ.
Thanks so much guys and above all I thank God! 👍
 
Mate, it seems like you’ve got some good advice here. And I think it’s important to realise; YOU ARE NOT ALONE. You’re not the first person to have these problems (as can be seen by this thread), you are also not alone in solving them. " If God is with me, who can be against me?"

I will support PrayForMeStJude’s comments about daily praying the Rosary, it is powerful, and I too feel a hole within myself if I miss it.

There is a British comedian/intellectual/entertainer by the name of Stephen Fry. He makes no secret of being homosexual, but he added this rider; “I’m also celibate, because I want to choose who NOT to have sex with.” I don’t know his religious views, but perhaps a small step like that will help in the early stages. And prayer of course, lots of prayer.

God Bless.
 
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