The opposite of gentleness? Harshness. Hard lines. Brittle rules

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I came across this article online and really appreciated the words of wisdom.

I think this is something all of us here can benefit from, including myself. I feel like many of us, especially in this Moral Theology section, often forget about gentleness and humility. Instead we focus so much of our attention on following a strict set of rules, and make sure to express how we feel about those who we don’t think do the same.

elizabethfoss.com/reallearning/2011/06/gentleness-in-the-real-world-1.html
 
Debora123 - thank you! What a wonderful read. Really liked her insights. Very glad to see someone write on it.
 
And its not limited to Catholics either. People on both sides of the coin are in my life, and the humble, gentle ones are way more apt to be disliked by this world. I, on the other hand, are way more likely to listen to them than the harsh ones. A great deal of the harsher ones tend to be in my immediate family, and it’s so hard not to listen to them. Awesome article, thanks for brings it to our attention.

Chantal
 
I came across this article online and really appreciated the words of wisdom.

I think this is something all of us here can benefit from, including myself. I feel like many of us, especially in this Moral Theology section, often forget about gentleness and humility. Instead we focus so much of our attention on following a strict set of rules, and make sure to express how we feel about those who we don’t think do the same.

elizabethfoss.com/reallearning/2011/06/gentleness-in-the-real-world-1.html
Thanks for posting this. It means a lot to me. You give me hope I may believe in the faith again someday. This is a very healing and hopeful message.
 
I came across this article online and really appreciated the words of wisdom.

I think this is something all of us here can benefit from, including myself. I feel like many of us, especially in this Moral Theology section, often forget about gentleness and humility. Instead we focus so much of our attention on following a strict set of rules, and make sure to express how we feel about those who we don’t think do the same.

elizabethfoss.com/reallearning/2011/06/gentleness-in-the-real-world-1.html
Thanks for posting this. It means a lot to me. You give me hope I may believe in the faith again someday. This is a very healing and hopeful message.
 
I came across this article online and really appreciated the words of wisdom.

I think this is something all of us here can benefit from, including myself. I feel like many of us, especially in this Moral Theology section, often forget about gentleness and humility. Instead we focus so much of our attention on following a strict set of rules, and make sure to express how we feel about those who we don’t think do the same.

elizabethfoss.com/reallearning/2011/06/gentleness-in-the-real-world-1.html
While it is terribly important to retain humility and gentleness in dialog, as “pride is the root of all perdition”, we must also take care not to commit the opposite error. We must not forsake love for the sake of truth, and we must not forsake truth for the sake of love. God is both truth and love, and both are equally important.

Unfortunately, it seems that some of us just are more comfortable with one or the other. I for example am philosophically minded and am far likely to believe something on its rational merits than by the character of the one espousing it. In turn, I experience great difficulty in expressing gentleness out of fear of compromising the truth of what I have to say. It is a problem I am continually struggling with especially in my ministry as a catechist. I do hope I am making progress with the grace of God…
 
While it is terribly important to retain humility and gentleness in dialog, as “pride is the root of all perdition”, we must also take care not to commit the opposite error. We must not forsake love for the sake of truth, and we must not forsake truth for the sake of love. God is both truth and love, and both are equally important.

Unfortunately, it seems that some of us just are more comfortable with one or the other. I for example am philosophically minded and am far likely to believe something on its rational merits than by the character of the one espousing it. In turn, I experience great difficulty in expressing gentleness out of fear of compromising the truth of what I have to say. It is a problem I am continually struggling with especially in my ministry as a catechist. I do hope I am making progress with the grace of God…
Well, real love and real truth are the same. “I am the way and the truth”. God is love. God is the source of all truth.

So strictly speaking we cannot “forsake love for the sake of the truth”. The closer we get to Love itself, the closer we get to Truth itself, and vice versa. All truth, love, goodness converge on God; He is the source of it all.

vatican.va/holy_father/benedict_xvi/encyclicals/documents/hf_ben-xvi_enc_20090629_caritas-in-veritate_en.html
 
Well, real love and real truth are the same. “I am the way and the truth”. God is love. God is the source of all truth.

So strictly speaking we cannot “forsake love for the sake of the truth”. The closer we get to Love itself, the closer we get to Truth itself, and vice versa. All truth, love, goodness converge on God; He is the source of it all.

vatican.va/holy_father/benedict_xvi/encyclicals/documents/hf_ben-xvi_enc_20090629_caritas-in-veritate_en.html
Ultimately yes, both are the same as per the Doctrine of Divine Simplicity. However we as humans do experience a temptation to create a dichotomy between the two, although a false one. The very fact that the two are ultimately one is the very reason why we must never separate the two. Real love becomes mere sentimentalism and real truth becomes mere legalism. You are actually making my point for me, but you do it in a deeper and more profound way.
 
Ultimately yes, both are the same as per the Doctrine of Divine Simplicity. However we as humans do experience a temptation to create a dichotomy between the two, although a false one. The very fact that the two are ultimately one is the very reason why we must never separate the two. Real love becomes mere sentimentalism and real truth becomes mere legalism. You are actually making my point for me, but you do it in a deeper and more profound way.
Well put. Sentimentalism and legalism, yes.
“It is a serious thing,” says Lewis, “to live in a society of possible gods and goddesses, to remember that the dullest and most uninteresting person you talk to may one day be a creature which, if you saw it now, you would be strongly tempted to worship, or else a horror and a corruption such as you now meet, if at all, only in a nightmare. All day long we are, in some degree, helping each other to one or other of these destinations. It is in the light of these overwhelming possibilities, it is with the awe and the circumspection proper to them, that we should conduct all our dealings with one another, all friendships, all loves, all play, all politics. There are no ‘ordinary’ people. You have never talked to a mere mortal. Nations, cultures, arts, civilisations – these are mortal, and their life is to ours as the life of a gnat. But it is immortals whome we joke with, work with, marry, snub and exploit – immortal horrors or everlasting splendours. This does not mean that we are to be perpetually solemn. We must play. But our merriment must be of that kind (and it is, in fact, the merriest kind) which exists between people who have, from the outset, taken each other seriously – no flippancy, no superiority, no presumption. And our charity must be a real and costly love, with deep feeling for the sins in spite of which we love the sinner – no mere tolerance or indulgence which parodies love as flippancy parodies merriment.”
–C. S. Lewis, From The Weight of Glory.
 
Dearly beloved friends,

Cordial greetings.

Someone has pithily remarked, “love without truth is hypocrisy and truth without love is brutality”. That is surely a jolly good comment upon what St. Paul states in his Epistle to the Ephesians regarding “speaking the truth in love” (4: 15).

Whilst it is incumbent upon Christians to hold forth the truth in order to bring spiritual benefit to others, they must do so in a winsome manner that only love can make possible. In the absence of love, truth lacks its proper envrionment, as it were, and thus loses its persuasive power, whilst love devoid of truth forfeits its identity and becomes maudlin sentiment without solidity and feeling without principle.

Warmest good wishes,

Portrait

Pax
 
The point of the article and the reasons I posted it wasn’t to say that rules aren’t important…
While lots of people can follow the rules and lots of people can do numerous acts of piety and devotion, they aren’t necessarily people after God’s own heart. Following the rules does not automatically equal holiness.
There’s a thread going on right now about “Cafeteria Catholics,” where posters discuss Catholics who they feel fit into this criteria - people who they don’t think are as good of Catholics as they themselves are…
Don’t dismiss someone just because they aren’t as outwardly pious as you are. Don’t dismiss people at all. There’s a big world of people out there. And some of those people are people from whom God intends you to learn. Even if, at first glance, it looks as if they aren’t nearly as holy or smart or good as you are. Even if they aren’t as holy or smart or pious as you are. They, too, were created in His image and each person–each and every one–is valuable. And worth your time. Don’t discount someone because they aren’t as up on theology as you are or because they don’t “have religion.”
There are numerous new threads on this site everyday about homosexuals and their sins. And most of those threads have nothing to do with any personal experiences. It seems like people just start them so that they can discuss what everyone already knows about the Church’s views on homosexual behavior. So why would people do that? To bash them? To sit and dwell on how “sinful” they are???
I watch in not a little horror and listen to what they are saying, as they measure other people by their overt acts of piety, while they size people up and discard them like the stuff of yesterday’s recycling bin because they don’t fit the new collegiate image of perfect holiness.
Almost every single thread turns into a fight where one person or a group of people start attacking a fellow member and immediately condemn him for his actions/beliefs… and then make outlandish assumptions about that person and even say some very personal, offensive things… rather than listening, having a civilized discussion, and then backing off and just praying for him. Instead, these threads become a thing of pride - a competition to see who’s right, who’s holier, who’s “better…”
Don’t beat people over the head with your religion. Really. You don’t win souls for Christ that way. Actually, come to think of it, you don’t win souls for Christ at all. The Holy Spirit does. You just listen–quietly–for the prompting of the Holy Spirit. You just pray–fervently–that you can be His instrument.
We sit here and discuss “cafeteria catholics.” We start numerous threads complaining about homosexuals. We fight with people who don’t see eye to eye with the Church on some issues, and condemn them personally. (And I’ll be the first to admit that I am guilty of it as well)

Why are some of us so concerned with other people’s imperfections when we ourselves should be working on our own??
And please don’t think for one moment that you are better than the guy who goes to lunch at lunchtime instead of going to Mass. You’re not. You are broken and messy and in need of a savior just like he is.
We are all sinners after all. So why the harshness when it comes to OTHER people’s sins?
It won’t be easy. The gentleness thing. Pray for the grace to be gentle. We’re all human, remember? As you go about your day in your busy real life world, you will brush up against broken, hurting, sinful real life human beings. They are just like you. And when you know that you are broken, too, saved by grace and gifted with faith, you will be genuinely gentle. You will look to people and assume that there is something to be learned from them, something good in them. You won’t assume that because you are more pious, more obviously active in your faith, that you are closer to God. Instead, you will see Jesus in the poor, in the ordinary, even in the partier in the apartment next door.
And finally…
Remember “knowledge puffs up, but love builds up.” (1 Corinthinians 8:1) And, to make it all trickier, zealous people have to guard carefully against Pharasaical sins and scrupulosity.
 
I have some thoughts:

There is a serious and dangerous error that is often committed unknowingly by many people. This is both the error of the inquisition and the error of modernity. This is the error of identifying people with their actions. i.e. Functionalism.

The inquisition wanted to rightly condemn heresies, but it wrongly condemned heretics.

Likewise, modernity wishes to rightly accept heretics, but it wrongly accepts heresies.

We should hate sin, especially in ourselves. As sin is contrary to a person’s good and to love is to “will the good of another”, the only way to truly “love your neighbor as yourself” is to hate the sins of others as much as you hate your own. As sin threatens immortal souls, there is nothing that we should despise more than sin. A sinner is distinct from their sins and should be treated as such

That being said, personal judgments are contrary to the gospels and should be universally condemned. I’ve made some myself over my life, and I deeply regret every single one of them.

However, I’m not sure how many people wrongly perceive correct condemnations of their sins as incorrect personal judgments against them because of Functionalism.

Any thoughts on the pervasiveness of this grave error?
 
We should hate sin, especially in ourselves. As sin is contrary to a person’s good and to love is to “will the good of another”, the only way to truly “love your neighbor as yourself” is to hate the sins of others as much as you hate your own. As sin threatens immortal souls, there is nothing that we should despise more than sin. A sinner is distinct from their sins and should be treated as such.
Dear Veritas248,

Cordial greetings and a very good day.

Your above remark is bang on target and I think many men nowadays fail to differentiate between the sinner and his sin. The former we love unreservedly whilst it is only the latter that we loathe, be it in ourselves or in our brethren.

Our Lord’s word’s in the Gospel, “Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and the measure you give will be the measure you get” (St. Matt. 7: 1,2), are sometimes misinterpreted to mean that it is always wrong, under any circumstances, to pass an unfavourable judgment upon the conduct or opinions of others. In any case, that oft cited text does not mean that it is wrong or uncharitable to reprove the sins, faults and catastrophic errors of prudential judgment of other men. Such an erroneous elucidation of the Sacred text would effectively debar a man from ever denouncing error or false doctrine, which, of course, is plainly preposterous.

St. Paul in his Epistle to the Galatians envisages the possibility of fraternal correction by our brethren, “if any man is overtaken in any trespass, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Look to yourself lest you too be tempted” (6: 1). No doubt mindful of man’s frailty and the Devil’s subtlety, St. Paul recognizes that Christians will not always live a consistently devout life without ever stumbling. In such cases, those who are walking worthy of their vocation by the earnest pursuit of holiness, must gently and tactfully seek to restore their fallen or errant brethren. However, the emphasis must always be upon* restoration* and not merely rebuke. Having said that, we do, nonetheless, have a duty to use the appropraite means of convincing an erring brother of his sin or want of discretion in a matter, thus bringing him, hopefully, back to the path of truth and virtuous living.

What is out of place is, and what our Lord condemned in the Gospel, is a *censorious and **fault-finding spirit *that almost seems to take a perverse delight in the existence of error and which is always ready to pounce. We are talking here about a readiness to blame others for trifling offences or matters of genuine indifference. Clearly, we must watch against a disposition to magnify the errors and weaknesses of our brethren and make the worst of them; we should, as St. Paul advises, look to ourselves lest we also be tempted (Gal. 6: 1). Christian charity demands that we believe all things and hope all things as regards the motives and conduct of our fellow Christians (cf. I Cor. 13: 7).

As you quite correctly state, dear friend, “a sinner is distinct from their sins”, and it is precisely this that is frequently forgotten by some modern Catholics. By negatively evaluating a man’s actions and words, we are not necessarily being uncharitable or even harsh. Thus because we must not judge individuals, it does not therefore follow that we must refrain from reproving their sins or fallacious arguments. Indeed, by gently but firmly reproving our brother, we may be saving a soul from eternal ruin by encouraging them to have a change of heart about their present ungodly or worldly living, based upon their defective reasoning and earthbound thinking. Surely, such loving rebuke is called for nowadays, when so many modern Catholics have succumbed to the secular drift of the age with a degree of weakness and nervelessness unmatched in the history of the Church.

Warmest good wishes,

Portrait

Pax
 
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