The other adults who "run" my life

[CradleJourney]

Look at this… your husband tells you that he leaves for work 3 hours earlier tomorrow and you have to shift evening activities. If you husband made the change (for whatever reason) why do you have to make the activities shifts?

You can set up boundaries within your home that says your husband can make the shifts or he can at least assist with the new planning.

Oh my. We are really viewing this on a very different basis. First - thank you for your passion, your concern, and your willingness to take the time to post - I truly appreciate the time and effort!

But, honestly, that’s not how life works in for us in this situation.

Hubby works for a subcontractor who is hired by a company. The company decided to change the time they were shutting down the production line and informed the contractor who, in turn, told my husband when the new start time for tomorrow will be. This is common and quite normal in my husband’s line of work. He had no control over it other than to say no and lose a day’s pay (and his job if done repeatedly).

We have 6 people and 1 bathroom so the evening schedule is tight - he needed to get in there, get a shower (filthy from today’s work), eat dinner, and attempt to get settled down for bed so that he could get sufficient sleep to make the 2 hour drive to the job site, work an 8 to 10 hour day and drive the 2 hours back safely without falling asleep at the wheel.

That meant instead of splitting the night’s activities (picking one son up from practice and making sure he got clean and fed, getting other son to scout meeting and staying for the parent meeting, handling mom, getting everything set for first day of school tomorrow) between us, I had to adjust so that I could cover everything feasible and stall off the unfeasible (like my mom) until tomorrow.

I don’t mind - it’s my job as wife/mom. Sudden schedule changes where I’m called to take over are part of our marriage and I knew that from the start.

However, when I find out at the meeting that we are scrapping the six month event calendar they set up last month and creating a whole new one, plus adding on a ceremony for this Saturday, and my son’s been chosen to put together all the information for an outing in 2 weeks - that’s when I start to get frazzled a bit. Good thing is, this son has learned his sewing so it’s him (not I) that will be sewing the 6 new merit badges he received tonight onto his dress sash in time.

I could have chosen not to attend the meeting - but then, he would not have those badges to start sewing, we wouldn’t have the warning about what he needs to get ready for the outing and might not have found out about the schedule changes until we showed up for one of the events only to discover we were at the wrong place at the wrong time.

And now tomorrow I have the mom thing in addition to that day’s already planned tasks.

As I said - it’s not change / task number one, or two or three that gets me - it’s when it starts adding up to twelve or fifteen or twenty in a week that I go nuts

Your life is made up of all those little things coming non-stop from so many directions. You need to find a way to not let those little things heap up to one big craziness.

 

[CradleJourney]

What if the whole family were to pick one activity? For example, everyone goes to Scouts, or, everyone does baseball, or, everyone goes to Youth Group, or, everyone joins the Children’s Choir.

Instead of having separate special activities for each kid.

For example, “Cat”'s family all does figure skating; all of the children only do that. This way, they all only have one night out per week, and it’s the same night out for everyone, and they are all going to the same place, so there is only one car trip there and back.

Or a friend of mine, his eight kids are all in the Children’s Choir and those who are old enough go to Youth Group. They live across the street from the Church, so there is no driving involved; when it’s time to come, the kids just come, and their parents can be free to clean house or do other things on those evenings.

Thank you for the suggestion - it is a path I know many families have chosen. But my husband and I have always felt we needed to let each child pursue their own talents and interests. God created them unique and I just feel the need to honor that within our capacity (limiting it to one activity at a time and saying no to those that are far beyond our ability to commit time/money too).

I do see where it’d be a great deal easier though. Maybe that explains why so many people look at us strangely though - perhaps we are more unique than I thought.

 

[RoseMary131]

Oh my. We are really viewing this on a very different basis. First - thank you for your passion, your concern, and your willingness to take the time to post - I truly appreciate the time and effort!

But, honestly, that’s not how life works in for us in this situation.

Hubby works for a subcontractor who is hired by a company. The company decided to change the time they were shutting down the production line and informed the contractor who, in turn, told my husband when the new start time for tomorrow will be. This is common and quite normal in my husband’s line of work. He had no control over it other than to say no and lose a day’s pay (and his job if done repeatedly).

We have 6 people and 1 bathroom so the evening schedule is tight - he needed to get in there, get a shower (filthy from today’s work), eat dinner, and attempt to get settled down for bed so that he could get sufficient sleep to make the 2 hour drive to the job site, work an 8 to 10 hour day and drive the 2 hours back safely without falling asleep at the wheel.

That meant instead of splitting the night’s activities (picking one son up from practice and making sure he got clean and fed, getting other son to scout meeting and staying for the parent meeting, handling mom, getting everything set for first day of school tomorrow) between us, I had to adjust so that I could cover everything feasible and stall off the unfeasible (like my mom) until tomorrow.

I don’t mind - it’s my job as wife/mom. Sudden schedule changes where I’m called to take over are part of our marriage and I knew that from the start.

However, when I find out at the meeting that we are scrapping the six month event calendar they set up last month and creating a whole new one, plus adding on a ceremony for this Saturday, and my son’s been chosen to put together all the information for an outing in 2 weeks - that’s when I start to get frazzled a bit. Good thing is, this son has learned his sewing so it’s him (not I) that will be sewing the 6 new merit badges he received tonight onto his dress sash in time.

I could have chosen not to attend the meeting - but then, he would not have those badges to start sewing, we wouldn’t have the warning about what he needs to get ready for the outing and might not have found out about the schedule changes until we showed up for one of the events only to discover we were at the wrong place at the wrong time.

And now tomorrow I have the mom thing in addition to that day’s already planned tasks.

As I said - it’s not change / task number one, or two or three that gets me - it’s when it starts adding up to twelve or fifteen or twenty in a week that I go nuts

Definitely agree with this part. It’s good to be reminded.

Thinking about it, usually I’m best with controlling what I personally agree to do.

I’m not very good at situations when it involves my children and possible repercussions to them. They are already the ‘weirdos’ for being part of this large, crazy, poor family - I try not to put them into anymore difficult situations than I have to.

Slowly learning to control situations with my mom (elderly, recently widowed - new ground for all of us).

But I think I’ve left the little noises go on long enough - signing off to retuck in whoever is still up and head to bed myself. Appreciate the chance to vent and analysis the situation - makes it clearer in my own mind

Peace!

I’m sorry your kids hear that they are weirdos for having a large family.

Some of what I see from your posts is that the changes in plans from others who are a part of your life total up and become a lot for you to do.

If you had stayed home from Scouts you would not have know details of the meeting. How does the Troop communicate with all the parents? Are all parents expected to attend all meetings to know what is going on?

It seems to me that you place a lot on yourself. Its good you see your son can sew his own merit badges on his sash… its also okay if he appears with those badges still missing from his sash.

You have so much detail in the count of the adults in your life who affect your family calendar, the details of Scout functions that occurred tonight, and the details of how to make changes when your husband’s job had a sudden change. What I see as an outsider reading your message: is you are really over whelmed as maybe you see most thing “lays on your shoulder”.

quote: “Sudden schedule changes where I’m called to take over are part of our marriage and I knew that from the start.”

Today’s sudden schedule changes appear to have mounted to more than you feel comfortable doing. Its okay to say, “no” when changes occur. Its also okay to re-evaluate if someone else can help with the new plans caused from the sudden changes.

Maybe this semester is a good time to re-evaluate needed changes. Family needs change over time.

Hopefully, just writing your post will begin to help with this semester’s needs.

Peace. (You might actually need to schedule in time for “peace” on your calendar each day… time to relax and feel only peace.)

 

[mommamaree]

I haven’t read all the replies yet, but I just wanted to chime in and say “I hear ya!”. It is insane how other people expect busy parents to be able to run errands and purchase all sorts of extras and plan all sorts of extra trips and appointments just at the drop of a hat.

When I taught middle school, I was expected to come up with an extensive school supply list just for my classes, to be added into the overall list of supplied the students would need to bring for all of their classes. I was also expected to determine how many tissue boxes and paper towels and hand sanitizers the students should contribute. I was highly affronted and concerned about what was being asked of parents. I requested ZERO tissue boxes and other such nonsense. I gladly accepted any donations that the families wanted to bring in, but I just bought a couple of each on my own at the beginning of the school year. As for school supplies, I asked for my students to have a folder, some looseleaf paper, and pencils. That is it. That is all that is necessary anyway, since I taught science and social studies and health.

During the times when we used private parish school for my oldest, we were expected to purchase $100 worth of school supplies, including all sorts of classroom-use stuff. Then, at the beginning of the year, it all went to school and was stuck in the teacher’s cabinets and closets to be shared amongst all the students at the teacher’s discretion. The junk my daughter had in her pencil box was NOT the high quality stuff I purchased for her. And did her art box and extra supplies come home at the end of the year? Not a chance. Nothing came home. So I spent a $100 on supplies for the teacher to use and my daughter never touched the stuff and we never saw it again.

Then, for choir practice, we never got the monthly practice schedule until AFTER the first week of each month, so every month, without fail, I was calling to check to see if the choir practice was scheduled for my daughter’s class that week or not. On top of that, we were never informed of what was needed or expected by “folder mail” or by phone call, because the choir teacher just told the kids to tell the parents. She expected 7yo kids to be able to hear and understand and communicate and facilitate adult-adult instructions! So we never knew what was going on, and I kept having to beg information from other adults who were in the know, either because they worked at the school or because their children were older and could understand the instructions. Grrr.

So, yeah, so so so glad I am homeschooling again this year. I know it is not for everyone, but it definitely is for our family. Despite all the extra work, it is still easier for me, in a crazy way!

 

[1ke]

However, when I find out at the meeting that we are scrapping the six month event calendar they set up last month and creating a whole new one,

Did you speak up and say that you are against scrapping the calendar and building a new one? Did you say that you had coordinated your son’s scouting schedule with other family commitments and a new schedule at this late date may mean your son will be unable to participate in all of the events? Did you request the calendar remain the same?

plus adding on a ceremony for this Saturday,

Did you speak up and say that adding a ceremony that will take place in a few days is not reasonable and you will not be able to attend? Did you ask that it be worked into the schedule farther down the line to allow more time for planning?

and my son’s been chosen to put together all the information for an outing in 2 weeks -

Did you speak up and say that you would not be able to accommodate that? Sorry, no can do.

Good thing is, this son has learned his sewing so it’s him (not I) that will be sewing the 6 new merit badges he received tonight onto his dress sash in time.

Life will go on if th badges do not make it to the sash at any given time.

I could have chosen not to attend the meeting -

Yes, you could have. And if the troop leader does not communicate any other way, then you need to speak up and insist that they do.

but then, he would not have those badges to start sewing,

And life willl go on without those badges sewn on.

we wouldn’t have the warning about what he needs to get ready for the outing

Do you really just let other people dictate this to you? SAY NO.

and might not have found out about the schedule changes until we showed up for one of the events only to discover we were at the wrong place at the wrong time.

Again, time for a talk with the troop leader about changing schedules and methods of communication.

it’s when it starts adding up to twelve or fifteen or twenty in a week that I go nuts

Repeat after me:

N.O. No.

 

[gardenswithkids]

…We have 6 people and 1 bathroom so the evening schedule is tight

You asked for ideas, so I’ll offer ideas. That bathroom situation sounds very tight. I recently shared a bathroom with my children when on vacation, so I recognize the difficulty inherent to sharing bathroom space. Is there any way to add or access another space for bathroom needs? Maybe use the kitchen sink for some of the washing up, and/or if bladders are strong enough, pack up the kids and let the use the bathroom when they arrive at their destination or somewhere along the way. Consider using an old fashioned vanity with a mirror, a bowl and pitcher for washing (which were used in the past when families were larger and they didn’t have lots of bathrooms.)

Perhaps look at adding a shower somewhere. It’s summer so if you have a yard, you could set up a temporary solar shower with water in a bag warmed by the sun like people use when camping. Some people put a shower in or near their garage so they don’t track dirt in the house, and just shower wouldn’t take as much space or cost as much as adding an entire bathroom. I don’t know your living situation or your budget for home improvement, but since you have a contractor for a husband maybe he can get creative and figure out something that works better for your family.

…Slowly learning to control situations with my mom (elderly, recently widowed - new ground for all of us).!

I’m sorry for the loss of your father. Yes, that would be an adjustment for your mother and you. May God bless you for helping her at this difficult time in her life. (And if she lives close, perhaps she might let you use her bathroom.)

 

[CradleJourney]

Perhaps look at adding a shower somewhere. It’s summer so if you have a yard, you could set up a temporary solar shower with water in a bag warmed by the sun like people use when camping. Some people put a shower in or near their garage so they don’t track dirt in the house, and just shower wouldn’t take as much space or cost as much as adding an entire bathroom. I don’t know your living situation or your budget for home improvement, but since you have a contractor for a husband maybe he can get creative and figure out something that works better for your family.
I’m sorry for the loss of your father. Yes, that would be an adjustment for your mother and you. May God bless you for helping her at this difficult time in her life. (And if she lives close, perhaps she might let you use her bathroom.)

Thank you. Yes - the outdoor shower has been added to my wish list

 

[CradleJourney]

I’m sorry your kids hear that they are weirdos for having a large family.

Some of what I see from your posts is that the changes in plans from others who are a part of your life total up and become a lot for you to do.

If you had stayed home from Scouts you would not have know details of the meeting. How does the Troop communicate with all the parents? Are all parents expected to attend all meetings to know what is going on?

Yes, they pretty much are - or you can attempt to rely on the rather vague and irregular emails they send out.

My hope is that as time goes on, more people will gradually understand the need to streamline the number of communication channels that we all communicate on. Currently I need to monitor newsletters, voice mails, text messages, emails, websites, and facebook to track what’s happening.

 

[mommamaree]

Yes, they pretty much are - or you can attempt to rely on the rather vague and irregular emails they send out.

My hope is that as time goes on, more people will gradually understand the need to streamline the number of communication channels that we all communicate on. Currently I need to monitor newsletters, voice mails, text messages, emails, websites, and facebook to track what’s happening.

I understand completely. How are we supposed to keep juggling all these, without dropping the ball somewhere?

I was just saying to my husband yesterday that with the advent of text messaging and facebook, people stopped calling each other and writing notes and letters, and then they eventually stopped texting and messaging on facebook, too.
Our home phone almost never rings anymore, and we almost never get texted or emailed by family. People post status updates, but interpersonal communication is apparently a lost art now. And the worst part is, organizations and clubs and businesses are being run this way, too. So the onus is on us to check our email, the facebook pages of groups we belong to, websites or group blogs, and on and on. It is like ten different things, and none of it is personally addressed. It is all sent out as impersonal announcements.

 

[CatholicRaven]

What if the whole family were to pick one activity? For example, everyone goes to Scouts, or, everyone does baseball, or, everyone goes to Youth Group, or, everyone joins the Children’s Choir.

Oh, how I wish this was an option for us! That would be awesome.

All of the activities outside the home that all (or most) of my kids enjoy (4-H, Scouts, even some of the Homeschool group outings and co-op classes) are separated by gender and/or age/grade, and often each of those groups has their meetings at a different time, day, or place than the others! So 1st through 3rd grades meet Monday, 4th through 6th on Wednesday, etc. The co-op classes are at least closer in time and are at the same location… so two of my kids might attend one class, and then, 45 mins to an hour later, another child or two may attend another class.

Ah, the trials of living in a small town… still, we love it here.

Fortunately, we can still do archery, baking, and art at home together, whenever we like.

 

[CradleJourney]

Again, time for a talk with the troop leader about changing schedules and methods of communication.

Repeat after me:

N.O. No.

I have smile and they are “working on it”. The trick is to be careful or I’ll get volunteered to do it - and I don’t need another job, LOL. He’s been with these boys for going on six years now (through cub scouts, now into boy scouts). It’s more like family, so I’m careful with what choices I make regarding it.

Again - I’m trying to look at the broad picture - how the whims/changes/decisions these other adults make in regards to things we’re involved in, effect me and my family, and if I’m alone in facing these challenges.

We have never done anything regarding our children on a whim. Each decision, and each group they belong to is because we feel they benefit from it in some way. Perhaps we take our relationships with others too personally and that’s something I’ll be taking a look at.

In general, I agree with most of the advice I’ve received - I just don’t feel it necessarily responds to my particular (and apparently more unique than I thought) situation

But all (name removed by moderator)ut is good

 

[CradleJourney]

I haven’t read all the replies yet, but I just wanted to chime in and say “I hear ya!”. It is insane how other people expect busy parents to be able to run errands and purchase all sorts of extras and plan all sorts of extra trips and appointments just at the drop of a hat.

When I taught middle school, I was expected to come up with an extensive school supply list just for my classes, to be added into the overall list of supplied the students would need to bring for all of their classes. I was also expected to determine how many tissue boxes and paper towels and hand sanitizers the students should contribute. I was highly affronted and concerned about what was being asked of parents. I requested ZERO tissue boxes and other such nonsense. I gladly accepted any donations that the families wanted to bring in, but I just bought a couple of each on my own at the beginning of the school year. As for school supplies, I asked for my students to have a folder, some looseleaf paper, and pencils. That is it. That is all that is necessary anyway, since I taught science and social studies and health.

During the times when we used private parish school for my oldest, we were expected to purchase $100 worth of school supplies, including all sorts of classroom-use stuff. Then, at the beginning of the year, it all went to school and was stuck in the teacher’s cabinets and closets to be shared amongst all the students at the teacher’s discretion. The junk my daughter had in her pencil box was NOT the high quality stuff I purchased for her. And did her art box and extra supplies come home at the end of the year? Not a chance. Nothing came home. So I spent a $100 on supplies for the teacher to use and my daughter never touched the stuff and we never saw it again.

Then, for choir practice, we never got the monthly practice schedule until AFTER the first week of each month, so every month, without fail, I was calling to check to see if the choir practice was scheduled for my daughter’s class that week or not. On top of that, we were never informed of what was needed or expected by “folder mail” or by phone call, because the choir teacher just told the kids to tell the parents. She expected 7yo kids to be able to hear and understand and communicate and facilitate adult-adult instructions! So we never knew what was going on, and I kept having to beg information from other adults who were in the know, either because they worked at the school or because their children were older and could understand the instructions. Grrr.

So, yeah, so so so glad I am homeschooling again this year. I know it is not for everyone, but it definitely is for our family. Despite all the extra work, it is still easier for me, in a crazy way!

((Hugs)) Sounds like you were just my kind of teacher! Yeah, the “buy supplies to be donated to the whole class” is an idea I definitely disagree with - though we never had to do a $100 worth!

And it sounds like you really have had similar experiences to mine regarding the communication issues - thanks so much for sharing, helps to know it’s not all in my head.

Good luck with the homeschooling! Peace, CJ

 

[RoseMary131]

For you, Cradle Journey:

The Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

May God fill your heart with peace this new school semester.

I noticed most of your concerns you expressed seem to be about things out of your control. The plans of others (which are out of your control) and trying to get control of them within your life. Since we can not control others and how they plan and how they share communications or make changes that effect us… it is only our response to the changes in life that we can change.

 

[PatriceA]

I understand completely. How are we supposed to keep juggling all these, without dropping the ball somewhere?

I was just saying to my husband yesterday that with the advent of text messaging and facebook, people stopped calling each other and writing notes and letters, and then they eventually stopped texting and messaging on facebook, too.
Our home phone almost never rings anymore, and we almost never get texted or emailed by family. People post status updates, but interpersonal communication is apparently a lost art now. And the worst part is, organizations and clubs and businesses are being run this way, too. So the onus is on us to check our email, the facebook pages of groups we belong to, websites or group blogs, and on and on. It is like ten different things, and none of it is personally addressed. It is all sent out as impersonal announcements.

Well I can give you the other side of the fence perspective. When I was in charge of the parents group for my daughter’s swim team, I had over 100 families to inform and establish communication, and a lot of the times I was dealing with divorced and separated families. As much as I tried to keep everyone informed…through emails, posts on facebook, posts of the team website, physically posting on the team bulletin board, phone trees, texts…there was always 10 or so families that said they never got the information.

So yes, the onus is on each family getting the information, in my opinion. Leaders of extra curricular activities should make the information available, but I certainly wasn’t going to hunt down each individual parent or guardian to make sure the got the information every time there was information to be got.

Which brings up the other topic in this thread, as much as we all tried to make decisions that were for the benefit of the children, there was always a handful of families that complained that we didn’t keep their individual situations in mind. Ten families can become twenty, twenty can become 30. EVERY family has their own needs and demands on their families, but a leader of the group can not possibly accommodate every one. Its just not possible, at some point, the decisions have to be made for the benefit for the group as a whole. I worked with individual situations as much as humanly possible, but there are just times that families will have to adjust, or else you’re a group of 100 individuals instead of 100 individuals working as a group for a common goal or activity.

 

[CradleJourney]

Ah, the trials of living in a small town… still, we love it here.

Fortunately, we can still do archery, baking, and art at home together, whenever we like.

Archery? Awesome - I’ll confess to being jealous. One reason we’re in scouts is that’s the only chance they have to have access to shoot.

 

[EasterJoy]

I have smile and they are “working on it”. The trick is to be careful or I’ll get volunteered to do it - and I don’t need another job, LOL. He’s been with these boys for going on six years now (through cub scouts, now into boy scouts). It’s more like family, so I’m careful with what choices I make regarding it.

Again - I’m trying to look at the broad picture - how the whims/changes/decisions these other adults make in regards to things we’re involved in, effect me and my family, and if I’m alone in facing these challenges.

We have never done anything regarding our children on a whim. Each decision, and each group they belong to is because we feel they benefit from it in some way. Perhaps we take our relationships with others too personally and that’s something I’ll be taking a look at.

In general, I agree with most of the advice I’ve received - I just don’t feel it necessarily responds to my particular (and apparently more unique than I thought) situation

But all (name removed by moderator)ut is good

This reminds me of the secretaries with the signs that read:
A lack of foresight on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.

Generally speaking, when a parent with special needs (whatever those are) puts their child in a group where the assumptions may be different, it is a good idea to explain those needs at the beginning, or before the next problem, at any rate. You explain the constraints you are under and explain that while you will of course try to be as flexible as possible, if changes are made to the schedule after the fact you cannot guarantee that you can change eight other different schedules to accommodate it. You verify that while you know sometimes these things cannot be helped, and that your child might be left out sometimes because your family is not as flexible as many others, that your child will not be penalized for being uncooperative when there are changes made beyond your control. In my experience, most group leaders will say, “OK, we can work with that.” They won’t change everything they do for one family, but they can make exceptions to how many misses and so on are going to be tolerated because one family has exceptional circumstances to deal with. Many will make an effort to avoid things that they used to do without thinking, but things will still come up and decisions made that are thought better for the whole group even if they have an adverse impact on the same family over and over.

I think that is the best you are going to do: that is, give a heads-up and get an assurance that they’ll try to do the best they can in an imperfect world and not hold your exceptional circumstance against you. (It is not as if there are so many in your situation that they can’t afford to make the precedent!)

 

[Musician]

As a piano teacher and mother of four, I get both barrels blazing. Hahaha! It’s crazy dealing with so many commitments. I am very understanding with my students if they miss a lesson. We just make it up later or skip it.
Today’s parents are running on empty because of so much going on. I always advise mothers to get a mother’s helper. It saved my life with my four, and with all the grandchildrenI babysit daily it is essential. Not that expensive, either. I have a teen girl from our parish who comes to help.
Think about it!

 

[CatholicRaven]

I always advise mothers to get a mother’s helper. It saved my life with my four, and with all the grandchildrenI babysit daily it is essential. Not that expensive, either. I have a teen girl from our parish who comes to help.
Think about it!

LIKE!

 

[Eliza10]

I’m posting because I’m curious if anyone else has run into a similar problem - and how they choose to cope with it.

Tomorrow is the start of school, and heralds, once again, the ten months of the year when a large number of adults get to “run” my life. Who are they? Well, we have 6 high school teachers, 6 middle school teachers, and 6 elementary school teachers. Two soccer coaches, 2 den leaders, and 1 pack leader. One brownie leader, 4 PTO board members, 2 committee chairs, and 3 principals. Five religious education teachers, 1 director of religious ed, 1 cheerleading coach, 1 music director, and 2 choir leaders. Two adult children and one elderly parent.

Result - 46 adults who can, basically at the drop of a hat, disrupt my schedule and cause havoc in my life. Don’t get me wrong - I am truly grateful for these professionals and volunteers who work so hard to make things better for my kids. I truly love my adult children and my mom.

But I none of them seems to truly understands the stress, havoc and chaos they cause when they change schedules, fail to give proper notice of items needed, add on last minute extras, and otherwise come up with - what I’m sure seem like to them - “great ideas”.

… Individually they may not be much, but collectively, I find I am constantly running around putting out fires so to speak. I keep an organized calendar, but run into trouble as most coaches/leaders change times and dates - often with little notice. Or run into instances where one group / school will hand out a calendar with months worth of events scheduled while another won’t provide upcoming dates until the week before something’s happening.

With the advent of email and text messaging, I’ve noticed it’s definitely gotten worse - they think it, they send it, and figure everyone should be able to respond and adapt instantly. And if you don’t - well, that’s your problem. You must not really care, want to participate, etc.

Long story short - by the time you add in the 5 kids at home plus hubby, I have over 50 people “scheduling” my life with their plans and needs. …

…

Really well said, “Mom”. I really admire you and your life of raising 5 kids, trying to do all you can for them. :clapping: Even with a decent income and a good husband and normal/typical kids (assuming you have this, since that wasn’t your complaint), what you just described is exhausting! Truly you must survive on the grace of God.

I really like how you described this very real problem. Really you ought to take this posting and send it out for publishing. Someone will publish it because you have said very well the problem of parents everywhere. You are probably doing way better than most with the demands. And I work in education, in public school, and I agree, there is more that can be done by administration in ensuring that teachers take care with their demands.

It would make a dent in the problem that would continue to exist, though.

Its also true too that some of the teachers that have the great ideas you have to suddenly drop everything and help make happen come from young teachers trying to make their inspired mark on the world who have not yet tried juggling family and work.

I taught school several years before my son was born, and then I stayed home and homeschooled, having written on the subject for my Masters and being very inspired by the research. We have three wonderful years of homeschooling. Then I had to suddenly put my son in public school because of divorce. What a shock that was! Those third grade spelling lists and the sentences and journals they had to keep! Everyday he would come home from school and I would find out then what our jail sentence was for the night. Because he really needed free time, which he had so much of when homeschooling. Now, he was gone for his best thinking/concentration time, and I got him exhausted at the end of the day and needed to make him do more of what he’d had plenty of. Seriously, our highly rated academic K-2 program took at most 2 hours a day, sometimes much less. He was well-above grade level in all areas. We had time to read and read and hike and play and all kinds of things there wasn’t time for anymore. I could divide his work up according to his preference., he woudl rip through his math and ask for more, and we had to divide the long phonics and spelling lists up to 15 minute segments throughout the day to make it “easy” and not a chore. My son was relaxed and focused, and I could plan when I wanted to do hard things, not have them sprung on me at 3pm. It was a wonderful life, it truly was. It is a way to really enjoy parenting.

So, I recommend this. To you or anyone else who might consider it. It really is a great life.

 

[CradleJourney]

Thanks

Quick update - well, it could have been worse Our guesses on the extra supplies to stock up on came out fairly well so Thursday night, only had to make one run to a store for a 3 subject notebook and one more box of kleenex. (Son couldn’t turn in his “homework” - a get to know you/parent information sheet on Friday unless he also turned in ALL the supply items she requested). Thursday was also the PTO meeting which ran long because of introductions and committee assignments, but we were able to decide dates for all room parties and the spring carnival so I was happy to be able to get all those on my calendar. Affirmed by this thread, I was able to make a definitive “no” to making dinner that night - and somehow the kids survived just fine on PB&J and cereal.

So theoretically we are now done with the back to school shopping except for getting a graphing calculator (which would have been nice to know about when he signed up for pre-calc last spring - just don’t get why they can give you a summer reading list for English, but not bother to let you know a certain model of graphing calculator is expected for a specific math course? )

I also responded quite tactfully to a couple teachers who sent emails out via the automated system. I know it’s not their fault, so I was very gentle in asking them to please make sure they include which school they with in the subject line so that I can more readily determine who the email pertains to (otherwise I get to know someone’s required to turn in something for an English class, but won’t know who until I go run down the list of each child’s teachers. Just glad they signed these emails so I had a teacher’s name to look up!) I think it’s great the school district’s system can let teachers send these emails but since they come from the system there’s no way to reply to ask follow up questions.

So, again, thanks. If nothing else, I am more aware of my choices and accepting of the results of those choices - and in general more at peace with everything than I was going in. I’m sure I’ll get something from the soccer parents or our brownie leader at the last minute that will send me into a tizzy temporarily, but I’m going to try to keep focused on the big picture. Hubby’s working with lots of O/T, the kids are all healthy and seem to be happy with their teachers and classmates, and what I can’t control - well, I can’t control.

Hugs, Prayers & Peace to all !