The person that likes me is now friends with the person I like

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curiousgrace

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There is a male friend that I have, well I think he was interested in me.
We have been friends for several months. He has not asked formally began a courtship or initiated anything really at any point. We have had coffee and lunch together after church a number of times, although now I regret that as I shouldn’t keep company with someone I don’t plan to be with. It was just a casual catch up after Mass. I really enjoyed the company.
He is striving for holiness which is great and he seems like a nice person despite some minor things about his character that bother me. He is single, has a stable job, is a Catholic, striving for holiness so what is the problem? Is there something wrong with me?

There is a person that I like who goes to the Church I go to and they have just recently started to become better closer than acquaintances. I have had warm feelings and attraction towards this person from the moment I saw him and spoke with him which was before I knew the guy who I’ve become friends with and who likes me. He’s just got it and there are so many things that I admire and respect about him as a man. I think there is a “possibility” that he may like me too as he has hinted a few things for the last few weeks but I’m concerned that the more the one who likes me becomes friends with the person I like since very recently the person I like will find out that my male friend had liked me and that will deter him from pursuing anything if he planned to. Especially if he tells him things like we spend time together at a Cafe etc.

How should I approach this? Thank you for reading and for all of your help.
 
There’s nothing here to “approach”.
Guy #1 is a man you’re friends with and you had coffee and lunch with him a few times in a casual setting. You didn’t establish a dating relationship. You aren’t interested in him romantically. Some things about his character “bother” you.

Guy #2 is a man you have some romantic interest with and you are perhaps flirting.

You are all adults, this isn’t high school. If Guy #2 is interested in you then he will either ask you out, or if he’s concerned you already have a boyfriend, he will ask you, “Do you have a boyfriend? Are you seeing anyone?” just to make sure. Or you could ask him out and if he says, “I thought you had a boyfriend” you can say “No, I don’t, you must have heard wrong.”

Not to be harsh, but this is about the third or fourth topic you’ve posted on dating stuff. You need to stop wondering how to approach this or that and just get out there and get some more dating experience. You are making mountains out of molehills.
 
Why don’t you just ask out this guy that you like since he wont do it then? Seems to be your only real option to possibly change things to be the way you would want them to be. After all, this guy who “Likes you” must be too shy to ask you out. Maybe you have to be the one to make a move if you want things to go anywhere with him. You can only “approach” the situation you speak of by doing nothing or doing something. That is it. Only those two things.
 
You need to take a deep breath and relax.

Your male friend is just not attracted to you, as you are not attracted to him. That doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. It may be he only ever intended to show you friendship. I can’t imagine him being bothered enough to approach this other man. If he does, why can’t you set the record straight? “I went out with him a couple times but there was no attraction there”. Job done.
 
curiousgrace said:
We have had coffee and lunch together after church a number of times, although now I regret that as I shouldn’t keep company with someone I don’t plan to be with.
Click to expand...
That is how we find out if we want to be with someone, casual talks over coffee or lunch or dinner. It is called friendship, then dating, and is perfectly normal. Let’s call this young man Joe.

The next paragraph is super confusing.

You like another young man (we will call Bill). You do not want Bill and Joe to become friends because you had a couple of innocent dates with Joe?

All of this guessing and overthinking is just making it more difficult.

Ask Bill out for coffee. See what happens from there.
 
After reading a few traditional Catholic courtship books it says that any company keeping with a person from the opposite sex if you are not immediately interested in marriage is very wrong.
 
“Company keeping?” What do they define that as! So are they saying you should cut people off once you find you are not interested and not be friends at all? That is hardly normal.
 
That’s ridiculous. The vast majority of us have had male friends whom we enjoyed seeing for lunch or dinner or some other fun activity but were not interested in marrying, and the man felt the same way. It is only a problem when A wants a romance/ marriage with B in the near future, and B does not want that with A. In that case, A and B should not spend time together because they each want something different. But if both are happy just having a friendly get-together, then no problem.
 
Basically yeah… the priest who wrote the book definitely discouraged male/female friendships. It was consider a dishonour. I guess times have changed.
 
Yeah, I would say so. I don’t think I would follow his opinion too carefully if that is the kind of thing he advises. What year was the first printing of the book, btw?
 
What is the title/author of this book?

Going to wager this is a person’s opinion, not some doctrinal moral teaching of the Church.
 
I’d not really say times have changed, but, that the author has his own ideas.

The Catechism (bold added):

2347 The virtue of chastity blossoms in friendship . It shows the disciple how to follow and imitate him who has chosen us as his friends, who has given himself totally to us and allows us to participate in his divine estate. Chastity is a promise of immortality.

Chastity is expressed notably in friendship with one’s neighbor . Whether it develops between persons of the same or opposite sex, friendship represents a great good for all. It leads to spiritual communion.
 
curiousgrace said:
After reading a few traditional Catholic courtship books it says that any company keeping with a person from the opposite sex if you are not immediately interested in marriage is very wrong.
Click to expand...
I don’t really agree. Perhaps after marriage it becomes slightly more inappropriate. But a single women or man is free to “company keep” and have friends of the opposite sex if they so wish.

There’s no Catholic teaching against it. Don’t believe everything you read in books written by people with their own ideas about how things should be done.
 
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