The practical aspects of Confession/Recocilliation

[Tommy999]

I just edited my post to add some information and make it clearer.

I’m relieved to know that none of those sins are ones that I am tempted to commit.

However, if you or someone could clarify something for me I would appreciate it.

Theoretical Scenario:
A Catholic tourist goes go St Peter’s in Rome and takes holy communion, say on Christmas Eve Mass. Instead of taking the Eucharist, the tourist pockets the consecrated wafer as a keepsake to take home to the US.

Would that fit the category of one of those sins that a regular priest could not forgive without special dispensation? I wonder how many people have done that sort of thing.
Based on my knowledge of Catholicism, I wouldn’t do that but I can imagine some may have done so without realizing it was a sin.

 

[Gorgias]

Tommy999:

Thanks for those insights, Gorgias. I especially enjoyed your response that I bolded. I like your feistiness

Thanks… I think. I try to be charitable; often, I fail.

if you or someone could clarify something for me I would appreciate it.

Theoretical Scenario:
A Catholic tourist goes go St Peter’s in Rome and takes holy communion, say on Christmas Eve Mass. Instead of taking the Eucharist, the tourist pockets the consecrated wafer as a keepsake to take home to the US.

Would that fit the category of one of those sins that a regular priest could not forgive without special dispensation?

I’m thinking that you’re trying to ask if that action would incur a latae sentatiae excommunication? In other words, without other permission, the only reason a priest could not absolve is that an excommunication whose lifting was reserved to someone else was in effect.

With that in mind, my answer (and, to be fair, I’m not a canon lawyer, so take my answer with a grain of salt) is “no, that doesn’t rise to the level of ‘not able to forgive without special dispensation’”. The reason I answer in this way is that an excommunication in this context is applied when a person reserves the Eucharist on his person for a sacrilegious purpose. Your scenario doesn’t posit such a purpose. Oh, yeah… the person in your example is in error, and might be considered to be committing a grave sin – but, since he doesn’t have a sacrilegious purpose in mind, he wouldn’t be excommunicated. Therefore, a priest could absolve this sin without ‘special dispensation’.

 

[InThePew]

Questions:

1. Is it awkward to confess your darkest sins to a priest whom you see every week

.
I guess I’d say that while there can be a bit of awkwardness, there’s also something incredibly humbling about opening up your soul to someone else and placing your trust in them

1. Due to potential awkwardness/embarrassment, do you confess at a different parish than where you attend so that you can truly be anonymous with a priest you don’t know personally? Just curious how common that is.

For me it depends on the priest. I have a small number of priests I regularly confess to although there are some I avoid, partly because of the awkwardness factor, but also as a seminarian (trainee priest) there are some people I can’t confess to - my rector, formation director and the priest I’m on placement with. I used to use screened confession in the past for this reason but now I always go face-to-face

1. Have you ever had a priest say to you, “My God you’re one of the worst sinners I’ve ever come across in Confession?” or something to that effect?

Never. In fact I’ve never had what I’d describe as a bad confession.

1. Is your confessor helpful and encouraging at Confession/Reconciliation or are they judgmental and business-like, meting out more serious penances for the more serious sins?

I confess to my spiritual director most often and he is very helpful and encouraging. I always believe that what I hear in confession even if it’s something seemingly bland and generic, is what God wants to hear. I’ve never come across a seriously judgmental priest.

1. Can a priest decide to not absolve you if you were truly repentant, due to the nature of the sin you committed?

As others have said there are a few reserved sins but I don’t think these really come up all that much. Even then, it’s not so much a matter of not absolving a person as it is one of “come back later” while the sin is referred to someone with the authority to absolve it.

I heard on Catholic radio that very few Catholics percentage-wise go to Confession. I wonder why that is?

I think that partly it’s because of a lack of understanding of the sacrament amongst some catholics including some older priests) as well as a lack of suitable times. My local cathedral (in the inner-city) hears confessions before lunchtime mass and there’s almost always a queue and sometimes the allocated 40 minutes isn’t enough.

However, there is a level of closure that I feel must exist in Catholic Confession that I don’t get to experience and I perceive it must be healing and cleansing on a higher level. I just can’t explain it very well.

I’d agree that there’s definitely a level of closure which comes from hearing the words “I absolve you from your sins”. In fact, in Catholicism, one a sin is forgiven it’s as if it never happened - meaning that the priest can’t bring it up even if you confess the same thing to him later. As an example of this, I went to a priest for confession once and about half an hour later we happened to walk past him in a local park. He didn’t even acknowledge me - it was as if the confession had never happened.
.

I also sense there is an accountability feature to Confession that would potentially help prevent someone from so easily making the same sin again because you know there is someone on earth you have to answer to in addition to confessing it just to God.

Well it certainly makes it more difficult to confess but again that’s the beauty of the sacrament - that we can approach God’s mercy time and time again, even for the same thing, entrusting ourselves to his loving forgiveness.

Theoretical Scenario:
A Catholic tourist goes go St Peter’s in Rome and takes holy communion, say on Christmas Eve Mass. Instead of taking the Eucharist, the tourist pockets the consecrated wafer as a keepsake to take home to the US.

Would that fit the category of one of those sins that a regular priest could not forgive without special dispensation? I wonder how many people have done that sort of thing.
Based on my knowledge of Catholicism, I wouldn’t do that but I can imagine some may have done so without realizing it was a sin.

If they didn’t realise it was a sin then no. The host would also have to have been retained for sacrilegious purposes - retaining it as a keepsake may be a profane purpose (as in one which isn’t sacred) but I’m not sure it really rises to the level of sacrilegious.

 

[Tommy999]

Thanks… I think. I try to be charitable; often, I fail. .

I had taken what you had said as a combination of feistiness and humor. I truly liked it, although I would have a hard time doing that if I was in such a scenario, although I would be tempted to do so, I’m sure.

I’m thinking that you’re trying to ask if that action would incur a latae sentatiae excommunication? In other words, without other permission, the only reason a priest could not absolve is that an excommunication whose lifting was reserved to someone else was in effect.

With that in mind, my answer (and, to be fair, I’m not a canon lawyer, so take my answer with a grain of salt) is “no, that doesn’t rise to the level of ‘not able to forgive without special dispensation’”. The reason I answer in this way is that an excommunication in this context is applied when a person reserves the Eucharist on his person for a sacrilegious purpose. Your scenario doesn’t posit such a purpose. Oh, yeah… the person in your example is in error, and might be considered to be committing a grave sin – but, since he doesn’t have a sacrilegious purpose in mind, he wouldn’t be excommunicated. Therefore, a priest could absolve this sin without ‘special dispensation’.

You interpreted my question accurately as I meant it – as a tourist keeping the Eucharist as a keepsake or momento to be kept at home in a special place. Thanks for explaining the situation.

The reason I ask… A long time ago I went to St Peter’s for Christmas Eve Mass while with some Catholic friends I knew at the time from college, but I didn’t take communion there because I knew I was not allowed as a Protestant. However, I sensed how special that moment was and I was wondering what would’ve happened if a Catholic had kept the Eucharist as a valued souvenir as opposed to taking it during communion. None of my friends did what I am suggesting, by the way. I was just wondering. I just didn’t think to ask the question of them at the time.

Thanks again for taking the time to reply and to help me understand Confession better.

 

[Tommy999]

.
I guess I’d say that while there can be a bit of awkwardness, there’s also something incredibly humbling about opening up your soul to someone else and placing your trust in them

For me it depends on the priest. I have a small number of priests I regularly confess to although there are some I avoid, partly because of the awkwardness factor, but also as a seminarian (trainee priest) there are some people I can’t confess to - my rector, formation director and the priest I’m on placement with. I used to use screened confession in the past for this reason but now I always go face-to-face

Never. In fact I’ve never had what I’d describe as a bad confession.

I confess to my spiritual director most often and he is very helpful and encouraging. I always believe that what I hear in confession even if it’s something seemingly bland and generic, is what God wants to hear. I’ve never come across a seriously judgmental priest.

As others have said there are a few reserved sins but I don’t think these really come up all that much. Even then, it’s not so much a matter of not absolving a person as it is one of “come back later” while the sin is referred to someone with the authority to absolve it.

I think that partly it’s because of a lack of understanding of the sacrament amongst some catholics including some older priests) as well as a lack of suitable times. My local cathedral (in the inner-city) hears confessions before lunchtime mass and there’s almost always a queue and sometimes the allocated 40 minutes isn’t enough.

I’d agree that there’s definitely a level of closure which comes from hearing the words “I absolve you from your sins”. In fact, in Catholicism, one a sin is forgiven it’s as if it never happened - meaning that the priest can’t bring it up even if you confess the same thing to him later. As an example of this, I went to a priest for confession once and about half an hour later we happened to walk past him in a local park. He didn’t even acknowledge me - it was as if the confession had never happened.
.

Well it certainly makes it more difficult to confess but again that’s the beauty of the sacrament - that we can approach God’s mercy time and time again, even for the same thing, entrusting ourselves to his loving forgiveness.

If they didn’t realise it was a sin then no. The host would also have to have been retained for sacrilegious purposes - retaining it as a keepsake may be a profane purpose (as in one which isn’t sacred) but I’m not sure it really rises to the level of sacrilegious.

Thank you very much for the explanations, InThePew. They make a lot of sense. All the best to you in your vocation.

 

[Redd_Jackal]

At a “Communal Penance” service this last Advent, we were asked to examine our conscience with the following:

• Am I a Peacemaker?
• Do I believe in Social Justice for all–or for some?
• Have I insulted a Muslim?
  (To list the first few. )

The Lord’s Prayer was recited, seguing into “For the kingdom and the power…” as almost all held/raised hands, stretching across the aisle. Then everyone was told to proceed to the baptismal font in the sanctuary and bless one another. Before dismissal attendees were told to do something ambiguous for someone.

 

[exnihilo]

1. Is it awkward to confess your darkest sins to a priest whom you see every week and might even eat a meal with or even invite to your home, for example in a small city? Does the priest look at you differently after Confession, even potentially with disgust when you are not in a Confession environment, like at a church social gathering?

As a recent convert I can say yes it was very awkward. It has gotten less awkward. What makes it awkward is my own sin though. The awkwardness is good as it is another, though much lessor, reason not to sin.

1. Due to potential awkwardness/embarrassment, do you confess at a different parish than where you attend so that you can truly be anonymous with a priest you don’t know personally? Just curious how common that is.

I did for my first confession. I don’t seek out face to face confession so I’m not really worried about embarrassment. I choose where to confess mostly out of convenience and do often go to a priest at another parish.

I’ve heard that many priests have a grace to forget confessed sins. I believe that. Also I think as bad as my sins can be the priests hears all sorts of sins in confession and many of the same ones I’m confession.

1. Have you ever had a priest say to you, “My God you’re one of the worst sinners I’ve ever come across in Confession?” or something to that effect?

No. In my limited experience the priests I’ve encountered are very gentle. But priests are men too and can have bad days. I doubt I’d ever be told I’m the worst sinner but if rather he said ‘you are a terrible sinner’ I couldn’t object.

1. Is your confessor helpful and encouraging at Confession/Reconciliation or are they judgmental and business-like, meting out more serious penances for the more serious sins?

Very often they are helpful. But sometimes they are more business-like. It might be they have a sense of what is most appropriate for the situation. If you go to the same confessor long enough many will begin to know who you are by your voice and sins I imagine. This can be helpful for accountability and for direction.

I love confession. There is nothing like absolution. It also forces me to be more honest and be structured in my examination of conscience. The formal process of confession requires you to be thorough and truly reflective of your moral life. That isn’t always fun! It forces you to be more honest with yourself.

 

[Tommy999]

As a recent convert I can say yes it was very awkward. It has gotten less awkward. What makes it awkward is my own sin though. The awkwardness is good as it is another, though much lessor, reason not to sin.

I did for my first confession. I don’t seek out face to face confession so I’m not really worried about embarrassment. I choose where to confess mostly out of convenience and do often go to a priest at another parish.

I’ve heard that many priests have a grace to forget confessed sins. I believe that. Also I think as bad as my sins can be the priests hears all sorts of sins in confession and many of the same ones I’m confession.

No. In my limited experience the priests I’ve encountered are very gentle. But priests are men too and can have bad days. I doubt I’d ever be told I’m the worst sinner but if rather he said ‘you are a terrible sinner’ I couldn’t object.

Very often they are helpful. But sometimes they are more business-like. It might be they have a sense of what is most appropriate for the situation. If you go to the same confessor long enough many will begin to know who you are by your voice and sins I imagine. This can be helpful for accountability and for direction.

I love confession. There is nothing like absolution. It also forces me to be more honest and be structured in my examination of conscience. The formal process of confession requires you to be thorough and truly reflective of your moral life. That isn’t always fun! It forces you to be more honest with yourself.

On the bolded…
I totally agree, and that sounds like a very practical benefit, although I could imagine why there are some folks who might not want to go to Confession because they perhaps do not want to stop a particular sin or perhaps they are in denial and don’t want to really deal with it, although they know deep down they are not right with God. Just my opinion. I realize this is pure speculation on my part.

 

[Tommy999]

Thanks to everyone for the insightful replies. I very much appreciate all of them.

 

[Mary_Ellen]

Questions:

1. Is it awkward to confess your darkest sins to a priest whom you see every week and might even eat a meal with or even invite to your home, for example in a small city? Does the priest look at you differently after Confession, even potentially with disgust when you are not in a Confession environment, like at a church social gathering?

I’ve confessed some horribly evil things, disgusting things, in a general confession to a priest who I like very much. He has never treated me differently since then. I feel just as comfortable with him now as I did before that particular confession.

1. Due to potential awkwardness/embarrassment, do you confess at a different parish than where you attend so that you can truly be anonymous with a priest you don’t know personally? Just curious how common that is.

I may go to another parish if a sin I’ve committed is directly related to the work I do within my own parish. It’s tough to confess to the boss.

1. Have you ever had a priest say to you, “My God you’re one of the worst sinners I’ve ever come across in Confession?” or something to that effect?

NO, never. If anything I’ve been told that I’m not as bad as I’ve made myself out to be.

1. Is your confessor helpful and encouraging at Confession/Reconciliation or are they judgmental and business-like, meting out more serious penances for the more serious sins?

My regular confessors are helpful and encouraging. When visiting priests come in, usually older, retired priests, they seem to be in a hurry and just want to get it over with. Usually penances seem fairly mundane and unrelated to my sins. My pastor sometime relates the penance to one of my sins (eg., do something nice but in secret for the person you are jealous of).

1. Can a priest decide to not absolve you if you were truly repentant, due to the nature of the sin you committed?

Not due to the nature of the sin, no, generally absolution wouldn’t be withheld.
I would guess that this happens most often if there is no firm resolution to amend one’s life, such as when someone is in a second marriage after a divorce while their former spouse is still living, without the benefit of the declaration of nullity. If they’ve confessed the apparently adulterous relationship with the second ‘spouse’ without intending to change their living arrangements than absolution would rightly be withheld.
There’s also the rare occasions of when a sin involves excommunication. During this Extraordinary Jubilee Year of Mercy all priests can absolve the sin and lift the excommunication that is automatically imposed when one is materially involved with an abortion. I believe a Bishop must be involved when there is desecration of the Blessed Sacrament or some other such thing but I’m no canon lawyer so I don’t know specifics on this.

 

[Gorgias]

I had taken what you had said as a combination of feistiness and humor. I truly liked it, although I would have a hard time doing that if I was in such a scenario, although I would be tempted to do so, I’m sure.

LOL… yeah, I think I’d be hard-pressed to say “I’m sure I’d do it”, too…

However, I sensed how special that moment was and I was wondering what would’ve happened if a Catholic had kept the Eucharist as a valued souvenir as opposed to taking it during communion.

Yep. It’d be gravely sinful, I think, but I don’t think that (in the way you described) it would rise to the level of excommunication.

Thanks again for taking the time to reply and to help me understand Confession better.

All good! Keep on asking!

 

[exnihilo]

1. I heard on Catholic radio that very few Catholics percentage-wise go to Confession. I wonder why that is?

I think it is mostly two things, poor catechesis and a lax attitude towards faith. Unfortunately the Church has not done a good job in teaching the Faith. Some of this could be due to the decline in attendance of parochial schools. But apparently sadly many parochial schools don’t do a good job of teaching the Faith. Also some people just don’t take their faith seriously or it is not important to them. I’ve notice that I see the same people at confession that I see at daily Mass. This is no accident. I’m not saying you have to go to daily Mass to be a practicing Catholic. I am saying that the folks who do go to it are probably serious about their faith.

I should throw in a third reason. I think some people, influenced by Protestantism and western culture (which emphasizes the supremacy and freedom of the individual), don’t see the need for confession. I think they have decided they can confess directly to God. They have frankly set up their own religion.

On the bolded…
I totally agree, and that sounds like a very practical benefit, although I could imagine why there are some folks who might not want to go to Confession because they perhaps do not want to stop a particular sin or perhaps they are in denial and don’t want to really deal with it, although they know deep down they are not right with God. Just my opinion. I realize this is pure speculation on my part.

This could absolutely be a reason. We like our sins otherwise we wouldn’t be committing them. This is particularly a problem with sexual sins. Many Catholics divorced and remarry. This is a serious problem for confession since staying in what is an adulterous relationship is not repentance.

 

[crenfro]

Hello all,
I have a few questions regarding Confession. Please bear with me in case they are goofy. I don’t mean them to be. :

Hello and welcome! the only goofy question is the one not asked

Background:
I am a life-long evangelical who finds certain Catholic sacraments to be very appealing, especially Confession. I think I understand the basics of what takes place at Confession and how the priest is bound to not reveal the contents of the confession with anyone.:

knowing that the priest is bound by the seal of confession is a real comfort to me too

Questions:

1. Is it awkward to confess your darkest sins to a priest whom you see every week and might even eat a meal with or even invite to your home, for example in a small city?:

yes, but the alternative of not confessing is much more terrifying

Does the priest look at you differently after Confession, even potentially with disgust when you are not in a Confession environment, like at a church social gathering? :

I suspect some do - maybe the priest needs to recall the saying “but for the grace of God go I” but what I’ve heard is that most priests are inspired by the courage of those who come to them to confess

1. Due to potential awkwardness/embarrassment, do you confess at a different parish than where you attend so that you can truly be anonymous with a priest you don’t know personally? Just curious how common that is. :

no, because I found an upright, holy priest who is a treasure - had to search for years for a person like this - however, it’s better to suffer some embarrassment and have your sins completely forgiven and blotted out than the alternative of Hell, which is a possibility

1. Have you ever had a priest say to you, “My God you’re one of the worst sinners I’ve ever come across in Confession?” or something to that effect?:

had a priest once exclaim in shock about one of the sins I confessed - again, the alternative of not confessing is much more frightening - usually though there’s not much that a priest hasn’t heard before (by the way, once I confessed the above mentioned sin it marked a major (and positive!) turning point in my spiritual life)

1. Is your confessor helpful and encouraging at Confession/Reconciliation or are they judgmental and business-like, meting out more serious penances for the more serious sins? :

mine calls 'em like he sees 'em, with charity, and I learn for the umpteenth time about both the justice and mercy of God - he also encourages me - priests are people too and all are different

1. Can a priest decide to not absolve you if you were truly repentant, due to the nature of the sin you committed?:

yes, but I can’t imagine this - 99.9% of priests want so much for one to return to the fold - and if the bishop got wind of something like this going on the priest would probably need to go on a retreat or something and review the nature of divine mercy - but again, this would be one mean-spirited priest to do such a thing and the quest for holiness a typical priest has and mean-spiritedness can’t exist together - plus, the only sin that can’t be forgiven is persistent unrepentance so if you had that sin you wouldn’t be in the confessional (this is how I understand it, anyway)

** Just wanting to gauge the atmosphere at a typical Confession and vicariously feel what it would feel like to do it. Much obliged. :tiphat:

can only answer from my own experience and the atmosphere should be one of reverential silence and respect - but again, being absolved of all your sins vs all the concerns a person can have about confession - there’s nothing like the feeling of being absolved of all your sins and being in that divine grace and of given another chance - it’s wholly (no pun intended) worth it

 

[Faith1960]

1. Can’t answer this for sure since my parish uses traditional confessionals with the priest and penitent separated by a grille with curtain on both sides. And the parish is large so the priest probably does not recognize me. But I have confessed in face to face situations or at the altar rail, or even standing side by side, and there was no embarrassment. I think priests pretty much forget the sins confessed almost as soon as the confession is over.

.

True. I one asked my priest a question related to something we talked about in confession and he said he doesn’t remember what was said in confession.
I wonder if that is a gift from the Holy Spirit?

 

[Brendan_64]

A couple of follow-up questions:

1. What are the kind of sins that a priest cannot absolve but someone of a higher rank in the Catholic Church can? Perhaps a couple of examples would help. Would having an abortion or murdering someone be among those?

Abortion is a sin that can normally only be absolved by a bishop, although a bishop can, I believe, grant this faculty to priests in their diocese. However during the current Year of Mercy, Pope Francis has granted this faculty to all priests during this year (without them needing their bishop to grant them this faculty).

1. I heard on Catholic radio that very few Catholics percentage-wise go to Confession. I wonder why that is?

It truly is very sad. We have this wonderful sacrament and very few Catholics seem to avail themselves of it. I think this is due to a loss of a sense of sin amongst people in general (Catholics included). I think that perhaps people think, “I’m not a bad person, sure I do some things that the Church says I shouldn’t, but these things can’t really be all that bad” so they don’t feel the need to go to Confession. I also think that the Church ought to focus a lot more on sin and there should be more preaching from the pulpit on sin.

Perhaps I am odd, but Confession is the sacrament from which I feel I would benefit the most, so I have trouble understanding why so few Catholics do it, relatively speaking.

You are not odd at all. It is indeed very sad that lines to Confession are non-existent in most places. When you consider that Catholics are forbidden from receiving Communion unless they are in a state of grace, free from unconfessed mortal sin. Yet there is almost universal reception of Communion at Mass on Sunday, while there is only a handful of people in the line to the weekly slot for Confession.

Don’t get me wrong. I confess my sins to the Lord practically every day and I believe in my heart and soul that He forgives me.

However, there is a level of closure that I feel must exist in Catholic Confession that I don’t get to experience and I perceive it must be healing and cleansing on a higher level. I just can’t explain it very well.
.
I also sense there is an accountability feature to Confession that would potentially help prevent someone from so easily making the same sin again because you know there is someone on earth you have to answer to in addition to confessing it just to God.

Your observations on the benefits of Confession are correct.

There is also the benefit of the sense of ‘panic’ you feel when you have committed what you think may be a mortal sin. The sense of , “I have to get to Confession somewhere fast” then the scramble to find a place where there is Confession available and the worry when you have to wait. It all helps to focus the mind on how easy it is to sin and how harmful sin actually is.

 

[exnihilo]

I think this is due to a loss of a sense of sin amongst people in general (Catholics included). I think that perhaps people think, “I’m not a bad person, sure I do some things that the Church says I shouldn’t, but these things can’t really be all that bad” so they don’t feel the need to go to Confession.

I agree. We can all fall prey to this way of thinking. There is that parable of the Pharisee, ‘God, I thank thee that I am not like other men, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector.’ Funny how when we consider where the line is between good and bad people we seem to reckon ourselves to make the cut.

 

[Brendan_64]

Funny how when we consider where the line is between good and bad people we seem to reckon ourselves to make the cut.

Yes indeed. If men are left to determine for themselves what is and what is not sinful… That is why we need the Church and Her teachings.