I continue to feel need to come into full communion with Rome and be Catholic. I am currently Eastern Orthodox and have been for quite awhile now, but I continue to feel that something is “missing” from Orthodoxy. I don’t feel right about it and I am trying to put my finger on what it is that’s bothering me. I think one thing is the lack of Catholicity in the Orthodox tradition. It is very ethnically-centered and there is just this feeling of division that I continue to get from it. I am an American and I feel like a big loner being Orthodox in the West. Not many people in my day to day life even know what it is and even at church I am one of few Americans. It is not this reason alone that I am considering conversion, there are many more, but I can’t help but feel “cut off” from the rest of Christendom. This causing a huge feeling of something “missing”. I feel out of communion, on my own and separated from all other Christians. Then I have to read all these things in Orthodoxy about how it is the one, true faith and how all other Christians are wrong and it is just so bothersome. I know that Catholicism views itself as the one, true church too, but from what I noticed they are at least more accepting of other Christians than the Orthodox are. Orthodoxy is extremely separatist and this just makes me sick to my stomach. We all know that the devil is the author of division, not Christ, and while I am not claiming that the devil is necessarily within Orthodoxy, I do feel very bad about the divisive behavior within the church. It is even divided among itself believe it or not. There is a lot of disunity.
Now, there are other reasons why I am highly drawn towards Catholicism which I don’t have time to mention in one sitting right now, but I am trying to gauge whether my feelings are correct or not. I of course don’t want to make any rash decisions here, but I don’t know if I can keep on going the way I am going. I am going to continue to pray and continue to seek the guidance of the Holy Spirit, but I also need help. Are there any books that you all would recommend me reading? I need to start getting serious about my research on Catholicism so that I can, with God’s help, hopefully make the right decision here and hopefully put an end to this feeling of utter emptiness that I have right now. I know full well that there are going to be challenges no matter where I go and I know that not everything should just be based on a feeling. However, at this point the pull towards Catholicism is so strong that I just cannot deny it anymore.