Br. JR, you are always so helpful. Could I have just a bit of clarification on this:
“The short answer is that every Catholic is bound under pain of grave sin to believe everything that the Church teaches in matters of faith and morals.”
And here is my specific question (and sorry if this is a bit long). I converted to Catholicism and Christianity as an adult. I was a non-practicing Jew, and my husband was an Agnostic. One could say I was seized by the Holy Spirit, and it was a grueling and painful 3 year conversion.
Anyhow, towards the end of my RCIA period (2 years), I met with the priest for an interview of sorts and then confession prior to baptism at Easter Vigil. My question for him was that there were two things I still had trouble accepting.
First he took me through the Nicene Creed point by point. No problem - I totally and completely accepted each item (and this was no small order - it took me 3 years and a lot of prayer and study to get to that point!)
Then the priest asked me for the two items I had a problem with. The priest listened to me carefully and asked, “despite your inability to ‘believe’ these two things, can you accept them, live by them and follow them in obedience to the authority of the Church?” I said I could.
The two things were abortion and contraception. So he went further and asked if I was prepared to continue to pray and study the Church’s stance on these issues, and never try to promulgate or support contraception or abortion to anyone in public or private. I said I could.
I went on to explain that I wanted to be in full conformance with the beliefs of the Church, that I was entirely sure that the Church in its wisdom was correct and that it was only my own misunderstanding that was holding me back from “believing” these things were wrong. I assured him that I accepted that these were sins.
So we prayed together and he decided that my sincere desire to believe and my promise to continue to work on my disbelief was enough. And he permitted me to proceed.
Was the decision of the priest wrong? Might one say that one is not required to BELIEVE all Church teachings as much as to say SINCERELY DESIRES TO BELIEVE BUT NONETHELESS TOTALLY ACCEPTS the teachings of the Church?
Belief is not always something that one has control over. But obedience and acceptance and promises are things that even an adult can commit to.
I understand your journey. I too am a Jew.
Go back to the Torah. Did Abraham really feel that he had to sacrifice his son? Was his heart in it? He had waited a long time to have a son. Did he understand the logic of G-d’s request? Isaac kept asking him questions all the way up the hill and Abraham kept giving him evasive answers. He could not bring himself to tell the boy the truth. He was struggling with it. It was not just that Isaac would run away. Maybe that would have happened and maybe not. What is true is that Abraham could not give Isaac a straight answer, because there was no rational answer. Adonai wanted this sacrifice and he was going to comply. It was an assent of the will, not the heart or the intellect. His heart was not in it and he did not understand. However, if the Lord wanted it, that was enough for Abraham.
We who are Jewish probably understand the depth and spiritual significance of these stories better than the Gentile Christians. I would suggest that you go back to the Torah and the Talmud and look at what our anscestors taught us about belief. Did they not teach us that belief requirs compliance?
Do not lose that part of your identity. Our Jewishness strengthens our Catholicism. It can actually help others.
The reason that Jews cannot convert to Christianity is because in our secular society, compliance and submission are dirty words. Judaism has fallen to the dictatorship of secularism. Our Hebrew brothers and sisters cannot see that faith is often blind assent of the will. Look at Moses. He did not want to go to Pharoah. We Jews know that he was a reluctant liberator and a rather cranky one too. He goes up to a mountain and disappears for several weeks, then comes down and gets ticked off because the folks are out of control. So what does he do? He throws the bloody stones at them. Common sense tells you that if you leave a bunch of nomads alone in a desert, kniowing that they don’t have much of a religious background, because they grew up among pagans, they will probably get into trouble. It’s like the parents who go out for the evening and leave the key in the keyhole of the liquor cabinet and then are shocked that the kids are plasterred. Give me a break! You couldn’t fore see that possibility? What happened next?
Moses went back and did the whole thing all over again. His heart was not in it. It made no sense to him, because he didn’t trust his own people and didn’t trust himself. However, he trusted G-d. He consented. That’s an assent of the will. It’s the highest form of faith.
Your priest had you well pegged. You may not have been an active Jew, but something from our people and our history took root in you or you would not have followed a very noble Jewish tradition, to assent even when your heart and mind are not sold on the idea. Yet, you trust.
That’s why Jews can be slaves today, bombed tomorrow, and the next day we’re having a big dinner party. Belief is about trust, not reason or feeling. It’s nice when we feel and even nicer when we can make sense out of something. But it’s heroic when we assent even though we don’t feel and can’t make sense out of anything. If one reads the Torah and the Talmud correctly, one ends up a Catholic.
You said, “Naturally, the Lord took me firmly by the hand.” Just like Abraham and Moses.
Fraternally,
Br. JR, OSF
