My problem was before and during the time of conception that there was no me or you. My question is that it seems that this process is quite random otherwise one sperm was enough during the time of ejaculation. The fact that there are many sperms seems to do with increment of chance of conception.
I don’t understand what do you mean with concept of either/or and both/and. A sperm is a simple engine carrying genetical codes following some chemical inside sexual organ of a woman. What God has to do with a sperm. Do you believe that God carries many sperm and eventually pick up the one which was chosen or you believe that the process is completely random.
You are presenting an either/or choice. Either God determines exactly what our identity as a person is, or God allows pure random chance to determine exactly what our identity as a person is. Either/or only works when you pit mutually exclusive things against each other, and the options you want to choose between both contain elements of truth. One cannot be chosen to the exclusion of the other.
God does not pick a particular sperm to fertilize an egg, determine that this is the month that someone’s mother will get pregnant, or anything along those lines. He does not determine what kind of body we have, what kind of strengths and weaknesses our body may have, or if our body will have any severe defects. He leaves that up to however the laws of nature apply in the particular circumstances surrounding our conception and development. If that’s what you mean by “the process is completely random” when it comes to our identity, then you are correct.
But we are not just a body. We are a body/soul unity. Our parents provide the material for our body, but God provides the immortal soul. Because of that, God is able to decide what special spiritual gifts we do or do not have. Knowing in advance our circumstances, God will give us whatever we need in order to make the choices necessary to become the person he wants us to be. So from that perspective, God does have a role to play in determining our identity.
But as the Church wrote at the Second Vatican Council in Gaudium et Spes, man is “the only creature on earth that God has willed for its own sake”. God may create our immoral soul but he does not force our identity on us. He allows us to forge our own destiny, to make our own choices, to control who we are, by giving us free will. He tells us what the natural results and the natural consequences will be for the moral actions we choose, but he always permits us to make our choices even if they go against his will. Whether we’re “random” or not when it comes to our conception is irrelevant. Who we are is, when you really get down to it, up to us. It’s not up to God or anyone else to make that decision for us, because he has delegated that authority to each of us.
It seems to me that the real question you’re asking has to do with whether or not God loves you. Considering that parents don’t get to pick their children out in advance but get whatever child they get, the answer should be obvious. Just as parents naturally love their children and accept them as the blessing that they are (or at least they should), even more so does God love you and accept you as the blessing that you are. It doesn’t matter whether you were crafted specifically by God or are the result of the natural interaction of the laws of nature. Whichever way it is, God loves you and wants to have a relationship with you.
God is not overly concerned about where you came from. What he cares about is where you are going, and he wants to walk along with you on that journey.